Big D
New member
Hello all ~
Found this site while doing some searches so I figured I'd check it out and it seems like a pretty decent place so far, so seemed like a place to sign up to.
So me...
I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. Throughout the years, my shape and composition have changed and it's been getting too much. I've alway had that wide frame and given to being strong. Back in high school and college, where you had those people that were considered 'skinnyfat' I was more of the 'builtfat' type. About a decade and a half in an office job has taken its toll. Throughout all this time, I've always been judged on that.
About 5 years ago, I ran aground on some rather life changing events that we'll just say for now, had me messed up for awhile. Now, I've struggled with my weight for a long time but that's when things really started to yo-yo. About a year ago I hit another milestone that I tripped right over and fell straight into what seemed yet another specially tailored pit of Hell for me to scratch and claw my way out of. I finally passed over that 300 mark I'd been skirting for a while. I also notices my strength waning more and more and just becoming more of a, well.. tub, frankly.
You know, sometimes you fall into those pits and you learn some things about yourself along the way. I've been blind in one eye since birth, so without much of what you could call depth perception, I was never athletic outside of martial arts, so I developed my mind. Long story short, given enough reason, I begin to analyze... frankly, rationally, meticulously and often, brutally.
What I discovered... Many of the diets I've tried rarely worked, or didn't work for long, if I could even stick to them. Weight might go down, but it'd come back eventually. I was tired of living on rabbit food and being always hungry. Exercising until I just about dropped and hardly seeing any results to speak of except a lot of soreness and hardship. Essentially I ended up swallowing a lot of frustration along with the pizzas.
I used to have a pretty stressy job, as well as a lot at home. Trying to add all kinds of exercise and diet and such to the mix often overloaded my system and so being tired of pain and hardship, I'd end up wandering away from it all and yep, back came the weight.
So, having clawed my way from that last pit, what have I done? I came to realize that my weight, my habits, my life have tended to revolve around a few certain things. When you boil them all down, what it is at its core.. Anger. Yes, that's right, Anger, with a capital A. Seething, rage filled, stone cold Anger.
So what did I do? I took a couple of months to chill out. It's real easy, and real tempting to put the blame on the food, or the ex, or those people who laughed at you or even those $*&@ing diet pill or exercise machine commercials.. or even mom & dad or even yourself. What's hard is to forgive yourself and release that anger from yourself, that unknown anger AT yourself.
So what does an ultra bright solution finder (with an *ahem* sometimes more than healthy ego) do in cases like this when nothing he's tried works? He studies. I had to come to the realization that I obviously don't know what I'm doing and accept that. So I started cracking whatever books I could find and started to study, learn and plan.
The job stress is a thing of the past, having switched jobs a while back to a much better place. Motivation and mental preparation starts to be a big factor in things. For the past while, I've been mentally and partially physically preparing myself for the trek ahead.
Finding the real me isn't just an external thing but internal thing as well. It's not just picking an arbitrary number and trying to charge headlong for it, but also to maintain it and reshape the way I look at things, such as food, exercise and general physical activity.
The last 3 months, experimentation, and finding that some things I have to change slowly and in increments, and others, in one large sweeping action. At the same time, these past 3 months have also been a clearing of the slate in ways. Changing lifestyles, exercising, etc is stress on your system, and making sure you have the capacity to shoulder all of that. Finding exercises that right now, work and don' twork, and what may work later.
With my physicality and weight, some muscle strengthening exercises like squats or lunges start taking their toll on my knees after a relatively short period. I have trouble with my rotator cuffs (multidimensional instability), so I have to modify and watch the shoulder exercises until some of my strength comes up to support them. Martial arts is out for right now, I'm just too unhealthy for lots of vigorous exercise. What I have going for me: I have a lot of muscle in my legs and upper back to exploit, I just have to work on the endurance for extended calorie burning. I've always been the human radiator, so I'm mostly immune to cold, so walking daily shouldn't be a problem. I've grown increasingly patient with things and accepted that getting down to my 'ultimate goals' will take at least 2 years, and likely more around 4.
I've accepted and put it in my head that I'm not losing part of myself to make others happy, that I'm not doing this to make others or myself happier with me, nor am I going to channel my residual anger (I'm a passionate person) into 'ridding myself of this evil stuff', but looking at all of this as a process of getting rid of the things I don't need, which includes fat, but also the emotional damage that's come with it and a number of other things.
I've resolved that there is no failure, only setbacks and learning.
I've realized that it took a long time to get here and it will take a while a while to get back.
I've decided that those friends I see every so often will be better judges of my progress than the mirror I see every day.
I've come to the understanding that I get bored easy and will have to vary my activities a lot to keep things interesting, and this will help me also to broaden my horizons.
I've understood that I can't do it alone.
I've concluded that it will be hell at times, and for once, I look forward to it.
~ Big D
Found this site while doing some searches so I figured I'd check it out and it seems like a pretty decent place so far, so seemed like a place to sign up to.
So me...
I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. Throughout the years, my shape and composition have changed and it's been getting too much. I've alway had that wide frame and given to being strong. Back in high school and college, where you had those people that were considered 'skinnyfat' I was more of the 'builtfat' type. About a decade and a half in an office job has taken its toll. Throughout all this time, I've always been judged on that.
About 5 years ago, I ran aground on some rather life changing events that we'll just say for now, had me messed up for awhile. Now, I've struggled with my weight for a long time but that's when things really started to yo-yo. About a year ago I hit another milestone that I tripped right over and fell straight into what seemed yet another specially tailored pit of Hell for me to scratch and claw my way out of. I finally passed over that 300 mark I'd been skirting for a while. I also notices my strength waning more and more and just becoming more of a, well.. tub, frankly.
You know, sometimes you fall into those pits and you learn some things about yourself along the way. I've been blind in one eye since birth, so without much of what you could call depth perception, I was never athletic outside of martial arts, so I developed my mind. Long story short, given enough reason, I begin to analyze... frankly, rationally, meticulously and often, brutally.
What I discovered... Many of the diets I've tried rarely worked, or didn't work for long, if I could even stick to them. Weight might go down, but it'd come back eventually. I was tired of living on rabbit food and being always hungry. Exercising until I just about dropped and hardly seeing any results to speak of except a lot of soreness and hardship. Essentially I ended up swallowing a lot of frustration along with the pizzas.
I used to have a pretty stressy job, as well as a lot at home. Trying to add all kinds of exercise and diet and such to the mix often overloaded my system and so being tired of pain and hardship, I'd end up wandering away from it all and yep, back came the weight.
So, having clawed my way from that last pit, what have I done? I came to realize that my weight, my habits, my life have tended to revolve around a few certain things. When you boil them all down, what it is at its core.. Anger. Yes, that's right, Anger, with a capital A. Seething, rage filled, stone cold Anger.
So what did I do? I took a couple of months to chill out. It's real easy, and real tempting to put the blame on the food, or the ex, or those people who laughed at you or even those $*&@ing diet pill or exercise machine commercials.. or even mom & dad or even yourself. What's hard is to forgive yourself and release that anger from yourself, that unknown anger AT yourself.
So what does an ultra bright solution finder (with an *ahem* sometimes more than healthy ego) do in cases like this when nothing he's tried works? He studies. I had to come to the realization that I obviously don't know what I'm doing and accept that. So I started cracking whatever books I could find and started to study, learn and plan.
The job stress is a thing of the past, having switched jobs a while back to a much better place. Motivation and mental preparation starts to be a big factor in things. For the past while, I've been mentally and partially physically preparing myself for the trek ahead.
Finding the real me isn't just an external thing but internal thing as well. It's not just picking an arbitrary number and trying to charge headlong for it, but also to maintain it and reshape the way I look at things, such as food, exercise and general physical activity.
The last 3 months, experimentation, and finding that some things I have to change slowly and in increments, and others, in one large sweeping action. At the same time, these past 3 months have also been a clearing of the slate in ways. Changing lifestyles, exercising, etc is stress on your system, and making sure you have the capacity to shoulder all of that. Finding exercises that right now, work and don' twork, and what may work later.
With my physicality and weight, some muscle strengthening exercises like squats or lunges start taking their toll on my knees after a relatively short period. I have trouble with my rotator cuffs (multidimensional instability), so I have to modify and watch the shoulder exercises until some of my strength comes up to support them. Martial arts is out for right now, I'm just too unhealthy for lots of vigorous exercise. What I have going for me: I have a lot of muscle in my legs and upper back to exploit, I just have to work on the endurance for extended calorie burning. I've always been the human radiator, so I'm mostly immune to cold, so walking daily shouldn't be a problem. I've grown increasingly patient with things and accepted that getting down to my 'ultimate goals' will take at least 2 years, and likely more around 4.
I've accepted and put it in my head that I'm not losing part of myself to make others happy, that I'm not doing this to make others or myself happier with me, nor am I going to channel my residual anger (I'm a passionate person) into 'ridding myself of this evil stuff', but looking at all of this as a process of getting rid of the things I don't need, which includes fat, but also the emotional damage that's come with it and a number of other things.
I've resolved that there is no failure, only setbacks and learning.
I've realized that it took a long time to get here and it will take a while a while to get back.
I've decided that those friends I see every so often will be better judges of my progress than the mirror I see every day.
I've come to the understanding that I get bored easy and will have to vary my activities a lot to keep things interesting, and this will help me also to broaden my horizons.
I've understood that I can't do it alone.
I've concluded that it will be hell at times, and for once, I look forward to it.
~ Big D