Emily on a Mission

Hey allicat.

Well, the good news. I have managed to maintain my weight for the last 6 months. 11 stone 5. Considering at the start of 2014, I weighed 14 stone, it's brilliant. I would like to be 10 stone - this is the weight I feel the fat in the middle would be eradicated at. But where I am now in terms of weight is not bad at all.

The healthy lifestyle is one that I am still struggling with, but I have learned so much in the last few years about what I need to do. I used to be all or nothing - I'd eat one bar of chocolate and decide to have 2 more because I would be starting again tomorrow so it wouldn't count. I've learned that even if I have a few biscuits now, I have to just accept it but not pretend like I definitely won't eat a biscuit ever again, so there's no need to panic and keep going. I think I actually trained my brain to believe I was living in some post-apocalyptic world there for a while, where food could just disappear at any point, so just keep shovelling it in while you still could.

Anyway. Still struggling on with this but I'm going to get there. I know it. The fear is shifting.
 
Hi Emily. I think I used to live in that world too once upon a time. I am so glad that you have learned so much & have maintained your weight loss. Well done honey!!
 
I'm all or nothing too! One thing leads to another and before I know it an entire bag of Twix chocolate is done. I did a quick calculation and 10 stone is 140 pounds, I also want to be that weight soon. When I was that weight I felt extremely confortable in my skin and happy. 10 pounds to go.
 
Do you ever take a bath and really have it brought home to you how fat your belly is? I look like a jelly baby. Ugh. I definitely have a beer belly going on. A beer pouch. A trainer once told me that the only way to get rid of the belly is to give up sugar.

Today I've had a spinach, tomato and cucumber juice for breakfast. A slice of toast with butter and marmalade mid-morning. A Pad Thai for lunch. Two biscuits. Some nuts. Coffee and lots of tea. Will try not to eat too much more tonight.

Do you ever feel so angry and disappointed about something and not to be able to just 'let it go'? I hate that we're all meant to be superhuman all the time and never get upset or dwell on anything negative. This has been a very emotional week for me. Thank God for Friday and a break.
 
Sorry to read you are having a difficult time. :(

I've definitely felt resentful and unable to let something go. The only thing that seems to help me is to use a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness and really look honestly at how I contributed to the situation. I know it sounds weird to try and find your own fault in a matter that seems entirely on someone else, but for me, I can always find where I was wrong in the situation and it helps me because I can change ME, but I can't change others. Sometimes the fault on my part is having too high of expectations or wanting people to act a certain way like I can control them or just reliving it over and over when I need to just let it go. They say resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I think that sums it up.
 
Hi DynamicRange,

It's so interesting you posted that to me. Yesterday, I went to the library and saw the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The title spoke to me because I feel I've really crippled myself with fear for a long time, so I decided to borrow it. I just finished reading it about 30 minutes ago. What an incredible book.

You are completely right, my expectations for certain people in my life are sky-high and I will only ever be disappointed with them if I continue as I have. I have met some brilliant people in the last year that have been a source of encouragement and support for me, but now that they are leaving me to my own devices a little bit, I feel almost betrayed, not even acknowledging how much they've done for me already. But it really is time for me to take the wheel!

One of the senior guys in work said to me recently that we should all have an open dialogue 'without fear' because we're all adults, and I took his comment completely personally and felt like he was having a pop at me! So decided that the best way of proving to him how much of an adult I was was to sulk like a child and feel terrible about myself and be angry about the whole thing! That sure showed him! Haha, how did I get so ridiculous?

Anyway, the book was really eye-opening, obviously, it's all a journey and as I said in previous posts, I really have come a long way, but still have so much growing up to do.

Having a really chilled out weekend, am spending some time on my own to give myself some breathing room. My intention for the week ahead is to kick-start a regular workout routine again, as I have been negligent of that lately, and it's one of the key elements in my life that keeps me sane and content. I'm also going to focus on being happy in work again and not feeling guilty or stressed about stuff. I also want to get back into cooking my dinner/lunch for the next day every evening, as this is something I also really like. And lots of sleep!

I am kind of panicking about being bored, but there's nothing boring about feeling fresh and alive, which is really what I want to feel, and not feel bloated, hungover and dehydrated, which is how I feel a lot of the time. Even when I'm not hungover, that tiredness pervades, you know what I mean? I'm done with putting my energy into the wrong things.
 
Okay. I went shopping yesterday for clothes. It was not such an enjoyable experience. I feel like I've put on weight in the hips and belly area again, which means things are not looking as good on me as they should. Sigh. I did get some really cool stuff. For some reason, it all sort of had a Mexican theme. Maybe there's a trip to Mexico in my future that I don't know about yet? That would be cool.

I am going to spinning in the morning. Maybe I'll even go to spinning today to get a jumpstart on the new routine. Hmm.

I really feel change in the air this time. I've made out an exercise schedule for the week, basically going to the gym every morning before work and then a 10km run on Sunday. Bought my stuff for the week in the market yesterday, so no excuses.

I have lots of boring chores to do today - prep lunch, clean the kitchen which is disgusting, do the recycling. Might get lunch out though, haven't done that on Sunday in a while.

Food plan for tomorrow:
- porridge, chia seeds, blueberries, milk
- orange, handful of almonds
- fish, quinoa, salad
- fage yoghurt
- more fish, potatoes, veg

God, sounds so easy when you write it in a controlled list like that. I am fairly confident about it though. Going to make a big portion for lunch so that I'm full for longer, but generally find that lunch very satisfying anyway. If the weather is nice, I will try to fit in a walk at lunchtime as well.
 
Mmm your food list looks yummy! I too have scheduled my exercise for the week, and was able to tick off the first session this morning which is pretty motivational. How is your day going?
 
That sounds like a healthy & delicious food plan for your day Emily. Good luck on your plans for the week. I wish I could be more energetic in the mornings!
 
Yeah, I always feel so much better when I plan things out, put all my food in MFP in advance and know what I'm going to eat. Sometimes I do it in the morning and then tweak it during the day if I need to. But sticking to it is pretty satisfying.

Hope you're enjoying your healthy day :)
 
Great progress so far Emily! How's the weight loss going?

Yeah, everything I've read and heard from my uber-fit athletic friends all supports that to shred that belly fat you need to cut sugar and simple carbs. There seems to be no easy way around it. Fresh vegetables, lean protein, anti-oxidants, whole grains, no refined carbs, no sugar. That's my eventual goal too.

Not easy to give those foods up. I think it helps to have substitutes to turn to: e.g. green juices vs fruit juices/pops, black coffee or tea vs dessert coffees, protein-based snacks vs carb-based snacks, etc.
 
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