Feeling Defeated. Who can relate?

I don't like taking medication either but if you are not well and the medication will fix it, i don't see why not. I know lots of people are resistant to taking medication for mental health problems but wouldn't think twice about doing it for a physical ailment.

But once i was like you. And i ended up with septicaemia. I listened to all that hoo ha about antibiotics. I got a tick and a doctor i saw casually (I thought) mentioned i take them. So i didn't. My face swelled up like a ballon and I looked Frankenstein somewhat. Finally i went to the hospital and they told me i had Sept. So i'm going to be more careful about disobeying doctors orders again.

However, about antideps. I was not inclined towards them when i first started therapy but then no one had suggested them at that point. Our government also was still making it difficult for doctors to prescribe them. But then one day i heard them discussed on a good radio program. The discussion included one patient talking about her experience and a gp. I was so surprised and persuaded by what she said that the next time i went to the doctor I asked for them myself and he gave them to me and that was that.

I've never had much trouble with them. I know a lot of people do complain of troubles, including my mother. I think a lot of people's fear of them makes them conjure up side-effects that either do not exist or they think that what's happening to them is due to the meds when in fact its due to the depression. I know my mothers fear was totally unwarranted because the side effects she talked about are those that everyone gets at the start and which wear off quickly - like dizziness and nausea. These only last a few days and are generally pretty mild.

But i've been off and on them now since 1997. They've always been really good for me. And when i am not on them, i always fall back into my old mindset. Of course not everyone needs to take them for ever. But i have absolutely no qualms about this now. If there is any long term health ramification that has not been brought to my attention, i can only say well, i'd still rather take the meds because my quality of life is just too terrible and costs me too much when i'm not on them. I can't tell you how much depression has held me back in my life. I've lost years and years of productive life that translates to years and years of money. So i've always struggled financially.


But before the i took them up again the last time, i was off them for two years. This was a mistake and right up until i decided on pretty much the spur of the moment to restart them, i was in denial. That's what depression does to you.

All that said, i am just sharing my experience. Of course you are free to ignore it. Everyone needs to do things in their own time.

I will say one thing though, one of my central problems is lack of motivation and energy. The meds immediately gave me an energy boost that i had never ever had before. I don't know if this is true of all meds but its certainly the case for mine.
 
This cant be real life... after an awesome 6 days last week. I messed on the 7th day and have bingeing every day since. Today was day 5 of bingeing and I don't have any clue why after a few steps forward I am still pushing myself back. I cant understand myself. I absolutely know what Im capable of so why cant I just do it? why do I keep continuing the cycle I absolutely hate and makes me so sad? Im starting to get scared now. IM eating food I dont even like and its not making me feel good and yet I feel that Im going to start my diet all over again and then be back in the same spot once again. I missed class this morning because the bingeing last night made me feel sick. All i did was stay home and cry. THis time last year I had already given up on school and work and I felt hopeless, so I don't want to give up on school and my job again now that I have both back but I do feel hopeless. Will I be ok? I hope so, Im holding onto a the slightest bit of faith that there must be a reason I keep picking myself back up. I must have the strength in me somewhere to conquer this overeating and weight problem. Hopefully sooner than later :(

looking back to my journal last friday when the bingeing started, I think I was setting myself up for a binge subconsciously. The self fulfilling prophecy continues; I was starting to expect failure and of course it happened. The only good thing I take from my failures is that I look back and can tell each time where I went wrong, which should help me as I move on. I dont like taking medication and I would hate to have to depend on anti depressants for the rest of my life, however I am still considering because Im getting to a point where Ill do anything to feel better. I agree I should see a doctor and hopefully if its hormonal I can take proper steps to get them back in order.

OMG you sound so much like me it KILLS me lol. What is working for me now is this--the failures are not so important! One thing we have is time and as long as we keep getting more and more consistent, that is what really matters, we really have to keep trying. I have been consistently trying to eat better and exercise more. There have been good and bad days, but overall I am doing much better. I had to find that lazy self-satisfying part of my consciousness and get it in order. One day at a time and every success is bigger than any failure. You can do it! *hugs*
 
Thanks so much forty! You've really been helping me with great advice/information. I really appreciate it. I've once again picked myself up to keep going cause after all life goes on. I'm definitel not as opposed to anti depressants. I do believe that I have hormonal imbalance because so many things don't add up. But for now I'm feeling better :) hope all is well with you!
 
Awww Xenon *hugs back* your right about time! I have already wasted what feels like so much time but I'm only 21 and my whole life is ahead of me. The sooner I get this out my way the better, however I have to accept myself each step of the way. I will remember your advice to not focus on failure. That way overeating won't turn to bingeing or one binge won't turn to days of it! Its amazing how clearly I can see everything after I overcome a slump. Now its vital to avoid slumping all together!
 
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So this semester is coming to a close. i like my rule of not eating after 7 so I'm going to stick to it. Only thing is my evenings/nights are boring at home and I refuse to eat out of boredom! I think I'm going to pick up hours at work to keep me occupied. I would work out but I like to wake up and do my workouts first thing.. Ill figure something out
 
Now its vital to avoid slumping all together!

Yeah these days I'm trying to "Be ZEN" about it lol That is just see things as one massive ebb and flow, and a turn in the wrong direction is not permanent, especially when it comes to something I can control like eating.

I'm in school too! What are you going for/ what are you majoring in?
 
thnkpositive I agree with fortyfour you need to look at getting some outside help and don't dismiss medication just because you don't like taking it. My eldest son suffers from depression among other problems and a small amount of medication has made his therapy session much more effective.
 
@trusylver I agree! The good thing is summer break is beginning so I have time to work on myself including getting into program. the rating disorder program I was in before had a great team of therapists, dietitian, and psychiatrist which I think I should go back and stick it out this time.

... 182 pounds this morning ! :)
 
hey you <3
congrats on the weight loss, you should be proud. :) everyone slips once in awhile, but what you have to remember is you cant let one binge day ruin all your progress.
next day you think of binging, try to think "will i regret this?" try to do something else, cravings usually only last for 2 mins. also think about that fact that you've been working so hard! but reward yourself every once in awhile aswell :) eat stuff you like or you wont stick to it.
trust me, i've started dieting like 3 times in the last year because binge eating is my biggest problem. but i'm here for you! if you ever need to talk, im here for you :)
keep up the good work, my friend.
ps: we are pretty similar! :p
 
Can you note how much you lose cause when i read 182 i didn't know what it meant. I mean i don't know how much you lost since you last weighed or where you started.

I wouldn't have congratulated you but for xenon's post.

So yeah, CONGRATULATIONS. !!
 
Hi Fortyfour :) I hope you don't mind this but this is the last weight I saw thnkpositive post
I'm 189.6 I don't know what to say
I remembered it because that is my secret goal weight for the end of this year LOL
So if I'm correct, that's a 7.6 pound loss:hurray::willy_nilly::cheers2::hurray:
 
Forty: I was 189.6 on wednesday. And thanks! :)

And also thanks Xenon and Toolips! :)

Couldn't weight this morning because the scale battery is dead. Hopefully ill get a new one today to weigh tomorrow so I kno where I'm starting for the month of May... Have a good day my friends!! Ill be back here later
 
hahaha can't wait until I'm ready to party! I'm sure that was just the binge weight. Now its time to lose the REAL pounds! Tomorrow I'm going to buy plenty of water and as far as food I'm set. I've been eating things like oatmeal, yogurt, turkey sandwiches, chicken, brocolli, brown rice and 100 calorie snack sometimes in the afternoon. I try to eat everyday @ 9:00 am and every 3 hours after that, ending at 6PM. I feel good about my plan :D stay posted for updates everyone!
 
Thanks toolips and xenon!! So far so good I just wish the days would go by sooner haha I know that feeling will go away. Its funny though because when I was thin the days never seemed this long lol its all the anticipation :) hope you girls are doing wonderful <3
 
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