Well today i was speaking to a different personal trainer online and he asked me to give him my diet and fitness regime.
Well seems what i am doing in the gym is very "badly structured". Now i am fairly angry at that seen as i paid my personal trainer to do it up. And now what he came up with i'm being told basically isn't great for what i want (fat loss). It looks like it's good to get bulky by the sounds of it. Actually i am very very confused. I don't know exactly what is wrong with it yet. Waiting for him to get back to me with the specifics.
As it is i am so close to throwing in the towel with it all. Well not the exercise cause i quiet enjoy that. I just feel like eating chocolate or something cause i'm mad that my personal training sheet is possible "crap" (after following it since november), and that the scales just doesn't seem to be moving and when it does move it moves in the wrong direction before it moves in the right direction, and then back to where it was to start with.
It just seems this journey is driving me mad. I split up with my long term partner over losing weight. Now thats not a bad thing because it wasn't a healthy relationship anyway (alcohol and violence, possessive and jealousy, anger issues). He said if i didn't start eating properly he would not speak to me again. Well mad thing is i was eating properly, just not takeaways (he was in pub everynight for 6 hours and a takeaway, weekend never left the pub). I told him not to speak to me then, frankly i didn't care. I was losing the weight for me. I think he was afraid i would get skinny and run off with someone else. He accused me of it all the time anyway so what size i was i was always going to listen to how i was cheating when in fact i wasn't. So i moved out as he got angry that i was losing weight and fellas were eyeing me up (all in his head) and i ended up in hospital after that argument again. I guess i got some self respect back and decided enough was enough i dont need his crap, i dont need to be afraid, and i could leave yet again and live without him in my life. Well life is a lot more simpliar and there is now someone else on the scene but i dont want a relationship again for a long long time. Well back he comes on the scene this week, complimentary about how i look and congratulates me, wants to try again. I refuse and say i have tried and tried with years. He says he refuses to give up until i'm back with him. And i'm scared of him because he says if he ever sees me with anyone he will not only kill them but me. Police have been involved before so i don't put it past him. I just feel i should be enjoying myself but with him, not losing weight like i was, gym sheet being crap, that i am gonna get nowhere and feel ICK. I feel i will never get to a normal size. I am more self conscious now than i was when i was larger.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I just need to get this off my chest and hope that tomorrow is another day and will be better and i will be able to give it my all again.
Well seems what i am doing in the gym is very "badly structured". Now i am fairly angry at that seen as i paid my personal trainer to do it up. And now what he came up with i'm being told basically isn't great for what i want (fat loss). It looks like it's good to get bulky by the sounds of it. Actually i am very very confused. I don't know exactly what is wrong with it yet. Waiting for him to get back to me with the specifics.
As it is i am so close to throwing in the towel with it all. Well not the exercise cause i quiet enjoy that. I just feel like eating chocolate or something cause i'm mad that my personal training sheet is possible "crap" (after following it since november), and that the scales just doesn't seem to be moving and when it does move it moves in the wrong direction before it moves in the right direction, and then back to where it was to start with.
It just seems this journey is driving me mad. I split up with my long term partner over losing weight. Now thats not a bad thing because it wasn't a healthy relationship anyway (alcohol and violence, possessive and jealousy, anger issues). He said if i didn't start eating properly he would not speak to me again. Well mad thing is i was eating properly, just not takeaways (he was in pub everynight for 6 hours and a takeaway, weekend never left the pub). I told him not to speak to me then, frankly i didn't care. I was losing the weight for me. I think he was afraid i would get skinny and run off with someone else. He accused me of it all the time anyway so what size i was i was always going to listen to how i was cheating when in fact i wasn't. So i moved out as he got angry that i was losing weight and fellas were eyeing me up (all in his head) and i ended up in hospital after that argument again. I guess i got some self respect back and decided enough was enough i dont need his crap, i dont need to be afraid, and i could leave yet again and live without him in my life. Well life is a lot more simpliar and there is now someone else on the scene but i dont want a relationship again for a long long time. Well back he comes on the scene this week, complimentary about how i look and congratulates me, wants to try again. I refuse and say i have tried and tried with years. He says he refuses to give up until i'm back with him. And i'm scared of him because he says if he ever sees me with anyone he will not only kill them but me. Police have been involved before so i don't put it past him. I just feel i should be enjoying myself but with him, not losing weight like i was, gym sheet being crap, that i am gonna get nowhere and feel ICK. I feel i will never get to a normal size. I am more self conscious now than i was when i was larger.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I just need to get this off my chest and hope that tomorrow is another day and will be better and i will be able to give it my all again.
