Discouragement from other people-what do you think?

Mirandacake

Mirandacake

New member
How do you still feel motivated when friends tell you that you look "too skinny"? These are friends that are overweight mind you. I almost feel like telling them "How dare you say that to me. Do you know how much self control and iron will I have had to muster to be able to get this far?" However, I don't want to start a feud with them. I usually just laugh it off. I feel like I can't be around them. Should I just start spending less time with them? Why can't they see me as "inspiration"? It's not like I am skin and bones- 5'10, 157 lbs. down from 180. Started on Feb 1st of this year.
 
I think that you losing weight is a sort of threat to the status quo - if you can do it what excuse do they have not to? So their mind solves this problem by saying that you are unhealthy.

This also happens to me. I try to ignore, but gradually I've been moving away from these harmful relationships. Some people, however, are really concerned - in that case it helps to show them evidence of the optimal weight/BMI/body fat % and where you currently stand.
 
Sorry

Mirandacake said:
How do you still feel motivated when friends tell you that you look "too skinny"? These are friends that are overweight mind you. I almost feel like telling them "How dare you say that to me. Do you know how much self control and iron will I have had to muster to be able to get this far?" However, I don't want to start a feud with them. I usually just laugh it off. I feel like I can't be around them. Should I just start spending less time with them? Why can't they see me as "inspiration"? It's not like I am skin and bones- 5'10, 157 lbs. down from 180. Started on Feb 1st of this year.
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This dynamic of weight loss is all too familiar to me. There are many who will attempt to sabotage your efforts both overtly and covertly. You may find:

1) "Friends" that you have that are overweight now...first they are excited for you and want to know HOW you did it. They treat it like it is some kind of magic trick or miracle. Then you start to say that it was disciplined eating and exercise. Then they go into denial...you must be doing something special. Then they are uncomfortable with your accomplishments...you are clearly too happy and looking too good. They begin to say exactly the things you have experienced.

2) "Friends" that you have that have always been thin and now you are getting thin too...you have always been their jolly pal and your weight was always the elephant in the room. You were fun to be around but none of the girls thought you were competition so you were non-threatening. Now, you are competition. Keep your eyes open for the back-stabbing and biting comments.

3) "Friends" that were used to the 'old you'. You are just not the same anymore...you are harder on yourself because of the way you have changed your life. This has forced them to adapt to the new you...and they don't want to change. They like the 'old you'. Why can't you just lose only a little weight but still be the old you?

Bottom line...you are doing something exceptionally hard that, done right, will change you for the rest of your life. You are about to find out who your real friends are. I went through this when I lost the weight and kept it off, and I went through it when I stopped drinking. It is hard and I am sorry for anyone that has to go through it. It would be great if everyone that wanted or needed to make positive life changes received all the support they needed, but sadly, this isn't so. Best of luck
 
Just a thought. I know many people think shes jsut a tv person. but Jillian michaels has a really good book out. I bought it and its helped me deal with people like that and other people in your life that are causing more grief then anything. Its called winning by losing. It tells you about toxic people in your life and helps you thinking more positive about yourself.
 
I am female, my BMI is normal. Thanks for the opinions. I totally agree with the idea that they think it's something magical that I did that didn't really take any effort or that they can't handle that people don't stay the same forever. The next time anyone says something I am just going to flat out tell them that they aren't helping me by saying those things. I'll probably tell them to stop being a negative nancy too. :p
 
Mirandacake said:
I am female, my BMI is normal. Thanks for the opinions. I totally agree with the idea that they think it's something magical that I did that didn't really take any effort or that they can't handle that people don't stay the same forever. The next time anyone says something I am just going to flat out tell them that they aren't helping me by saying those things. I'll probably tell them to stop being a negative nancy too. :p
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I don't know you Miranda but are you the kind of person who is quiet and smiles when complimented but internalizes the message? It may not be typical of what you do but try this one...tell them it will take work but that you can help them if they want to lose too. Ask them what they eat and how much they work out? Not sarcastically, earnestly, like you were their doctor. People only make comments, like the ones you are referring to, to people who won't respond. It is a bully mentality and it makes them feel like their 'condition' is acceptable and OK, when they know it isn't. Ask them those two questions. They won't mention your weight to you again...promise.
 
i agree. ive recently lost 38 pounds and am 134 now. and my friends are always saying that i have nothing left to lose. But sometimes i feel like they dont want me to lose more because they feel like my weight loss and my changing shape is a threat to the attention they get from people. (i dont know if that makes sense)

I dont know if im reading into it wrong but i know im not skinny so i feel kind of patronised when they say it.
 
Mirandacake said:
How do you still feel motivated when friends tell you that you look "too skinny"? These are friends that are overweight mind you. I almost feel like telling them "How dare you say that to me. Do you know how much self control and iron will I have had to muster to be able to get this far?" However, I don't want to start a feud with them. I usually just laugh it off. I feel like I can't be around them. Should I just start spending less time with them? Why can't they see me as "inspiration"? It's not like I am skin and bones- 5'10, 157 lbs. down from 180. Started on Feb 1st of this year.
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Just tell them it's about being healthy and living long so you now work out and don't eat junk to increase your health/lifespan.

Or you could be nasty and tell them that you're getting so much male attention that it's more fun than stuffing your face, presumably if they're overweight they won't like hearing that.

What's your goal weight anyway?
 
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I totally feel ya homie! when i waz n da pen i got up to almost 140 & that waz tha most id ever weighed. so i started cuttin bacc on my food, & exercising more & tha other inmates would make fun of me & shit. tell me i waz "too skinny" and everything. in 4 months i waz bacc down to 120 & by then they waz all callin me "annorexic" & "frail". i would still eat tons of veggies n tha chow hall though so then they started callin me bulemic & shit. crazy. and erbody wanted 2 feed me lil debbies & noodles & shit cuz i "need some meet on my bonez". and it fuccn pissed me off like, "bacc off man, wat i eat or don't eat aint nobodies bizness anyway!" i basically didnt lose much aftr that. i stayed at 120 for the next yer & a half til i got out. but n the 8 months i been out i gained over 15 bacc which is why i just joined this place!

tha_problem (5'8")
 
I get frustrated by the same thing too. At work there's often cupcakes, cookies or other sweets around, and when I pass on having any I get a group of women who try to push them on me, or commenting asking, "You're not going to lose any more are you?". The funny thing is that in a group they'll comment and tease me about it, but individually I've had a couple of them approach me to ask me what I've been doing to lose weight.
 
I'll share a quote with you that has honestly changed my life:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

Your friends have seen you make a positive change in your life, and because they are not as strong as you, your empowerment has only magnified their own inadequacy.

This quote really changed my way of thinking... Especially about situations like this. I would just smile and use the anger as fuel at the gym the next day.
 
I think those people mean well. It is so common to see people overweight nowadays that people are a little startled to see somebody that is in the middle or lower part of the healthy weight range.
 
ISeeNoChanges said:
I'll share a quote with you that has honestly changed my life:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

Your friends have seen you make a positive change in your life, and because they are not as strong as you, your empowerment has only magnified their own inadequacy.

This quote really changed my way of thinking... Especially about situations like this. I would just smile and use the anger as fuel at the gym the next day.
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Excellent quote - for everyone who doesn't know who it was who said that it was Nelson Mandela.

Dont worry what other people think about you as it is what your opinion of yourself is that is most important.
 
I get grief all the time, and I can understand why as I'm not big - I'm only 9st 8lb now (erm, 134lb I think?), dress size 12 (think that's American size 8?) but I want to lose a stone to take me back down to 120lb, where I felt happiest and all my clothes are in this size. I'm only 5ft 4in so not tall, and my current body fat% is 27%, which is too high for my frame. But I always get people telling me I don't need to lose anything - tonight at my slimming class a woman who I don't know said to me "Why are YOU on a diet? You're not even fat!" with a real scowl on her face :(

I think taking control of your body and making a positive change frightens people to death. It makes them think about their own bodies and things they'd like to change and makes them feel inadequate. If you've always been the bigger person, it makes them look good. If you are now becoming slimmer than them, they will then become the bigger person, which probably terrifies them! They also won't like the fact you are getting more attention etc. It's just fear and envy most of the time.

I also find it hilarious that people look at you like you're crazy when you eat "weird" foods when you're eating healthily - even though people don't think twice about shoving processed McDonalds down their necks? It seems to be the norm to eat anything that comes in a packet, but if you eat anything in its natural state you get stared at and comments made, then everyone looks at you and you get really self-conscious...sigh :(
 
Bird_UK said:
I get grief all the time, and I can understand why as I'm not big - I'm only 9st 8lb now (erm, 134lb I think?), dress size 12 (think that's American size 8?) but I want to lose a stone to take me back down to 120lb, where I felt happiest and all my clothes are in this size. I'm only 5ft 4in so not tall, and my current body fat% is 27%, which is too high for my frame. But I always get people telling me I don't need to lose anything - tonight at my slimming class a woman who I don't know said to me "Why are YOU on a diet? You're not even fat!" with a real scowl on her face :(

I think taking control of your body and making a positive change frightens people to death. It makes them think about their own bodies and things they'd like to change and makes them feel inadequate. If you've always been the bigger person, it makes them look good. If you are now becoming slimmer than them, they will then become the bigger person, which probably terrifies them! They also won't like the fact you are getting more attention etc. It's just fear and envy most of the time.

I also find it hilarious that people look at you like you're crazy when you eat "weird" foods when you're eating healthily - even though people don't think twice about shoving processed McDonalds down their necks? It seems to be the norm to eat anything that comes in a packet, but if you eat anything in its natural state you get stared at and comments made, then everyone looks at you and you get really self-conscious...sigh :(
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A agree with everything you just said. Also i am exactly the same height and weight as you with the same goal! What time period are you trying to lose that stone in?:]
 
RollUpAndShine said:
A agree with everything you just said. Also i am exactly the same height and weight as you with the same goal! What time period are you trying to lose that stone in?:]
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Cool :) Well, I started this at around 10st. It's taken me 5 weeks to lose 5.6lb (to be precise), so it's coming off really slowly :( I would have just thrown in the towel by now, but I have steely determination this time! I've set myself a goal of losing 8lb in a month, so by the beginning of October I'd like to be down to 9st, but with the way it's coming off I doubt that's gonna happen :D

I have clothes in sizes 8, 10 and 12. When my 12 start getting tight I know it's time to lose weight! I'm miserable as I am, and I want to get back to feeling confident again. I'm always covered up, even in summer. I can't remember the last time I wore a skirt, and if I did I had my legs covered up too. I just feel miserable about my body and when people tell me I don't need to lose weight it drives me up the wall. I literally don't bare any part of my body, at the most I wear a short sleeved top.

I'd be quite happy staying a size 12, as long as my body fat % wasn't so high. It's not my size that bothers me, but how much body fat I'm carrying round. Same with my weight, I'd rather be a stone heavier but be less "fat", if that makes sense.

I have really good scales that measure body fat amongst other things, so I'm mainly going to go off that really. I shouldn't get so hung up on weight and clothes sizes, but you associate being smaller with being less "fat", which isn't always the case!

Sorry for hijacking the thread :eek:
 
Bird_UK said:
I also find it hilarious that people look at you like you're crazy when you eat "weird" foods when you're eating healthily - even though people don't think twice about shoving processed McDonalds down their necks? It seems to be the norm to eat anything that comes in a packet, but if you eat anything in its natural state you get stared at and comments made, then everyone looks at you and you get really self-conscious...sigh :(
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i hav such a reputation 4 eatn "weird" that it dont bothr me. lol. but i know wat u mean. the comments i get when i eat stuff like cucmber slices & salsa! or cooked carrots & sugar-free syrup... but i just laugh along wit em wen they start makin fun of my food. i mean, n prison i invented peanutbutter & jelly raman noodles! haha!

whatz even funnier is nobody now believes me that i'm on a diet. nunna them think i need 2 lose weight so when they offer me a donut & i'm like, "nah, i'm cool. i'm tryna quit." they think i'm joking. so i'll let em keep thinkin that. itz just they cant see me worryin bout my weight cuz it aint really fit with da rest of my personality. lol

tha_problem 5'8"
 
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