Getting Functionally Fit

C

CoachCrimson

New member
WILL EDIT THIS POST WITH UPDATED INFO
UPDATES IN BOLD

So this is what it has come to, an online diary in a public forum... so be it!

As the title of my diary suggests, my real goal in weight loss is to improve athletic performance. I dont care quite so much what i look like, though it seems obvious that dropping unwanted fat will probably make others find me more desirable. that doesnt matter much to me, i have a wonderful loving girlfriend who has loved me as much as ever from 325 pounds to 455 pounds. I am not out to attract others. But i do want to be healthy for her, and for the children i will someday (not too far away) have. Being healthy and not dieing at the age of 30 from a heart attack is also just as important as improving my athletic performance, even though I dont quite focus on that mentally for motivation.

I havent quite started the nutrition aspect full swing yet (need a paycheck so i can contribute to the food budget and get healthy food, lol), but i have been getting back into the gym after about a year and a half of relative inactivity. It has been nice to see that I havent fallen too far from my former "glory", and even after being out of the gym can still squat 500 and bench 310. I have been doing some of the little things to start nutrition wise however, since just going strict clean right off the bat isnt always such a great idea.

For the last few days however, i have really been focusing on the mental aspect. As i mentioned in my opening post in the newcomers section, i have some issues that i take medication for, long story blah blah, but now i am getting help for the parts that deal with my overeating. I met with a counselor last thursday, and she helped identify the link between emotion and overeating. She also had me start a food diary, but not one like all the others i had done before. In this, instead of counting calories, and paying attention to quantities, i was to focus more on why i was eating. there was to be no shame in what i was doing, nor was i to worry about correcting it at this point, it was just a lesson in identification. If i can find a way to put what i have learned just in these 4 days into words, I will share my new insights. however, at this point, it is just more like a new perspective, one i cant describe opposed to the way i used to look at things. I feel like i am finally understanding why i have failed so many times in the past, even though i had all the knowledge and opportunity i needed to succeed. I meet with the counselor again this coming thursday, and i am thinking it should be quite the enlightening event.

For now, im going to post some basics about me, to help me keep track of where i started and where i am headed.

i did my measurements over again, using a somewhat more accurate method
neck: 20.5"
wrist: 9.25"
bicep: 20.5"
thigh: 40"
calf: 20"
ankle: 11.75"
shoulder: 68.25"
navel: 65.5"
chest: 59.25"

estimated goal weight: 275
goal bf%: 15
estimated time: 2 years
first progress mark, ~400 by 9/1/07 400 by 8/1/07
second progress mark, ~350 1/1/08 350 by 12/1/07
third progress mark, ~299 6/1/08

measurements not done using the most accurate method, should try to fix that as soon as possible, lol...


well, here goes nothin'

THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING OVERWEIGHT:
1. Making the excuse that i cannot easily touch my feet to tie shoelaces or put on socks because "I'm just not flexible."
2. Sweating ALL THE GOD DAMNED TIME...
3. Dealing with the annoyance of facial hair simply because it makes my face look less fat.
4. Comments at family functions about how I will eat any leftovers that anyone doesn't want.
5. Fearing all cameras.
6. Being unable to properly demonstrate at full speed some of the more complex movements in the shotput and discus to my athletes.
7. Running out of breath after a half flight of stairs.
8. Wearing a shirt to go swimming.
9. Having retained some of my past athletic abilities, only to realize what I really could have had if I had ever been able to control my weight.
10. Busting ass a couple of years ago to get to 330, being pretty happy with my athleticism at that point, and then squandering that by the time I was able to compete for my college.
11. Finding myself saying more about what I used to be able to do, instead of what I CAN do NOW.
12. Having to drop 50 bucks on a special scale in order to be able to weigh myself. goes hand in hand with not being able to weigh myself at other places like the gym, as well as the comments about how the best way to weigh me is to put me in the back of a pick-up truck and drive onto truck scales.
13. Going to the local outlet mall and having one place out of literally 100 that I can actually buy clothes from.
14. Having people de-value my 600 pound squat max pr because i weighed 400.
15. Bench press 405 and having it barely be over my weight at the time. (poor strength to weight ratios)
16. Not being able to go into the bathroom (small door as it is) without hitting both sides of the door frame.
17. Hearing my knees crack every time i squat down.
18. Hiding while eating because I am ashamed.
19. Random rude or derogatory comments from strangers in public (insults from cars going by, etc)
20. Sleep problems associated with being obese.
21. Clothes that are too big in some areas, while being too small in others.
22. Creases on the back of my head/neck (fat rolls i guess)
23. Having to buy a new desk chair every 4-6 months because my weight wears out the frame until it finally snaps (even the expensive ones do this).
24. Not being able to wear my seatbelt in my car.
25. Not being able to go on the rides at amusement parks.
26. Unable to fit in most sports cars.
27. Can't jump on trampolines (dont even get me started on how much I used to enjoy that).
28. Stepping on an air vent in an older house and actually snapping it and falling through with my one leg, getting all cut up in the process.
29. Having to kick my feet to build momentum in order to sit-up when laying down.
30. Fearing public embarrasments such as busted belts and ripping pants, and letting such fears control my activities and endeavors.
31. Having to quit certain jobs because i was not physically able to stand for entire 8 or 12 hour shifts without being in terrible pain in my feet and lower legs.
32. Bowel movements at least 4 times a day, usually more. and then jokes about how a guy who craps so much can be so big.
33. Unable to ride bicycles because my weight flattens the tire too much, and the seat is too small and uncomfortable.
34. My stomach touching the steering wheel in my car.
35. Having to take more of some medications in order to get the same effect as others.
36. Having to drink 12 or more beers to even start getting drunk. not that getting drunk is all that healthy, but having to drink so much to get the effect only makes it worse.
37. Being unable to sit on my knees for more than about 15 seconds. or squat down for more than 30 seconds. or sit on the ground for more than a few minutes.
38. Difficulty in finding my pulse unless my heart is beating like crazy.
39. Having to use a leg cuff on my arm in order to get blood pressure readings.
40. Using extra large beach towels for everyday showering use because a normal towel is not sufficient to dry my entire body, nor is it large enough to cover my body properly.
41. The shame of eating in public (including extended family), and the resultant need to hide away from the world while eating.
42. My knowledge of nutrition and exercise de-valued because I do not appear to put either to good use in my own life.

they come in spurts, lol, and im thinking this list is going to get over 100...
 
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Hey Coach, good for you for getting started on your plan. Sounds like what you're discovering about why you've overeaten in the past is really going to help you stick with your plan. I'm really interested to hear what you're figuring out..keep us posted. Best wishes to you :).
 
Hi Coach!
Welcome to the forum. It's good to see you are back in the gym. That's a big start! It's one day at a time, every day we get the chance to start over again, thank goodness for that. I've used a lot of start over days. I look forward to reading your progress and your trials. Good Luck on your new venture!! :D Kim
 
Oh by the way, where abouts in the finger lakes are you located?? I lived up that way for 10 years. It's just gorgeous~~
Kim
 
Hey Coach, good luck. I started this thing 10 pounds heavier than you and I'm feeling great now. You're right. The mental aspect is key.
 
Thanks for the kind words, much appreciated.

i can say right now, that my overeating is emotional, but surprisingly, its not just negative emotions. in fact, its not even always things that you might think of as emotions. the best way i could describe it is as a subconscious (not really quite accurate) action to satisfy a second person inside me. i dont even have cravings for one particular kind of food or anything. in fact, even if i dont really like the food i have access to, it doesnt matter. its like at every change of emotion i have to do something to calm down that other person. no, im not schizophrenic, lol, but it is a weird thing to notice. to go after food without even really thinking about it in my own head, there has been plenty of times where i am eating and dont even remember coming to the decision that i needed something to eat. i have found though, that if i keep myself occupied well enough and prevent changes in emotion as much as possible, that i dont seem to feel a need to eat. I am also going to work with the counselor to see what i can do to associate other behaviors in place of eating.

thats probably not the most lucid insight into my "discovery", but it will have to do for now, lol...

also, keeping a food diary seems to be having some sort of effect on my eating patterns as well. as the week goes on, each day's entry gets shorter and shorter, not because i am not keeping up or anything, but because there is less and less to report. thats a good sign i think! I am noting as well that there may be physiological reasons behind my binge eating as well, not just psychological. well, i knew there were, its obvious, but they hadnt registered so prominently before. for instance, am i binging like crazy after 7pm because i am an emotional wreck, or because i didnt eat anything since the night before? which leads me to realize that maybe some of my emotions are being effected by physiological issues as well. maybe im getting depressed and cranky because i havent had calories in so long, it works on both psychological and physiological sides at the same time. so i can probably kill two birds with one stone on some of these issues. flabbergasting!

on a not so happy note, mom has insisted that i speak with a specialist about getting a lap band or whatever they are called. it signals to me that she has finally lost faith in me to do this on my own. it is a sad thing to realize, mom has been one who always believed in me and stood behind me. i am going to humor her, mostly out of respect, and speak with someone, though i am pretty sure i am not a good candidate for it.

lastly, i am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but i cannot keep track of my weight consistantly. i dont know of any affordable in home scales that go much over 300 pounds. lots of people say to not pay attention to the weight, but in the past, weighing every day and not seeing the number changed actually kept me motivated to stay strict and not cave in. which was especially useful since i usually worked out in the morning. another one of those time will tell kind of things i guess.

oh, for Miss Ladybug, i live in waterloo, near the north-eastern end of seneca lake. and yes, it can be beautiful...
 
One of the keys to weight loss for me was getting a scale that went up to my weight. When I didn't know what I weighed I really had no way to see success and as a result I'd quit anything I started within a month or so. If you don't want one that's fine, but if you do want a scale that will handle your weight check out . The first one I got from them broke and they replaced it immediately free of charge. The second one I got from them, I've had since last June and weighed myself roughly every day.
 
Hey Coach :). You're a sweet and respectful son..I can only hope my daughter turns out like that though she's only 10 months so its anyone's guess (nah..she's a luv! :)).

I just typed "scale over 300 pounds" in google and a scale came up that goes to 500 lbs for $199. Sounds a lot cheaper and easier than a lap band and given the health concerns that arise at your size (no offense meant here sweetie :)), IMHO an expenditure like that is well worth it. I spent tons of dough on an elliptical and feel it was really worth it because it has such a positive impact on my health. And anything that helps us get healthy is well worth it in my book.

Keep us posted.
 
ive got one full week of food diary down now, and i go to the counselor again tomorrow morning. Day 1 begins tomorrow i guess, im pretty excited too, been feeling like i should have just started already, but counselor says that would throw off this little experiment and make it hard to get a good evaluation.

also, thanks to cannon for reminding me about that website. i have actually purchased from them in the past, needed a small digital scale for measuring supplements. i am placing the order for a scale that can weigh me tonight. i guess my new first progress mark will be making sure i fit on that scale. the 440 figure is from the last dr's visit, which was a month or two ago...
 
We're pulling for you Coach. Let us know what the assessment comes up with. IMO, weighing frequently is an important reality check. You cant argue with the numbers and when you notice them going up, you're forced into dealing with it just by being aware of it. Two pieces of advice, if you dont mind me giving it without being solicited: weigh yourself weekly or daily even (or rather, especially) during bad periods when the scale is going up, and log your food and calories ESPECIALLY when you're having that bad day that we're all bound to have. Not to make you feel bad but to give you that reality check again so you can do better next time. By better I mean eat with full disclosure of the number of calories and make you think of substitutions for your snacks that are healthier and lower in calories. E.g. FF yogurt vs. ice cream; the thought process would be: yes the ice cream tastes far better, but its about 5 times the calories so is it really worth the fat and resulting health detriments?
 
Hi Coach, your on the right path, and I'm here to listen if you need an ear! I think it's great that your seeking help by a counselor, that's a huge step towards success. I think the respect for your mom is huge! I hope my son's who will be 18 in October feel the same way about me! Remember this, weight loss is a day to day event, try to only focus on one day, not tomorrow or Friday, but today. If you make it through today, then it's for sure you can make it through tomorrow, and so on. Don't give in, I know you can do it~~ Oh, and I used to live near Watertown, if you know where that is. Have a good evening, I'll check back later to see how your doing!
Kim
 
Thanks for the tips and the support guys, appreciate it much. The counseling is not going to be a quick fix, this is going to take time to really attack the problems at hand, but i am gaining important insights. I dont really expect it to be quick anyways, this, like everyone always says, is a long-haul approach. man, i hate using cliches, but when they are the truth, you just cant avoid them.

ok, ladies, dont take any offense by this little anecdote, lol. i used to tease my best friend (who is female) and say that she let her emotions control her. i would make a lame sexual generalization, all in good fun, about her being a 'woman' about it. even though i was just teasing and was really there to support her through it, it did tend to get her to look at things a little more objectively. today, for some odd reason on the way home from practice, it suddenly struck me that i myself was being a 'woman' about this whole thing, and letting my emotions control me. and i was pissed! not because of the woman reference, but because i was essentially being a hypocrit. always telling her to be more objective, but here i was not even listening to my own voice in the one battle i have never won. i would certainly never say to anyone to lead an emotionless life, and my friend knew that wasnt what i was saying either. i was merely suggesting that she be more objective with some of her problems, and that is what i need to do. flat out, i need to ignore alot of the feelings i have with this, and look at things objectively. i mean, after all, alot of what i feel isnt really applicable anymore. that starving sensation that creates a pain that feels so real when i havent eaten in more than a few hours... the same one that often times causes me to binge, either in effect or in fear of it coming. its not real. i am not starving. i am not a neanderthal unsure of where his next meal is coming from. i know that i have access to food, that i will feed myself when it is the appropriate time, and that i am not going to starve or go hungry. ive got a word for these feelings: OBSOLETE!

so i have started full swing today. i have placed fitday (i bought the actual program a couple of years ago) back into my quick launch bar. i am counting calories, shooting for between 2200 and 2700, with a macronutrient split of 20% fat, 50% carbs, and 30% protein. I am making healthier selections as well, but for this first stretch i am focusing on public enemy number one: the binge. While i am going to wage war on it psychologically with my counselor, family, and you guys here, i am also going to attack it physiologically, by ensuring that those 2500 or so calories a day are split between several meals. NOT 2500 calories in one meal at the end of the day.

id like to switch over to a different topic for a bit here quick. i was reading a thread posted by steve, that was basically his attempt to understand why people fail at this. im not going to get into that per se, since i think pretty much all of the reasons were covered already, but it did remind me of something that has kind of always bothered me. I have never learned to love cardiovascular workouts. In fact, I hate them, and i dont understand why. I LOVE TO EXERCISE. i am an iron moving junkie, a gym rat at heart. Lifting weights is a passion to me, and ive demonstrated that in the past by how strong i have gotten (how many people in this world can say they have opposed the gravity of 600 pounds and won?). Ive done all kinds of workouts, kicked my butt harder by lifting weights than i was ever able to doing cardio, and even been more out of breath and have a faster pulse than cardio could produce. I have been to the brink of tossing cookies in the weightroom. and i have done some pretty intense cardio sessions too. hell, i was a track and field athlete for 7 years, and a football player for 4 years. baseball, basketball, lacrosse, ive played em all. and dont even get me started on raquetball or tennis. and i loved the way i felt when i got my ass moving and was playing hard. but for some reason, whenever i have done "normal" cardio, i have never enjoyed the way it made me feel. and by normal i mean just standard running, or cardio machines, etc. the kind of cardio that is cardio for the sake of cardio, lol, if that makes any sense. its like a whole different world, and i hate it. problem is, i either dont have easy access to all the cardio type things that i do enjoy, or i dont have anyone who can participate in them with me. lets face it, its pretty hard to get a good workout on the tennis court if you dont have someone to return the ball, lol. but i have to find some way over this wall, because i know, OBJECTIVELY, lol, that cardio is a must. not just to aid in fat loss, but for a healthy heart and lungs, etc. and lets face it, what good is a strong and lean body if your ticker is pathetic?

well, thats about it for today, thanks to everyone who has taken the time to swing by and leave some words of encouragement, and sorry i havent had a chance to pop into anyone else's journal quite yet. hoping to have a little free time this weekend though, maybe get to catch up with people around here. :-D
 
Hey, Coach, I understand exactly what you're getting at with all the emotional stuff. I'm not inclined in that direction myself, but sometimes, in order to really solve a problem, and not just logically, you have to get mushy like that. It ain't pretty, but the alternative is a lot worse.

As for the cardio, I can relate to that too. I hated, and still do, steady state cardio. Finally I found some cardio I really enjoy, and that made a huge difference.

Good luck in finding a form of cardio YOU can enjoy, too.
 
ok, a little bit of an update here...
i did my measurements over again, using a somewhat more accurate method
neck: 20.5"
wrist: 9.25"
bicep: 20.5"
thigh: 40"
calf: 20"
ankle: 11.75"
shoulder: 68.25"
navel: 65.5"
chest: 59.25"

those are the only ones i could think of at the moment to keep track of, if anyone else has any other areas that would be a good idea to track, please let me know.

also, i got my scale in. i hopped on it yesterday, and was somewhat disappointed that a 440 pound scale would not weigh me. scared me a bit, because that means i have no idea how much over i am. weighed myself this morning on an empty stomach and after urinating, and i came in at 338.4 pounds. best time to weigh, because i drink ALOT of water during the day (i dont force water consumption, i merely drink when thirsty, which still comes to a minimum of 1.5 gallons a day in the warmer months, which is about 12 pounds of water per day!). So, at least i am weighable, and actually just under what i thought i thought i was based on my last doctor's visit. a bit of a relief there.

treadmill will be here this saturday hopefully, so i will have the ability to do cardio in the comfort of my own home. and i will stay on track working out with my athletes at the school. though i think i am going to switch from a strength routine to a more general fitness routine, perhaps 10-12 rep ranges with shorter rest periods, to help elevate heart rate and still get a little bit of hypertrophy training. though i am a little bit concerned about doing too much hypertrophy if i am in caloric deficit, since i would have the proper fuel to rebuild the muscles. might lead to overtraining too quickly, which would be bad. i might be able to alleviate that by lowering the weight percentages slightly so that i am not quite hitting failure at 12 reps. it will take a bit of tweaking.

i will continue counting calories, shooting for between 2200-2700, averaging at 2500 as best as possible, should keep me around a 1000 per day deficit, assuming the estimations are at least close. thats 2 pounds per week, fairly healthy, if i am losing more, i might increase my calories slightly. though i have to admit, ive eaten healthy before, and 2500 calories can be difficult enough when you eat clean.

one of my favorite shows on TV is on the food network (go figure fatty, lol) and it is called Good Eats. I have every episode from the first 9 seasons on my computer, and have been going through them looking for easy to make things that are healthy, or that can be adapted to be healthy, so i can keep things changed up a little. recently watched a show on pickling, and you wouldnt believe the crap you can pickle! lol. but pickling can be healthy, and you can use a wide variety of foods. im going to try some substitutions with it and see if i cant do something interesting.

lastly, i have my third meeting with my counselor on friday. my medication has been working fairly well, and life hasnt been too difficult lately, so ive been pretty stable. if i can keep things that way through the summer, i should be able to bust progress mark 1 with ease and get a great headway into better health. also, im really happy the scale is digital and is accurate to the fifth (.2) of a pound. that means that at a 1000 calorie deficit per day, i could expect to lose .286 pounds per day, which would be viewable by the scale on a daily basis. now, i am not an irrational person, and do not expect that to always be the case, but it is nice to know that if things are going as planned, i can probably see a steady daily decrease on the average. just seems like a cool thing to have at my disposal, lol.

Edit: something i just realized, is that even though my measurements seem friggin huge, my shoulder measurement is still larger than my waist. which means technically, i still have a slight V shape, lol. maybe im just in fatboy denial, but dont severly obese people generally have a waist measurement that exceeds their shoulder measurement?
 
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I have one last step to take before i can truly accept who i am, and what i need to change. but i am scared to death. it is the last step to breaking out of any denial i might be in, and i fear it may actually set me back by killing my self-esteem. I have to take pictures...

ive always felt at least somewhat positive about my body image, because ive always been fairly active and athletic. i never felt like a 3 or 400 pound man, because i was always stronger than i weighed. shit, at 375 i could do more push-ups than any of my friends who weighed under 200. and ive always been in denial, and said i didnt really care what i looked like, because people should love me for who i am, not what i look like. and for some reason i think i might fear being physically attractive because i am worried people would like me for the wrong reason and i wouldnt know it. the mirrors we have in the house dont allow me to see much of my body at once, but i did have the unpleasant opportunity to see my fully naked body in a very large mirror all at once recently. and i have blocked out what i saw right up until now.

it is 1:15 in the morning here, and I am going to take my before pictures, at 338.5 pounds, RIGHT NOW!

wish me luck... :-/
 
Coach, you're a braver man than I. I really have no "before" pictures at all, because I so studiously avoided the camera. What you said about your body image rings so true. I will post some pics on my 59th birthday, though, only a couple of months away.

I think you're off to a great start. I bet within a year you are leaving me in the dust!
 
TomO said:
Coach, you're a braver man than I. I really have no "before" pictures at all, because I so studiously avoided the camera. What you said about your body image rings so true. I will post some pics on my 59th birthday, though, only a couple of months away.

I think you're off to a great start. I bet within a year you are leaving me in the dust!
Click to expand...

A YEAR?? im giving myself 3 months! lol, just kidding. i dont really feel a need to set a specific time standard anymore. a few years ago, i always felt i needed to do things as quick as possible, because my NCAA eligibility was running out quick. but now that it is gone forever, and i am still quite young, i see no reason to rush and screw myself by hurrying.

The pictures are taken, 8 infamous shots in all their full resolution 3.2 megapixel glory (sic). However, i am not quite so brave as to post them publicly without some afters to compare to. for now, they are my own source of mental torture, er, i mean inspiration.

honestly though, they didnt come out quite as bad as i was expecting. sure, ive got a lot of work ahead of me, but the images i had from that full frontal mirror episode were a lot worse than the pictures on the digital camera. i think i am going to make a digital collage and use it as my background image... lol
 
hihi.... hv fun with the photo collage. it'll be truely inspirational n motivation to see it n be reminded of this healthy lifestyle u r on!
 
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