Fear of Thin...

Very interesting...

I just read that article now, and I was sitting here thinking that didn't describe me! I don't unconsciously want to be fat! Ridiculous... Then I started reading some more of the posts people made, and a few things jumped out at me and smacked me in the forehead.

I figure making a list of the reasons I *want* to be fat can't hurt... It can only help!

1. I want to be fat because I'm married, and don't need any extra attention.
2. I want to be fat because my husband is fat, and we look like we match up.
3. I want to be fat because if I was skinny, I'm afraid I would leave/cheat on my husband needlessly because I'm just not a nice person.
4. I want to be fat because there is a special store made just for fatty's like me: Lane Bryant.
5. I want to be fat because no one expects too much from you if you look like a slug.
6. I want to be fat because it's way easier to eat like crazy and be lazy all the time.
7. I want to be fat because it makes me know my hubby loves me for ME, and not my (non-existent) hot body.
8. I want to be fat because I feel like only people of substance befriend a fat person, so I don't have to have any shallow friends.
9. I want to be fat because I've gotten comfortable this way.
10. I want to be fat because no one's surprised when I have no fashion sense.
11. I want to be fat because I secretly know I will never be happy with how I look, even if everyone else said I looked like a model.
12. I want to be fat because changes can be scary.
13. I want to be fat because losing weight is just too hard.
14. I want to be fat because no one is surprised when I make a third trip to the buffet.
15. I want to be fat because I donated all of my old skinny clothes to a thrift shop.
16. I want to be fat because maybe I don't really want to get healthy and have kids?
17. I want to be fat because I'm afraid that even if I look better, my husband's sex drive won't increase, and I'll have to wonder what else is wrong with me.
18. I want to be fat because I'm self-conscious about compliments.
19. I want to be fat because at least then it looks like I've decided to be heavy forever, and not like I tried to lose weight and just failed.
20. I want to be fat because it's easier to watch life than to participate.
21. I want to be fat because I simply love McDonalds.
22. I want to be fat because french fries are always tastier than steamed vegetables.
23. I want to be fat because take-out is easier than cooking.
24. I want to be fat because I'm used to feeling this way.
25. I want to be fat because I wouldn't want to shop at the GAP anyways.


The ones I put in bold are the ones I fear the most. This definitely gives me some new things to think about...
 
I'm only scared of getting to my goal weight, then gaining it all back.
I'd be so disappointed in myself.
 
I think there are some truths in that article; I did not start this journey until I had a divorce and a bad relationship under my belt. Basically I wasn't "ready" until then. Maybe I was afraid of success, or failure.
 
wow!!! I never looked at it like that. Ever since you left the comment on my thread about finding the real reason why I am trying to lose weight I have. For me it wasn't fear it was just being lazy and i really didn't want it the way i do now. I want to lose weight for me and this time I am.
 
maleficent said:
sometimes - what helps get you toward the answer... is taking a back road and asking yourself why you want to lose weight.... and if you say it's because you want to be healthy -I'll probably roll my eyes and giggle at you becaue you know deep down that's not why... Once you geto to the why's you want to... the whys you don't want t o become a lot more clear...

Free association sometimes helps... spend some time in a bubble bath and talk to yourself....
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But to catch a hot guy and make my ex jealous aren't good enough reasons :sifone:
 
That was an amazing article. I'd been asking myself this question lately because this will be my third time on the diet merry go round. Third time's the charm, right?

The first two times I gained my weight back again because things just didn't change like I thought they would and I felt like retreating back into myself. I realize now that losing weight isn't going to magically change my life. There are other changes that I need to make to allow myself to be happy and successful. I've finally realized that I deserve good things and I'm going to do what it takes to get them. Losing weight is just one of the changes that I'm making right now.
 
I've been thinking about this more and I think some of the "fear of thin" comes from a subconscious desire to keep blaming one's problems on weight instead of other things. Weight is an easy scapegoat for other problems. A friend of mine has gained a lot of weight in the last year and blames some of her problems on that, when I know different. But I don't argue with her or lecture her. It wouldn't have worked on me and won't work on her. If she asks me for advice, I give it.
 
Can I have a fear that's going to sound incredibly vain? Please forgive me, I'm serious about this though (it might have been mentioned earlier in this thread ...)

When I was umm, thinner, I attracted attention. I'm tall and at my right weight not so bad looking ... my husband, however, has voiced fears, before, of other guys looking at me, being attracted to me and then he starts cutting himself down, looking at the flaws he has (which, like who is perfect, I know I certainly ain't ...)

He sort of undermines me. Not outrageously or evilly but he certainly has never gone out of his way to help me stay on track, either.

I love my husband dearly and there is no other guy I want to be with, but there is this nagging worry that if I do get where I want to be he's going to turn into this jealous, suspicious pain in my butt. Every time we go somewhere he's either going to be questioning me or sticking to me like a twin. I've been through this BS in a possessive relationship before. Part of the reason I've sort of accepted being overweight is that I'm afraid of my home life turning into something it isn't now. It kind of gave me justification ...

That sounds so lame ...
 
Fat Cat said:
Can I have a fear that's going to sound incredibly vain? Please forgive me, I'm serious about this though (it might have been mentioned earlier in this thread ...)

When I was umm, thinner, I attracted attention. I'm tall and at my right weight not so bad looking ... my husband, however, has voiced fears, before, of other guys looking at me, being attracted to me and then he starts cutting himself down, looking at the flaws he has (which, like who is perfect, I know I certainly ain't ...)

He sort of undermines me. Not outrageously or evilly but he certainly has never gone out of his way to help me stay on track, either.

I love my husband dearly and there is no other guy I want to be with, but there is this nagging worry that if I do get where I want to be he's going to turn into this jealous, suspicious pain in my butt. Every time we go somewhere he's either going to be questioning me or sticking to me like a twin. I've been through this BS in a possessive relationship before. Part of the reason I've sort of accepted being overweight is that I'm afraid of my home life turning into something it isn't now. It kind of gave me justification ...

That sounds so lame ...
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I know what you mean. This is one reason I'm glad to be single at the moment; I don't have to deal with someone else's insecurities and I definitely don't have to deal with someone else's eating habits. It's definitely harder when you live with someone and they're not 100% supportive.
 
Totally...

Fat Cat said:
Can I have a fear that's going to sound incredibly vain? Please forgive me, I'm serious about this though (it might have been mentioned earlier in this thread ...)

When I was umm, thinner, I attracted attention. I'm tall and at my right weight not so bad looking ... my husband, however, has voiced fears, before, of other guys looking at me, being attracted to me and then he starts cutting himself down, looking at the flaws he has (which, like who is perfect, I know I certainly ain't ...)

He sort of undermines me. Not outrageously or evilly but he certainly has never gone out of his way to help me stay on track, either.

I love my husband dearly and there is no other guy I want to be with, but there is this nagging worry that if I do get where I want to be he's going to turn into this jealous, suspicious pain in my butt. Every time we go somewhere he's either going to be questioning me or sticking to me like a twin. I've been through this BS in a possessive relationship before. Part of the reason I've sort of accepted being overweight is that I'm afraid of my home life turning into something it isn't now. It kind of gave me justification ...

That sounds so lame ...
Click to expand...



I totally feel you. I feel the same way sometimes... ::sigh:: :ack2:
 
This should definitely be a sticky, it is so motivational and true. Everyone should read it!! Thanks for posting it (years ago!)

When I really thought about it, I realized: What if I become skinny and it is ME that is unattractive? Maybe I am using being fat as an excuse for why I don't have a significant other. Maybe it is a fear that after I lose the fat, there is nothing to blame but myself.

WOAH it gets deep at 1:30 am while writing a paper...........
 
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I'm starting to enjoy my "thin" lately. I'm not actually thin yet, but I am having a lot more fun than I was a hundred pounds ago, that's for darn sure.

Buckeye, your post in particular really hits home for me; those doubts will never be cleared until you get there and see for yourself. Believe me on this, things seem to be getting better, the smaller I get, and even though I don't think of myself as even average in the looks department, there are becoming quite a few people who disagree with me.

I don't know how motivational it is, but I thought things out (among many others) and decided I would rather not be fat AND ugly; I'm not saying it applies in your case, but it made a difference for me.

I really like this thread... Thanks to everyone who posted here, and will do so at any point I might read it; it helps to see the same fears being dealt with by others.
 
Qjay said:
Buckeye, your post in particular really hits home for me; those doubts will never be cleared until you get there and see for yourself. Believe me on this, things seem to be getting better, the smaller I get, and even though I don't think of myself as even average in the looks department, there are becoming quite a few people who disagree with me.

I don't know how motivational it is, but I thought things out (among many others) and decided I would rather not be fat AND ugly; I'm not saying it applies in your case, but it made a difference for me.
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Yes, that is motivational. You know, I saved this thread as a favorite on my computer just so I can keep returning to it. I think it just takes reading and realizing what thin really does mean. Thanks for telling your story :hurray:
 
I know this thread is kind of old, but I just ran across it and found it interesting.

maleficent said:
Here are some examples of the Unconscious Mind and why it may want to keep you fat.

[*]You may have been raped and fat protects you from men.
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I can agree with that. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of women in my life that have suffered through rape. For some reason, they have always seeked council and comfort from me. I could go on and on about it, but I won't. All I'll say is that a lot of those women have turned to food and over-eating as a weird way of self-defense.

Before I met my ex-girlfriend, she was raped. When I saw pictures of her from before I met her, she was a lot skinnier than after I met her. After we got closer, she eventually opened up and started talking about it. One of the reasons that she gained weight (not that she was fat, because she wasn't) was because she felt comforted by eating a lot. She said that it made her feel safe, because she felt unattractive, due to the over-eating. This made her believe that she was "protected", as she felt as if men wouldn't want to touch her.

Yes, it's ultimately a stupid thing, but it makes perfect sense.

maleficent said:
[*]Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
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I agree with this too. A lot of heavier people feel unimportant, unattractive and worthless. With that mentality, it's completely understandable that people would feel as if they didn't deserve to get skinny.

maleficent said:
[*]You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
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That's one of the things that messes with me. I don't have a lot of friends. I admit that I'm a bit of a loner, but that's mostly because I hate people. HA!!! Seriously though, I only have a few true friends and I've always been afraid of losing them. I feel like if I stay home and workout instead of going to a friend's party (for example), that my friends will begin to get mad at me, as if I'm "ignoring" them.

Fortunately, I'm at that point in my life where I really don't give a fuck what my friends think. I'm a fat fuck and I need to lose weight.
 
this is such an interesting topic.

I've often day dreamed about being thinner, imagining how my life would be.
would I change? be more social and open? like myself more?

do I use my weight as an excuse?
that could be true. but because weight was one of the biggest reasons why I got bullied in high school and I got constantly told by my mother that I wouldn't be happy until I lost weight-even got turned down by boys a lot for being fat. this can really trouble a young mind I tell you!

I constantly sabotage my own attempts to go on a diet and lose weight because they all were for the wrong reasons: trying to please others. but don't we basically do that most of the time anyway? the things we buy, the things we say, study, they are all impacted by who we are surrounded with.

I kind of found my peace when I realized the person I am doesn't depend on something as trivial as how I look. If I am likable, emotional, fearful, joyful etc- it all has to do with me and who I am on the inside.
losing some weight is just a plus!

---runs to her room--
 
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