Dorky sayings

A goal halves a journey.

I'm pleased to say, I've lost only half a kilo. Wow, I really must have been having fun! So anyway, my mum and I got on a bit of a cooking kick this week. Last week, she made spinach pie and I ate most of it, to her chagrin, then we had a series of days where we seemed to be eating only roast beef and potatoes. And yesterday was the crowning glory: mum made roast chicken (with potatoes of course) and then in the evening we made moussaka together (with - yep - potatoes). I had given up on seeing the scales move all week, they seemed to be stuck or broken, so I tucked in last night. Along with the plate full of roast chicken, spuds and salad that I had for lunch, I had 2 servings of moussaka in the evening, followed by half a bag of popcorn (I'd had the first half the day before), a small stick of chocolate I'd hidden away in a drawer planning to eat as a treat after a year when I finally achieved my size 10 body - yeah right - (and it was heavenly! probably imported or something, as I got it from a German friend on a working holiday and they don't make chocolate like that here), two way-too-sweet cream biscuits (Monte Carlo, we call 'em) and a cup of cocoa with sugar in it. To top it all off, I spent nearly the whole weekend on the computer, no exercise at all, apart from vacuuming on Saturday.

So needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to getting on the scales this morning. But when I did, I discovered I'd lost half a kilo! And my body in the mirror really looked skinnier, like it hasn't done in weeks. What a strange thing.:confused:

Anyway, I'm glad it happened because last night I was really planning to give up. After the second time finding plastic in my oats in the morning and especially after the chocolate, as I've been ticking off the days I've gone without it - :doh: - I was wondering why I bother to eat healthy, when healthy food could cause just as much damage to your health as junk food (I nearly broke a tooth on the jagged piece of plastic and I'm sure I swallowed some of it, as I had a stomach ache later). I found myself entertaining weird thoughts, like, why have I never found bits of plastic in my chocolate cake or Mars bar or bag of chips? The Fat Demon within awakens...

Oh well, I'm not stressing it anymore; many other good things to think about. For one, I've rediscovered my enduring passion: dancing! (Oh, and of course, world peace).

To anyone reading this, cheers and God bless you. :)
 
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To change gears...

When a person loses weight, I think not only do they begin to see parts of their body that weren't visible before, like bones and muscles, but other things begin to surface from underneath the thinning layers of fat: things like long-held dreams and joy-giving passions. They were there all along, dormant and unused, but nobody knew because the fat that covered them was so inert, undisturbed and secretive, like the surface of a very deep lake. Once the fat that was suppressing them came off, they woke up and reared their heads and began to fire up the individual from within. When this happens, the renewed person begins to live from the inside, from those long-held, intimate, unique, beautiful and totally individual dreams that make them who they really are, instead of living off the crumbs of life that comfort food had been offering them. They tap into a source of real food, the food that powers their spirit, that energises it to push their body into ever greater and more fulfilling realms of existence. The spirit, once starved, now comes into the maturity that was denied it for so long and is strengthened, and the stronger it gets, the more inspiration and discipline it produces to continue to feed itself, like a green, flourishing plant that no longer needs watering because it has found great sources of water deep under the ground. A spirit like this can not only feed itself, but other starving spirits around it. It becomes like a beautiful tree that attracts tired, hungry creatures from all around to come and rest under its shade and eat its fruit. It is sturdy and strong and can never be shaken from its place. If it is ever uprooted or cut down, it will create still more beauty, as people write mournful poems and songs about it and pass on stories of its magnificence to posterity. The resulting phenomenon will be even greater than the original, the legend more wonderful than the fact, and so such a living thing can never truly be destroyed. Its growth, from that quiet moment when it was tentatively planted into the soil of hope, onward through its glorious physical and then even more extraordinary metaphysical life, will never end.

So one has absolutely nothing to lose by ignoring the hunger of the body for a little while to focus on satisfying the hunger of the spirit. The body is simply a furnace, burning fuel, eating, spending; the spirit is green. It is a garden, a bank, a star, always creating, multiplying, amassing, shining. So everything invested in the body lasts only for that moment, but whatever is invested in the spirit yields multiples in return, forever.

Let me remember this the next time I reach for a Snickers bar. :)
 
lovely metaphors shinsplint. I think i will adopt your philosophy, as it makes weight loss into a beautiful, organic thing. kudos
 
I have the same God as you i think, but funnily enough its a new god since i started loosing weight lol :D
 
Good for you wishes! I think I will be fighting a never-dying battle where my chocolate passion is concerned. Today I just gave in and bought myself a bar of 'Organic Fair Trade Cocolo' chocolate, telling myself that it was the best thing I could have bought, since it helps people in Third World countries to support themselves without taking advantage of them. So what if the almonds had to be carted from Italy and the cane juice from Indonesia? The fact is, I'm supporting the little guy over in - Cuba. :confused:

As for weight loss, things are getting harder. Every day I crave carby foods and 'special' foods. Yet my real craving is for something I haven't eaten yet, which exists only in my imagination. The closest food to it would probably be crab cooked with tropical fruits and herbs and smoked in a huge banana leaf. Something meaty, sweet, juicy and soft. Something complex and luxurious. Something probably damn expensive. :cry:

***

The scales have dropped 2 kg in a month but my waist and hip measurements haven't budged an inch. To say I'm losing weight at a snail's pace would be insulting to the snail. But anyway, I walked into my colleague's office last week at lunchtime and he was preparing his lunch. He's a chef, so he's always got something interesting on his desk for us to salivate over, while our sandwiches and rice crackers wait patiently for us to notice them. This particular day he had what looked like a brick on his desk, sitting atop some wrapping paper. "Good grief, is that what I think it is?" "What do you think it is?" "I think it's the biggest chunk of chocolate I've ever laid eyes on!" "You'd be right." *jealous choke here*

He'd got it from the market of course. I never frequent the market, which would probably explain my appalling knowledge of such culinary delicacies as chocolate bricks. But all that is about to change. He has agreed to meet me at the market tomorrow morning and show me where he bought the ingot. :jump: I feel like Aladdin about to go into the cave of treasure. All my life I've wanted to bite into a rock of pure chocolate. If I were dying, it would be my last wish and Death Row meal. (After the smoked crab in the banana leaf).

So, today's thought is this: Enjoy every meal you eat as if it's your last. Better to eat a potato with the unrestrained joy of an eternal present, than a carrot with the anxiety of an invisible tomorrow.

Now it's time for bed. Got to get up early to go to market! :D
 
Okay, so I woke up on Market Morning and my watch said 7.50am! Aughhh! I knew I would be late. I was. When I got to the meeting place, my friend was nowhere to be seen. So I sadly wandered around by myself and then I somehow located this chocolate shop. After flirting with the cute Italian guys there I bought myself over half a kilo of milk chocolate by Callebaut. It's nearly finished now. I also met a friend on that evening and we went to the Pancake Parlour and ate chocolate fudge- and maple syrup-covered pancakes with ice-cream. (It's strange but when I eat large amounts of chocolate, my body gets colder. I've since found it takes more energy to digest chocolate because of the fat content, than starchy food. So the body gets colder as it faces the challenge to produce more energy to meet the demand. Cool!)

By the 4th straight day of eating chocolate I was worried. I prayed I would get back on the wagon. I stood in the shower and wondered what went wrong that I couldn't stop eating it. I put on weight slowly, 1.5 kg, then 2 kg. It was beginning to get out of control. Then on Friday morning, I woke up happy. Something felt different. When I got on the scales, I realised I had lost most of the extra weight! So wishes is right, I thought to myself. Your body can absorb extra cals within a week. Anyway, Friday was a no-sugar day and Friday night I had this urge to party. I felt pathetic, but I danced for 2 hours in my room, pretending I was out with friends. (Omg, I'm so sad). Then Saturday morning my folks hauled me out of bed and for a long walk. More chocolate last night and this morning I was totally flabbergasted to see one more kilo had dropped off the scales. Went into the kitchen and told Mum and she went wild with joy and said I'm really looking good. Then she said she wanted to lose weight too and said, "I'm so jealous... you BITCH!" :rotflmao: That hasn't happened in a long time; I must be doing something right.

I've decided to try to start running again. I'm going to take it a lot slower, alternating really short running bursts with much longer walking ones. Will see how it goes. Have started taking the stairs at work again; 14 flights equals HR of 170 and breathing problems. Oh well; can't change my genes unfortunately.:)

If you don't try, you've really already failed; if you don't fail, you've never really tried.
 
The real beautiful you

Anybody out there:

If you're reading this right now, stop, go and find a private place, strip off your clothes, lie on the floor, close your eyes and spread your arms and legs out like a starfish. Concentrate on the presence of your body lying silently on the ground. Imagine that you are a beautiful sea creature that has just been washed up on a pristine beach or on a mossy forest rock and you are just waiting for someone to discover you and revel over your utter beauty. See yourself as you truly are: innocent, neutral, unthreatening and utterly breathtakingly beautiful, divinely-crafted, like a mouth-watering Swiss chocolate in a Valentine's box or a bewilderingly gorgeous flower growing in the midst of a tuft of weeds. Enjoy the sensation that the whole purpose the earth was created was for you. See yourself as the middle of the universe, because you are. See everything important as originating inside your mind and soul, because they do. You are important. If not you, who is? If not you, why do you exist? If you are powerless, why can you think? Believe yourself to be utterly powerful, because you truly have as much power as you believe you have. You are beautiful if you think you are. So see yourself as you've always known you are, before the jealous world crowded out your pristine thoughts. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy - yourself. Your body and soul are the centre of your universe; nothing else will matter as much to you in your life. Everything important that you go through will all take place inside your own heart. Enjoy your beautiful heart.
 
Tell you what works for me, I have a chocolate bar in the fridege of in my room or somewhere air tight and coldish. And When the cravings get real bad, i just take one piece, put it in my mouth, and i suck on it slowely and savour the taste. Thats it.
By eating it slowely it tricks my body into thinking ive eaten more than i have and it totally gets rid of the cravings.

My mother came back from switzerland about two months back and gave everyone 2 large chocolate bars plus a ton of other chocolate. Ive slowley made my way through the 2 large bars, half of one of my husbands, a box of chocolates (shared with co-workers though) and 3 fudge bars :)
Just 1 piece a day, never any more!
 
Oh, I can tell you are not a binge eater, Wishes...he he he, that thing about the chocolate bar in the fridge would NOT work for me. I'm a binge overeater and cannot flirt with that type of danger. I'm glad that works for you though :)

Hi Shinsplint, I love your diary! All your entries have a positive spin and you are one creative & spiritual soul! I love it. No wonder you are attracted to yoga. I checked out the website Cool Running and I really like it, thank you for sharing that. I'll be doing some reading there.
I was at a friend's stagette years ago and asked these 2 women in their 50s how they stayed so skinny. They both simply said "sugar is bad, don't do sugar". I rejoice at the beautiful simplicity of truth! Chocolate is part of my binge history and struggle also. You would be amazed at how you stop craving sugar/chocolate once you exorcise it from your system. In 6 days you stop craving. The thing about sugar is this: Sugar ... begets ... sugar. You eat a little of it today...you'll want more later today or tomorrow, that's how it works. So the more we can fill our daily diets with foods with naturally occuring sugars, the better. (But I wouldn't recommend overdosing on fruit because the naturally occuring sugars can also pack on weight). So the good news is that if you cut out sugary foods, after 6 days you will no longer crave them. It literally leaves our system. Alcohol converts to sugar in the bloodstream and most people don't realize, that's why people become alcoholics, not just because it's mood altering, but because the sugar is in their whole system.

Back to you and your wonderful quotes. I'm a bit like Cym, some quotes just downright piss me off. Like "good things come to those who wait". What f_king ever! They do not. Good things come to those who go out and GET them. And good things don't come to some who wait because they CAN'T go and get them (eg. woman in Darfur refugee camp). So sometimes I think quotes don't cut the mustard for a whole host of realities. But that's me. I'm a hard ass bi-aatch, aren't I? LOL Really, I'm very sweet. tee hee

Anyhoo, Shinsplint, you are the cat's meow and we need your positivity on this forum. I LOVED your last post about laying down and enjoying our bodies and knowing our power. Coooo-well!
 
wishes - I admire your self-control! How you can stop at one piece is just beyond my greedy faculties to understand. Sometimes I just want to fill my mouth with chocolate until I feel like I'm melting with it in a huge ocean of brown creamy sweetness; almost like I want to drown in it. It's not the best pleasure in the world, but it's a nice little sideways adventure in my day. . .
Anyway, kudos to you for eating like a French woman and not like an overemotional maniac (waving my hand & pointing to myself here).

2Skinny - Thanks for your uplifting comments. I also don't believe in waiting for what you want but going after it, but I do think patience is important in many areas of life. Have you ever noticed that the hardest kind of waiting is the one where you have to be focusing on something else, apart from the thing you're waiting for? (i.e. work while losing weight). If I had my way, I'd focus on my weight goals all day long, but meanwhile, I need to make money and do my washing and all the rest of it. I guess even while waiting for something, we never really stand still; we're always doing something to bring our goal closer to us. I like the way Morgan Freeman puts it, in The Shawshank Redemption: "Pressure and time; that's all it takes, really." Focus and patience. Doing something and then multiplying it many times over a long period. Oh shi*, I'm beginning to drone on again... You get my drift.:)

Now, about your reference to sugar. I totally agree with you about the horny little devil (in reference to my earlier post, it is NOT my god anymore; it let me down!!!:mad: ). And those 2 skinny ladies are dead-right! I can vouch for what they said. Want to hear a funny story?

I was walking to uni a few years ago, and up the street where I walked there would constantly be passing these rattling trams. (I guess they're like the tram-cars in San Francisco?) Nowadays, they all have ads painted on their sides: smiling half-nude women with flowing blonde hair; mobile phones; Indians biting into Whopper burgers; mobile phones, you know. Anyway, I was walking up the street and avoiding looking at the road as usual, when suddenly I flicked my head to the side and saw this huge sentence rushing by: 'Give sugar the flick.' It was a diet Pepsi ad on the side of a tram, but I didn't dwell on it long enough to see the context. All I saw and registered was this one sentence, and as I continued walking up the street, the simple truth embedded itself into my imagination and I decided it was a message from above, a solution I should try. So from that day, I cut out sugar. And miracle of miracles, I began losing weight I hadn't been able to lose for months and months, even on a modest diet! Just by stopping adding those 2 spoonfuls of sugar to my coffee every morning and not drinking MILO in my milk. Such a small change! I couldn't believe it. The pounds began flying off so fast, I thought I was either getting a serious disease or else I was in some bizarre dream!

Thinking of this again now and reading your post 2Skinny, I'm getting inspired. It's been almost 10 days of sugar eating for me now, without a break. I'm not stacking on the kilos but I am feeling sick. I feel like crap in the mornings (hang-over), I get headaches when climbing stairs again, I'm in foul moods a lot more and blow up at people more easily, and my skin is in a state of warfare. The worst thing is my parents don't know because I've been eating my chocolate secretly. They're still praising me for my weight loss. I feel like crap inside and out. I don't want to go back to the days when I was deceiving my loved ones all the time and inventing novel ways to dispose of candy wrappers without them being discovered. I hate that life! I'm going to do something, tomorrow. I promised myself this morning that from 19th July until New Year's, in 6 months' time, I wouldn't touch chocolate. I don't know, but for me I need numbers and concrete things like dates, to inspire me and keep me on track. If it's all left up to me, playing it by ear etc, I usually find a way to cop out.

So here goes my 6 month resolution: NO chocolate until January! :jump:

P.S. 2 things: What's a stagette? And I've never been called the cat's meow, thanks for that, it made my day! :hug2:
 
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Okay, so I guess I failed in that resolution. I've been eating chocolate and Twisties all weekend. I'm starting to feel all pudgy in the stomach and there is a sick feeling with me all day long.

My dreams are starting to look further and further away...

My life is looking bleak, worthless and totally insignificant.

And all because I went to market and bought myself a brick of chocolate and started eating it!!! :mad:

Along with that, it has been a pretty bad week. Not only is work busy as a bee's nest right now, but I've been having some pretty ugly realisations about myself as well.

It all started two weeks ago, when I had to use the photocopier at work. I think it was around the middle of the week, so I was feeling kind of tired and not in the mood for using my brain a whole lot. I guess this would be a good time to slot in that I have a slight autistic temperament. Not enough to get a decisive diagnosis unfortunately, but enough for me to experience more than the usual amount of problems in social situations, and much more anxiety at work, than normal people (especially in a job like teaching - ughr!!). In layman's terms, I'm a bit of a freak. I have weird eccentricities, I'm fussy about all sorts of things, I'm distrustful of people and I have food and hygiene compulsions and obsessions. It's utterly sad. So anyway, my brain is not wired up quite the same way as other people's. When I concentrate really hard, I can be normal, but when I'm tired or upset, I revert to my natural disposition - eccentric and stupid.

You'll understand why when you hear this. I was supposed to photocopy some sheets for a class. Five of them, which were different, I had to have just one extra copy of and another, a backing sheet, I needed to have five copies of, one for each of the five different ones, to make up five sort of packs. So what did I do? Instead of just copying the backing sheet once and making 5 copies of it, and then copying the other five sheets in turn, I copied ALL of the 6 sheets in turn, including the backing sheet (i.e. the first sheet, then the backing sheet, the second sheet, then the backing sheet again, etc...); essentially taking twice as long. And I was doing all this while 2 other girls were standing behind me waiting to use the copier. I'm sure the girl behind me wondered what the hell I was doing and thinking I must be so stupid. But the worst thing is that I didn't realise what I had done until I'd walked back to my desk! When the realisation dawned on me, I was devastated. I kept thinking, what an idiot I am!

Then, just last week, I was chatting with the kiosk man while I bought a paper, and he happened to ask me if I have a boyfriend. When I said no, he asked, "Why not?" He was the second man in 2 weeks who'd asked me that and I didn't know what to answer. I just replied I didn't know, even though I do. But then, he asked me other stuff, such as do I smoke, do I drink. I said no. He asked why not. I said because smoking irritates my throat and alcohol irritates my stomach. So he goes, "You can't go around saying that to guys 'cos nobody will want to go out with you." Now this guy is old enough to be my father (and a sleazebag at that), so I told him that I was just telling him this stuff, I wouldn't go and tell some guy I'd date. At that, he said, "Thanks a lot! So I'm not a guy huh? I feel offended! I'm offended!" And he kept repeating that, even when I pointed out that I viewed him like I would my father. So I felt really bad and went to work thinking I was a real bitch and yet again my poor social skills had let me down. Then, that night, I told my mum about the conversation and she told me the guy was a sleazebag who was trying to use psychology to get me to go to bed with him. She asked me, "What respectable man talks about these things with a young girl?" I'm inclined to think she's right and the bastard was trying to manipulate my emotions in order to make me feel like I owe him something.

Anyway, the point is, this sort of thing has happened to me my whole life. I can never tell what people are thinking or feeling. Usually, I end up hurting the really good people and the ones who are up to no good I let take advantage of me, because they know how to manipulate my feelings, because I'm such a bloody do-gooder. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend! No wonder I have no prospects in life! No wonder I can't get my act together and lose weight!:(

I could give heaps more examples of stupid episodes like the ones above, that have happened throughout my life and made me sick of being me. I feel like there is this big boulder around my neck that I have to drag around with me every single day and I can never, ever rest. I know I will never have true rest as long as I live. All it will take is one major stuff-up, one social mistake, and no matter what I've achieved, it will all go up in smoke, because nobody can be on their guard 100% of the time. And this is why I turned to chocolate in the first place. I know another person like me, with the same disorder; they're a junk food addict too and even worse-off than me.

I feel so sad for all the lonely people out there who are shunned. Some are not as lucky as me. At least I have a best friend and some acquaintances. Others don't have even one friend, nor a job. They have no romantic prospects, no hope of a rewarding social life. All because they were born with Asperger's or Autism or some other personality disorder which means people will always shun them. What hope is there for them?

I guess this is why I've found it so hard to get back on the healthy eating wagon this week. I've lost my reasons for doing so. I wonder what the point is when I will always be shunned, misunderstood, despised and second-rate. What is the point? What I have is like cancer, like AIDS. I will never, ever be free of it. I'm sick of managing it. What is the point of focusing on my body when my brain and soul are so irreparably broken?
 
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Okay, so I guess I failed in that resolution. I've been eating chocolate and Twisties all weekend. I'm starting to feel all pudgy in the stomach and there is a sick feeling with me all day long.

My dreams are starting to look further and further away...

My life is looking bleak, worthless and totally insignificant.

And all because I went to market and bought myself a brick of chocolate and started eating it!!!
Click to expand...

Hey sweetie, sorry things are looking so down for you right now...but just keep in mind that it's the mood of the moment and totally within your power to control. I know that sounds pat and trite and easier said than done...and I'm saying it to you anyway because I have been where you are, done what you are doing, and have had days where I expressed the exact same thoughts and feelings. Sometimes when you're at the bottom of a pit, you can look up and see sunshine, but it seems hopeless and impossible to actually make the climb upwards...but I promise you, it's not...even if you only progress an inch at a time upwards, it's progress and it's in the right direction.

I'm going to echo Anna and say "sugar is evil"...and I say this as a chick who could match your brick of chocolate with an entire 5lb box of Whitman's - in a single sitting. Forget about what it does to your waistline and your health...I 100% believe that more than a minimal amount of refined sugar actually clouds our thinking process. If was only after two long, wall climbing, nail biting, inner screaming weeks of total withdrawal that I could sit down and develop a healthy lifestyle plan...that I've been able to pretty closely follow for nearly two years...and as I was writing out my plan the thought came to me, clear as day, "it feels like a fog has left my brain".

Along with that, it has been a pretty bad week. Not only is work busy as a bee's nest right now, but I've been having some pretty ugly realisations about myself as well.
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You are human, humans come equipped with flaws, quirks, errors in judgement and down right stupid actions. The only people I've ever encountered who think they somehow above these things have always turned out to be the biggest idots of all - because they could not see (and therefore overcome) their own mistakes.

That you have self realizations about areas you want to change (or accept) in your life means that you have to opportunity to move past them. Sometimes we just gotta "face the ugly" to "find the beautiful". Personal example: I sat down and made a typed list (it was looooong) of stuff about myself that was keeping me fat and unhealthy, the list included "I'm physically lazy, I procrastinate, I'd rather have immediate gratification than wait"...you can't fight your inner demons until/unless you discover them.

When I concentrate really hard, I can be normal, but when I'm tired or upset, I revert to my natural disposition - eccentric and stupid.
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Screw "normal"...who gets to define it? So you sometimes do things that other people you know might not chose to do? So what? And I don't think there is a single person in the world who has not done or said something and later wanted to kick their own butt for it. Again - you are human, humans come in all types.


Then, just last week, I was chatting with the kiosk man while I bought a paper,
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Okay, that was just a dirty old man trying to get into your pants using guilt as method.... 'cause he obviously didn't have looks or money - which are the other two tools of dirty old men.

I guess this is why I've found it so hard to get back on the healthy eating wagon this week. I've lost my reasons for doing so. I wonder what the point is when I will always be shunned, misunderstood, despised and second-rate. What is the point?
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The point is YOU...you are a valuable, caring, empathetic woman who deserves looking her best, feeling her best, being able to perform at her best and saying "screw the world if you don't get me"....YOU are always the number one reason...Do it for YOU....make it about YOU...love, happiness, understanding - all that good stuff has to begin with YOU taking care of you, loving you, being happy with you....:hug2:
 
:cry: Gosh Cym, thanks so much for that. :hug2:

I really needed to hear a lot of what you wrote. I nearly started crying when I read about the climbing up out of the pit one inch at a time. That's exactly how it is, the whole journey... (And you're an angel).

Thank you for your encouragement. I know when we lose weight and make healthy decisions, that ultimately it's meant to be for us. But sometimes the last thing I feel like doing is loving myself. In fact, when I'm down, I seem to like nothing better than harming myself: sugar, negative thoughts, stupid self-pity and bad scenarios for my future are just a few of my regular indulgences. Sometimes it's so hard to come home and love myself or care about myself.

It's almost like if nobody else loves me I don't want to love me either. I didn't realise this before. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. You make me see the need to develop my own unshakeable opinion in myself and not believe and care so much about what others (seem to) think of me. But please believe me, it is just so hard. Loving yourself responsibly is damn hard.

About the brain fogs. I too, thought they would go away once I stopped eating sugar. Well, they sort of did, but then they seemed to come back. All I was eating that had sugar in it every day was fruit (fresh and some dried in my oats). Should I stop this too? I don't know. But I remember hearing on this radio program that researchers have made a link between consumption of refined sugar (excessive, that is) and a negative effect on the part of the brain that controls speech, communication and language. It freaked me out, because these are the exact areas I've been a klutz in for the last 10 years (or as long as my addiction goes back).

Sometimes I envision a future completely without refined sugar of any kind. I wonder if I could live that life and it's bloody scary.

I so want my dreams to become reality but I wonder whether I have enough courage to do it. I'm just an average person destined, it appears, for an average life. It doesn't feel like anything big is expected of me. Am I being stupid by expecting it of myself? Shouldn't I just 'grow up'?

Anyone else here a big-time fatalist? :rolleyes:

Anyway, today the chocolato continued, but I think I managed to cut down the usual evening amount; I didn't eat to the point of nausea this time. Then I actually managed a 15-minute work-out. Why can't I ever remember the ace feeling I get post-work-out? Why is it the hard work memory that I conjure up when contemplating a work-out, and not the memory of how good I always feel afterwards? This is one for the philosophy books. :)

Breakfast was chocolate and footage of the Tour de France. Lunch was a banana, some nuts and 2 mandarines. Dinner was white spaghetti with beef and cheese sprinkled on top, followed by the aforementioned chocolate. Also for breakfast, biscuits and cocoa.

Not surprisingly, curves are coming back... *sigh*

Here's hoping tomorrow will bring more discipline from this naughty little girl.
 
Back - after 2 years

It's been 22 months since my last entry and a lot has changed in my life. I put on all the weight I lost in 2007, felt like a failure, left the site, cut off my internet connection, went overseas and finally, (when my money ran out), I came back home and am now back at my old job. Taking the elevator.

My legs really weakened overseas because I wasn't walking up any hills and my protein intake was almost nil. Needless to say, when I got back and started walking, my legs felt mutinous. After some hills that I used to walk up no problem, I was now getting heart palpitations and breathing like I used to breathe when running races at school.

So I've got some work to do. Good news is I've got cable internet now and I'm back off the sugar, with good results.

I've been walking about 3 times a week for an hour and eating sensibly (food pyramid). The first two days I lost 2kg. Then I put on 1.5. Then lost some more. Suddenly, it started coming back on and today, yet again seeing that no further loss of weight had occurred, I felt bewildered, since I'd thought I was getting slimmer. So I took out a tape measure and measured my waist. And I have lost 4cm! In 3 weeks! I was so happy. :)

Now, to get back to the present. I was so glad to come here and find that many of the people I knew 2 years ago are still here and still as funny and motivated as ever! It feels like coming home!

So I wish great success and blessings to you all. :waving:

Love makes the world go round. Or is it food?
 
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Still continuing the healthy eating and now have added some more fruits and yoghurt to my diet. Not walking as much as I'd like; only doing it about twice a week for an hour, or in other words, when I can be arsed getting out of bed. Working late 3 days a week isn't helping. But I'm sure I can get out there by 7 ok if I just lay off these late night computer internet posting sessions till 4am!!!

I can't help it; there are so many great diaries waiting to be read ... this is a great site! I am kicking myself for being away for so long. I put it down to one thing: I had made a commitment to God to lose weight and had enlisted His help; then I went and insulted Him by replacing Him with chocolate. So now I tell the whole world for everybody to hear: Well, read the sig, it says it all! :sifone:

Yep, I second that. :)
 
YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

It is a VERY good day folks!

I got up near midday after the aforementioned late night (inspiring weight loss posts - can't get enough of 'em! :iagree: ), stumbled into the bathroom with a sense of anticipation because I hadn't gotten up to go walking as I'd planned... and was just telling myself, "Remember, you've got all that water and fibre inside your guts from yesterday's fruit blitz, so don't freak out when you see the number..." as I got on the scales.

And there it was, I've lost a whole kilo since last week's weigh-in! FAB FAB FAAAAAABBBB!!! :hurray:

Took a kelp pill and sure enough I felt an energy boost. I walked to the shops to make up for the lack of morning walk, 50 mins. Really need to stop this, hate the cars and noise and pollution! Walking in the early morning on the bicycle path is so much nicer! :chillpill:

Food for today:

*half a glass of prune juice with 1tsp of psyllium husk;
*4 small slices of dark rye toast with vegetable margarine and 2 tsp sugarfree blueberry conserve (too many bc watching Billy Connolly - SO funny);
*5 small herb&meatballs, 2 cups fried homemade potato chips, boiled wild plants in olive oil (equal weight with meatballs);
*medium granny smith apple;
*3-4 BIG-ASS glasses of water.

I overstirred the spuds and they went all ripped and crispy (nice! but maybe not as healthy urh). I don't think new spuds are as hardy as the big, knobbly kind - mmmmmmm! :drool5:

Now we just need to get us some fffrrrreeshhh fffffiiiiisssshhhhhhh! Yummo!

Oh and stop eating in front of the damn TV! :blush5:


"99% of the time we can't get what we want by doing what we like."
 
Oops, I forgot to add the small square of dark chocolate I ate after dinner...
typical (but it was 88% cocoa and tasted yeeoochhh, okay)
 
Woke up this morning to a wonderfully cosy bed and a horribly loud phone alarm. :cuss: I so wanted to go back to sleep and decided to leave off walking for today (yet again :leaving: ). I was about to roll over and go back to sleep when I decided, totally against my nature, to just get up and go for a walk. Don't know how it happened. I ended up going for 90 minutes. I was feeling pretty good about myself until being effortlessly overtaken by two glowing senior citizens who I later couldn't catch up to. :eek:

But I soon after felt happy about this. :) What do I have to look forward to if not to be as fit and healthy and glowing as these women? A person could have worse role models for sure!

Food for today:

* cereal (oats, unsweetened bran sticks, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, ground wallnuts, linseeds, bran powder and chopped prune and banana with whole milk);
* steak, spuds, boiled wild plants;
* 1 tsp Nulax fruit laxative;
* small square 88% dark chocolate

Spent most of the day running around the city and didn't have any food with me so was ravenous when I got home. The steak really hit the spot except for the fact I'd forgotten to salt it. :ack2: I've never had such an untasty meal! Probably did me good though with all the salt I eat. :rolleyes:


Clothesline:
I am chucking away yet another pair of undies that are now too big and grannylike for me. It is happening! I am shrinking!! :party:

My nighties are also starting to look like tents flapping about, but I'm not ready to throw those out yet; nobody sees me in them anyway. :cry: Unfortunately

Sooooo... even more reason to crank up the walkies these next few days - and maybe hook us some hunk attention! And don't forget that push-up bra! :sifone:
 
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