Former ED's?

M

Mad4Chillas

New member
So I was just wondering, if there were any members that have previously had or are still struggling with an Eating disorder. I have had bulimia for about 4-5 years and have been in treatment for about 1-1/2 years. I was just hoping there were others here, because I know getting through this is extremely hard and I was just looking for friendly faces that know what Ive been going through recently.
 
me too

I've struggled with Eating Disorders since I was about 16 years old, maybe longer, I don't remember. It started with Anorexia Nervosa, and continued with that (I went into numerous treatment centers and hospitals for about 7 years), until I went into my last hospital about 4 years ago. I'm at a high weight now, but I struggle with Anorexic-type symptoms. I also had COE for a while, though that's my mom's view of things, not mine. Now I guess you could say I have ED-NOS...:(

jellybread
 
Hello Mad4Chillas....what are Chillas?

I have a Dialectic spectrum of eating, I deal with Compulsive Over Eating, and Starving myself.

The first mis-hap occurred at age 10. I realize our sub-conscious mind(s) are very powerful. AND have been told that it was most likely a way of controlling what was going on in my life. Which I'd heard of before, but never given much thought on until a couple of months ago.

Because I still to this day DO NOT believe I was doing it to control weight. I won't call it Bulimia or Anorexia, I just don't think it was. I was never a chunky kid. VERY Lean. Stick like haha.

I started starving myself, and the smell of food made me so ill, I would have to throw up. Even foods that I had really enjoyed, made me ill. In this time period, I was also unable to sleep. This went on for a good 2-3 months. Parent's never knew what the heck was going on. They thought I was just being "silly" it was real painful to have to pull myself out of that.

The last 6 years is when alot of the on-going "starving" has started.
 
I'm sure many of you are familiar with this site, but for those who aren't... it's a great resource:
 
Thanks Steve :)

Its nice to know there are other people on this forum that are dealing with the same things as I am. Im technically in recovery but Ive had a few slip ups this year and even in the past month where I have relapsed into binging and purging. So thats no good--I was just looking for support, so if you guys just wanna use this thread as a resource to take stress out and everything it here!

<3
 
No Help

Okay, we should keep this thread going!

What's up with this... I have ED-NOS and have been relapsing into Anorexic tendencies. I want to get into some kind of support group or program. In fact, my case worker and I are going to call one tomorrow. Thing is, I don't think I will get in because I am overweight and therefor do not deserve help. Maybe it's just my thinking... I don't know.

jellybread
 
jellybread said:
Okay, we should keep this thread going!

What's up with this... I have ED-NOS and have been relapsing into Anorexic tendencies. I want to get into some kind of support group or program. In fact, my case worker and I are going to call one tomorrow. Thing is, I don't think I will get in because I am overweight and therefor do not deserve help. Maybe it's just my thinking... I don't know.

jellybread
Click to expand...

I have been relapsing recently into some of my bulimic tendencies as well, first it was stress and now I hope its not becoming a habit-Crap! I have an appointmed with an ED therapist next week.

I always never wanted to admit I have had an ED because I feel like I dont fit the stereotypical p rofile of someone having an ED. Im a normal weight and never thought people would take me seriously until I was so underweight it was sickly.

I know what you mean though....
How have you been??
 
Hi! I'm new here...I just recovered from an ED, well I at least like to convince myself I'm all better even if I know I've had some slip ups. But I've been doing really well...I just recently slipped up pretty bad and pulled myself out just about two days ago before things could have gotten really bad again - I was binging like crazy and started to think about starving again, and twice I came close to taking diet pills again...but I'm glad I stopped myself because I feel better now.

I'm in an unusual situation; I am a ballet dancer, first of all, training to become a professional -- I do NOT have the right body, but I am determined to make it, I know I will because I have to :)

Second, my ED "officially" started when I was in the 8th grade (12/13 years old) but since I was little I have had weight/food issues. Fall of this school year I was at my worst, that is when a teacher called my school counsler, counsler called my parents, parents called the doctor. I never reached a sickly weight. In 8th grade at the bneginning I lost weight very rapidly, my mom said I looked sick, but I was never underweight. Now the wierd situation is that I am at a normal weight, I have recovered from an ED, but I do need to lose weight.

As you all know, ED don't really have to do with weight, but some people don't udnerstand that. So, I was lucky to find a dietitian that understood me and that is helping me lose weight (safely!) regardless of the fact that I had an ED, because the weight I have to lose and want to lose is not because of an ED but rather for the same reasons any other normal dieter or ballet dancer would (does this make sense?)

I'm 16 years old, by the way. So a lot of people know i have (had) wierd food habits but they would never say "anorexic" because of my weight (and this put me in a very difficult position as the emotional strain was so much worse - I was aware that I did not even look "thin enough", but anyway...)

It definitely felt wierd to recover because I felt, most of the time, like I didn't even deserve to "get better" because I had nothing to "get better" from. I did, though, and I knew it in the back of my head; because I convinced myself that since I was not underweight or dying that I was fine, but I really was aware that I wasn't. I mean emotionally, but also physically - I was malnourished...probably anemic, dizzy often, headaches, mood swings, pale, irregular/missing periods, you know, all of that.

So it's been very weird but I do like to think I'm better now! If any of you needs support I'm always there :)

-Noa
 
Good for you Noa!! I am glad you're doing much better. :)

I know for alcoholics that even when they've "recovered" that they are still and will always be alcoholics, even if they do not drink. Now with an eating disorder I am not sure if it is seen as the same thing or not, maybe some of the other ladies here could clarify that for me.

I think it takes alot of practice, patience, and re-training of the mind to become better. For me, my "ED'S" are only another underlying issue of my illness.

It is like an addiction, that relapses, but with time can heal. Sometimes 3 steps back and 5 steps forward.

Welcome to the site, I hope you enjoy your stay. :seeya:

Ceraphina
 
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Yes, I've always heard that you can recover from an ED but it will still always be with you. I mean, I've read it in books, articles, websites - but one time I was at the gym with my friend (also ED) and I was saying how I am so happy now and how I'm so much better and she just told me, "Well, you're never going to be totally better, you're just kidding yourself if you think it'll go away completely" or something along those lines. It hurt, but that's a different story, haha. But yeah, I think if that's what you're asking then I think ED will almost always have a very lasting impression on you.

However, that's not to say that you will always have an ED, just that it will havge influenced you in some way for ever.

I don't know how alcoholics are addicted because I have had no personal experiences nor do I know anyone who is an alcoholic but from what you say it seems to be just like EDs addiction-wise.

I think you can think of it as a little voice or thought that will always lurk somewhere with you, but you can tell it to shut up if you're strong enough...it might always keep "talking", but you can quiet it, you know? Just to try to make a sort of logical analogy...
 
haha yes. I know someone that calls it the "Shittty Comity," our negative mind chatter. I just tell it to, Stop, Nope not going to listen to you. Continue with something positive.
 
I am also suffering from an ED, binge eating disorder. I thought I was recovering well, but after a few attempts at dieting (an ED's nightmare) I fell back into it full force. I'm currently focussing on the behaviours of the disorder rather than trying to lose weight and that's helping. I still come on here regularly though just to remind myself that I will be able to lose weight in the future and that when I do i'll have the support I need.

I see a therapist, which has really helped, and I also visit the somethingfishy forum that steve linked. It's a great website and has been amazing for me.
 
I have had bulimic tendencies. And by that I mean I purged occasionally, but not on a regular basis. Sometimes I get the urge to do it but I ignore it.
 
Well Done HappyandHealthy, I am glad you have found a supportive path!! :)

That is definitely tough Stancel, I am glad you were able to fight the temptation!! That is hard work!
 
I think this is a wonderful post, knowing that there are other girls around to share our experiences going through similar things.
when I first started struggling with my body image there wasn't such thing as thinspiration. I was young, the 80's and 90's came with new body ideals that just didn't fit me at all. let's say the fashion sizes are a bit too small for almost every normal woman in the planet! especially us latinas with big thighs and hips.
It was painful, the peer pressure, the laughter. even my mom continuously saying I was never going to be happy, fat like this. I've had bulimic episodes especially after isolated binging episodes. I have to agree it made me feel better at the moment to know the ''damaging food'' wouldn't hurt my body. they make the idea of gaining weight sound so evil that you would try anything.
after a long process I've came a long way- to eating healthier little by little, accepting the image in the mirror and loving myself. knowing that weight is just a number and everyone should be judged by the weight of their actions instead.

but the things girls have to struggle with nowadays.. it became worse. the pressure grew and it saddens me tremendously, reading about it- how these girls despise their bodies and would rather die than be a couple of pounds overweight. EDs are very serious and should be taken under consideration with new healing methods. not just forcing people to eat or with anger.

I also agree with mad4chillas I've never fit the ED mold at all- I've always been chubby so I was scared of talking too. actually my parents never found out as I've been living by myself since 5 years ago. being alone makes it that much tougher but I've gone months without one single binging or vomiting episode now. every time I feel ''guilty'' about eating something I remind myself that I am stronger- that a chocolate won't ruin a healthy lifestyle and I should burn it off in my bicycle instead!
 
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