Feeling Defeated. Who can relate?

Wow nevergiveup congrats on that 40 pounds! That's awesome and I'm glad to hear from someone who had the same feelings as me and is now doing a lot better. Your so right about the beginning being hard, but I'm still fighting. Lately I have this feeling within me that no matter what ill be okay in the end. You and the others on this post have really helped me to get in the right state of mind... Thanks! I look forward to hearing updates on your journey
 
Heyy mixed beans! I found that if I continued to look at myself sas being defeated there would be no way out. I now know that I have to keep my head in the right place and eventually it will pay off. The epiphany had when I thought I was at my worst was that no matter what it could always get even worse... Or it could get better and the choice is mine. I wouldn't say I was playing the victim because all my feelings and stress were valid however I was surrendering at times I didn't realize I just had to push harder
 
Mike, as far as the failure piece I have decided not to consider anything that doesn't go as planned as failure. I am going to forgive myself for any slip ups and accept that life goes on and that there is always the option to do better. :)
 
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So far the last couple of days have been wonderful. I've exercised every morning and eat something every 3 hours. I don't eat after 7 because I try to get to sleep around 9. My body seems to already be getting used to it because my stomach starts to get hungry right on time for each meal. Small portions satisfy me so I'm happy I'm not feeling deprived! Its still hard to be patient but like everyone has said here... It'll be worth it! Have a good day everyone and I love to hear about how you've all been doing and what has worked, or any input ! ;) thanks!
 
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Great job! I'm so happy you decided to post in here :) I know that you can read a lot of info but I feel like it's different when people are cheering you on because you feel more involved. Keep writing in here and telling us your progress!!

Someday in the future you will be happy with your body but its 1 day at a time. I take much more time to appreciate how far I have come now. I would still be 20ish pounds heavier today if I hadn't just kept slogging through the frustrating times. I kept saying I can control that each day I workout according to my schedule or I eat better BUT that is all. My body will become smaller but I have to trust that things workout. I have proof that it works so patience was the key.

I wanted to give up and I did in the past but I go right back to being miserable because I can't accept or love myself when I become heavier. I am very envious of the people who are completely accepting of themselves at any weight. They are lucky but I have to work harder at it and that's okay.

Keep working hard girl!! :beerchug: :cheers2: :hurray:
 
Tally, I too am learning to appreciate myself just for taking the initiative and putting in the had work. Im like you in that I cant accept myself at a heavier size, however I am now choosing to accept that it could always be worse. Also, I appreciate my body for allowing me to be able to move and thankful I have access to knowledge about nutrition, along with a gym membership, etc. Its like I see things in a whole different light. I am not worried about how I look today as long as Im making steps each day to gradually change; I am ok. In the meantime , It feels good to finally relax in my free time instead of worrying abut what I just ate, or what Im going to eat next, and all that guilt that was weighing me down. I had to let go of a lot of those repetitive thoughts that were haunting me and just trust my mind and body. Some of the thoughts still creep up but I am able to silence them with the confidence I have in my new outlook. It helps a lot to hear from you and others on here who are further in the process! :)
 
I am going to try hard to continue to keep my emotions under control and push through everyday because once the weight is gone; ITS GONE (even if it is little by little). I figure if I keep a level head all the way through Ill be able to maintain the weight lost. I think so because Ill be on such a steady track instead of the extreme dieting or extreme bingeing. I am loving that Im actually feeling stability like I could live this way forever.... hope this feeling is real and Im not just amping myself up. Oh also I've been thinking about this term "natural body weight" lately. Basically the idea is that if you give your body only what it needs and rarely over eat, naturally your body wont hold on to the excess fat. During my senior year at high school I went to a nutritionist because I knew I was under eating and I never felt well. Before I met with her I weighed around 115 and she gave me a balanced meal plan. Although I gained weight at first my weight settled around 125 and I maintained that for a more than a year with very little exercise. Im thinking that was probably my natural weight because I was no longer depriving myself and I wasn't overeating. It wasn't until I got to college that I started to use food to fill in the gaps of my life and from there everything got worse. Now that I am trusting myself, I think my body will settle at the natural body weight its most comfortable at and I wont have to worry so much about it anymore.
 
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I honestly think I am probably around 130-135 but I really want to get lower since we want to have a baby. I figure if I gain 25 pounds in a healthy way then I will start at a lower weight but gain to a higher acceptable weight.

I like your attitude change! It's truly amazing and what is nice is that you are sharing with people! Also I feel like we need to remind ourselves when we are low what we were thinking when we were so high. That way it doesn't seem like we have been thinking discouraging thoughts our entire life. I wrote a lot in the beginning just so I had something to reference later if I was having a bad day.

I think people can make permanent changes to the way they think about health. We don't have to yoyo the rest of our lives but we require support occasionally so its best to reach out :)
 
Are you saying you weigh 135 now? If so, that's awesome! I'm sure you'll be able to get to a comfortable weight before pregnancy because you kno what it takes to lose weight and your capable! The wonderful thing about losing weight is that it clears our mind to enjoy other things... Having a baby is exciting and I wish you the best when the time comes! Also your right about reminding ourselves of the good feelings because whenever I binge I lose sight of the bigger picture, instead I only see the negative. Its not until afterward reality hits me again and then I feel bad. Oh and just curious how tall are you?
 
Things seem to be going well for you now think positive. That's good to hear. I know what you mean about feeling like you could do this forever. I have had that feeling in past diets and feel it now. I think the important thing is to try keep that feeling alive even through the difficult times or when we slipping up or haveing extreme hunger pangs and binging, or lifestyle changes that cause havoc to our routines. These are when it all gets challenging and somehow we have to pull ourselves back onto this way of doing what makes us feel best and healthiest.

Rather than givein up and giving in to an attitude of not caring. Which has happened to me often enough.

Have a good day. I've go some serious dental issues to go and attend to today. yucky! scary! I've never had any teeth out before. And i'm 47. Its quite challenging.
 
Whoa good luck at the dentist! Believe me I hate getting dental work as well! I think when all else fails and my mind wanders off course I know I have this site for support. The advice and encouragement from you and the other members have already helped to pick me up from a horrible emotional space. I'm sure you can tell from my 1st post until now I've risen from what I felt was defeat. I feel unity with the people hear because we understand one anothers struggles and that alone makes me feel better :) hope your appointment isn't to bad... Let me know how everything turns out!
 
Even though I feel I am on the right track I'm still obsessive about food and calories. I think about both on and off all day. I've been calorie conscious for years but when bingeing I stopped caring. I've come to the conclusion that I may always have disordered eating I just have to find the best way to manage. It makes me to anxious to not count calories although ideally I would love to not have to. I could NEVER see myself okay with going everyday of my life without counting calories. Its scary to think about it :/
 
Take it slowly but you're attitude is improving :) I hate counting calories!! When someone suggests it I just felt defeated instantly lol so it was never something I could do. I always just end up quitting pretty much the day I start.

Also I'm not quite 135 yet but I am definitely close! I'm 5'3 :) So 10 pounds is noticeable and 35 pretty much knocks me out of any of my clothing and requires new fat pants :(

Hope your day tomorrow is good!! You are doing awesome :)
 
First, i do enjoy the difference of your thread to others. Its very psychological. I like that. (It shouldn't be a surprise since you are studying the subject).

Second, about calories. I've done it once. I don't like it either. I'd rather think in food types and and portions sizes. I think its a lot easier and a lot saner. So that's what i do. Though i do look at labels and keep an awareness of how many calories are in things. Not that i know the numbers. I think counting calories once helped me in this. Its important to understand the difference in calories between fats and other types of foods. AFter you've grasped that idea, you've never any excuse for eatting too many fats on a diet, right?

Third, as to caring or not. I think this is the thing that matters. If you have a binge and you still care, you can bring yourself back to the right path. Once you stop caring, you will stay wandering, lost in the forest, so to speak. I may not ever bother counting calories again, but i have understood that i will always have to be vigilant about what i eat and my weight. I am willing to be always vigilant. If something happens and i am not able to maintain vigilance, i will fall back into that state of not caring and then It will just be a matter of time before i get to caring again and resuming vigilance.

(note by caring, i mean caring enough to do something about it.)I think as someone who suffers from depression, its important to keep on top of that too because when things elsewhere in life go wrong and i get depressed, that's when i will stop caring and lose vigilance.
 
I can very much relate to the struggle you've been experiencing. Ive been 'losing' now for 6 years... saying that I wanted to and having varying degrees of success and commitment.

Support is very important I feel, and Im glad to read that your feeling better with the positive comments you have received. I also feel that its very important for anyone doing weight loss - or any kind of progressive process really... to take control of it, ownership. What I mean by that is, I feel it is really important to remember that no matter what support or advice you are given, positive or negative, it is still you that needs to carry out the suggestions. It is still you that needs to integrate them into your life in such a way that will be effective to the unique you.

So I feel support is very important, but so also is maintaining a very real perspective about operating within an online community. 99% of the time its great, but sometimes 1% is enough to knock you off track and that is something a lot of people cannot afford.

Still, its important to recognise how well your doing. If you read your first post and compare it to your more recent ones you seem so much more upbeat and positive. Obvious, but also worth acknowledging. Every step in the right direction is a step in the right direction. :)
 
@Tally... Wow I really miss 135. iTs crazy to think back at how unhappy I was that weight and wanting to lose more. Now I wish I was there at this very moment!

@Fortyfour....For now counting calories is what keeps me grounded but at some point in the future I want to tackle the issue of obsessing. Hopefully some day Ill be okay with just knowing Im eating the right portions sizes. Also i like the idea of vigilance because when I convince myself to binge its with the idea that I can fix it later. BUt now I'm tired of giving myself the excuse not to care because each time I start over its harder than the time before. Its like why stop caring temporarily when ultimately IM going to have to care again? I wanna remain vigilant the whole way through!!

@underhalf....your right because at the end of the day no one her can make the right actions for me. ONly I can really control my destiny. The influence of everyone here helps me to make the right decisions and when I struggle it helps to know that I am not alone!
 
So, this is day 7 since I've picked myself up and chose to make this week a good one. I am very happy with myself so far however two things are really bothering me. For one thing I hate that I know how many days its been. Something about counting the days of my diet makes me feel like Im really not getting anywhere. I don't know why cause I know it doesn't make sense. I wish I could loose track of the time! Also, along the same lines, it seems like for as much mental progress I made (also physical cause Ive worked out every morning), I still have nothing to show. I know its to soon but to overcome the feelings I had a week ago to be where I am now seems amazing, but my body is still the same. I know I need to get over it and keep going, which is what Im going to do but I am looking forward to these feelings going away :/
 
Are you saying you've been on this diet and not seen any change on the scales? That sounds a little odd to me.

Maybe if you write down your food details here adn how much exercise you are doing, something might pop out. Or are you logging all this somewhere else and it would be tedious to report it again.

I say this because i always notice a quick sudden drop at the beginning of a diet. True a lot of it is probably excess water due to higher salt levels but on the other hand, it could be that you are muscle building. While you are burning up the fat, you are building muscle so the net loss isn't showing yet. When your muscle growth slows down, you should start seeing it. But i am only speculating because i don't really know what you are doing.

Don't even know your height or weight or calorie allowance? You don't want to share? But its your choice of course.
 
@ forty four... Oh! I 4got to mention I don't weigh myself anymore. It may sound silly but in eating disorder treatment I learned that 4 me that number on the scale does more harm than goo. I can only judge by how my clothes fit so its going to take me a while to notice any changes but I prefer that rather than letting the scale rule my life the way I used to. Oh and I am 5'5 and I'm guessing I weigh in the mid 170's and eating around 1200 per day
 
Xenon said:
First of all thnkpositive....GET OUT OF MY BRAIN! lol I waas just driving aimlessly on the street from fast food place to fast food place and I was thinking the same things you have posted here...especially
.....................u know that you are definitely not alone in this!
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Yep, they sounded like they were in my head too!! that's exactly how I feel on my down/uninspired days. Then, you realize that you CAN do it. Even if you are on a plateau you at least aren't gaining. And if you lose & regain...stop yourself before it gets out of control. I am struggling because losing weight this time vs. 7 years ago (when i lost 50 & put back on 75) is so much harder. But, I am here because of MY choices. So, my choice NOW is to eat healthy, exercise & try to get to a healthier weight.
Good luck on your journey. Find something to make you feel more positive. I find that watching weight loss shows that show they have their good & bad days helps me a LOT! Hang in there--- YOU ARE WORTH IT!:hurray:
 
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