Fat to fit - diary of a food lover

okie dokie i've completely forgotten what i ate for breakfast yesterday but lunch was an enchilada with salad, pretty sure i downed an apple and some chicken crimpys too. And then dinner was a spicy KFC wrap, a small OJ and small chips :( *slaps back of hand* i know i know. I was so so hungry coming home from athletics, a new job i've aquired as a sports trainer there, i pretty much just massage buff men and they pay me cash for it, hurah!! but from now on i'll only be there from 6:30-8pm, so i can have tea before i go.
And no exercise but i was dripping with sweat by the time i had finished the third massage.

Tooooooday: was a piece of wholegrain toast for breakfast with promite and a thin slice of cheese (but i ran out of time and threw our half of it) then i had a muffin for morning tea, salad and the last enchilada for lunch (getting sick of enchiladas now!) afternoon tea was a cup of soup and tonight myself and braedan are going to the coopers ale house in town - its famous for having schnitzals larger than your giant plate, SO we have decided to buy ONE and split it, and then buy some veggies on the side :)

exercise - none (again!) eek.

I've been slipping with my food lately, eating too many carbs, grrr. Then i just come here and whinge about it! Think i'll have to throw away the bread in my freezer to stop the temptation.

Ok, better go get ready for tonight.

xx
 
so last night me and braedan went to the alehouse, and the schnitzel braedan ordered was GIANT?! Coopers ale house is famous for big schnitzels, but this was insane. I ordered the salt and pepper squid with salad, and me braedan swapped half our meals each, but i filled up on salad and then couldnt finish my half of the schnitty. I stopped before i was over-full and it felt like a bit of a victory, even though it wasnt exactly the healthiest of meals.

Had lots of water with the meal too, about a litre (4 full glasses).

Today ive had 2 basil and tomato pitas, a small bowl of diet yoghurt, cabbage salad and a minute-steak (very thin, about the size of the palm of my hand). NO MAYO?! (haha i have mayo with everything, great success to go without :p)

Tonight i have a few girls coming over for dinner/dessert, gunna make chicken kievs with a big salad then have a fruit platter, yoghurt and maybe some cheese and crackers for dessert. Three weeks ago i would have just ordered pizzas and ice-cream, so think ive come a long way since then.

Kate
 
Hi Katie! From what I'm seeing the food choices are becoming better. Mayo was a big downfall for me too, I used to put it on everything.

I've seen you pop into a coupl of journals that I'm starting to frequent now that I'm back here more regularly. I figured I stop here and say hi!
 
cheers cabbie :) congratulations of your weight loss!! It must have felt amazing to reach your goal!!

__________________________________________________________________

Tiiiiiiiime to start upping the diet habits i think. No weight loss this week :( I went to the gym twice (wore my heart rate monitor, had an average of 150bpm for 61 minutes, pretty good considering i was doing weights for half an hour)

Yesterday, food wise, was a wholemeal bread roll for brekky, chicken and salad for lunch, grapes dipped in chocolate for afternoon tea (bad kate, bad! - but to be fair they were leftovers from the girls night in, so not a regular buy) and then went up to the river for braedans highschool reunion for dinner. we had BBQ, i had a white bread roll with butter, two marinated chicken shaslicks, a small piece of steak and salad (coleslaw, pasta, and greek) then a piece of cheesecake for dessert and two apple ciders for drinks.

I dunno, its healthier than i used to be but still, if i had JUST avoided the dipping chocolate and bread rolls yesterday it would have been good, so this week my promise to myself is: LESS BREAD!!

Today, at Braedans house, his mum made us home made iced coffees and subway cookies for breakfast?!?! jeez, no wonder braedan finds it hard to lose weight, thats terrible breakfast material!! I went on a caffeine/sugar high after that and braedan said i was bouncing all over the place when we went shopping. Lunch was pizza at Giovanis (again, jeez kate, wheres the self control?!) and just then i had some grapes (threw the chocolate sauce out though, not falling for that again). Tonight i have another 21st then im working for like 6 hours tomorrow on checkout, sometime i need to squeeze out my assignment due monday, eek.

Anyway chaps, best be off. Looking forward to a better week this week.

Kate
 
bleeeeeeerrrrggggghhhhh. slipped back into old trends yesterday, had takeaway for lunch AND dinner. wedges and chicken burger then two chicken wraps and chips for dinner. I guess having a coke zero instead of regular on the side doesnt count for much when theres enough salt on the chips to make me need a drink after every mouthful :s

*sigh*

MUST stop hiding behind the "i was stressed" excuse. Uni is hard, and yes, i'm going to have times where all my assignments are due at once, doesnt mean i can go off and eat squillions of calories. It is impossible to eat my stress away, so time to stop doing that.

Today was a bit better, an apple for breakfast, and another for morning tea with a few shapes, then a wholemeal tuna and salad roll for lunch. This afternoon gym is getting skipped on account of due to a million assignments, my room hasnt been cleaned and my clothes havent been washed in 2 weeks. after stacking it on yet another buried shoe and almost face-planting into the corner of my drawers, i decided for the sake of my eyeballs (and other vulnerable body parts) it was time to clean.

I'm about half-way now, i now know the location of every single sock i own, no longer buried within uni notes and even on my bookshelf... they are all drowning in the bubbly goodness of a washing machine filled to the brim, i saw bubbles spilling out of the drain last time i had a sneaky peak, which in my mind is an excellent sign that i put in enough laundry liquid.

Tonight im working as a sports trainer for a university athletics team, i built up a sweat doing it last time so i guess it counts as some kind of exercise, all that massage aint easy when you do it for over an hour!

No carbs for brekky today (yay), gunna try to cook eggs in the microwave tomorrow, i tried to do it last week and... well... lets just say i could improve.

Kate
 
Ha When i was studying I definately had to clean my room before I could work on my assignments. I think it helps clear you're head out or somehting.

I think working as a fitness trainer is absolutely a workout.

Even though you had some food slip ups the fact that you are still here shows your motivation, just try to come up with strategies for next time you are hungry and tired. Mine is too pland my food the day before, and I keep a snack bar in my bag just in case I can't wait to eat til I get home :)
 
yeah anna, sometimes i clean to procrastinate :p but this time i had to use every second i had to get this presentation ready, it was insane, and i totally agree with the planning meals thing, i think thats where i went wrong this weekend, i didnt have anything quick and easy ready to prepare, so i went to takeaway. I made some chicken n salad wraps last night and am having leftovers today and dont feel tempted to have naughty stuff, so might have to better plan my grocery shopping so i always have quick easy (healthy) foods around to lure me away from takeaway.

today was: an apple for breakfast, a dozen shapes and a regular coffee with fake sugar for morning tea, a chicken n salad wrap for lunch and 2 oreos this afternoon to help me study.

Feel much more enthusiastic about studying in my super clean room :)

I dont know if anyone else gets this, but i have this unlucky symptom of stress where i wake up in the morning and the first thing i do when i get to the bathroom is throw up, and being first thing in the morning its never anything except air and bile. I was terrified it was morning sickness for a while but then realised i only get it when im super stressed (eg, had it almost every day of placement, then again about a week later when i was having nightmares, then nothing until the two days leading up to this presentation). Might ask my doctor about it next time i go...

Have sore thumbs after massage with the athletics guys yesterday :( but i scored $40 cash for my services, so im a happy camper, gunna go buy a backpack for $30 tomorrow cause my uni bag is falling to pieces, ha, easy come, easy go i guess.

In other news i went to a 21st on the weekend and people were taking photos and they're now on FB and blergh, i hate all the photos of myself, nothing like a few horrible photos to encourage the weight loss, its gunna be 29 degrees tomorrow, summer is on its way! i definitely do not want to spend this summer lugging around the extra 40kg, so time to get serious about this weight loss stuff!

Ok, study, work, gym tomorrow, more study... better get a move on :p

Kate
 
ok, lost track of time.
today: food = 3/4 cup sultana bran and 1/2 cup skim milk, 2 eggs and 3 mushrooms for breakfast. lunch was leftover 'cannalousaka' (my invention - cannelloni/lasagne/mousaka combo lol) with salad, dinner was salmon, half a dozen wedges and 2 types of salad. then small piece of apple cake for dessert, was SOOO full.

feeling very lonely tonight, just feel like cuddles, but braedan is up at his parents place by the river :( i will NOT be comfort eating though. i've found something i enjoy more - READING!! haha i love reading, just started reading 'eat pray love' and its addictive, so thats what tonight has in store for me :)

exercise: massive fail this week. going to try and redeem myself tomorrow morning.

Ni night xx
 
Hope your exercise goes well tommorrow. What are you going to do?

I haven't read that book yet, tell us what you think.

Anna
 
anna the book started out exciting but is starting to annoy me a bit now, and im not even a third of the way through it yet, ill finish it anyway, i hate not knowing what happens... but yeah, doesnt rate too high on my 'great-book-o-meter'...

and yes, feeling a little less lonely today thanks sunflower, i'm a very social being, and tend to get quite lonely if i go for even just one day without talking to anyone, as i locked myself away yesterday to study i get the feeling thats what made me a bit lonesome, today i had a friend over to study in the morning then worked for 5 hours on checkout, lots of human interaction, so feeling much better :)

food wasn't great though: breakfast was a piece of home made apple-cake (mum made me take home a whole plate full of it, i gave most of it away to my housemates but it was so yummy, i had the last piece for brekky) lunch was a bowl of pasta with tomato-based meat sauce and parmesan, leftovers from my lazy night last night. Then dinner was a chicken breast stuffed with feta and a big serving of cabbage salad.

Settling in for the night with 'D2: the mighty ducks' (yaaay <3 this movie!!) as Braedan is still up at the river until tuesday :(... in other news it's out 1 year anniversary this weekend coming and he has lined up a few surprises for me on saturday which im pretty excited about :D i'm taking him to a bed and breakfast on sunday night as we both have uni/work off on monday :) <3 him lots, he spoils me rotten :)

anyway, next week i have my first of SIX exams, blergh. i have a week of swot vac then four exams the following week and one last prac exam on the monday, by the 22nd of november, ill be freeeeeeeeee!!

but until then, as always, back to the books (and ducks :D)

xx
 
i am super greedy. i think thats what got me to this weight in the first place. i'm lazy, and i'm greedy. and while i think coming to this realisation will eventually be good for me, it kinda sucks right now.

greedy: always take the biggest piece of cake, the last biscuit on the tray, hide food, stash it, refuse to share it.

lazy: never want to exercise. always make a huge deal of it when i DO to make it sound like i do lots of it. i want the benefits of exercise without actually doing it. I want to be fit, healthy and attractive, but so far, havent put in nearly enough hard work to deserve it.

I guess weight is the one thing u cant cheat with. I've always been pretty clever, genetic gift from mum n dad i guess, so i've been always able to skip corners, academically. My cleverness even helps me talk my way into getting almost anything i want (assisting my greed). But unlike an essay i only spent an hour producing and got a great mark for... weight is (well, for me, anyway) one thing i cant cheat on. I can come on here and talk about all the good things i've done, but if i go off and eat a footlong sub after my chicken and salad dinner (like i did last night)... the scales arent going to reward me with a good mark. The scales know i didnt exercise last week, they know about the footlong sub, too.

Still not sure whats going on in my head, but i feel like i'm at a fork in the road, and down one track i have a life of obesity, pain, unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction... which is the one i've walked down for the last 5 or 6 years of my life... and then the other fork (which, admittedly, i cant even see any more) is the one where i get CONTROL of my weight, build up strength, get a good career started for myself and for the first time in my adult life feel attractive, not ashamed. And there is no taxi that's going to take me there, this here is a long, slow, on-foot journey.

Now i just need to start heading in the right direction. But as i mentioned, i feel like i cant even see the road to happiness any more, its buried deep in the misty gloom of the millions of hot chips and depressed binges i've chewed my way through to end up here. I want my happy ending so so badly, why the hell do i keep heading in the wrong direction? why does it feel like i have so much determination and self discipline in every aspect of my life except this? Do i think i dont deserve happiness? Thats probably part of it... i don't think i'm a very nice person. I think if i was attractive i'd become an even nastier person.

I dont even know what the point of this post is. Maybe its just my lazy coming out, and procrastinating actually doing anything about it? All well and good to speak kate, but actions speak louder than words... and that scale isn't going to respond to enthusiastic PLANS... only responds to actions.

Yeh, had a shit day. have already eaten twice as much as i should have, and hid it from everyone, by hiding in the corner, munging down a huge bowl of pasta where no-one could see me. How embarrassing. If i saw my behaviour today i would be totally embarrassed for the girl scoffing down pasta, i would say, in the most judgemental voice i have "she deserves to be fat, look at her behaviour, she has nothing to be upset about, she cant blame stress or guilt or loneliness or grief or poor upbringing or ANYTHING... she has the perfect life, and she is throwing it away for food, what a shame, what a waste"

Still dont quite get the point of this post, but i guess i'm really disappointed with myself today. Well not just today, i'm disappointed with myself in general. I'm a girl who has everything from youth and money to a steady relationship and good family, and i'm wasting life, letting opportunities go by... holding back.

Fingers crossed for a better mood tomorrow eh?

I think i need to start letting out this crap more often, it's been building up for a long time.
 
Hi! I'm sorry you're having a hard time , keep your chin up mate.
Tomorrow is what you want it to be :) Don't give up xx
 
Apologies for the rant. Feeling a bit better today. Going away for the weekend for me and Braedan's one year anniversary.

Food: sultana bran + lite milk, glass of OJ. Chicken and veg pie with sauce, 2 slices leftover pizza, feta/basil/tomato pita. Oh and a coke zero.

Exercise - walked to uni and back (10 mins each way, in the glorious sunshine)

Kate
 
Hmmm, thats weird, looks like my last post didnt actually get posted. Bugger.

Oh well, the jist of it was that i'm settling into a week of full-on study and have stocked the fridge full of fresh fruit and veg and the freezer full of lean meat.

Feeling better about life, in general, and looking forward to, once again, getting back on the healthy bandwagon.

Kate
 
ok so food is not going well for me today, but at least i went to the gym for an hour. got nice and sweaty on the rower, then did some ab stuff and a bunch of stretching, then back on the cross trainer... mmmmm... sweaty.

Skipped the upper body stuff cause last night i worked for the athletics team and think i pushed a bit too hard (for me, not them) cause my fingers were tingling by the time i left :s so i iced them at mum and dads, all gone today, but scary stuff, i dont want carpel tunnel :(

but yes, food has been: ham n cheese danish from bakers delight, then leftover stirfry for lunch, followed by leftover pasta and a bunch of grapes. lots of water too. stupid exam study, i just procrastinate by eating... feeling very stressed, eeeeek, dont want to sit my exams next week, i have 4 exams in 4 days, and im scared!

For some reason i've been avoiding Braedan too, maybe its just stress, or the fact that we spent 3 days doing everything together over the weekend, i dunno, but usually im begging him to come over and now i keep kinda pushing him away? It's only been like 3 days, so dont think he is worried yet.. hopefully i snap out of it soon.

OK, back to the books.

Kate
 
BLERGH!! horrible horrible study is ruining my life. well, ruining my social life. I've spent the entire week inside, buried in books and notes. My pillow is covered in pen marks. I've been stress eating :( but to be fair, the extra food is mostly fruit.. and possibly some ice-cream? Grrrr, i hate being so stressed, all good eating intentions fly right out the window!!

This time next week things should be MUCH better, as ill have finished all my written exams, and just have one prac exam left before 2 months of freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!! :D
 
Hey Katiebug

Be kind to yourself! Its a stressful time. Dont' sweat the eating and exercise too much, just know that you'll get back into it as soon as possible.

Good luck with the exams.

Anna
 
I feel for you Katie! I'm still in school myself and between working and studying stress just kinda goes along with it.

I can't help you much, but maybe a hug? :hug2:
 
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