Eryn's Diary

DomesticGoddess

DomesticGoddess

New member
I believe yesterday I hit THE point where I will hopefully break this vicious cycle... instead of buying a dress for my graduation I bought a HOODIE. I plan on wearing a hoodie for the 3rd summer in a row. Jeans and sweatshirts...thats my winter and summer wardrobe. Now my only pair of fitting jeans are beginning to be too tight. This point in my life has been unpleasant and hindering everything else going on. I am a 23 year old female from Pa. I am a mother of three beautiful babies. Two wonderful boys (5 and 4 years old) and a beautiful little girl (2 years old). I have a fiancee, we've been engaged for 3 years but we have yet to actually get married. Partly because we didn't have enough money for a while and partly because I am too embarrassed to look like I do on my wedding day. I am graduating school in 12 days. I hate that I will have to receive my diploma looking like this. I hate that my happiness and hard work will be hindered by how uncomfortable I feel. I am so mad at myself for not doing something sooner. So many should haves, could haves, would haves. I'm fed up with it. So, on that note, I am going to weigh myself and take measurements. Keep in mind I have not done this in some time and will probably need to take a moment to be mad. I have lost the weight before so I can't believe after all that I allowed myself to let his happen again. I made a promise to myself that I would never feel this way again.

Height: 5'3
Weight: 180. Right now I am shocked. This is my heaviest ever.
BMI (stupid wii fit...): 31.84
I want to lose 50 pounds and get to 130. I was healthy and able to play with my kids at 130. :(
I am kind of lost how I am going to go about this. Honestly I wanted to try medifast. Anyone else like it? I have been told by a family member though I need to have to lose more to be on it. I have used nutri-system in the past and lost 40 pounds. I also used weight watchers in the past. I think for the first week I am going to stick with good foods... I really need some will power here. eek. I'm also going to work-out. I would LOVE to reach my goal by August 18th for vacation but I know this will not be happening so I guess realistically by August I would like to shoot for 20 pounds lost. I want to take my kids to the beach and not think about myself and hiding the whole time. I WANT TO ENJOY MYSELF ON VACATION. I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY WITHOUT SELFISHLY THINKING OF MY DISCOMFORT THE WHOLE TIME!

Measurements:
Arms: 14.5 inches
Neck: 13 inches
Chest: 41 inches
Waist: 35.5 inches
Midline: 41 inches
Hips: 43 inches
Thighs: 29 inches
Calves: 17 inches

Now I am going to measure myself like this again when I have lost 25 pounds and again at my 50 pound goal.
Uck...
I feel horrible.
I also want to let you guys know I canceled my wedding about a month ago. I would have been getting married on September 28th. I am so sick of being ashamed. I am sick of crying. Last week I tried getting my boyfriend to take his sister to his friend's wedding in a couple weeks because I can't imagine showing my face in public. I want this to stop. He wouldn't agree to it so I am hoping in a couple weeks I can feel better about myself. I'm sorry to who ever is reading this and thinking I being ridiculous drowning myself in self pity. This is not who I am. I need to find myself again... Any advice out there? What has worked for you guys? Any girls out there know of a flattering dress shape for a full hipped woman that won't make me look like I borrowed my mom's dress? I tried on the new "maxi" dress which is the trend this season. EW. I do not think they made this dress shape for anyone over 100 pounds or with any chest.
 
Any girls out there know of a flattering dress shape for a full hipped woman that won't make me look like I borrowed my mom's dress? I tried on the new "maxi" dress which is the trend this season. EW. I do not think they made this dress shape for anyone over 100 pounds or with any chest.
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You really have to try on a bunch of different styles to see what works for you... Chances are -at your height -you're better off with a knee length or just below the knee - anything longer will always look frumpy - even if you are thin... Don't forget clothes can be altered as well - you don't have to buy right off the rack - tailors exist at most dry cleaners or elsewhre and for a few dollars a correct hem makes a world of difference (yes, I spend entirely too much time watching What Not to Wear... :D )

As for diet advice -I already saidin in your intro thread - Lifestyle change -not diet...; reasoonable calories - read the stickied threads - theres info you definitely need... and go to the wedding - your fiance loves you for you - not for what you look like...
 
yeaaaaaaa... your right. :) I had a self pity moment this morning. Its done and the doors shut. I did a lot of reading while I was waiting for my kids to wake up and decided NOT to diet. I need to just be a good girl and suck it up. lol
 
ok guys... here are my ideas for getting in some exercise this week. I like the on demand exercises by leslie sansone... walking with boosters is my favorite. I have wii fit to play. I am going to ride bikes to the park today with the kiddos, we are going berry picking later in the week, I am going to use my yoga ball for sit ups, I'm going to take the kids swimming, I am doing poi which was a hobby for me before the fat(sooo fun!), hula hooping, jump roping, and my fiancee Chris wants to go play soccer in the park this weekend. He also found us a sitter so we can go to a frisbee golf course (which in our park is huge and hiking most of the way) and play or hike... whatever I want to do. He is so excited I want to stop being depressed. I am really excited I'm doing this. For real. For once. I'm glad I have such a supportive partner.
 
I too have just recently started my weight loss journey, so welcome! I am also 5'3" and I started at 170. The weight is coming off slowly, but I feel so much better, I have more energy and my clothes are fitting me better. I never did "before" measurements but I am sure they would be down some.

It is wonderful how supportive and excited for you your fiancee is. If you ever need some extra motivation or encouragement you should check out the Before, During and After thread. There are some amazing before and after pics on there that totally kicked my butt back into gear when I was feeling unmotivated.

Welcome to the board.
 
funmom said:
I too have just recently started my weight loss journey, so welcome! I am also 5'3" and I started at 170. The weight is coming off slowly, but I feel so much better, I have more energy and my clothes are fitting me better. I never did "before" measurements but I am sure they would be down some.

It is wonderful how supportive and excited for you your fiancee is. If you ever need some extra motivation or encouragement you should check out the Before, During and After thread. There are some amazing before and after pics on there that totally kicked my butt back into gear when I was feeling unmotivated.

Welcome to the board.
Click to expand...

thank you. :) I'm happy to be here!
 
Today... yuck. Lets just say I need to get a grip on my will power and just DO IT (eating well). On tuesday I had my last anatomy class and we all took pictures. I am hoping that these pictures will keep me on track. It makes me so sad to look at them. I am so unhappy. I am took embarrassed to upload them. I think if I start losing a little weight I will put them up as my before photos. Maybe it will not be so embarrassing if I change. On a brighter note I did exercise today. Me and my two year old did a couple 1/2 hour ones from the fitness/on demand section. It was pretty funny actually. She is going through a "nudist baby" stage so she put on shoes and danced around naked. I guess its only funny if its your kid. I find her hilarious. She is so spunky, it keeps me on my toes. Always my little helper and now my exercise partner. :smilielol5:
 
today I did a half hour of arm exercises, an hour of cardio and then the kids woke up so we walked to dairy queen for dinner (hey, its one of the few in kid-friendly walking distance about a mile each way). I only ate the grill sandwich without the cheese, mayo and bacon. It was really good.

This morning-
Low fat english muffin
3 rice cakes, 1 with a little peanut butter
1 cup of tea w/ splenda

Snack- square of dark chocolate... oh I know I said I'd only eat veggies around this time but I couldn't resist and I was being good about it! lol

Lunch-ok... this probably wasn't the greatest but it was drastically less than I usually eat. A peanut butter/apple butter sandwich on low fat wheat bread.

snack- cheese stick and cup of strawberries

dinner-the grilled sandwich with turkey, lettuce and tomato.

snack- 1 low fat popsicle and I ate some snap peas. yum!

I also drank 120 oz of water today.
I really wish I could have a glass of wine but I don't want to sabotage myself. :( I am about to go outside and run until I can't breathe which will not take long. I can't run for some reason.

woo hoo! I'm feeling good!
I also decided next friday (and all the fridays after this) will be my weigh in day. It will keep me on track for the weekend when I see good results.
 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Wow my leg hurts! Just a reminder out there to you all... If your in pain please get it fixed... you seriously don't need to live in pain! Go see a chiropractor, physical therapist or massage therapist or heck, all three. My pelvis is wayyyy out of place.. time to work on that. While running tonight the tibialis muscle in my right leg tightened up, and is sending shooting pain all through it. TIME TO TRIGGER POINT!!! I love to self treat. :)
 
I feel great today. Not sure if I lost anything yet but I don't really care either. I just want to clean up my act first. I'm going to go buy a scale today. I have been really reasonable about how I eat and I'm proud of myself. I have been resisting temptation really well. I took my kid's to their friend's birthday party yesterday and when offered cake I asked for a tiny wedge. It was good and I didn't want anymore besides the 3 bites it was. That felt really good... temptation gone... craving satisfied. I think I am going to be ok. :) On a more annoying note I could not find a dress for my graduation. I guess I don't understand how to correctly dress my current shape. No worries though. The hunt is back on tomorrow. I'm going to bring my mom to watch the kids and give me input. I hope I find the one that makes me feel like a foxy mama! My big challenge will be break time at school tonight. I will be at school till 10 and I usually get hungry again by the end. My goal will be to not eat past 7 unless we have a late break. I'll just eat light... a veggie bowl and some fruit. Any suggestions for easy to digest foods/later dinners? 5 days and I will be done school! I can't wait to take the state board exams and get working! Its been a long road but I am going to be happy doing what I do. Hopefully this will help satisfy me over all and keep me on track to being healthy.
 
ooohhh I also decided to not really care if I lose 50 pounds or not. I just want to look good and feel good! I miss my face.. Its a pudgy little ball right now. I used to have one chin and some cheeks bones but they are currently hiding. lol. I miss my curves and hips. I am mushy and misshapen for the time being but I know that will change.
 
why thank you! I hope so. I had my poor me pity party and while it was beneficial for me to get to this point I hope I never do it again. :p
 
alright... I didn't lose any weight this week yet but I didn't gain any so... woo hoo! I've been busy and exhausted. I graduated college today and I am BEAT. I shall update later.
 
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