Doin' it low carb style...

[lil_one3]

I've been depressed for most of my life because of weight issues and I've almost had enough.
In the next few days I'm going to start the Atkins diet. I've made up my mind and I've got to try. I can't be this miserable for very much longer.
I'm so sick of missing out on life because I feel I'm too big to enjoy it. Things that should make me happy don't because my weight is constantly on my mind.
I can't enjoy playing with my daughter because I get tired too easily. I don't make friends because I am too embarrassed to leave the house. My husband and I are struggling with my mood swings. I go from hot to cold so easily because I'm so insecure. My husband blames himself sometimes for my moods and he does't understand that it's hard for me to accept his love when I don't love myself.
I have to do this. The end results are so worth the actual suffering I'm going to have to go through to get there. I just hope I can stay focused on what I'm trying to accomplish. I can also only hope that my husband stays behind me. He's what I call an enabler. He's the one that comes home with eclaires (my favorite) and Baskin Robbins as presents. I know he means well and he only wants to make me happy, but he's only making it harder for me. We've been talking about this diet for the past week and he's starting to read the notes I've made for him so hopefully he'll be able to help out instead of make it harder for me.
I'm making this diary so I can vent openly about what's going on in my head, without having to listen to my skinny friends tell me that I'm overreacting. I need somewhere that I can say what I want to say, and use it as motivation.
I'm gonna do this. I can do this. I can endure any amount of pain necessary, as long as there is results at the end, I can do it. Let's just hope this has some results.

 

[lil_one3]

I'm having tons of doubts about this Atkins Diet. Not so much doubts of my own, but doubts from everyone around me. My husband says he's behind me and I believe him, but our family's don't support it. I haven't even told my Grams about it. I'm sure she's got a negative outlook on it.
The past few days have been hard. A lot going on with my mom and immediate family. I'm wondering if I'm ever going to get the courage up to try and lose. It takes sooo much dedication to lose and I don't know that I'm going to have what it takes.
I can only look to myself to know if I'm really going to do this and as of right now, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to.
I haven't been eating too badly. Yesterday, had desert for the first time in years. I'm not a desert person, but lately, I've been thinking I'm going to start this diet and I've semi been treating myself.
I keep finding things to delay actually starting the diet. I'm waiting to.. get a deep frezzer so I can stock up on foods... see my doc and get a physical... figure out if I'm going to start up this in home day care. I keep making excuses. Grr...
I tell myself that dieting and getting healthy can wait until I have time, but the time until I lose weight is miserable for me. Kean's starting to notice I'm depressed. I say I'm going to do things during the day, and slowly but surely I convince myself not to go outside. Last night he said something about it. "You've been saying you're going to the store for the past two day, and you haven't. You've been saying you need to see the doctor, and you haven't." *sigh* Something's gotta change soon. Something in me has got to click soon, I hope.....

 

[lil_one3]

It's been a few days and a lot has happened. We bought a new used car. Bigger and better. That's good. Also went to medical and checked into getting a doctor for myself and a ped. for my daughter, good too.
On the bad side... I'm late.. like. three months late.. I'm not starting with the diet until I can find out what's wrong with me. Prego tests all come back negative. Worried....

 

[CoachCrimson]

If you decide you are going to try one of the pop culture diets out there, like the atkins, please show your body some respect and pick up the book or a kit or something, and more importantly, read the entire thing before starting. Some of these fad diets can get dangerous when people dont take time to educate themselves about it and then do it the way it was meant to be done.

If you decide you dont want to go the way of failing pop culture, take the time to educate yourself about proper nutrition and healthy eating. it really isnt as hard as many people make it out to seem. it takes some dedication and effort, but you should find there is plenty of leeway along that path too.

If you are having trouble with depression or mood swings, etc, you should definitely consider speaking with a psychiatrist. sometimes we need to admit to ourselves that we need outside help, and they might be able to provide you with the jumpstart you need to get moving in the direction you want. and counselors can help you find your triggers and find ways to fight your demons. There is no shame in letting others help you to help yourself.

Try and take some time to yourself, get away from other people, away from the TV, away from all that other stuff. go somewhere you can be alone in a quiet place. sit down and have a conversation with yourself. contemplate your situation, and what you desire. admit your faults, find your strengths, and be truly honest with yourself. what NEEDS to be done? i am a firm believer that you need to find some sort of inner enlightenment before you can start off on this kind of a quest. You need reasons and motivation that comes from within, and you need to have been completely honest with yourself in understanding how you feel and what you are going to do. Once you have found that inner peace, keep it real, and dont accept anything less than success. every single day, do the best you can to improve your health. if you make some improvement, no matter how small, every single day, eventually you are darn near perfect and you will succeed no matter what.

you must take time to talk to yourself if you want things to click. heres to hoping that happens sooner rather than later, and then you will be able to take your life back for yourself.