divorce time
- Thread starter -Devil-
- Start date
-Devil-
New member
just got off the phone with the house place ... they can do a home loan in just my name .. so will know for sure about it within the next week or two ... so may have a place located ... a place that is mine ... not something i am just renting ...
dont want to get my hopes up to much ... but its a step at least.
dont want to get my hopes up to much ... but its a step at least.
-Devil-
New member
once i am out, i am going to do what i want to .... and try to fill my life with people that i enjoy having around and that enjoy me being around as well ....
right now the main thing that is hitting me, is that i know why this is happening, but i know that she won't even think about it till i am out ... and loosing something i have had around for 10 years fucking sucks ...
seeing how the kid is doing tho, and how he is handling it .. and hearing what he has to say and wants to do .. hurts .. but helps me at the same time .. lets me know i did at least influence him and his future ... so something good is going to come out of it ...
work today sucked ... i did laugh ... my coworker and her husband made sure of that ... but i still cried .. a lot ... i tried to stay busy and stay on the phone or whatever but it did not help ...
right now the main thing that is hitting me, is that i know why this is happening, but i know that she won't even think about it till i am out ... and loosing something i have had around for 10 years fucking sucks ...
seeing how the kid is doing tho, and how he is handling it .. and hearing what he has to say and wants to do .. hurts .. but helps me at the same time .. lets me know i did at least influence him and his future ... so something good is going to come out of it ...
work today sucked ... i did laugh ... my coworker and her husband made sure of that ... but i still cried .. a lot ... i tried to stay busy and stay on the phone or whatever but it did not help ...
Doesnt sound like you are a match to me. That doesnt mean there is anything wrong with either of you. The hardest part IMO is the breaking of the habit. The constant having osmeone there, someoene to talk to and share anything with. However, you've been unhappy for 7 years! Everyone deserves to be happy and live the life they want.
This will turn into the best change of your life Im sure of it! Dont even worry about dating or anything. Get situated, make a plan, and be merry.
This will turn into the best change of your life Im sure of it! Dont even worry about dating or anything. Get situated, make a plan, and be merry.
-Devil-
New member
i likely made a dumb move last night but ...
last night i started yelling back and telling her what i thought was wrong and what she did that i hated .. and what i was tired of not doing just to try to make her happier and that kind of stuff ...
i also told her she was a stupid little selfish child for the reasons she tried to give on wanting to break up, and that she needed to actually think for herself instead of letting her coworkers and family members tell her how she should be thinking and what she should be doing ...
she complained about me never helping someone in her family when they needed help ... i told her that if they wanted my help they just had to let me know they wanted it .. not just keep working by themselves and getting mad because i was doing other stuff instead ... i don't help unless asked .. that is me and i will not change it ...
i also told her i could care less about her family, but i was interested in the kid .. and us as a couple ... and i would do whatever it took to make sure he still had a stable future and life when he needs it most ... (he piped in, at the wrong time and said that he knew he would never have that with just her, and she was dumb to try and get rid of me knowing that she couldnt find anyone else like me) ... doh .. but i have never told him to hide what you want to say ... (maybe i should listen to my own advice) ...
as of right now ... she knows i still plan on moving out ... but it isn't right away ... it is when he is done with school ... and the only way i will change that is if things between us get better ...
the last thing she added was that she didn't want me complaining if she wanted to go out somewhere with her friends ... i have never complained about that and i told her .. i said the only thing i complained about ... was that the friends did not have a DD and everyone was drunk, and i was worried about ya'lls safety ... nothing else ... i did also let her know that i was going to stop listening to her complain when i say i want to go do something .. i am just going to go do it ...
so i honestly haven't a clue where the situation stands ... but when she left the house this morning i did notice she had put her wedding ring and engagement ring back on her finger ...
probably all was a dumb move ... but i was tired of seeing the kid cry and try to understand what was happening.
last night i started yelling back and telling her what i thought was wrong and what she did that i hated .. and what i was tired of not doing just to try to make her happier and that kind of stuff ...
i also told her she was a stupid little selfish child for the reasons she tried to give on wanting to break up, and that she needed to actually think for herself instead of letting her coworkers and family members tell her how she should be thinking and what she should be doing ...
she complained about me never helping someone in her family when they needed help ... i told her that if they wanted my help they just had to let me know they wanted it .. not just keep working by themselves and getting mad because i was doing other stuff instead ... i don't help unless asked .. that is me and i will not change it ...
i also told her i could care less about her family, but i was interested in the kid .. and us as a couple ... and i would do whatever it took to make sure he still had a stable future and life when he needs it most ... (he piped in, at the wrong time and said that he knew he would never have that with just her, and she was dumb to try and get rid of me knowing that she couldnt find anyone else like me) ... doh .. but i have never told him to hide what you want to say ... (maybe i should listen to my own advice) ...
as of right now ... she knows i still plan on moving out ... but it isn't right away ... it is when he is done with school ... and the only way i will change that is if things between us get better ...
the last thing she added was that she didn't want me complaining if she wanted to go out somewhere with her friends ... i have never complained about that and i told her .. i said the only thing i complained about ... was that the friends did not have a DD and everyone was drunk, and i was worried about ya'lls safety ... nothing else ... i did also let her know that i was going to stop listening to her complain when i say i want to go do something .. i am just going to go do it ...
so i honestly haven't a clue where the situation stands ... but when she left the house this morning i did notice she had put her wedding ring and engagement ring back on her finger ...
probably all was a dumb move ... but i was tired of seeing the kid cry and try to understand what was happening.
Is the child your biological child, or are you raising him?
It's not healthy for children to be in an environment where mommy and daddy feel the need to call each other names... Children should see parents disagree on a civil level... and resolve problems without resorting to naming calling... and intentionally hurting one another...
When is the child done with school? is that a matter of days/weeks/months/longer? His best interest and yours might want to have you reevaluate t hat.
It's not healthy for children to be in an environment where mommy and daddy feel the need to call each other names... Children should see parents disagree on a civil level... and resolve problems without resorting to naming calling... and intentionally hurting one another...
When is the child done with school? is that a matter of days/weeks/months/longer? His best interest and yours might want to have you reevaluate t hat.
-Devil-
New member
i know this is a long delay in a response ... but figured since i was updating everything else i would update this as well ...
first on your questions ...
1. Raising him, not actually mine ...
2. name calling was always kept behind doors... but for a bit the yelling he did of course hear.
3. he is in the 9th grade so has about 4 more years of school ...
i am still with her ... i can't say anything has worked out ... 'she is happier' ... that is mostly because now she does not work at all ... she stays at home all the time .. and does very little when it comes to 'house chores' ... and if anyone asks her .. she thinks we are doing great ...
i can not honestly say that though ... i do say that we are good in front of her ... but inside ... i still haven't recovered from her telling me she wanted me to leave ... and i honestly do not think that i ever will ...
i am trying, but the willpower just is not there anymore ...
i have gone back to my old plan .. of paying everything off that i can .. and then when the kid is done with school ... rethinking the situation ...
after going through all of this, i can honestly say ... that even though the thought of it hurts .. i do feel that i would be happier on my own ....
Phoenyx
0
You know, it is honorable of you to feel obligated towards the kid even if he isn't biologically yours... but if you and I were sitting at a bar and you were telling me about all this... I'd have but one thing to say.
Get out... now!
Seriously... you are miserable if what I just read through is any gauge. Your very last sentence gives weight to this.
You're sticking around out of an 'obligation' to a did, while she sits on her ass and does... what? Probably thinking up ways of using you even further until you are a dried out husk of a man? C'mon dude... be true to yourself!
Its women like the way you describe the woman you are married to that make me ashamed of my own gender.
Best of luck, no matter what you do.
Get out... now!
Seriously... you are miserable if what I just read through is any gauge. Your very last sentence gives weight to this.
You're sticking around out of an 'obligation' to a did, while she sits on her ass and does... what? Probably thinking up ways of using you even further until you are a dried out husk of a man? C'mon dude... be true to yourself!
Its women like the way you describe the woman you are married to that make me ashamed of my own gender.
Best of luck, no matter what you do.
Wow, you have really been on an emo roller coaster this past while. My heart goes out to you, as I feel that I am in a similar (though reversed) situation.
In my case, my husband is the 'puter geek. He is addicted to WoW, depressed, no interest in doing anything. No dreams, aspirations. Very little attention to me or our precious daughters.
I have gone to (and am still going to) counseling, read myriad books, tried various ways to change myself, and even various different ways to view marriage. None of it has worked so far. My religious views have thus far kept me from walking, as well as the fact that I don't want to deprive my kids of their Dad - even though he is not doing a great job of parenting.
So I feel that I can relate, and I sure do wish you well. It helped me so much losing weight, helped my self-esteem greatly. However, now that I value myself more, I am even MORE dissatisfied in my marriage! I refuse to make some rash decision that could have dire consequences, but I do fear that I am inching closer to it.
Best wishes
ABBA
In my case, my husband is the 'puter geek. He is addicted to WoW, depressed, no interest in doing anything. No dreams, aspirations. Very little attention to me or our precious daughters.
I have gone to (and am still going to) counseling, read myriad books, tried various ways to change myself, and even various different ways to view marriage. None of it has worked so far. My religious views have thus far kept me from walking, as well as the fact that I don't want to deprive my kids of their Dad - even though he is not doing a great job of parenting.
So I feel that I can relate, and I sure do wish you well. It helped me so much losing weight, helped my self-esteem greatly. However, now that I value myself more, I am even MORE dissatisfied in my marriage! I refuse to make some rash decision that could have dire consequences, but I do fear that I am inching closer to it.
Best wishes
ABBA
Michelley85
New member
What's the update? I hope things are going better for you now. 