Getting Functionally Fit

So, I just realized that something has finally clicked. I am sitting here now, feeling somewhat hungry, at a point where normally in the past, i would have just gone out and made more than enough food to ensure that i would not feel hungry anymore. but instead of caving in, and eating something, im thinking about tomorrow morning. Im thinking about how if i eat something now, that number isnt going to be any lower tomorrow. and even though i know that it might not be any lower anyways, i know that if i eat now, it wont be any lower as a matter of fact. and its enough to feel now that I am not going to satiate myself tonight just to completely fuck myself over tomorrow. sorry for the language, but i feel that cursing is appropriate when it expresses degrees of emotion. in other words, i seriously view myself screwing up now as severely hurting any possible improvement tomorrow, and more importantly, view and feel that to be a very bad thing. in the past, it wouldnt have mattered much, wouldve figured, "eh, tomorrows another day, ill start over" and then just continue doing that for who knows how long.

what bothers me is that I dont know what triggers this change in perspective. I dont feel like i want it anymore than i did when i failed, and i am still doing it for the same reasons. And i dont fear an early death anymore than i did before either. still have the same girlfriend, family still treats me the same way, and working with the counselor hasnt produced any sort of significant revelation yet (or even a clear minded minor one either). This same thing happened last time i lost a decent amount of weight, and got into pretty darn good shape for throwing in college. Something unknown clicked, and i stayed on track for a good 5-6 months, before it slowly dropped off, and then I moved and everything went sour. So, now Im fearing that if i cant identify what it is that made it all click into place, that in another 5-6 months i will lose it again. and its not a matter of just saying, "stick to it and dont let that happen" because thats not how things work with mental health issues. its like trying to drive a nail into a board with a screwdriver. try as hard as you want, youre just going to end up frustrated with a lot of time wasted and having made no real progress. been there, done that. have to go at the problem with the right tools...

oh, and something else that is nice. the hunger i feel doesnt hurt. i used to feel as though any hunger i had was a serious physical pain. and i feared that feeling, and would binge when i felt it, and would binge in prevention of feeling it. and that was even though it wasnt true physical pain, and the feeling of binging too far was real physical pain. how seriously messed up my mind is, or was, or might still be? i dont know, but things are working for now.

ok, i just typed all that out, and i think its been a good thought process, but i just realized a correlation between the last success and this one, and more importantly, that this thing in common has always been missing everytime ive tried and failed. Im on medication. I am emotionally stable. But i think moreso in this regard, the medication allows me to function normal enough so as to have just enough self-esteem to care about making progress over time. i dont really notice myself feeling that much different, but thats common. I am kind of annoyed that i am dependant on medication though. ive taken it a few times in the past, and always gone off it (with psychiatric approval) in attempt to see if i have conquered my problems and can survive without it. unfortunately, i have learned the hard way that that is not the case, and i may be on it for a long time, if not the rest of my life. feels like a crutch, but i guess everyone needs some help at some point in the lives.

to blancita, though i didnt originally write that as a response to your first question, lol, i think it kind of answers it. or really shows i dont have an answer to it myself. lol. anyways, DDR is a videogame! The arcade version is pretty big in some areas, ive seen kids lined up in arcades by the dozen waiting for their turn to play. the line to one game went out the door of the arcade! but for in your own home, they made versions for both the Playstation and Xbox. and a smaller, softer, much lighter and more portable dance pad to play the game with, though you can also use a normal controller. There is a heck of a lot more games available for the playstation (only 4 mixes for xbox), but i already had an xbox, so that is what i play on. I have two of the games for xbox, and it keeps me pretty occupied (also downloaded a few new songs over xbox live). generally, not including the cost of the console, you can get a game with a pad as a bundle for under 60 bucks.

to tom, thanks for reminding me about hummus. learned how to make it when i worked at my uncle's restaurant, and I can make some pretty good hummus myself. I often even just eat the chick peas (garbanzo beans) without even making the hummus. very healthy beans (i think they are considered beans, or legumes, whatever), even though not quite fitting the criteria i have. they have healthy fats, good carbs and lots of fiber and a decent amount of protein to boot. both the beans and hummus are somewhat of an acquired taste though, lol, personally i love them both. I could use the hummus earlier in the day though to prevent myself from needing items that i mentioned. mmm, hummus, im getting hungrier now! lol
 
434.2, down almost a full 6 pounds now. i bet it is fecal matter reduction in the GI tract. having going from eating way too much, to eating quite a bit less (and alot more fiber), my system is probably catching up and flushing stuff out quicker than i am replacing it. i mean, my number of trips to the bathroom each day hasnt decreased yet, so im still moving stuff out as quickly as before, just not replacing it as fast. should reach a balance sometime soon i think, and then weight loss will be more accurate. and i can see the veins in my arms, which is pretty rare for me, so i doubt im holding water. time for breakfast!
 
thanks tom and jeremy, i just had an idea. i am going to weigh myself tonight too. I always weigh myself first thing in the morning, after emptying, just to keep things precise. i call it my empty weight, lol. naturally, i will weigh more in the evening, after eating all day and drinking close to 2 gallons of water. but i think a good short term goal would be to get my evening weight low enough (without changing the way i eat or drink) to be measurable on the scale. to the best of my knowledge, even though i am coming in at 434 in the morning, i probably weigh more than 440 (and thus will error the scale) in the evening. but if my evening weight is weighable then i know im losing true weight. maybe i might even keep track of the average of the two, see if it tells me anything.
 
Well, to each his own, Coach, but be prepared for a lot of "noise". Weighing yourself every day, as I do, already incorporates a huge amount of noise in the data; but doing it at night too may not tell you very much. For example, last night I had a huge plate of salad, probably weighing well more than a pound. But most of it is fiber. I also drank 3 glasses of water. I probably "gained" 3 lbs. last night, only to have it disappear by morning.

I personally think there's value - to me - in weighing myself every morning. But I do it right after I get up and go to the bathroom, with no clothes on. Even then, I look more at the 5 day moving average than the actual weight that day.
 
that is indeed my exact purpose, to track morning and evening, and then plot them and look at changes over time. changes in averages, and the like, so I can look for a correlation. i wouldnt ever expect to see anything important or revealing on a day by day basis or anything. my daily morning empty weight is merely a motivational tool, i dont place true value in that number, but I am looking to see it change, then it keeps me going the day before.
 
CoachCrimson said:
So, I just realized that something has finally clicked...... in the past, it wouldnt have mattered much, wouldve figured, "eh, tomorrows another day, ill start over" and then just continue doing that for who knows how long.

what bothers me is that I dont know what triggers this change in perspective. ..... This same thing happened last time i lost a decent amount of weight, and got into pretty darn good shape for throwing in college. Something unknown clicked, and i stayed on track for a good 5-6 months, before it slowly dropped off, and then I moved and everything went sour. So, now Im fearing that if i cant identify what it is that made it all click into place, that in another 5-6 months i will lose it again.
Click to expand...

Morning/afternoon Coach! Here's a thought....aside from having the right "tools", medication, exercise, yada yada, I really think that the foods you chose to eat when you're dieting are responsible for that "click". Most of the time we go into weight loss mode and start thinking about foods primarily in terms of "energy"...which obviously it is....but we forget that's only half the reason our bodies need food. Every thing we put into our mouths directly or indirectly has an effect on every cell function in our bodies...including our brains...it's pretty well studied and documented that what we do/don't eat impact our moods/memory/concentraton/etc.

I suspect that when we start the diet process we eliminate a lot of the foods (based purely on energy balance) that negatively impact our thinking and increase the foods that positively impact it. We start thinking more clearly, connecting the dots, our moods improve, etc. etc. and we attribute it to the weight loss. Then, time pases, we slowly start to include more foods that we restricted or eliminated in the early diet phase, and although the energy balance may remain consistant (i.e. still at a caloric deficit), the nutrient balance (can't think of a better term) gets screwed and I believe that's one (of many) contributors to slipping back into bad habits. As our foods change, our thinking changes.

So, just my (wordy) :sleeping: 2 cents but you might want to give it some thought as time goes on and you start to expand your diet to include more foods
 
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cym that is a really good point that i am surprised i overlooked. having started to eat better, i am getting all the important micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) that i need, in the real quantities that i need them. and micronutrients are just as important as macronutrients (carbs, fat, protein), dont want to even think about some of the diseases you can get from vitamin deficiencies. i am not sure if 4 days is enough time to start compensating for that change, but it is very well possible. after all, if i was just under the line of what i needed, then it wouldnt take long to get up over, and that click could come just from a relatively small increase. i do realize the possible oversimplification via "feather on the camel's back" analogy though, lol. perhaps as more time goes by, things will get even better.

side note, my ramblings help me to clear my mind and understand my thought process (i am always talking to myself inside my head, thank god not outloud, lol), but i have to wonder if i just sound completely nonsensical to everyone else at times, lol
 
CoachCrimson said:
i am not sure if 4 days is enough time to start compensating for that change, but it is very well possible. after all, if i was just under the line of what i needed, then it wouldnt take long to get up over, and that click could come just from a relatively small increase. i do realize the possible oversimplification via "feather on the camel's back" analogy though, lol. perhaps as more time goes by, things will get even better.

side note, my ramblings help me to clear my mind and understand my thought process (i am always talking to myself inside my head, thank god not outloud, lol), but i have to wonder if i just sound completely nonsensical to everyone else at times, lol
Click to expand...

4 days is actually a very long time in this context..lf you ever get very, very (very:rotflmao: ) bored, do some reading on neuropeptides, peptides, neurotransmitters and hormones

And yea, dumping out the "ramblings of my mind" is the secondary purpose of my own journal.
 
oh, and cym's response reminded me about something with my diet that i wanted to talk about. I am kind of proud of what i have done this time around, in terms of enabling myself to eat healthy and properly. I dont know how many people read this, but maybe this might give some insight to others who struggle.

I used to think, and did this the last time i lost weight, that i needed to plan each meal out in advance, and purchase food to meet that plan. and i would end up with an eating schedule, with the foods planned to be eaten at certain times so that i got my macro ratios in right, at the right times to maximize my progress. but i found that sticking to an eating schedule is very difficult to do unless you already have a very standardized daily routine. i wake up at different times in the morning, and i go to bed at different times at night. sometimes i dont feel like having oatmeal for breakfast, and sometimes i want it for lunch. sometimes not at all, lol. so what i have learned to do is the following: when shopping for food, i make a list in advance of various foods that fill macronutrient slots. i buy stuff that is predominantly carbs, fats, or protein (tends to be single ingredient foods). Then i buy more complex foods that haver certain macronutrient ratios, such as peanut butter, which has a good deal of my healthy fats, as well as a decent amount of protein (2:1 F to P) with relatively little in carbs. and then i look for foods that have the full macro ratio i am looking for. foods that have about 20% fat, 50% carbs, and 30% protein. these can be difficult to find, but garbanzo beans are pretty darn close. having various foods with different ratios, i can mix and match as the day goes along. for instance, i like to have some good complex carbs first thing in the morning to get my energy going, as well as some protein to help combat any protein catabolism that might have started from the overnight fast. but i dont want to always have oatmeal with whey protein like i used to do. now, ive got a whole bunch of foods, and i can mix and match on a whim to get the ratios i want. and even better yet, as they day goes on, i can toss foods in to compensate if as i add up calories i am finding myself running short on something. it seems kind of complicated at first, but its pretty easy to do once you have looked around a little bit, and its a lot easier to just do this once every 2 weeks while shopping than to have to plan exactly each meal for each day. also, as time goes by, and i think of or research more foods that will fill slots well, my list becomes bigger, my choices more varied, my diet just as healthy and "strict", etc. i have also learned to plan meal times to correspond not with actual times of day, but with certain events, in succession. really, one main event, and then everything build off that, lol. basically, "breakfast" is whatever meal i eat within 30minutes or so of waking up, even if i have a day that i get to sleep in till noon, lol. then, depending on when i woke up, i can easily space the 3 main meals out evenly throughout the day, and fill in between with snacks, so that i am eating every 2 hours or so. and i eat meals even if i am not hungry (wouldnt recommend this if not counting calories), and thus i never end up being hungry. this helps alot throughout the day, for instance, yesterday i had some hunger issues because i forgot to eat my snack before going to practice, and ended up going almost 6 hours without food. i started to get hungry, and then when i ate, it was like my body was overcompensating or something (gross oversimplification), but it took a few well spaced meals during the evening to level myself back out and not have hunger issues (note that i did mention before i am not having the same issues with hunger as i used to, but it is still much easier if you can prevent the feeling altogether).

i really feel confident that by the time i reach my goal weight, i will have enough understanding and knowledge of general food energy levels and nutrients, that i wont have to count calories forever. ill be able to have a general idea of what i am eating and how to portion properly so as not to massively overeat. and if i have reached that goal, even if i do put a couple of pounds back on while building strength, i can always do a quick adjustment for a couple weeks and take them back off. though i believe after all that work, i will be quite adamant about not putting anymore weight back on ever again, lol.
 
another day of success. well enough that i even got to treat myself to a nice roast beef sandwich tonight, with quality sour dough bread, nice lean beef, and even a tbls of real mayo, lol. well portioned, and still pretty healthy, and yet so satisfying. now there is an uncommon trio, lol.

macros had a good split, at 21/43/36 (F/C/P), and micros pretty much all above RDA. 29 grams of fiber, steadily improving there, and sat fats at 5% of total calories. and its all coming from real food, no supplementation needed yet, which i feel is a good sign of healthy eating.

tomorrow is the test, have to eat proper during a 12 hour work day, while being nowhere near easily accesible healthy food. But i have planned ahead, and am packing what i will need to survive it proper. i am kind of excited to test myself. and i am sure i will get some strange looks from my athletes and others with what i have packed (since most just bring junk food and crap), but i dont care because I am doing things right. it might even give me a chance to talk to my athletes about proper nutrition (something they dont generally want to talk about, lol). oh, and its memorial day weekend, and i live in the birthplace of memorial day, so there is a lot of stuff going on this weekend, so there will be plenty more tests as i enjoy the festivities with the family. id say wish me luck, but you know, i really wanna say i can do this on my own and for myself, lol. it doesnt take luck, it takes discipline and determination. so here i go...
 
Coach, I think you'll do fine. It's a big step forward to plan out your eating and that makes it much much easier to stick to your plan. Chaos is often the enemy of nutritional discipline. Have a great weekend!
 
Coach, losing weight is easy. Doing it the right way is much harder, but doing it the right way will lead to keeping it off. I'm 38 and I've been on several long term diets and a lot more that lasted a few weeks or less. The way you're going about this is absolutely the right way.
 
Success! packed about 1700 calories worth of healthy food, and ate whenever i had some free time. had to be at the school at 630am, got home around 9pm (went even longer than planned). even got up with enough time to eat a good breakfast at 615 in the morning before even leaving the house. so i got my 2300 calories in, did it pretty much just as good as a normal day, and had no serious issues. i planned, i prepared, i conquered, lol.

also, this morning, down to 433.6. weight still coming off, but slowing down to more normal levels. however, if in about 3 or 4 more days i am still losing more than .4 pounds or so a day, i will up my calories a little bit. Though I imagine that at this point, I can still lose 3-5 pounds per week pretty safely. better safe than sorry though, ill try to keep it around 2 a week.
 
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Good for you on the weightloss and keeping up with your new good habits!

Way too much info on the "emptying" topic though Coach. Yuck!

Maybe journaling is helping you this time and reminding you to keep on track.
 
this mornings weight came in at 435.2, slightly higher than yesterday mornings weigh-in. Im not really sure how to explain the slight gain, other than the fact that i was out in the sun all day yesterday, sweating buckets for 12 hours straight (if not longer), so by the end of the day, all the water i drank last night trying to rehydrate, some of it might have held for now. idk, im not really concerned that much, i know i ate right, and things are going well. and seeing the number go up slightly will keep me on track, cuz i wont want that to happen again, lol.

sorry about all the info on the digestive tract, sometimes my mind wanders into gross things too, lol. (actually, its usually thinking about gross or perverse things, hehe)
 
Yesterday was successful, ate right on target as usual. If i successfully complete today, it will make one full week of sound and proper nutrition. and about 5 pounds of lost weight. weighed in this morning at 434.2 pounds, down a pound from yesterdays slight increase, and hopefully the start of another 5 day downward trend, lol. i think I could stand to drop 5 days, slight increase 1 in pattern... lol. Tonight, assuming that i remember, I will do a weekly stats report from my fitday records and look for anything that needs adjustment.
 
Way to go, Coach! 5 lbs. in one week is a tremendous achievement, but even better is getting control of your nutrition. Once you make that a habit, the rest will follow. You're making tremendous progress.
 
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