Enough is Enough ... No More Excuses!!!

LJ - That's definitely it. The comfort and really just the stability. The company I work for tends to offer you more money when you give your notice. At least that's been the pattern when others threaten to leave whether they follow through or not. I've thought about bluffing and giving my notice, but honestly that's insane. It could backfire and I'm certainly not prepared to be unemployed so I'll need to stick it out. It just sucks dreading going to work every day.

~~

Yesterday was a success. No cheating at all.

B: beef, butternut squash, pear stew.
S: orange
L: Salad with terryaki chicken
S: grapes
D: hamburgers (bunless) with bacon, cucumbers, and tomatoes on the side
(Look Chef... NO raisins!!)

I do batch cooking so my breakfast and lunch will be the same this week, snacks as well. My dinner will be lemon garlic chicken with white sweet potatoes.
 
MandyH said:
LJ - That's definitely it. The comfort and really just the stability. The company I work for tends to offer you more money when you give your notice. At least that's been the pattern when others threaten to leave whether they follow through or not. I've thought about bluffing and giving my notice, but honestly that's insane. It could backfire and I'm certainly not prepared to be unemployed so I'll need to stick it out. It just sucks dreading going to work every day.

~~

Yesterday was a success. No cheating at all.

B: beef, butternut squash, pear stew.
S: orange
L: Salad with terryaki chicken
S: grapes
D: hamburgers (bunless) with bacon, cucumbers, and tomatoes on the side
(Look Chef... NO raisins!!)

I do batch cooking so my breakfast and lunch will be the same this week, snacks as well. My dinner will be lemon garlic chicken with white sweet potatoes.
Click to expand...

...THIS time.
 
MandyH said:
I've thought about bluffing and giving my notice, but honestly that's insane.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's a bad plan. I would consider meeting with your manager an airing your issues without any threat in the air. If he/she can help you out, awesome; if not, then it's probably time to start looking for real.
 
Your food always sounds so good. I really need to get back into batch cooking. I did that when I was most successful.
 
Well, I've been MIA for a bit for a couple of reasons.

First, the easy to explain reason. My laptop crapped out on me. It was a good laptop, but was over 7 years old so it was time apparently. I ended up having to shell out some money to get a new one. Not too bad though, only $350 (that includes a $50 gift card from Christmas) for the new one and so far I love it! Going from a 15.6" screen to 17.3". It doesn't sound like a big jump, but the difference is huge. I'm getting used to Windows 10. I refused to buy anything on Windows 8. I hate 8 with a passion!

So, now the rest of the reason. I can't make excuses. I have to be accountable. I've fallen hard once again. I was on vacation this past week, tomorrow's my last day. I had all the right intentions going into it to do Taebo everyday and to stay the course for eating healthy. Neither of these happened. Once again, I Indulged WAY too much. Just to give the scope of what I'm talking here, I'm rather ashamed to admit that in one day I ate 2 Ben & Jerry ice creams. In another day I made a box of brownies and had half of the pan in one day and the other half the next day. As I sit here typing I can honestly say that I feel like the world's biggest failure. I'm disgusted that I let myself go like this. I know everyone says don't beat yourself up, but honestly under the circumstances I don't see how I can't. I was doing so good in 2013. I got down below 200lb and swore I'd never be back over 200lb again. Here I am though. Still trying to find my stride again. Why does this have to be so damn difficult?!

So anyway, on my vacation it wasn't a complete loss. I did walk outside a few days. I'd say about 6 miles total over those walks. Some exercise is better than none right? One of my walks was to a hair salon down the road and I got my haircut. I wanted something different and boy did I get it. My hair is usually on the longer side, mid back. I always wear it pulled back in a bun or pony tail. I opted to go with a bob cut which is now above shoulder length. Not long enough to pull back anymore, but I've found a couple of styles I'm comfortable with so all is not lost.

With my vacation ending tomorrow I've decided once again to try to right the ship. I have my shopping list good to go. All healthy stuff. I will NOT put any junk food in my cart. I've also decided that since I can't seem to get my lazy ass out of bed in the morning to do Taebo, I'll do it after work. It means my dinner will be later than usual and unfortunately my dogs will lose some quality time, but I need to do something. I need to make changes for me. I can't take this spiraling out of control anymore. I just can't.

I'll be updating again tomorrow with a new weigh in. I'm dreading it. I haven't dared to weigh in all week..... *ugh*
 
Hi Mandy. The main thing honey is to never, ever give up. You know what to do. We're here to support you, but you can do it!
 
MandyH said:
I'm rather ashamed to admit that in one day I ate 2 Ben & Jerry ice creams. In another day I made a box of brownies and had half of the pan in one day and the other half the next day. As I sit here typing I can honestly say that I feel like the world's biggest failure. I'm disgusted that I let myself go like this. I know everyone says don't beat yourself up, but honestly under the circumstances I don't see how I can't. I was doing so good in 2013. I got down below 200lb and swore I'd never be back over 200lb again. Here I am though. Still trying to find my stride again. Why does this have to be so damn difficult?!
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Mandy? There's nothing to be ashamed of, especially here. In fact, you should feel the exact opposite of ashamed - you should feel proud of yourself.

Do you want to know the main reason I'm here? Because, I'm fat and unhealthy. I'm getting better, but I'm fat and unhealthy. And, how did I get this way? Because, I had plenty of nights where I ate Ben & Jerry's ice cream, brownies and a ton of other shit that isn't good for me. The difference between you and me is that I wasn't brave enough to admit it. You are though. You admit, not only to us but to yourself, that you ate things you shouldn't have eaten. Good for you. That's not easy to do. In fact, that's HARD to do. And, you did it. So, no...I don't think you should feel ashamed. I think you should feel proud. You should feel proud for being brave enough to say to us, "Hey, I fucked up. I'm not perfect and I fucked up."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're ALL here because we fucked up somewhere along the line. And, to answer your question (Why does this have to be so damn difficult?!), it's so difficult because we've all fucked up and it's HARD to learn from our mistakes. But, that's why we're here - we're here to learn, not only from our own mistakes, but from the mistakes of others. We all come here to share wisdom and wisdom is only gained when mistakes are made. So, don't feel ashamed. You learned something. You learned that eating like that makes you feel bad. And, you feel bad because you care.

We care too.

Nobody is perfect, especially us. Nobody thinks ill of you or what you have done. Nobody.
 
Cate and Chef, thanks so much. It's just so frustrating that you can look at some people and they have such self control when it comes to food. They can have a tiny square of chocolate or a really small bowl of ice cream and feel complete satisfied. Then there's people like me, like us, who need the whole pint and still aren't satisfied. I know everyone has their own addiction though so it's probably not a good idea to compare. Still, the lack of will power and self control is a problem that I, that we, need to learn to cope with.

~~

So as promised, I weighed in this morning and the lovely scale threw 229.8lb out at me. Not a very pretty number, but I know that it's partly due to water weight and inflammation so I'm not going to dwell on it. All I can do is move forward to try to fix it. Today is day one.... again.

One thing I remembered this morning is that my candy dish at work is empty. I was supposed to buy more today to bring in tomorrow, but I'm not going to. Some of my coworkers will be disappointed, but I need to worry about me before them so I'll be skipping it.
 
Hi Mandy- I think you would find that one square of chocolate or a small bowl of ice cream doesn't actually satisfy many people. They learn to stop at that, which is bloody hard. Self-control is a very hard thing to learn, but we can all do it. I think I would be telling your co-workers to fill their own candy dish & have it nowhere near you. Candy dishes are cruel. CRUEL!
 
I totally agree with Cate. I can stop at a small bowl of ice cream or a piece of chocolate, but it's nowhere near satisfying. I'm willing to bet it probably never will be for me either. And forget your coworkers. If they want candy they can get their own. Definitely put yourself first in that situation! :)
 
Cate, that's probably true about not feeling satisfied. I used that mentality in the past to not have any sweets. I knew one bite would lead to another and I'd just continue wanting more and more. It worked for a while. I also agree about the candy dishes. For a while I did really good at not having any, but this time around I'm struggling... badly! :(

Jen, forgetting my coworkers is not a problem! I've literally had it with the people I work with. There are a few I still like, but for the most part my whole job is just getting to me. I think the unhappiness with my job and coworkers is part of why I'm struggling so much right now. I'm an emotional, stress, nervous, etc eater. It's all just getting to me.

~~

So today I had a small, but big victory if that makes sense. I've mentioned in the past that I want to stay away from processed foods and that I do batch cooking for my meals during the week. My plan going to the grocery store today was to get some cabbage cole slaw mix to fry up with some bacon. I've made it before and it was delicious! As luck would have it the store was out. My immediate reaction was to just say screw it and buy some cereal (not the "healthy" kind - I'm talking Lucky Charms or Apple Jacks). Then I reminded myself of my goal, got my cell phone out, and looked for a recipe in the store. So, I ended up making a meatloaf with apple and onion mixed in. Sounds good, we'll see.
 
Surviving today, but it's been tough. I'm CRAVING chocolate! Thankfully I don't have any so I'm safe from the temptation. I really do think keeping this candy dish empty is the best thing to do. At least until I know I can handle it. It'll be weeks if not months before I get there.

My breakfast meatloaf was really good coupled with a small can of pineapple! I know it sounds weird having meatloaf for breakfast, but when cereals, pancakes, waffles, toast, bagels, etc aren't an option you have to think out of the box. I have my lunch about ready to go. Salad with chicken and a small bit of dressing.

I feel good today... so far...
 
One more thing, it's been bugging me so I wanted to just say it. I REALLY appreciate all of you who are here checking in on me and leaving words of encouragement. I really do. I feel badly though because I don't feel as though I'm returning the favor. I try to. I really do, but it's hard to get time to stay up to date on everyone's diaries. I did just get caught up and I'm going to do my best to keep up with it. I just don't want anyone to think I'm ungrateful or that I have no interest in how your journeys are going because that's not the case at all. I'm literally logged in at work getting caught up now. :)
 
Well done with avoiding temptation and not going of track when the supermarket didn't have what you were looking for :)
 
Meatloaf for breakfast sounds fine to me! I had cheesy pasta with brussels´ sprouts :D I hear you on not going around to other people´s diaries; I don´t always make it either. And neither does everyone else (except Cate, because Cate´s super awesome!). That´s ok, we´re all human here (I think).
 
You just made me laugh LaMa! Ha ha. I try. (Some might say I am trying.) Mandy don't worry. You are busy. We are all here to support one another & not everyone has the time to get around. Concentrate on your health & your diary sweetie, xo
 
:iagree:

Hope today is a great one! I don't think there's anything wrong with meatloaf for breakfast either. Mmmm! Sounds good to me!
 
This week has gone pretty well. My only cheat that I can remember is having a couple mugs of hot chocolate to soothe a sore throat. I thought I had some tea, but I don't. Tonight's grocery night so I'll be picking some up. I will say that I'm learning more and more about how helpful it is to NOT have junk food around the house. I've been craving it, badly and I know if I had it I would eat it. So, lesson learned. No more junk food. It feels like I'm punishing myself, but really it's the only way for me to get back on track.

I still have not done Taebo. I'm still sorely lacking motivation in the exercise department. I'm going to try again tonight. I really need to just do it, but I always start thinking about it and how hot, sweaty, and winded I'll get and it turns me off. I need to get back into it which will eventually change my mindset.

In other news, I haven't weighed in at all this week aside from Monday. I wanted to surprise myself by waiting until next Monday, but curiosity got the better of me this morning. I hopped on the scale and was given 226.8lb. This is exactly 3lb down from Monday. As I said, I knew my weight Monday was likely mainly due to water weight and inflammation. Either way it was nice to see a lower number. :)
 
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