Feeling Defeated. Who can relate?

Wow I'm shocked that I too had the same feelings while bingeing on sweets! I felt so compelled to do it even way past the point of enjoyment. its a relief to kno I'm not alone because so much shame comes with it and I always question why can I just be "normal" when it comes to food. Sometimes I feel ridiculous because I kno there are much bigger problems, and pain and suffering in this world that can't be controlled. Yet, my biggest problem is brought on to myself by me! And, on top of that I have the power to change my circumstance unlike many others. With that said I need to push through the bumps in the road instead of convincing myself its impossible! And oh yea, your right going to the gym with someone definitely helps but right now my gym buddy and I have opposite schedules but at some point I plan for us go go together again :) I did the elliptical 45 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I'm doing that place the weights back and upper body exercises on the equipment at the gym. I want to start a regimen where I do weights alternating body parts because as I lose I want go tone. Maybe it will happen faster?!
 
thnkpositive said:
Maybe there is a way to appreciate all my failed attempts and use them to build me up, guide me in the right direction because now which roads are dead ends! Hmmm just a thought
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^^I really liked that you said this :) I was thinking something along these lines the last time I posted here--to use all past experiences and learn from them, then they will no longer be failures but one huge contribution to success. I've been having the same problem with the binging thing and it is really crazy because I did not get fat like this! For me the binging is definitely emotionally related, i used to eat because of emotional reasons before, but this is like an almost uncontrollable urge to keep eating and eating and eating >_>
 
Hey xenon! Its an awesome idea we both have! Like just imagine having so much appreciation for the times we fail and get back up again! Like in the end that would be an awesome success story :). Have you found ways to avoid binges or talk yourself out of them?
 
I take effexor. It doesn't make you put on weight. I have heard people claim that it made them put on weight but i am certain its their depression not the meds. I say this because this depressant has been used for people with bulimia and is never given to people with anorexia. Its also documented in the trials and side effects as being an appetite suppressant. However, i would not recommend this to anyone who just wants to lose weight. It is not a drug for that purpose and it will not help you.

For me the appetite suppressant factor is not strong enough to help me lose weight. Its just that its not going to make me put on weight.

I know there are some antidepressants that are known to make people put on weight but none of them are anywhere near as bad as the antipsychotics and drugs like lithium for bipolar. I have watched one of my skinny friends on antipsychotic and she just couldn't stop eating.

But if you are depressed, don't let the concerns about weight stop you from taking meds. If you tell your doctor you often over eat and you are concerned about your weight they should prescribe one for you that does not exacerbate the problem.

I think one of the reasons why when we binge on sweet foods, we can't stop is because of sugar spikes. I find that when i eat sweet foods, although i may stop after a couple of say biscuits because i am no longer "hungry" i will need to keep eating because of some other impulse. I can't let go of the taste of the sugar and need to eat more.

Just writing about this is now making me feel a bit bingy. So i better go and do something else. I don't want to trigger myself.
 
I should just note the side effects from this medication that affect me are two only
a) sleep. I can sleep more but i generally sleep better. Some people experience insomnia. Whatever you feel, over time, i've noticed that this sorts itself out and i am no longer at all bothered by this.
b) constipation. This is a potentially serious side effect. I have to compensate for it in my diet with high fibre foods and psyllium fibre daily. I didn't do that for a long time and i have only just managed to avoid getting haemorrhoids. So if you were to start noticing this side-effect, you need to address it right from the start.

Lots of other people experience all sorts of side-effects. Sometimes i think people are just afraid of the meds and attribute lots of their depressive symptoms to their medication. When you buy any medication you should always read the label to see what the known side-effects are.

If you've never had councelling, you should get it if you are so depressed that you need medication.
 
thnkpositive said:
Hey xenon! Its an awesome idea we both have! Like just imagine having so much appreciation for the times we fail and get back up again! Like in the end that would be an awesome success story :). Have you found ways to avoid binges or talk yourself out of them?
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Talking myself out of them does not work. I talk to myself so much I'm sick of hearing the same whining reasons from myself :p But I found something that has helped me to stay on track today and I will let you know how it goes after today. I was actually going to post this in my diary as well. Nestle Fat Free Rich Milk Chocolate Flavor Hot Cocoa mix. It is low in sodium, and is only 20 calories!! (When only water is added) I had two cups today and ate really well otherwise. I totally did not miss any other foods and I felt fulfilled :) lol Mainly because I got to enjoy sweets guilt free while eating healthy.
 
Thanks for the info forty four! I am trying to make medication my last resort because I hate swallowing medication :/ however, I am still considering.

Xenon: yumm I too have tried the hot chocolate and its delicious. I think those of us who binge lose sight of the little things that could make us feel good if we let them. Enjoying a cup of hot chocolate is a perfect example. Maybe next time when you feel the urge to binge, grab the hot chocolate and make sure you enjoy it and are conscious of how guilt free you feel in that moment and saviour it!

Just an question for anyone... Would you say happiness leads to success? Or success leads to happiness?
 
I still want to eat everything but I have to sit there and just ask myself if I am hungry. If I feel full then I just ride the wave. I also allow myself something delicious every day but I know how much I should have. I stick with that amount. I let myself have a day where I splurge and don't feel bad.

I also cook a lot. If I feel hungry it gets way too easy to snack too much so I usually have quick meal plans ready.

My success has lead me back to being happy as far as weight loss. I'm not completely there but I am happy with my body which makes me just happy in general.

Generally though I can still be happy fatter of course but then I feel more unattractive because I don't have nice clothes to wear.
 
thnkpositive said:
Where do I go from here? it seems like every time i think i have the perfect weight loss plan , my mind wont let me reach me my goals. I feel like Im going crazy because i know deep down i Can accomplish my goals but something in me keeps replaying the cycle of failure over and over in my head. Its like I keep subconsciously guaranteeing myself to fail although i want so badly to succeed. I am so depressed and gaining weight is just furthering my depression. I feel so alone and as much i dont want to i keep putting food between myself and any possible happiness. Im so lost and so unmotivated and when i do talk myself into motivation, something else in me talks myself out of it because i know the viscous cycle keeps repeating. I am so ashamed because I do it to myself ! like i know better why cant I do better? can anyone relate? please someone say something, anything.... i really need help because im not living
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I understand completely as many start and stop diets as ive had sometimes you need to just find a reason for it and if you feel your about to stumble in it come here and talk about it or remind yourself oh why your fighting to lose it remind yourself its NOT IMPOSSIBLE i know its discouraging because it takes SOOO LONG to lose that weight lol when putting it on was so easy and fast also watching shows like celebrity fit club biggest loser and heavy help me to stay motivated lol so try that out and let me know how it turns out
 
@ tally I can most definitely relate to wanting to just keep eating. I'm understanding how vital it is to listen to my stomach rather than mind because I've noticed it does not take a lot of food before my stomach feels full :) its awesome! Also I can't wait until I look better in clothes. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I didn't live in America where we put so much value on how we look. Although there are many reasons we are losing weight for ourselves there is also the factor of how we are viewed by others.
 
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Irdanoob said:
I understand completely as many start and stop diets as ive had sometimes you need to just find a reason for it and if you feel your about to stumble in it come here and talk about it or remind yourself oh why your fighting to lose it remind yourself its NOT IMPOSSIBLE i know its discouraging because it takes SOOO LONG to lose that weight lol when putting it on was so easy and fast also watching shows like celebrity fit club biggest loser and heavy help me to stay motivated lol so try that out and let me know how it turns out
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I love to watch weight loss shows ! I feel as though they reinforce the idea that weight loss is as much or more mental than physical. Its like no mattar what size you are, if you keep your mind strong and focused. You are able to do what it takes to lose weight. Your right its not impossible and I don't know why I underestimated myself so long especially when I've lost weight in the past! Coming here has definitely helped to build me back up. Hoping I'm on the right track for good...
 
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I find it ironic how within my friends and family I am the one known to give the greatest advice and have helped talk people through some tough situations. I love to give advice when I can and am actually majoring in psychology. Now with that said why can't I follow my own advice hahs its like I kno if a friend was in this situation I would tell them not to be so hard on themself and that every day is an opportunity to make progress. Its frustrating trying to make myself believe but I figure with time things will fall into place and I wil begin to trust myself more and more
 
Nestle Fat Free Rich Milk Chocolate Flavor Hot Cocoa mix. It is low in sodium, and is only 20 calories!!
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That's the sort of thing i might try for the odd occasion. I am going to make a note of it somewhere, maybe in my diary. I just wonder though cocoa itself doesn't have many calories, does this need sugar? Or has it got any milk products in it? What about artificial sweeteners? I may have to look into it myself.

Once I tried splenda but i gave that up after about a month. I didn't really like it. I find it easier just go without sugar but for something like a chocolate drink, i can see that this thing you've mentioned could be worth trying for those times when a cup of hot cocoa is just what you want and i don't know if i could enjoy unsweetened cocoa at all. So thanks xenon for posting this idea. I might even get my dad to try it out as a regular thing. He's given up coffee for milo because of an ulcer and also is trying to manage his weight.
 
An excellent question

Would you say happiness leads to success? Or success leads to happiness?
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I think both are true. And i don't think there is going to be a hard and fast rule here that works all the time for everyone.

Happiness leads to success. I definitely work better when i am happy than when i am not. When i am happy i am motivated. People with happier dispositions are often more successful than those who have more negative dispositions.

But first one should define success. To me success is not being monetarily rich though if one has earned it, that is one form of success. Being successful means achieving your goals right across your life. Happier people get more chances. They are more open to things and people gravitate to them so things are just going to be a lot easier all around.

Success leads to happiness. It certainly does for me but i would say its not a long lasting direct line of happiness. If you have a success, you will be happy immediately but then you have to use that happiness to keep yourself going. If you sit on your laurels, there may be no more success. You may lose all that you have earned.

That said success in one challenge will improve your self esteem and it gives you a psychological record of achievement which makes future challenges mentally easier to tackle. You have more belief in yourself and the possibility of success and you will procrastinate less. You will be able to act on your belief. It wont just be an empty thought while you are frozen by inaction because of a deeper fear of failure. So having achieved some success, you can continue on trying, or pick yourself up more easily after a failure or setback. This is really important.

I have noticed all these things in myself and over time i have become more confident of my abilities to do things. And i so I am generally more open to trying the things that interest me most where as when i was younger, everything was very frightening and I found it hard to have a go at things. I couldn't even think straight about it. I hadn't had the benefit of self-help books then or therapy for that matter.
 
fortyfour said:
That said success in one challenge will improve your self esteem and it gives you a psychological record of achievement which makes future challenges mentally easier to tackle. You have more belief in yourself and the possibility of success and you will procrastinate less. You will be able to act on your belief. It wont just be an empty thought while you are frozen by inaction because of a deeper fear of failure. So having achieved some success, you can continue on trying, or pick yourself up more easily after a failure or setback. This is really important.
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I really like this!! this really applies to me because my first time ever losing a lot of weight, its not like I knew the outcome from day one. I trusted myself and just kept going doing what I was doing and then one day I realized how far I had come. Somehow I've tortured myself to the point that I dont reallly understand how I was able to just live my life without everyday anticipating weight loss. But, I think it was because i was generally happy and my expectation weren't way too high so when the "success" came I barely recognized it because I wasn't depending on it to make me happy. And what you said about the psychological record of success is what is driving me now. Knowing that I did it before, means somehow some way I can do it again. In the meantime I cant be unhappy with myself because that leads me right to the roadblocks that keep me from where I want to be. I agree happiness leads to success!!
 
Don't think about the psycology of anything, your job is to have the greatest day you have ever had in the existance of your life. Today is it my friend.

Reading about success and being a success is a different animal. If you want to feel good then stop what you are doing this very second and go outside and do something that makes you feel good. "action" is the only secret you need to know. Monuments are not built for people who had ideas, they were built for people who mastered the art of "action".

Stop thinking about a diet and just eat well today. Right now you have a few hours left of daylight. Imagine what you could accomplish if you could have anything you wanted? Well, you do actually.

Grab an apple and go outside. Spend 1 full hour eating the apple. The entire time your eating it write down on a piece of paper 5 things you want yourself to be. Spend the whole hour doing this.

Now you have something you can cary in your pocket. Congrats, you have just started down a path called "action". How many people write down what they want to become? The perfect self? You can't think your way out of it, you have to just do it.

When an author writes a book they get past the thinking stage and start writing. The writing starts out as an outline. What you have now is an outline.

You are already half way there.

That hour is the most important hour of your life and it starts today. Eating well is fuel for tomorrow, eating bad just gets you through today and you might not have a tomorrow because of it.

Reading your post it sounds like you have some ups and downs, we all do. But are these ups and downs controlling your life? You see, that's the difference. Take control by writing down "who" you want to be and have an apple while doing it. If you don't do it,sadly, tomorrow will yield the same poor result you have always gotten. You will simple sleepwalk through life until one day it will be over.

The time for action is NOW!!!!
 
Hey mike! Thanks 4 the advice and the part that really hit me was where you said when I eat bad it only gets me through the day. Whereas when I have a good day it leads into another good day and so on. I kno I must take action which I have many times but I've let the voice of failure overcome me. Like you said I can't let the ups and downs control my life. I want to say I've officially stepped off the emotional roller coaster. With that said, I feel free to allow success come to me(as I continue to work for it). I'm not naïve to the fact that there will always be ups and downs but I understand I have the power to better control my emotions rather than sabotaging myself with food
 
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Ya know that "failure" thing we think about? Don't be afraid of that, instead....look forward to it and face it head on. The fear is what holds people back.

I've experienced some very bad things in life, very bad. Looking back the best advice I can give is to invite the feelings of failure right in. Failure is a good thing, learn to love it. If you can learn to love it you will have the best life possible.

This coming week something bad will probably happen, or something you don't want to happen....it happens all the time. Tell yourself right now that you welcome it in. Come up with a game plan to deal with it TODAY. When it comes you will be ready and will tackle it like nothing because you are prepared. Take inventory of yourself and focus your energy on "dealing" with it.

The best part is have fun with it. People like Henry Ford, and Edison looked forward to failure,they got excited about failure, they didn't fear it.....they WANTED failure to happen because they had a serious appetite for managing and dealing with it. The very split second you successfully manage a fear or failure.....your life will begin. I promise, WHY? Because you are now a person of action.......the KEY to unlocking anything you ever wanted.

If you do this for the next 4 weeks by the time you are done your life as you know it today will be unrecognizable.

Mike
 
When you're feeling defeated the best thing you can do is give in and stop looking at this as a win or lose situation. It's a viscious freaking cycle that accomplishes nothing but, well, feeling defeated. I think once we give in, only then can we begin to find some peace and gain a healthier perspective on ourselves and life in general.
 
You have no idea how many times up until 3 months I have been in your shoes.
For a very long time i'd start something and in a week to a month i'd be back to my old routine and I deep down inside knew i would get back to it. Like you said, we set ourselves up for failiure because we tell ourselves that we wont be able to go through with it so therefore it's easy to fail and we prepare ourselves to.
I have learned that when you are waiting for your fall, you'll fall but when you are FIGHTING your fall, or when you fall and get right back you haven;t failed because you are still trying, still fighting for it. So with everything i've said, you are still fighting and keep fighting eventually your time will come when it'll click in your head and you'll have that selfcontrol to keep going and never looking back.
I also want to add that in the beginning everything is hard, you'll probably cry and be depressed and feel tired and you'll even feel like your old lifestyle is so much much more easier than the new one you are trying to have but I am telling you this with all my heart thru all those tears and that hell there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
You just gotta get over the bumps at first and it might take a month or two even three but it'll so so worth everything.
I never thought i'd be able to lose 20lbs let alone 40...i have lots to go but still 40 seemed impossible, imagine 90lbs which is what i want to lose in total.
So having lost the 40 give me hope and it gives me confidence.
Just fight for it...dont give up and keep trying.
 
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