Feeling Defeated. Who can relate?

T

thnkpositive

New member
Where do I go from here? it seems like every time i think i have the perfect weight loss plan , my mind wont let me reach me my goals. I feel like Im going crazy because i know deep down i Can accomplish my goals but something in me keeps replaying the cycle of failure over and over in my head. Its like I keep subconsciously guaranteeing myself to fail although i want so badly to succeed. I am so depressed and gaining weight is just furthering my depression. I feel so alone and as much i dont want to i keep putting food between myself and any possible happiness. Im so lost and so unmotivated and when i do talk myself into motivation, something else in me talks myself out of it because i know the viscous cycle keeps repeating. I am so ashamed because I do it to myself ! like i know better why cant I do better? can anyone relate? please someone say something, anything.... i really need help because im not living
 
I think you are doing a great job admitting that you have control! A lot of people don't even admit they have the control and so they blame their circumstances or other people for their failures. The 100% way to lose weight is to eat healthier and exercise but there are millions of people who never lose weight because they feel that it's an impossible task.

I think all you need to do is read a couple of diaries or watch the biggest loser to understand that everyone is dealing with something and food is their way to comfort themselves. It's okay and you are most certainly not alone! Everyone suffers from depression, insecurity, and sadness but we all deal with it differently.

I was really unhappy in January! It centered around my weight and my inability to wear anything out of my closet. I worked out even when I didn't feel like it and started doing better with my eating. I knew that I would happier weighing less. I have to say that isn't always the case.

I met a guy in high school who only could talk about himself and I could not understand why until he took out a picture of a chubby middle schooler and said "I hate this guy!" and it was him in middle school. He really did hate himself and it showed in the fact that he constantly had to make himself feel better by constantly talking about himself. It was boring and obnoxious and when I saw him years later he had gained another 40 pounds or so. He had dealt with the fat but not the crazy insecurity.

We all have our own journeys and we have to deal with feelings that we would normally bury otherwise we just go back to where we came from and not being any wiser. I hope you come back and write here often!

I know your trip is soon and you can still be pretty happy for it!
 
First of all thnkpositive....GET OUT OF MY BRAIN! lol I waas just driving aimlessly on the street from fast food place to fast food place and I was thinking the same things you have posted here...especially
thnkpositive said:
. i really need help because im not living
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I will be back to post more but i just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this!
 
Hey :)

I think saying the things you have said in your post take real courage to admit - and I know a lot of people, myself included will be able to relate to how you're feeling.

If you think you are genuinely depressed and struggling with it, I can't urge you enough to get help, if you haven't already. When I got my depression under control, after 8 long years of suffering, everything was so much easier - not just eating well and exercising, but just life in general. I went down the medication route initially, and also had several types of therapy as well as counselling - there are many options out there if you DO need help.

Are you following a group weightloss program, or are you doing this alone? I've always *tried* to diet (I hate that word!) alone, and always failed. I'm currently on a waiting list for a weight management program, as due to my agoraphobia, a weight loss group is difficult. A lot of people have said that by doing it as part of a group, or even just having it monitored by a health professional, they have more success. I think this is maybe due to a want/need to prove themself? I dunno...

I've been struggling with my weight for years - I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I have been offered access to a psychologist who specialises in eating issues (not just anorexia/bulemia) - maybe something like this could help?

I also saw a dietician - she was great - all I had to do was keep a food diary for a month prior to my appointment, and she went through it with me making sure I had all the requirements I needed (I'm vegetarian), and then together we made a food pyramid tailor made to my needs, which made it unbelievably easy for me to see how much of what I should be eating each day.

I dunno if any of my experiences would help you - but please don't give up!

Hugs xx

Amanda
 
Thank you all for responding!!! @tally its crazy how much emotion weight can evoke whether good or bad :/ ! im glad your on the right track, keep up the good work! id love to hear about it! @xenon im sorry your struggling as well, i look forward to hearing from you! @amanda thank you for your feedback.. Ive been to eating disorder therapy before, but i kno all i could think about was losing weight. I never really uncovered any emotional problems, which i think was a mistake nd i dropped out the program before i completting it. id love to hear from you more and anything you find helpful for your self.... again thank you all!
 
So Im on my way to the gym.... This time Im trying to get into a routine where I put less pressure on myself and keep the most optimistic state of mind. I miss the old me, I cant believe there was a time when I lost weight without obsessing over it ! I miss my old state of mind where i could just live my life and lose weight I need to find that balance to keep form going krazy aha! it helps knowing that there are people out there with the same struggle. Id love to keep in touch with those in similar situations, or any input or advice from anyone; talking and supporting another definitely helpps! ;) I AM HOPEFUL TODAY!!
 
Maybe there is a way to appreciate all my failed attempts and use them to build me up, guide me in the right direction because now which roads are dead ends! Hmmm just a thought
 
Awesome job on going to the gym! It's hard at first to even think that things will change but it will :) It's only been since January for me but there are always days I contemplate on not working out but I never skip because I know it would be disappointing to me the next day.

I have a set time to work out and I have no excuses because I work out at home! Give yourself a chance at being happy and workout no matter what you feel like that day!

It's become like going to work or school for me. I don't really enjoy it everyday but I HAVE to do it. Plus I always feel better afterwards which is not always the case when I go into work/school lol

If you still think of it as optional then you will most likely skip it. You have done this before and you know it works!

Maybe you should list out a reason of what didn't work for you so you can look at it later if you need to?

I know the 100% thinking never worked out in the long-run for me. It just made me give up much quicker then I should have. I did obsess when I first started trying to lose weight because I wanted the results to happen right away but as time has gone by and I started seeing my results I became less obsessed. I know it will happen for me at some point in the future if I just keep doing what I am already doing.

I am losing weight and I workout because I have to keep working out. Not working out has always led me to giving up eventually so I know that not working out is not an option if I want it to be a long term change. I still have about 15 pounds to go but it's okay and while I want it to be sometime this year it doesn't have to be tomorrow.

I look forward to hearing more about your positive outlook! Good luck til the next update!! :)
 
thnkpositive said:
So Im on my way to the gym.... This time Im trying to get into a routine where I put less pressure on myself and keep the most optimistic state of mind. I miss the old me, I cant believe there was a time when I lost weight without obsessing over it ! I miss my old state of mind where i could just live my life and lose weight I need to find that balance to keep form going krazy aha! it helps knowing that there are people out there with the same struggle. Id love to keep in touch with those in similar situations, or any input or advice from anyone; talking and supporting another definitely helpps! ;) I AM HOPEFUL TODAY!!
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Well done on going to the gym - I know how hard it is to do when you're feeling low. The great thing is, that exercise, as much as we like to disbelieve it, DOES release endorphins and DOES make you feel better :D

Also, you burn the calories at the gym, but your body goes on burning a higher rate of calories for 22 hours after the exercise, so win win!
 
Hey tally! funny thing i that when i work out i always am very commited i get up and workout every morning and every night as well... my mistakes are when i self sabotage with food! but i kno your right i must wait for things to get better!! :)

Hey amanda! wow i never knew that about the 22 hour calorie burn afterward... i will most definitely keep that in mind tee hee ;)
 
HI there. Last night i posted a long response and couldn't save it. Today the nets been off all day. Anyhow, you can be grateful cause now i am just going to write you a short one.

But first its great that you have managed to turn that despair into a more positive mode.

The question i want to ask, which is really for you to ask yourself is, why do you sabotage your efforts with food. I mean what leads you to do it? is it that you've let yourself get hungry and you feel you have to have sugar, or that you just get slack and think oh well i am exercising so i can eat anything i want, or you have cravings and give in. I mean its good to analyse why your diets fail so that you can forestall it happening again. As xenon says, she knows her diets fail if she stops exercising so she is committed to exercising daily. My diets fail if i eat sweet foods because i can't stop. I also put on weight if i stop regular exercise. Frankly i think we all need regular exercise but i don't know if we have to work superhard at it. I think a lot of people over do it when it might be better to learn to eat a diet with less calories. But that's my take. I know we all have our views and we all have to work out own way.

Oops, still quite long.
 
Hey forty four! Great question you raise.... lately when I sabotage its because of a many reasons.... ONe being I just cant get over how much weigh Ive t put on when I know I can do better, so the disappointment causes me to eat to feel better all though it makes no sense. Another part of me loses hope sometimes and i feel like the exercise isn't working because I dont see any changes and I don't weigh myself to avoid obsessing even more! It makes no sense to keep overeating and the shame causes me to eat more. Im working on breaking the cycle and if I can just be patient and wait for results I think my whole thought patterns would change!
 
I think what you need to do is put all the negative thinking aside.

Stop thinking about how much weight you've put on.
Stop judging yourself
Stop being so critical

Try to think more proactively. What can you do to improve things. I find when i start letting my mind wander of a chore or goal like this instead of reactively say "too hard" "don't want to" etc, sometimes i can just motivate myself to do something. I think looking at other people's diaries can help you in this way too.

Keep focussed on the goal.

Try reading about healthy meal plans to motivate you.

Also try to expect your weight loss to come from food reduction rather than exercise increase. I say this because lots of people get on a frenetic exercise treadmill - pardon the pun - and you can feel the frustration rising. When the weight doesn't shift they just do more and more exercise and it becomes unsustainable. I think you should only increase your exercise when you feel what you are doing is too easy and your fitness has increased and then at a certain, just do the same to maintain your fitness. And this would be according to how much time you want to spend on fitness.

If you come up with a healthy meal plan, a reasonable exercise program and just stick to it without cheating, you will be fine. And yes have some patience, you are bound to get there. My weight today has been the same for three days in a row. So what! I know what i am doing is good. If it is too many calories, that will become evident later on. I know i am doing enough exercise at the moment. I know that if i give up, i will just put on weight and very very fast. So i can't afford to do that.

Make your meals healthy with lots of nutrients, low fat and satisfying. If your meals are low in fat you will be able to eat more, essentially. So always make low calorie foods a big part of your diet and that means vegetables and fruit. I think if you are satisfied after eating, you've no reason to want to break out and eat junk most of the time. Make your meals tasty. I can eat the same meal day in and day out for a while but its best if its quite yummy. Avoid rich foods.

I hope you haven't given up altogether.
 
your exactly right i need to stop wit the negative thinking! somehow it seems like the negative thoughts are on auto replay or something ugh but I want to work hard to conquer the thoughts. its funny how its seems the bulk of my problem is more emotional weight (figuratively speaking), than physical weight! do you find this to be true with yourself?
 
I was actually thinking of how ironic everything was. When I had tried to start before and when I was starting out it just seemed so impossible. Now I have no idea how I thought it was impossible because it's just so routine.

I used to quit when I ate anything bad and now I just completely move on and remember to enjoy what I'm eating. I don't mind when I gain a bit of a weight from over indulgence because I realize that I will continue to work out so weight gain is temporary.

It's not easy everyday but now its easier more often then it used to be :) Give yourself a while to adjust and don't expect perfection! Just try to improve.

Also I read that self restraint is a muscle so flex it often and watch yourself get stronger!
 
Aww tally that little piece made my night! I am accepting that with time things will get better and fall into place. Its getting easier to let go of the perfection desires because at this point any little success is better than where I am! I hope all is well with your dieting! Keep me updated ;)
 
Now more than ever I am realizing how much dieting is actually mental. I have no problem exercising or disciplining myself with food but soon as my mind goes off track BAM its like I disregard every good thing about myself and give up! I'm glad I'm learning about myself in this way that way I can combat the feelings by reminding myself of the bigger picture. Easier said than done, but I'm working on it! Thanks everyone for the continuous feedback, it really helps to hear it! Your all positively wonderful and helpful 4 sure!
 
its funny how its seems the bulk of my problem is more emotional weight (figuratively speaking), than physical weight! do you find this to be true with yourself?
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Yeah somewhat. I have been a big comfort eater in the past. This has led to a habit of binging. So in recent years i can binge even when i don't need comforting as such. Emotions are a big factor.

The way you talk about the recurrence of those same negative thoughts is something i've noticed with those of us who get depressed. Its like we have only little formulas and when our mood drops, out comes our personal box of habitual bad thoughts. I've spent quite a lot of time talking to other depressed people online and have noticed this in the chatrooms. People get stuck in a groove. Different people say different things to themselves than i say to myself when i get a bad headspace.

The key thing then with that is to become aware of habits of thinking and challenge them. This is also a type of therapy called CBT cognitive behaviour therapy. A little bit of awareness of how that works and some mindfulness training can help you become good at challenging your own thoughts.

What i have noticed in myself is that I am able to move on a lot quicker than i could in teh past when i was younger. It probably helps a lot also that i take antidepressants now.

So back to weight loss, slip ups and feeling disappointed. As Tally said, try not to expect things to go so perfectly to plan. Things never do. Life never does. Its good to be able to deal positively with disappointments and errors. Yeah sure, when stuff goes wrong, you will feel bad. No one is suggesting you its wrong to feel sad, disappointed or depressed. Its a natural response. What matters though is how long we stay in that mode.

Something small like slipping up on a diet, even if its a weekend binge, or a week long for that matter, the sooner you can pull yourself up by reminding yourself of your goals, the easier it will be to get back on track. After a time the slip ups are bound to be less frequent. But it is all about commitment to the main goal. And i don't think those of us who prone to putting on weight can ever afford to stop being vigilant.

Since starting this diet this time, i've decided to try to do this for life. I decided that last time too but this time i am better at. My thoughts feel more committed adn i also think this food diary business helps too. I do'nt know how long it will be necessary to keep a food diary but i plan to do it rigorously for one year. I have never been able to maintain a low weight for that long.
 
Omgg you mention the challenging of my thoughts.... I actually do that often but not enough. I don't know much about cognitive behavior therapy, but thats interesting you mentioned it, i will look into it! My last 4 weeks have been full of horrible bingeing and today Im deciding once again to get back on track. I know I must be a strong person to put myself through so much stress and sadness and then still try to bounce back every time. I dont want my efforts to be for nothing. its weird cause everyday when I get on track feels like it takes forever to get through but when Im bingeing its like before i know it weeks have gone by its scary. BUt, moving on, Im tired of losing a little bit then gaining more than I lost.... so this time I MUST keep my mind strong and push through because starting over is starting to get harder and harder every time! what type of antidepressants for you take if you dont mind me asking? i heard some cause weight gain :\
 
I had 3 months of binging so it's very possible to get back up and keep on moving! I completely lost my head when I was thinking it was okay to splurge around the holidays.. I mean HELLO the holidays are from Oct to Dec!! That is 1/4 of the year lol It started for me around Halloween and then I just could not stop eating cookies, pies, and everything sweet in between. I was eating sugar and being disgusted about how sweet things were and still eating sugar! It was insanity.

I wasn't even grateful to be eating all the junk and I had long since stopped actually savoring the sweetness. It was ridiculous. I can be SO BAD way worse then anyone I know. My fiance was like don't you want to eat more then cookies every day LOL

I was finally shamed into doing something about it. I had not been able to fit into my work pants which meant that I was wearing things that weren't 100% work appropriate and I didn't want to buy bigger pants.

So I was always waiting for someone to pull me aside and say Tally we need you to wear more professional looking pants. I was HORRIFIED at the thought of someone doing that so I had to reach out and ask my fiance to help me out with encouragement and working out with me. I also wrote in my diary what I ate and if I exercised. That helped me be even more accountable. I didn't want to write ate cookies all day and didn't exercise.

I just used every avenue of help that I had access to and it worked. Its not easy to do it by yourself and I got the skinniest when I felt like it wasn't just important to me it was important to other people too. Group workouts inspire me to be better. Just even having a fiance or a friend to do the same program just makes it more important for me to do my part.

My sisters are motivated by me now. It's really crazy but if I feel like I'm doing something with other people and for other people it's just easier for me to do it.

I hope your day 1 is fabulous!
 
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