Does your weight inhibit your desire to date or socialize?

Titanic Explore

Titanic Explore

New member
Its clear extra weight can be devistating to a persons self esteem- at least it is in my case- I'm pushing 40 and still single, and have convinced myself i can't date until I lose all my weight. Of course its stupid, but im very self concious about my weight...Is this a rare thing? have any singles here with weight put their dating life on hold until they lose their weight? Thats what ive been doing- and I just realized Im letting life pass me by...:(
 
Ive got three girls interested in me right now and im not making a move until I improve myself.. and these aren't your run of the mill girls, clearly out of my league im a moron for not making a move girls.

So yes, weight does effect dating very much so.
 
Hell yes! I'm in the same boat as you only worse. I'm putting dating off until I drop my weight. That is about 90% of my motivation to lose this weight.
 
Gentleman, think with your hearts, not your belly...

I am similar to you guys. Overweight all my life, never believing I deserved any happiness or love myself. Unworthy. Un-attracive. etc...

What a load of shit, pardon my language, but it is!

Consider this:

Would you rather have a kind and loving woman who accepts you for who you are, not what you look like?

Or would you prefer a superficial woman only in love with your look or image?

Fair question I think. By beating yourself up and feeling unworthy, you cast off that exact image, which in my experience is a highly un flattering and un healthy attitude, much more so than a weight problem. Its called self fullfilling prophecy. If you believe you arent worthy and aren't good enough, you will give that image to others. Digging your own hole as it were.

Now as for me, I have a hot wife and I didnt need to get skinny to do so. Did I get lucky? Did I trick her into falling in love with an old fat man? Am I rich or famous? Hell no!! She saw past the extra 80 pounds and saw the man inside. We started dating, got married and 3 years later we are very happy. And thank god for that!!! Since coming into my life she has been the biggest part of my motivation to finally beat this weight loss game. Period. Without her I might still be a depressed and lonely overweight guy living alone and worrying about dying alone. She accepted me for what I was, but she also played a huge role in making me the man I am becoming.

Long story short, don't hide behind your weight. I think it is M2M that has in her signature a great comment "The future is no place for your better days." This is so true. If you are hiding from love, especially if you have interested women already, you are punishing yourself. I know soooo many people who have made their greatest weight loss successes when they started dating. It not only adds motivation to look better for the other person, but it offers a closer form of support than anyone in an online group could ever give. Ask any of the married people or couples in here how much their spouses or other halves are supporting them and making the hardest parts of this journey that much easier.

Embrace your life gents, there are no guarantees. Being lonely is one of the worst things that ever happened to my waistline. Now that I am in a happy , supportive and fun relationship, I am achieving my goals for the first time ever. And with the help of my loving wife I am going to be there this summer, something I never thought possible in my wildest dreams.

sirant
 
Im with sirant on this. I married a super fantastic awesome guy, and i was 300lb most of our marrige.

Im honored to give him the slim healthy me as his wife. I will always know that he wants me for me, not because im skinny or pretty or any other reason :)
 
I have at least two very distinct personalities.

Work Maleficent - who, even at 383 lbs, could get up at a conference, trade show, customer, and talk for 2 hours on technical issues, and wow the crowd with my dynamic personality and easy going nature...
Play Maleficent - who, even 150lbs less of me, prefers to stand in the corner, not talk to anyone, not be noticed, not have to rely on the personality I know I have, but having to rely purely on me - it's an 12 foot wall I can't get over... yet.

I'm not sure which is the real me - Work Mal is confident, bold, assertive, funny - people generally like her. Play Mal, is quiet shy, still has a sense of humor but it's not seen unless someone talks to her and she does a good job of hiding so people don't talk to her.

Is my weight the reason for this? I don't think so... I am the reason for this... I grew up with people who made socializing look easy... My parents can walk into a room full of strangers, and in 10 minutes will be best friends. I walk into a room of strangers, and will leave after 2 minutes... I didn't inherit gregariousness from them... It's a learned skill that I didn't. Wasn't my weight at a young age... I don't think it's my weight now.

Though - I've been rejected more times than I can count because I didn't live up to someone else's standard of beauty... People can be very judgemental, and the bitter side of my soul says it's because they have self esteem issues of their own, and want someone who's attractive on their arm to make them feel better about themselves.

It takes a confident person to see thru a person's outside and get to what's inside... and in my view of the world, there are very few of those people out there... Beauty is in the eye ofo the beholder - but unfortunately, the beholder often has loud mouthed friends that will wonder putloud what the heck you want that person for?

I'm babbling.. :D i know what's new...

Long story short - don't put your life on hold til something happens because what happens if that something doesn't come... I do not beleive for one m oment that there is someone out there for everyone, that's a statistical impossiblity, and no matter how great someone is, they might still end up still single (not necesarily alone, but single)... That's life.. but - you (and me) can't stand on the sidelines waiting for life to come to you... As the old lottery commercial used to say - Gotta be in it -- to win it :D
 
Titanic: i feel you mate, i do, its not just you, trust me.

And I'm convinced, if I can't love myself (lemme rephrase that, I love my personality, mind, etc, but loathe my body), no one will ever love me...and thats how I feel. I have some casual lady friends...but nothing serious until I lose the weight, and gain the self confidence to love myself.
 
Hiya,

I feel EXACTLY like this. I just cant believe anyone would be interested in me, and if they are cannot work out why the hell they are, and decide it must be for the wrong reasons, so make excuses not to do anything about it.

I have realised that I have even stopped noticing members of the opposite sex, dont see the point, I dont feel worthy.

I have a good confident guise I can wear, but on the inside Im anything but, and I account A LOT of that to me being fat, and my hating my image.

I do still socialise on nights out with the girls etc, but always feel frumpy and ugly compared to all of them who are beautiful, I spend forever getting ready, often having numberous outfit changes, and having to hold back the tears and upset when i decide i look crap in them all cos im fat. Go out and have fun, but sure it would be more fun if i was happeir in my own skin, sigh!!

Not even convinced being slim will cure these issues I have, but It cant hurt!!

K xx
 
I'm right there with you, too.

I'll be turning 38 in May and am still single. I don't even try to date anymore. I know it's crap, but I tell myself, I wouldn't date me looking like this, why would anyone else?

This is part of the reason I'm here. Mainly it's to get healthy, but partly because I'd like to date again. Ah the mind games we play with ourselves.

ann
 
This is a big issue for me as well. I have never been on a real date (im 19). The older I get, I think the more I psych myself out into thinking I will never meet someone special because I am fat. Lately I have been dealing with trying to like myself more. I think that my weight has had a big factor in how I interact with guys. It is just a given in my head that no guy would ever be interested in me, so I don't even try. But this leads me to be really shy with guys as well. When I am with girls I can be witty, outgoing, and sarcastic. But, as soon as a guy comes into the mix, all this goes away and I become uncomfortable, shy, and awkward lol. I have gotten somewhat better, but I still have a long way to go. I almost wish I could just go out on ONE date, just to make myself feel like a normal teenage girl and allow my confidence to go up a bit. I have told myself since I was about 12 that I would get a boyfriend when I was skinny, but now looking back to 4 years ago, I was not that big! yet even then I had the mindset that I wasn't worthy of even trying to get a guy to like me and I would just look like a fool if a guy found out I did like him because I was obviously fat and not worthy. This past January when I was at my highest weight (280) I was in a wedding. At the reception, everyone was dancing and none of my girl friends had problems asking a guy to dance with them, but I was horrified at the idea. I felt like the guy would be disgusted and would possibly do it out of pity and I didn't want to be a pity case. So....I sat and ate for most of the night.

Sorry lol, for that little psychological analysis of myself. I know I have a lot of work to do on the inside along with the outside before I will ever be comfortable in my own skin.
 
Hey Titanic,
Yes, you hit it DEAD ON. my weight completely dominates my life. I hold back on many things i enjoy (ie swimming, dancing, etc.) and like you, dating as well. When i am in a relationship it's supper hard for me to get along with my emotions, convince myself that when he says i'm beautiful he really means it, or convince myself that i'm worth while. It burdens the relationship completely, then i feel guilty for not trusting him or being so 'emotionally high maintenance' (someone who needs constant reminders that they are worth while, that they are beautiful and sexy). i have came to terms that i have to learn to love myself before i can let anyone love me. Which may mean watching life pass me by until i fell good about myself...but what happens when you reach your goal weight and you still arn't happy? or what happens if this state of mind doesn't change? It all leads to depression, which de-motivates you to keep on your goals... or at least for me it does, its like a vicious cycle. sometimes i think its so much easier to attain the goals when you have the companionship of a loved one. someone who can help you through when your feeling down. But again how do you gain the companionship you need to succeed and not push them away b/c you feel overweight.... like everything its a balancing act i guess. A act I haven’t been able to manage. but i try, try and try again...
all the best to you.
 
Regulargoodann said:
I'm right there with you, too.

I'll be turning 38 in May and am still single. I don't even try to date anymore. I know it's crap, but I tell myself, I wouldn't date me looking like this, why would anyone else?

This is part of the reason I'm here. Mainly it's to get healthy, but partly because I'd like to date again. Ah the mind games we play with ourselves.

ann
Click to expand...





This is where I am-I'd like to date again, and need to lose my weight for self esteem and health reasons. i need to bring my blood pressure back to a healthy level, and try to return to the point where I feel alive and energized, rather than be exhausted half the time. Plus in my family- everyone-but me- is athletic- My parents were competative swimmers all their lives, my father ran the Boston marathon every year until he reached age 70, 2 brothers particiapte in triathalons, and another a weight lifter. Im the one family member that was never really athletic, save for 10 years ago, when i started running and i I got in fantastic shape- but I packed on 90 pounds since then....

I keep trying to compare myself to my athletic family members- if I can't become as fit as they are, who would have me? They are comfortable with themselves- I'm not comfortable with myself-I guess thats why they are all married with kids, and i'm still single...
I know it's probrolly more of a self esteem issue than a weight issue- but i do think they are connected- but somehow the more weight I gained, the lower my self esteem became...I havent dated in ages since i put on the weight, because I'm embarassed, and have convinced myself no one would love me until I'm fit. Pretty pathetic, isn't it?....
How can I, as a person who needs to lose 80 pounds, learn to love myself in the meantime? I see my extra weight and I just feel self loathing?

Sirant, i admire your strength and self confidence- I hope i can find that within myself...
 
Last edited:
How can I, as a person who needs to lose 80 pounds, learn to love myself in the meantime? I see my extra weight and I just feel self loathing
Click to expand...
80lbs is what i have left so I don't see that as insurmountable or even that high a number.. :D

What are your good qualities? Weight is just one part of you? are you kind, are you a good listner, are you funny, do you leave the seat down?

You can weigh 190 and be the biggest blowhard inthe world - personality is what wins in the end...

remind youorself of your good qualities?
 
Allright i am married but still..........I married my husband when we were both thinner and younger............but..........I got with him becuse I liked him.....their were other guys i was dateing.........with better bodies.......but he was the guy i chose becuse he was funny, honest, caring......ect........so as others have said......don't put off your happieness untill your are at your ideal body weight..........go get that person of your dreams .........cause they will like ya even if ya are a little pudgy!!!

On the flip side of that..........are you looking for someone with the perfect body or are you looking for a real person..........I mean are YOU being superfical?????? Are you waiting to be perfect cuz you want them to be?
would you go date a chubby person??? or would you want them to be all OOO la LLaaaaaa???
 
I'm in a long term relationship and have been for a year and a half, and 6 days :)

My boyfriend asked me out when I was roughly 165lbs! :O I was very self concious then. I don't have a clue why he asked me out or even liked me but meh, he did, and I liked him.

I'm 155lbs now and he's supportive of what I'm doing. I feel like he wants me to be a little skinny thing which is fine, don't most men like that? And he doesnt come out with it, so I'm just being paranoid. I'm not comfy in myself, clothed, unclothed, during sex, anything. Well.. clothed, I am now.

So yeah, I'm losing weight to feel comfortable in myself, and also with my boyfriend. Lets make porn while wearing kinky clothes! As if!
 
Nope. I guess I'm the opposite of most people when it comes to this. To be honest, I prefer to date when I'm larger (my weight has been all over the place over the years, from 104-172 lbs. so I know what it's like to be at various sizes) - I always seem to attract the kind of guys I prefer to date when I'm larger. When I get smaller, I tend to attract a lot of the type of guy that really turns me off. It's one of the few things I dislike about being thin and the only thing I'm not looking forward to.
 
It really dpes. Men are shallow. I have great self esteem but...they don't seem to care. It's all about how thin you are. I'm really pretty...you would think that would change things. NOPE
 
Ouch....

perfect_thrill said:
It really dpes. Men are shallow. I have great self esteem but...they don't seem to care. It's all about how thin you are. I'm really pretty...you would think that would change things. NOPE
Click to expand...

Lets not over-generalize here.... Not all men are shallow, otherwise only supermodels would get dates. I can guarantee that is not the case. In my experience 90% of all the "perfect" girls I have known have been self absorbed, nasty women who wouldnt give a guy like me the time of day, much less a date.

I know it is easy to make blanket statements like "Men are shallow" however, it does really offend those of us who aren't. In mine and many many men and women I have known's personal experiences it seems overweight women seem to have more dating prospects than over weight men. There are a ton of shallow people out there, but they are men AND women.

Wanna know how many damn times in my life some horrible woman (who I thought was "different" at the time) told me "Awww, your such a nice, sweet and loving guy who would make a perfect boyfriend/husband, too bad your too fat to be attractive"? I know because it ripped the heart out of my chest every damn time.....

sirant
 
On the flip side of that..........are you looking for someone with the perfect body or are you looking for a real person..........I mean are YOU being superfical?????? Are you waiting to be perfect cuz you want them to be?
would you go date a chubby person??? or would you want them to be all OOO la LLaaaaaa???[/QUOTE]










uh, nooo....My last 2 girlfriends were both somewhat heavy, and both were beautiful...I actually prefer women with curves to skinny women- just its seems men are expected to look like Fabio these days, hence my issues with my weight.....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top