Gennybear's Diary

gennybear

gennybear

New member
Alright so here we go again. We all know the story, "I've lost the weight before and it has come back, and I want to lose it for the last time, now!" Well mine's no different.

My name is Genny, I'll be 21 in about a month, I'm a native Californian who has made my way into majoring in Nutrition and Culinary Management at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. I'm on a bit of a hiatus, as I've moved to Florida for the summer, and plan on attending the Culinary Institute of America in Napa, Ca. in the fall.

I feel horrible about myself right now. I will go through the day, mostly feeling good about the way I look and feel, until I catch my reflection, or see a picture of myself.

Why is it that we NEVER think we look as bad as we show up in pictures?

If it's true that pictures don't lie, then I must be lying to myself!

Ok enough ranting.

Here are my stats:

Age: 20
Height: 5'6"
Current Weight: 170
Highest Weight: 185
Lowest Weight: 137
Goal Weight: 130

So as you can see, I'm the definition of fluctuation, and my lord is it frustrating.

So far today I've eaten:
8:45 am-1 Luna Bar (lemon zest flavor)

I don't feel like eating lately, really. I know I have to eat and blah blah blah but I just feel pretty darn hopeless right now.

I see everyone else losing weight and I guess I just don't think it could ever happen to me.

God knows I've screwed up my metabolism over the years, but somethin's gotta give, here!

I guess I could just use a little support and motivation. I just want the way I feel about myself to not hold me back in life, like it does now.
 
welcome to the group!

about the pictures... i remember hearing somewhere its because of lighting conditions that cause the picture to represent depth a little incorrectly...
 
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Haha... Can it make you look 50 pounds heavier and everyone else looks right? hope so :p

So I had a rough weekend. Went to Busch Gardens on Cinco De Mayo, nuff said.

Today I've had

1/2C Brown rice
1/2C Black Beans
1C Ro-tel tomatoes and jalapenos

I jus't don't have any desire to eat.

I feel ashamed 24/7, sad, humiliated, just ashamed.

I want my life back
 
Well, I know you and I didn't exactly start off on the right foot, but that doesn't mean I can't offer my condolences. Sorry you feel so down on yourself.
 
If it's true that pictures don't lie, then I must be lying to myself!
Click to expand...

I took pictures over the weekend and I'm absolutely appalled at how awful they were... If I didn't need to take them they would have been destroyed... I'm hoping that some people just photograph badly and that pictures really aren't a true version of one's self...

CIA in Napa -wow I'm so jealous - I took one class at CIA in Hyde Park ny and it was great - I'd love to be a full time culinary student - what a great opporunity for you :) do share your experiences there and let me live vicariously thru you :)
 
Yea... I look in the mirror and see something that I don't think is so bad, and somedays, I even feel GOOD about myself. But then I see pictures and think.. ohh my god.. how can no one tell me I look like this!!

The worst part is that I bought my boyfriend a new camera this past christmas and he just snaps away constantly, and when i see the pictures he's taken of me I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I don't understand how he could be seeing what the camera is seeing yet still want to be with me and love me.

It makes me withdraw from him, not letting him hug me for fear that he will think I'm gross, and that makes him feel bad, in turn, making me feel bad about making him feel bad!

It's definitely time to buck up and make some changes
 
Hiya Genny and welcome. Sorry you feel so down on yourself. The picture thing is a tough one, I also HATE how I look in them, in my head I am so not that fat, now i just try and avoid them at all cost, but I guess with your boyfriend taking them all the time that is a little tough.

Was just wondering, do you exercise? I have never enjoyed exercising, well no, i loved atheletics in school, but never enjoyed exercising for weight loss/ fitness increase since i got so outta shape, but suddenly this last week or so it has so stopped been as much of a chore. I find it also increases my appitite, but for the right things, as i dont want to 'ruin' all my hard work, but i also dont feel guilty about eating as I have just burned off a shed load of calories.

I really hope that you can reach your goals, but dont think that just losing the pounds will make you happy (well I havent got there yet, but cant believe just been thin on pictures would make me truly happy) you have to learn to love yourself too, for the person you are, not the person you look like on the photos.

Be kind to yourself, and see all the good things about you, it sounds like you are studying a fab course with lots of great times ahead, try to enjoy them and im sure your weight loss journey will seem so much more attainable if you can find some positives in your life.

Keep smiling,

Kate x
 
Thank you for all your help and support. I have started working out about 3 times a week. I wish I could do more, but 2 days a week I work from 7-6 so even if I try to work out I'm just exhausted.

I lost 2 more pounds :)

How do I post pictures up here for people to see?
 
This is me at about 140-145ish I think
yuck2.jpg

and same with this one
hgfkhg.jpg

(I thought I was fat back then...)
4.jpg

blahhh.jpg


Here are some more recent ones: at about 160ish
n6403502_31883829_6457.jpg

n6403502_31883823_4850.jpg

So now I'm a bit heavier than I was in those...
 
aww... thanks!

UPDAAATE: Ok, so my dad told me yesterday that he's taking my mom, brother, grandpa, boyfriend, and myself on a cruise for my birthday to the Bahamas! How awesome is that?

So now I have a mini-goal:
by 6/15 I want to be around 150 + or -

I know it seems like a lot to lose in a short amount of time, but I CAN'T feel yucky on a cruise for my birthday! Come on now!

So help me out!!

Today I ate:

PowerBar for breakfast
Cucumber for mid-morning snack
Salad with Tuna and a little Caesar Dressing for lunch
Dinner will be Chicken Breast and Broccoli

Gym will be 1 hr eliptical and 30 min weights

CHEER ME ON, I NEED IT!
 
Your pictures are beautiful and rest assured, you're even more beautiful in person. Remember that. You don't have as much weight to lose as some of us and its possible you could get down in a reasonably short time. Just make the changes and get out of your own way. I found the hardest part was getting started, getting that first month out of the way. I agonized so much. Now it is almost more of a waiting game.

Welcome to womanhood where our bodies are constantly in flux.

Welcome to the forum.
 
Genny,

I know you have a good heads on your shoulders ;). Hopefully, you get down to your mini goal before your birthday :)

Btw, with the cameras - i've actually seen cameras where they can make the picture look more narrow vertically, so the people in it appear slightly thinner ;). I thought it was a bunch of BS when i saw it on tv, but it is attracting the masses.
 
Thanks everyone!

So yesterday went really well. Went to the gym on schedule and did an hour of cardio.

Today I've eaten:
3/4 C egg whites
3 oz tuna w/ 1 Tbsp mayo

Lunch will be
Salad with 2 Tbsp Caesar Dressing
1/4 C Nuts

I'm not sure what dinner will be since we're going to my boyfriend's mom's house this afternoon and staying over for mother's day. I think she said she bought some shrimp for us to cook out on the grill and some salad, so I think it will be just fine.

Going to go for a slow jog tonight while we're there, too. Hopefully for an hour.

Thanks everyone or your support!! :jump: You're all the best!
 
Hey Genny,

How come your day is rough? if you;ve made a bad start dont worry about it, just get yourself back on track from now, no point in beating yourself up about other stuff you have already eaten, just change what you can, and thats eating in the future.........

If its something else, im more than happy to lend an ear if you wanna talk about it,

chin up,

Kato x
 
I hadn't eaten anything yet, just feeling my hopefullness slip a bit.

I know I'm doing everything right, I guess I just doubt myself too much.

I don't really believe in myself at all.

Anyways, I lost 2 more pounds, so yay.

16 lbs to go by June 15th... any suggestions?

Today I had a salad with broccoli and chicken
 
16lbs isa lot to lose in a month - pace yourself...

why don't you beleive in yourself? I'm gonna do my dr phil impression right now -without the annoying accent :D What's not to believe in?
 
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