first ever real relationship breakup as a post fat girl :'( ....

emmaroo91

emmaroo91

Member
The story( its a little long but i really need advice :( )
(lets call him joe)
21, a little nerdy and his hometown is 300 miles away,

i first met joe in eary november when i went to the college pub with a group of friends, i seen him watching me all night and he seemed like such a lovely smiley girl and i enjoyed a good flirt, however at the end of the night he invited me back to his dorm but i obviously declined as a virgin.

however i saw him the following week at the same place, and he continued to chase me every tuesday at the college pub and i lost my virginity after a month of meeting him.. a little soon i know but it was in an extremely drunken state yet he still seemed extremely keen.

joe then went back to his hometown for the christmas holidays, texting everyday and talking over facebook.. and once he came back he even stopped over at mine ( the first ever boyfriend in my house) and met my mum too, and once joe left he re-schedualed a date for 6 days later, when we decided we were officialy a couple.

yet everything suddenly took a massive downfall at the next college pub night, as i went into the bar with my friends to of his girl-friends came up to me with massive hugs and congratulating me on us dating.. and then later on when queing outside the toilet joe came up to me, hugged me and acted all affectionatte we chatted and i then had to go with my friend...

As the night went on i seemed to be getting tons of attention , and as a previous really big girl.. i dont know how to deal with it very well, or decline to dance with boys, im not a slut or a whore and hadnt even kissed another boy for 4 yrs till joe came along :( ..

Joe had seen these boys all over me and stormed off, i approached him and he turned his back on me completely blanking that i was even there, even his friends didnt understand the way he was acting saying he was extremely into me and that im so attractive and that joe doesnt know how to deal with emotions and is complex.. his friend even took me back to joes dorm to sort things with him , and as he pulled me to sit with him joe went to kiss me but i refused as he was so wasted and his friends were close by i asked him if he wanted to go upstairs he nodded, and as were walking up the stairs he turned away and ran through the doors... i was just let confused and a bit gutted with no were to stay that night :(

two days later the message came on facebook -
Emma

I think i owe u a hugely overdue apology. I was a prick tuesday night and i dont know why. I did have a lot to drink but thats no excuse.

I really should have contacted you earlier, feeling quite guilty about it. i have been thinking seriously about things. Im just wandering if we should be together, I think your a great person, your beautiful and couldn't be any nicer, but i suppose im just not comfortable with things. Im not very good with saying stuff like this.

I'm sorry ive been a jerk about this.

Sorry
xx
and then.....

hiya,

im still feeling really bad about tuesday, i never meant to hurt you. I really enjoyed your company too.

I dont think i was really ready for a relationship at this time and as you say il be finished at the end of this year and moving back down south.

I would love to still be friends!

xx


I realized things were proberly for the best, and went back to the college pub for an extra special theme night were the plan was to make him realize what he was actually missing out on, and as usual i had a swarm of guys round me yet i only wanted joe... who just watched on all night,
until he approached me, apolagizing for his actions and saying he never meant to hurt me and after dancing, and a few more drinks he invited me back to his and i agreed as we walked back to his kissing passionatley in the rain things seemed good again we spoke about why he acted such a jerk the previous week.. i asked if he thought he could do better.. but just gasped and sait it was the other way round.

i was only at his for about 3 hours and then after the 2nd time we had sex he rolled over and just slept.. after he used to be extremely affectionatte and romantic, i felt worthless, used and abused :'( i got up pretty furious and said i may aswell leave, he just grunted and said it was the best idea.. i gathered my belongings and gave him a piece of my mind- " You really are scum, i could do so much better than you!, and you will never ever meet another girl like me!" storming out as he watched on... not letting he see i was upset till i got my friends room and crumbled down in tears

i dont understand why hes treated me like this? i always made such an effort buying new underwear for everytime we met,and acting selfess all the time plus ive always had issues with opening up to boys, after they used to be my main bullys when i was larger :(

and joe just seemed different, he was acwardly shy and very polite he had little confidence but he constantley told me how beutiful i was asking what i saw in him, acting really proud of me when we were together in public and appolagizing for acting shy often. , yet things have ended so messed up and i have never felt as low ....
 
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Sounds like the typical abuser, reels you in, slaps you, reels you back, slaps you again.

Drop him, what a tosser - seriously
Nobody normal has that kind of behavior, this isnt a TV program. If he cant act like a normal human being then find somebody who will.
 
Sounds like standard college fare. I want to call the guy you met immature but it's not just him, you have some thinking to do about what you want and how you want to do it. Now that you've lost weight and are attractive you'll find that men are increasingly shallow, and the bar or a club is NOT the place you should be looking for people for long term relationships. If you want to have the guys drooling over you to boost yourself after you've lost all your weight then by all means, indulge in that, but like I said don't go looking for relationships there.

Hope you feel better, just give it some time and don't go back to this guy again
 
Hey hun! I'm so sorry you have to go through this! If it's any consolation, you're not alone! I have had my fair share of experiences just like this, and so have a lot of my sorority sisters. Guys in general are dogs and even the nice ones are just IN IT TO HIT IT. They will do whatever they can and say whatever they know you want to hear to get in your pants. They're all amazing at playing mind games. I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. From my own experience, there's nothing poepel can say to make you feel better. You just have to keep living your life and each day, you will miss him less and less. You will meet someone else who will be worth your time, and then you will forget Joe all together. Until then, be strong!

College is rough. Real life is even more rough! I thought that dating guys who were college grads would mean they were smart and MATURE. MM WRONG. Still douches.
 
It's all about the chase. He played you pretty well. Bagging a virgin in a month is a pretty good feet.

Stay in the game and it will only get better.
 
Wow! Leave that relationship immediately when the hitting starts. Usually when the hitting starts it's just an ongoing cycle of fighting and arguing.
 
emmaroo91 said:
i was only at his for about 3 hours and then after the 2nd time we had sex he rolled over and just slept.. after he used to be extremely affectionatte and romantic, i felt worthless, used and abused :'( i got up pretty furious and said i may aswell leave, he just grunted and said it was the best idea.. i gathered my belongings and gave him a piece of my mind- " You really are scum, i could do so much better than you!, and you will never ever meet another girl like me!" storming out as he watched on... not letting he see i was upset till i got my friends room and crumbled down in tears[/SIZE]
Click to expand...

No offense, but how can you say "he used to be extremely (anything)" after only having sex with him on one other previous occasion? You don't truly know somebody after such a short period of time. I think you might've just over-reacted, as it was only the second time you've ever had sex. Life isn't like what you see in the movies. You don't cuddle after every sexual encounter. Guys aren't always going to "go the extra mile" to tell you how beautiful or amazing you are. Life is a lot harder to deal with than you might realize. I'm not saying that romanticism doesn't exist, but it's not something that you should get all upset about if it doesn't happen as it does in fairy tales.

Also, you mentioned that he lives 300 miles away from you. Long distance relationships hardly work, so I wouldn't concern yourself with this guy too much.

That's just my opinion on the matter. Obviously you have to consider your feelings and everything that comes along with them, but I figured that I would just be honest and tell you what I honestly think. I don't like to feed people a bunch of BS, so I try to be straight forward, especially when people ask about relationship advice.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
 
Like a novel..sorry for u. be happy since u have more chances, in fct many girls have nt. Good luck
 
Forget this guy.

And don't sweat it; "you gotta kiss a few frogs before you get to the prince."

Some guy that's actually worth your while will come along before you know it!
 
=( just broke up with my boyfriend too.. i understand how you feel! but yours seems to be a real asshole!

one saying my mom used to tell me: men are like buses, just step off and get the next one!

oh and I understand all your trust issue. Used to be bullied by guys for being asian, then for being fat and now I just cant seem to trust any. but i still hope to find the right guy who'll understand me.. so dont despair!

all my support!
 
that clearly wasnt my point but ok.. ^^; i personally likes buses more than underground because they're cheaper and dont smell bad (london tube) ..
 
How the tables have turned ;)

Heyy, i was just reminising and looking through my old posts, and thought id give this one an update seen as i was in emo- unloved teenage mode on the last post lol!

Ive been in a relationship since the beginning of March, With a boy whod been chasing my consistently for 3 months, untill i agreed to date him.. and declared he was in a relationship with me the day after =D

but this just isnt anyone the boy i had known from the age of 2 where we used to be close friends playing together yet lost contact and hadn't seen or spoke too each other in 16 years, even though we lived around 10 minuates apart, and it was down to facebook for bringing us together again,..

Isnt it beautifully strange just how fate goes sometimes :beating:
http://i42.tinypic.com/2zh4os5.jpg
 
hahaha, yeah my partner chased me and i wasnt interested. thought he was a bit of a dork. Finally i gave him a chance and he was the best thing ever! Been together 10 years now
 
Hahaha, well he wasent all that. after 8 months of dating he decided hed tell me how he 'wanted to be single' and go straight into a relationship the next day.

Jerk. :)
 
Gee, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Twice! Don't worry, the right guy is out there, you just have to be patient. Sometimes it's harder to be a really good-looking girl than unattractive, guys only want you for your body. You need to find a man who will love you for the inside you. Perhaps try internet dating and don't even let a guy see your face until you've been talking to him for at least 6 months. Then you'll know he's not just interested in the package and really wants to get to know you. Those kind of relationships have more chance of lasting. Good luck!
 
Joe sounds like a jerk to me.. You are better off without him.
 
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