Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

[Manaloa]

OMG, where to start.
Well, I weigh 240lbs. Wow, how did I get here? I've never really had a lot of trouble with my weight before, oh I would flucuate up and down through the years, but I never went above a size 14 until I got pregnant with my daughter, then I gained a lot of weight, close to what I am now. I lost most of it after the pregnancy. Then after my divorce I got into really good shape, but it was never deliberately. It just happened. I was down to a size eight, which for me is really small.

Then I met my current husband, (who's wonderful, BTW) and the weight just kind of crept on over the last three years. I started to have some digestive problems, I figured I was lactose intolerant. He proposed in August of 2004 and I weighed 225. So I thought I have a whole year until the wedding in order to lose the weight. So I faithfully wrote down EVERYTHING I ate, including the calories and fat grams everyday. I kept what I ate to 1500 -1800 calories a day and my fat intake to under 30% of my calories. When we went out to dinner I had salads or something off the weight watchers. I didn't eat dessert. I worked out 5-6x per week either at the gym, lift weights, eliptical, treadmill, stationary bike, stairmaster. When I didn't go to the gym I did Tae-Bo videos, crunches, pushups, lifted weights at home. I did this for ten months. TEN MONTHS. And I didn't lose any weight. That was depressing.

So after the wedding, we get on with our lives. I stop writing everything down, I stop going to the gym, I got into a car accident which didn't help (not too serious). I went in to my doctor for a check up in April. I explained to her what had happened to me in the last year, and she suggested that it was the birth control patch I was on. She said it's not documented but she had patients who had maintained their weight for years get on the patch and gained 40lbs in a year. So I'm thinking great, if I hadn't been working out like a fiend and watching every thing I ate then I might have gotten lucky enough to have balloned up even more before the wedding. It's very discouraging.

So here I am again. My husband and I have occasionally been trying to take walks in the evening, but we're both usually so tired after work that niether of us wants to. We even bought some bikes to go bike riding, which we've only done once. We've been watching what we eat and how much. I'm back to tracking my food intake. I've been making a huge salad bowl to be kept in the fridge, so that it's not a hassle to have salad with every meal.

I keep trying to think what I've done differently in the last three years that caused this. Because I've never really had to watch what I ate too much. The only thing I can think of besides the patch is that I switched to diet soda, because that's what my husband drinks. Before that I would always have water or tea or sprite.

So last week I cut out everything that had any kind of artificial sweetener in it. The soda, the jello, anything.

I stopped having digestive problems. I used to think I was lactose intolerant, and I may be just a little. But I've had cheese and milk in the last week with no problems. I had something with artificial sweetener in it last night and I'm having some digestive problems again today. It may mean consuming more calories but I'm never eating or drinking anything with any kind of artificial sweetener in ever again. I've lost 5 lbs without trying and I feel really great.

Now I just need to get off my butt and start working out again.

 

[twinmom2791]

Hi!

Oh boy! I get to be your first reply. I am glad you started a diary. It is a great way to get support - on a daily basis if you need it. Good luck with all your efforts. When you find it hard to get up and exercise, just hear my voice in your head... You got to move it, move it! You got to move it, move it!

 

[smallerbytheday]

I gotta say this is a good place to be to keep motivated. Looks like you already know what you have to do. Good luck and we're here for you!!!

 

[valapalooza]

I agree with smallerbytheday in that it appears as though you know what you need to do- I too know what I NEED to do... The fact of the matter, though, is that it isn't always so easy to do it. That's where this forum comes in! I love it and I know you will too- If you need someone to kick your butt in gear or just make you feel good about yourself, someone here will take care of that for you. Welcome aboard!

 

[dgillygal]

Hi! I know what you mean about being tired when you get home and not wanting to take a walk or bike. I'm a bit on the lazy side also, and that doesn't help. But ... when I do force myself out for that walk or that bike ride, I may be tired when I get home, but I feel so good that I actually got moving! Now I'm just trying to remember that feeling and string together several days of walking so that it becomes a habit that I miss if I don't do it. Literally, one step at a time! Good luck! You can do it!

 

[sillygirl]

You made a great decision in joining this forum. You will get all the support in the world. I have friend who is allergic to aspartame and had a lot of digestive problems as well. Now that you have that and the birth control managed there is no stopping you!!!

 

[Manaloa]

Here we go again

Another Monday.

Yeah, so I wasn't so good over the weekend. I wasn't horrible, I didn't overeat. When I felt satisfied I stopped eating, which I guess, is a small step forward. But my food choices weren't always so hot.

Saturday we did a lot of running around, but I did start my day with a pre-measured bowl of granola cereal and skim milk, then we went out to lunch at a BBQ joint. I got a brisket sandwich and bbq beans, and cheesy potatoes After a couple of bites of the sandwich I realized though that I didn't really want the bread (it was kind of dry and icky ) So I just picked out the least fatty bites of the brisket. I shared my cheesy potatoes with my daughter and ate about half my bbq beans. Then I got a small cup of the vanilla soft serve. After finishing about half the cup I gave the rest to my husband.

For supper I grilled quarter lb burgers on our new grill. To balance it out though I made two different cucumber salads, because cucumbers are on sale right now and they are so yummy.

The first salad recipe I got out of the paper. It had pineapple, cucumbers, red onions and chopped mint with salt & pepper to taste. It sounds like an odd combination but it's really good. It was also supposed to have I think three TBSP of olive oil drizzled on it but I figured with everything else in the salad you wouldn't be able to even taste the oil and what was the point in putting something in it you wouldn't be able to taste. Especially when it was just fat.

The other was an italian salad. Sliced cucumbers, sliced roma tomatoes, sliced red onions, broccoli, low fat italian dressing. Very tangy, yumm. I think it's supposed to have sunflower seeds in it too, but again I figured what's the point of adding that many calories when it's such a small flavor to add to the salad and there's already so much else going on with it anyways. And then I broiled some curly fries for my brother, because he's really picky. But I had a few.

Then Saturday night I went out with my best friend because she needed someone to talk to, so we went to the bar and I had waaaay toooo much white wine.

Sunday morning all I had was a couple pieces of toast. By mid-morning I was feeling better and on the way to an auction I had a couple of white chedder rice cakes (oh so good).
For lunch we went to Culvers. I really wanted another burger, but I figured that they wouldn't be nearly as good as the one I had the night before, so I had a blackened chicken sandwich with no mayo (yuk). Fairly good choice, but then my husband and daughter and I shared our sides, which were not good choices. Fries, onion rings, and cheese curds. I have to say though with the sharing, I don't think I ate as much as I would have if I had just the one side to finish off.
I really wasn't hungry the rest of the afternoon. Around seven o'clock I had a handful of baked chedder & sour cream Lays and a half a cup of granola cereal without milk. I really didn't feel like eating any more.

So I don't know. I didn't really do horrible over the weekend, but I really could have made different choices.

Today though I think I'm starting off right. Last week I decided that in order not to make bad snacking choices I was going to start bringing fruit in to work. But I like having a variety of fruit and I never know what I want until I'm ready for a snack. So instead of buying a bunch of fruit that I might not finish before it went bad, I enlisted a few women I work with.
I would buy a variety of fruit and if they wanted a piece then they would just drop a quarter in my jar and take what they wanted. I get to have whatever I wanted but I don't have to pay for it all either. I also chopped a bunch of celery, cucumbers and baby carrots into plastic baggies for snacks too.

This morning I was so busy getting everything ready that I didn't have time to make any breakfast, I like to have a scrambled egg with onion and peppers but I ran out of time.

So I had to keep telling myself on the drive in that I _do not_ want to stop at that bagel place. I _do not_ want to stop at that bagel place. I _do not_ want to stop at that bagel place. When I get to work I'll have a banana and instant oatmeal that I keep in my desk just for this kind of problem.

And I did it!!!! So far I had one really big banana and one package of the maple oatmeal and two bottles of water. I have all my healthy snacks in the cupboard and for lunch I had packed some lettuce for a salad and a container of the italian cucumber salad and I'm going to dump it over my salad. It's going to be super yummy. I think I'm going to make it through the day without cheating!!! Yea!!!

 

[Manaloa]

Weird

OK
So I don't know if this has happened to anyone else or if I'm just weird. It seems like I can taste a lot more/better than before. I remember back when I was dieting before my wedding I would come to work and make myself a bowl of oatmeal and it did not taste as good as it did this morning. And then having all this fruit sitting by me (out of sight but not out of smell) made me really crave one of the peaches I had bought. So instead I went to lunch to have my salad(s) and I was only able to eat about half of it. I didn't really feel full, my stomach just felt tight. Not my clothes just my stomach. So I stopped eating because I was uncomfortable. When I came back to my desk though I could still smell those darn peaches. So I went ahead and had one, even though I wasn't really hungry. It was wonderful, so juicy!!! Seriously after taking the first bite I was thinking, this is better than chocolate (is that blasphemy??? ) Anyways, I really can't remember when food actually tasted this good or maybe the word I'm looking for is strong. Has that happened to anyone else???

 

[twinmom2791]

Hi!

I got your post about the little diddy in your head. LOL Here's a new one for the week...

Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah yeah!

 

[Manaloa]

Yeah, so another day another struggle. Last night I didn't do so well. We had Kielbasa, corn on the cob and cornbread. I had more than was good for me and afterwards I felt weirdly dizzy and tired. I did so good all day yesterday and then I get home and it all goes to crap. I didn't take a walk or go for a bike ride like I planned either. When I woke up this morning I was lethargic even though I did get up a half hour earlier than I normally do. So instead of working out or going for a walk I just read my book over breakfast, which was more granola cereal. That's probably the last time I'm going to have it for a while, I'm pretty tired of it. I'm still feeling kind of blah now. I think I need more protein in my diet or maybe just more iron. I have a sandwich for lunch, so that'll help for some protein I think. I'm just so tired of thinking about food.

 

[twinmom2791]

hang in

The early days are the hardest. Hang in there, it will get better. Just chalk yesterday up to a learning day and make sure you move today. It seems totally contradictory, but if you want to get your energy back the best thing you can do is get out and go for a walk (or other exercise). You can do this! By the time you have been at it for a month, you will feel SO much better. Hang in there!

 

[Manaloa]

Happy Days

Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
I went for a 2 mile bike ride with my husband last night after supper (tacos). I was sooo tired after but I felt really good. I also searched our garage for the scale (we had moved into a house and lots of stuff is still in boxes.) but I couldn't find it. I'm debating whether I should go buy one or not. I'm really curious on how much I weigh, because I feel different and my clothes fit better.
This morning I did really good. I had a hard time getting started because I'm a little sore (especially my bum , I think I need to buy a thicker padded seat for the bike). But I got up and made myself scrambled eggs (no oil, just the spray stuff) with onions (2 yolk to 4 whites ratio) in two half pita bread pockets. First time trying the pita bread, sooo love it. It was soo good, but it was too much food. Next time I'm going to only make half of that. I think total it was only 350 calories for all that food.
Even though I was running out of time, I packed some lunch so I wouldn't get tempted to make a bad choice later today and go somewhere fast food. I threw some lunch meat and cheese and a half a pita pocket thing in a bag, a big bowl of salad and some jello. I have all these fruit and veggies at my desk already so I think today is going to be a good day.
When I was rummaging through the garage for the scale I found my exercise ball and my free weights, so I'm going start using those again. I don't think I'm going for another bike ride though until I get a new seat. I'll just go for a walk with my hubby or do my Tae bo.

 

[T2 Trucker]

You can get there from here, I see it in your writings.

Get that exercise deal workin' everyday and watch that jelly turn to rock !!

Stay strong girl !!

 

[Manaloa]

Help Help Help

OK so I had my lunch at 11am and I was fine all afternoon. I just started getting snacky right now so I had one of those individual sized bags of popcorn for 110 calories and a small peach. I fell satisfied but my company is doing an ice cream social and my coworkers are urging me to go down with them!!!!!
AAaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

 

[BizeB]

Manaloa, glad to see you started a diary! Wonderful way to get support and "keep track" of your thoughts and methods

Seriously after taking the first bite I was thinking, this is better than chocolate (is that blasphemy???

Ummmm. Yup. Blasphemy! (I'm a chocolatier LOL)

It seems like I can taste a lot more/better than before.

I could too! Cringe all you want to, but I think its from all the fat and bad-for-the-body stuff that coats the tongue and disguises flavors Its an evil plot by junk-food makers to have us eat more in hopes of getting better flavor and making them more money in the process hehehehe

I cut out everything that had any kind of artificial sweetener in it. The soda, the jello, anything. I stopped having digestive problems.

I am allergic to artificial sweetners. The only one I can have is Splenda (sucralose) and doc thinks its b/c its made from sugar - it isn't all chemicals. Even then I can only have a little of it a day - too much and I start feelin' nasty. So you aren't alone in that area either! I don't drink soda (none) or have anything considered "diet" if its artificially sweetened. It just isn't worth feelin' gross over

Great job on the bike ride yesterday Your tushy may be sore but it'll get used to it Keep movin'!!!

How did the ice cream social go? Were you able to skip out??? Hope you have a good rest of the day!

 

[Manaloa]

Thanks for replying BizeB. So far I have been able to resist, but I work for a pretty big company and the line is still out the door. I had a mint hoping the sugar would help and it did while it was in my mouth. Also our ice machine is downstairs (where the social is) and I had to walk through there to get more ice for my water. I just keep repeating to myself "I don't really want it. I don't really want it. I don't really want it." I made it back upstairs without getting in line. I'm just afraid when the line gets shorter I might go down there and get some. I really want to go a whole week being good.

 

[Manaloa]

Horay


Well it took 1 sheet of graham cracker,a handful of grapes, ,a mint and 32 oz of iced tea but I fought off the ice cream craving. I'm so happy!! The ice cream social is over and everything is put away and the craving is gone gone gone. Now I just have to make sure I eat something on the way to the store so that I don't get so starving before I have time to get home and cook dinner.

 

[BizeB]

Great job Manaloa!!!! Proud of ya!!! Those choices were MUCH better than ice cream! You can be good at the store, I know it!!

 

[Manaloa]

Eeeeehhhhhh

Well, I left work and realized I hadn't eaten my daily quota of veggies so I grabbed one of my pre-made sandwich baggies of mixed veggies and ate that on the way to the store so that I wouldn't be hungry while shopping AND especially after I left the store, there are many easily accessible fast food places on the way home. I was so full after eating that (especially since I had that snack earlier) that I wasn't until I had supper finished that food sounded good again.

I made grilled pork chops (2) , but they were sliced very thin with steamed broccoli, I squeezed lemon juice over and sprinkled salt and cracked black pepper over it, super yummy, and a small serving of the leftover cornbread, which I don't think I'm going to make anymore. I felt tired and sleepy after eating it again.

Went to bed early, since I was so tired. So I didn't work out again. I really want to tonight but it's supposed to be 94 degrees out this evening and really humid. Maybe I'll do some Tae bo.

This morning though, I don't know if it's going to come back and bite me in the @$$. I couldn't sleep past 5am (I normally get up at 6:20 am) I was soooo hungry. So went ahead and got up and weighed myself because I haven't since I started this and I have lost 4 lbs. I made my husband and I some scrambled eggs with onions & green peppers. He had his with toast and I ate mine with the pita pockets again, I love those things. I had two eggs in the scramble and it still seemed like too much food, again. Tomorrow I think I'm going to try 1 egg and see how it goes. I packed a pita pocket with ham and lettuce, a salad, and jello and a bag of veggies for lunch.

 

[Manaloa]

So I broke down at lunch and after eating my pita sandwich and the salad and jello I went to the vending machine and got some ice cream. The only good thing is that I restrained myself from buying the pint of cookie n cream and got a fudge bar, which was only 110 calories.