Firsts....

K

KoaOkalani2007

New member
This has absolutely nothing do with anything related to this site. Just thought I'd throw it out... mostly cause it consumes me right now.

Tuesday, April 10th, is the anniversary of the passing of my Grandma. Wednesday, I felt really messed up inside. Angry. Sad. Lonely. Then I looked at the calendar and realized what was coming up. I can't believe it's been a YEAR since she died. Sometimes it seems like it was so long ago and other's it's like it happened yesterday. It's just rough.

I ordered flowers to be sent to my mommy and daddy on tuesday. Just because I wanted her to know I was thinking about her. They're pink roses and lilies with a vase. It wasn't too expensive but it wasn't cheap either. But whatever. They're definately worth it. After all they've done for me? Jeez.

So anyway... Here's what I wrote in Memory of my G-ma. I miss you.

Easter came and hopped away
And with it hopped the saddest day

Birthdays that have come and gone
And still our lives go on and on

Mother's Day... Now that was hard
I even found the perfect card

Then came the engagement and we partied late that night
But something was missing, something didn't feel right

Halloween and Thanksgiving too
A Christmas that just wasn't the same without you

Winter saw the snowflakes fly
Together we huddled and made it by

Snow melted and turned to Rain
And with it flowers and springtime came

Another Easter comes around
We'll place flowers on the ground

We keep you near, I hope you know
As a year of firsts comes to a close.​
 
That's a very touching poem, it brought a tear to my eye. I lost my grandmother 8 years ago right around Christmas, it still feels like yesterday. Every year, with every holiday, I still haven't gotten used to it. It's not as hard as it had been at first, but it just isn't the same without her.
 
The first year is the hardest after someone we love dies. I'd like to say it gets easier, and maybe, it does at least it takes the edge off the pain - it's not as sharp and cutting. It's still there though.

My mom died 18 years ago. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her or wish that she could have met her granddaughter...but I can think of her without crying now and this year, for the first time, I brought a picture of her out and set it on my desk. She stands waving at me in a picture I took of her when I was the age my daughter is now.

I wasn't ready to have a picture of her out before.

You'll get through this, and no doubt will miss her, but hopefully with time, the cutting edge of pain will soften and not hurt so deeply.

It's never easy.
 
when you lose a loved one -i'm not sure it gets easier as time passes... there's not a day that goes by that i don't miss my best friend... Spend the anniversary day doing something you loved doing with that person - it could be something goofy or something meaningful just as long as it brings up a connection to them...
 
Oh my gosh...ya'll just made me burst into tears. I really can't think about things like this.

:tear*
 
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