Fear And Doubt Make Themselves At Home With A Glass Of Lemonade: Patsfan's Journey

Britta- you are awesome! Thanks for the words of encouragement. It's great to have a new friend here- we do have a lot in common!

And no, two weeks will definitely not be enough, but it's all the time I could squeeze out of work. :(

Hope all's well at home. What you deal with day to day must certainly be making you a stronger person.
 
:) we all have alot in common. That's the great thing about WLF. You may find a couple of different people who could be your twin in certain aspects. :) I am very glad you found WLF.
Everything is alright here, and yes, everyday I am suprised at how strong I can be. :) But that's the same with everyone I think.
 
I feel great today! My workout was a breeze yesterday, so I know I need to bump up my jogging by 15 seconds now, which I'll do tomorrow.

Today I have full body strength training and 45 minutes of IT on the elliptical.

My sister's visiting this weekend, and Erik (my boyfriend) has the weekend off from work so I'll be away from the gym for two days. I hope that's okay as long as I'm watching what eat.

Drove down to Boston to see the Silversun Pickups, OK Go and Snow Patrol last night. Fun show! It makes me remember I'm not so old if I'm still going to concerts on "schoolnights"! :p
 
Lol :) I like snow patrol.
If you can walk anywhere instead of drive this weekend, it will be some good exercise :) Gotta get it in to stay motivated, ya know?
 
You're right. I am planning on taking my dogs to the beach this weekend, but I'll have to tell my sis to pick up the pace! :D

Maybe she'd do the Pilates video I have, too. Okay, you have me thinking now! I'm too much of an all or nothing kind of person with exercise sometimes!
 
which pilates do you have? I have the windsor pilates. I haven't used them recently, but I first got them like 5 years ago and they are so amazing! Now I am going to start up again! Thanks :D
 
It's a half hour Pilates for Weight Loss dvd. It's not great but there are three levels on one screen so you follow the one that's challenging for you. It's better than nothing, I suppose!
 
I am getting STRESSED OUT today. My landlord lives in Texas, and I've been trying to reach him for over 2 weeks now and he for some reason refuses to call my cell phone. He's left a message for me at home at like 10 am, when I'm at work! I've asked him repeatedly in voicemails to please call my cell, and to no avail. Now he's not returning my calls at all.

And he doesn't use email. He's a damn lawyer and he doesn't use email! To each his own, but why should I be busting my ass to reach him about things he needs to know about HIS house?? ARGHHHHH!!!!

I finally emailed his mother just now (she living willed the property to her kids- she used to be my landlady, also out of state)- yes, even she uses email in her 70's- to ask politely if there were other things going on or if it's a timing issue or what.

See, the bathroom needs to be gutted and rebuilt because the floor's rotting out (it's very crooked, and very squishy around the toilet) and I've taken the time to have contractors come to get estimates for the job- I've even used earned leave to do this- and now he won't return my calls. I live in a 200+ year old cape house and old houses need constant maintenance. It drives me insane because it's a great house that I've rented for 10 years, and he doesn't seem to give two shits about it. But you know I get a phone call if the rent is late!!

i'd withhold rent in order to get a call, but the money still goes to his mother. He just pays for repairs.

I'm at the point where I feel like withholding rent until she calls, and then tell her to take it up with her son.

i've spent plenty of my own meager income on this house over the years and I think it's so disrespectful that I have to deal with this.

The most pressing problem is that the floor is getting dangerous. Two of the contractors said they gave it two months, max, before someone falls through it.

and did I mention (yes, but I'll say it again) that my landlord is a lawyer? You'd think he'd understand the concept of liability!
 
patsfan said:
I don't loathe clothing, physical activity, and most importantly, sex! ;)
Click to expand...

Man have I got a lot to learn from you. I am very insecure about my body at this point. Sweat too much and feel ungainly compared to when I was slim. But the right partner could make all that go away. Teach me oh master.

Fear and doubt will go away. Pick up a copy of Zen in the Art of Archery. It is awesome. "You do not wait for fulfillment but brace yourself for failure". "Of this difficult road, do you wish to travel it?"

You ARE succeeding. Just give it some time. For me I really needed to see this third month. I have learned that I AM capable of losing it quickly. To me, four pounds a month is quick. They did not come off one per week, but accelerated toward the end of the month. I am starting to feel like a pro. Got my eating plan from Steve.

I decided that looking for loss over a month is a better approach than weekly so I keep a thirty day chart that I made up on my fridge. I am enjoying weighing myself daily as I am already in new territory and I want to see those little dips that foretell of days to come. I am going to change my ticker on the first of each month, I'm thinking of putting my lowest weight achieved for that month there. Afterall, that would be so encouraging to see.

But as M2M says, its all about finding what works for you.

I just know that if you stick around you will have no problem. This forum takes care of all my concerns.

Fondly, Kelly

(Fondle?)
 
You definately deserve better treatment! I dont know how to act in a situation like that, but it sounds like he is making it more stressful on everyone because he doesn't want to deal with it.
You can get through this! I just hope your floor doesn't cave in :)
 
Hi, I don't think we've met on the forum yet, but I stumbled across your diary, and I just wanted to say YOU CAN DO THIS. The only reason you can possibly fail is if you give up, and you're not going to give up, are you, so ....

I read your post about rest days. I feel exactly the same. The last few days I've been getting really tired because I won't take a day off, and yesterday, I finally had to give in and stay away from the gym. I spent most of the day feeling certain the weight was piling back on me, and when I weighed myself I was going to be right back where I started. I weighed myself this morning and .... no gain. I had so much energy today and really enjoyed myself at the gym (rather than just struggling through it, which I'd done the last few days).

Rest days rule!
 
patsfan said:
Drove down to Boston to see the Silversun Pickups, OK Go and Snow Patrol last night. Fun show! It makes me remember I'm not so old if I'm still going to concerts on "schoolnights"! :p
Click to expand...


stopping by to say hi and to say you are doing great! keep thinking positive...that is half the battle! Lucky you...got to see Snow Patrol.... :)
 
Thanks for all of the positive words, everybody!! It REALLY helps! I was waning a few hours ago and this is my long day at the gym...now I'm pepped up again!

And Bethann- lucky you- you live in sunny San Diego!! :cool: Snow Patrol was great. Don't know if you have any of their stuff, but they have a song called "Set the Fire to the Third Bar", which features Martha Wainwright...anyway, they picked a random girl (yes, it really was random- she had a teleprompter and everything) to come up and sing Martha's vocals on the song. How awesome for her! I'll bet she never forgets that night!

Kelly- I try not to weigh myself too often, but the temptation is there, and then I get mad when I don't see a change. I think I was so distracted last time that maybe I don't remember the weeks where no change occured so well. How did you get an eating plan from Steve?

I also can't expect for the weight to come off just like it did last time. I have a long way to go, but I'm starting out more fit now than when I weighed 275 and was coming off of years and years of a sedentary lifestyle. Hopefully mixing up my workouts will have the effect I want, which is to lose on a verage 2 lbs/week. I guess I don't feel like this is an unreasonable goal because I'm doing so well food wise. Although, I am PMSing and craving french fries and a burger right now! I'd probably get so sick if I ate it though, LOL!

Ali- thanks for stopping in and reading about me and my journey- it's nice to "meet" you! I do have that feeling too of "Oh my god, the weights coming back because I didn't go to the gym today!" Which is very silly, especially when I'm still staying within my target calorie range 1500-1700 calories! I do hope the fear and doubt go away with the fat! :(
 
I took Tomo's advice to get real about energy expenditure and Steve's advice to eat 20% less than maintenance. I am managing well with this. Not too hungry at night, a little bit maybe but okay. Not suffering.

So multiply your weight in pounds by 15. That's how many calories it takes to maintain a body your size (assuming you exercise). This is not just Steve saying but educated opinion by trainers or something. Ask Steve. Anyway, eat 20% less than this and you will be in a deficit. You will drop weight. I was going crazy hungry before and almost quit. I am beginning to eat my meals with absolute gusto instead of fear. I am learning.

My maintenance is 15 x 188 = 2820
I'm eating 2250 calories.
I've lost four pounds this month. Almost don't believe it.
I'm doing it!
 
Thought I'd add that I know I need at least 1000-1200 calories in by noon. I need it to break the nights fast and to have enough energy to get out of the house and do something with the day. 300 calorie snack and 650 calorie supper round out my day. Sometimes two snacks and a smaller supper. At least 2 litres of water/tea.

Are you drinking water? It is so good for you. I start after breakfast and continue after lunch. Have learned to manage bathroom breaks and drinking times etc.

I figure exercise is the real work. Drinking water and taking a multivitamin is easy.

Congratulations on implementing your plan.
 
So I did the equation and tha seems like way too many calories for me- and it's a very different number than other sites people have used here to figure out their BMR: 15x227=3405 - 20%= 2705.

I think that's a number I came up with when I figured my BMR + my exercise, which would then be maintnance?? :confused:

Last time I lost, I went to a registered dietician and she gave me an eating plan that was no more than 1600 calories/day, which I have to work at a little but it's what I eat now. I did decide to up my calories a bit to 1700 (I was eating aout 1500) after reading info on the board, including from Steve, about fatigue and upping calories if I'm strength training. I'm confused! :(
 
While I'm not expert, I think that 1700 sounds just perfect for you. While everyone here is excited to get to their goal weight, you want to do it as healthy as possible. You won't enjoy a thinner body if it's unhealthy and useless. The calories sound good and as long as you are happy, you'll be great:D
 
I have seen five different maintenance levels for me, from 1810 on up. Try documenting what you eat over two weeks to see what you ACTUALLY need to eat to remain sane. See what you ARE eating on a daily basis. I eventually settled at a higher range which is STILL a deficit.

Steve asks poignant questions. Like, "How do you know you're not in a deficit?" He blows me away with what he knows.

You will lose at any of these maintenance levels, including the higher one. I thought his numbers sounded WAY too high at first and that there was no way his numbers could lead me to lose but its working.

You just need a tiny bit more time to find what works for you this time around. Maybe you could give your dietician a call and pose the question to her since you did invest in her advice. I'm sure she would be happy to hear from you.

Hope this helps.
 
I keep a record of every food I eat on fitwatch.com. I have a HUGE pantry of foods I've entered from the nutrition info label. But I've done it for so long and I pretty much stick to eating what's in my pantry so at this point I don't feel like I need to record every day. It started becoming so it was coming in at around 1500 calories for weeks so I think at this point, I'm eating with the knowledge of calories, etc. Sometimes I'll still enter a day to see if I'm staying on par, and to see before I leave work how many calories I can allow myself at dinner, like, "Do I have room for a glass or two of wine?"...that kind of thing.

I've gotten so used to eating 1500 calories that I wonder how I'm going to get in the extra 200 now....

I just want to fine tune what I'm doing so I'm not risking getting my body used to what I eat, how often and how much I exercise, because from everything I've gathered, it's good to keep your body guessing so it doesn't go into survival mode.

I do eat well- that website also tracks my protein, fiber, fat and carbs, because I have targets for those as well, not just overall calories. I'm not hungry on the 1500 cal, but was beginning to be after I started adding strength training, another sign I thought I should add some calories to the day's count.

I am VERY BAD about drinking water! I never drank much water as a kid, i swear I was probably dehydrated for the first 30 years of my life! :D
I'm trying....I have a 32 oz. Nalgene bottle that I'll fill up in the morning and take to work. For some reason I drink more water when I drink out of that. Then I try to have another full bottle at night. It's the classic 8 8 oz. glasses per day, but I know I should have even more than that with exercise and all.

Thanks for your help, guys!:)
 
Last edited:
Me SO confused....

Okay, now i'm doubting myself again. I went to bodybuilder.com to determine my RMR: 2014.

Add on the exercise I'm doing and it would seem that I'm working with a deficit of about 1309 calories/day, but acutally it would be about 1800/day if you consider I've been eating 500 calories under my RMR and doing the exercise. That would mean losing a pound every 2 days, or 3 pounds/week, which is definitely not happening! Why not??:confused:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top