EveryNewDay

bella85

bella85

New member
Im taking it one day at a time.
Sometimes one moment at a time.
I dont have a choice.
I MUST do this, for me, for the family I want to have.
I watch my mother - see her laboured breathing after minimal movement.
I cant get like that.
I wish I could save her too - I fear she wont live a long life. I want her to be here when I have kids - but I fear that wont happen. Maybe that's my deep dark secret.

But I have to fix me.

I didnt get out for my walk today. Nor did I go to the gym.
But on a good note - I'm below my 1900cal cap for the day. Well below.

Im scared. Scared of being anorexic again. Afraid that counting calories will push me too far.

I dont know how one goes from one extreme to the other. All or nothing I guess.



Every New Day - Five Iron Frenzy
When I was young, the smallest trick of light,
Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for,
And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar,
I just don't feel like flying anymore.
When the stars threw down their spears,
Watered Heaven with their tears,
Before words were spoken,
Before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

When I was small, the furthest I could reach,
Was not so high,
Then I thought the world was so much smaller,
Feeling that I could fly.
Through distant deeps and skies,
Behind infinity,
Below the face of Heaven,
He stoops to create me.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.
Dear God...
Increase.
Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,
without a beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's,
Only You can make every new day seem so ne
 
I keep joking around at work about eating rabbit food.
I really hate eating healthy some days.

beingthin feels better than any food tastes

i sure hope that is true
 
I started the day out right.. but failed from there.

I went to a group fitness program at the gym - not a super heavy workout but definately felt good.

I had a grilledcheese and a half for brunch
a couple poptarts...
and here is the killer ..
PIZZA!!!
ugh
it was sooooooo good. yet so bad. if i could limit myself i would be okay
4 slices : /...

i have a hard time on days i dont work
i have so much more opertunity to pig out
you would think working in a fast food joint would be more dangerous
but nope.

tomorrow is a new day
i can do better
i will do better



on a positive note i was down over 5lbs today
and i did stay within my calorie count... so hopefully im alright

im going to weigh in on the digital scale next time im at my parents for an exact figure
but i feel like there is hope.. that i really CAN do this.. and i really WILL do this
 
Today I feel great.

My work unform felt less tight today...
Hopefully soon I will be able to fit into the one I have that is 1 size smaller (well it fits but I dont like how fitted it is)

I went to my mothers and used her digital scale. I am down 8lbs!!! In just over two weeks. Im sure a bit is water weight but Im happy all the same.

I bought myself a biggest loser scale. I can track my weightloss difference on the scale - pretty cool.

All in all I am feeling very motivated. I am back to the gym for a fitness class tomorrow - maybe taking a walk in a little bit too.


<3
 
Healthy food doesn't have to be horrible or tasteless. I've recently discovered the joy of berries in my food (in porridge/ oatmeal or in low fat yoghurt), and it feels like a real treat, which is especially good given I'm dieting. I've put the details on my own diary (I calorie count, but more so I know what to choose to lose weight- I aim to be full and eat healthily), but the two things that have stuck out for me as things that I've really enjoyed are porridge (oatmeal in the US) made with milk and with berries and a little bit of honey (using the ingredients I do- that includes 0.1% milk- it's about 360 calories, and it keeps me full until lunchtime); and (discovered tonight) low fat Greek yoghurt with berries, an apple (chopped up then lightly steamed), and a dessertspoon of honey (254 calories the way I made it). Both feel rather decadent (and I don't know about where you are, but I can get frozen berries reasonably cheaply) and filling- and I think looking after yourself (and/ or treating yourself) with healthy food is a good way to keep motivated (I certainly wouldn't be allowing myself berries if I weren't on the diet!).

Have you also considered, as a way out from processed foods (things like Poptarts), making more of your own food? (I haven't had Poptarts in an awfully long time so I can't give an exact analogy, but maybe toast with some jam? There's apparently 198 calories in a strawberry poptart- I just googled it. You could save a few calories and have a lower fat option by having a slice of bread with some jam on it- would be about 130 calories with the bread I used to have and my jam) Perhaps a way to reduce the fat on the grilled cheese would be to grate it rather than slice it and put it on.

It's all one step at a time- and if you make a mistake, you can just jump back on the bandwagon. Tomorrow's another day (and if you're feeling guilty about it, then what I try to do is "save" some of my calorie allowance for treats, if that would help you)

Best of luck! :)
 
amy1985 said:
It's all one step at a time- and if you make a mistake, you can just jump back on the bandwagon. Tomorrow's another day (and if you're feeling guilty about it, then what I try to do is "save" some of my calorie allowance for treats, if that would help you)

Best of luck! :)
Click to expand...

Definately agree with you here :)
 
Thanks guys :)

I dont usually eat poptarts - they were on sale and its been years since I had them.
My biggest problem is that I am so darn picky. I dont like a lot of fruits. I have an aversion to certain textures of foods aswell so it makes thing more difficult.


Today was the first day in a long time I ate what I planned to and wasnt left feeling hungry. I havent had any real cravings.

I still have a chocolate cake left over from my husbands birday dinner hiding in my freezer. I just have to find someone to pawn it off on :)

I started following myfitnesspal online aswell as on my mobile.

Chii85 if you want to find me
 
I found an ap on my phone - which also has a corrisponding website. Its really motivated me. Im down 13lbs now. Ive been working harder to keep on track at the gym and other exercise.

cheers
 
Keep up the good work. What are you eating each day? A food diary is a good thing here. And I wouldn't like to encourage anyone to become anorexic.
What is your height and weight?

Otherwise, its your diary and you can write what you want to in it.

I've got recipes on mine if you want to take a look. "I'm aiming for 59kg."
 
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