Diary of a Pirate Punk

PiratePunk

PiratePunk

New member
Feels a little odd, but I'm just going to jump right in. I haven't posted much on the forum, but would like to have something to update. So here we are...:

Well I'm at it again. To be honest, I'm scared. I've failed so many times, I'm afraid of losing faith in myself altogether. I wonder if I should even begin this, at a time when I have trouble finding the motivation. But if I do it, and I succeed, then that will prove it doesn't matter how I feel at the moment. I need to accomplish things without getting emotionally involved. After all, this is what I've always wanted.

I'm somewhat of a veteran to calorie counting, which I'm not especially pleased with... I yo-yo dieted constantly in my youth, but never seemed to get anywhere. I did have quite a bit of success about 2 years ago, when I lost almost 20lbs.. but I fell ill some months later and gained it all back in recovery. So I felt really disappointed then.. I know, however, that my biggest asset last time was keeping a positive outlook and convincing myself that nothing would stop me. If I can conjure up that spirit again, I should hope to have no problem..!

Truth be told, these last couple years have been hard. I've always had my bouts with depression, but this last one seems to have taken a bit out of me. I'm trying hard to change my thoughts and gain some spark back, which I need if I'm going to get healthy again. One reason my weight creeped up again was simply caused by curling up in bed all the time. This has also caused me to fall out of shape, which I'm working on... I used to be on my feet all the time, and would like to be that person again. I think I am getting better though, with time and effort.

I have been getting out more recently, taking my husky to a pretty decent park in the area for an hour on weekends. I walk her for a half hour each day anyway, but it's nice to do something different. My mother would like more exercise too, and so I'll be asking her to walk with me in the evenings after work. I would like to try and steer us both toward a more active lifestyle, though she can be fairly resistant (I don't necessarily blame her--what mother takes orders from her daughter? But still...) I think it would be good to work together at this.

So that's my story, and I hope to have something positive things to update on in the future... As for today, I ate within my limit, at 1350 calories. I only got 4/5 fruit & veg, but I'll survive. I walked for about 2 hours too. All in all, I think I did good.. Yesterday was much the same.. Hopefully a more detailed update tomorrow.
 
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum :) Well done on the exercise. So jealous that you have a husky, they are soooo beautiful!
 
Hi there pink lady.

Are you getting treated for your depression? I have it too but for me with treatment i am pretty good. Without treatment pretty hopeless.

You will pick up motivation if you read some threads on here and sart following others diaries. Read mine for example :) its called

I'm aiming for 59kg. I keep a detailed food diary and, log my daily weight, put on recipes, list my exercise and throw in a few other comments here and there. I think it should be helpful if you don't know where to start or if you want some fresh ideas.

I always start of feeling motivated but as i get into it, my routines improve significantly. So it does get easier if you ask me and now you've made a start just by doing this entry today.

I'm keeping my diary for a year even if i get down to my goal weight before then bcause I am trying to set in place new habits. So i am thinking beyond the goal of my weight and looking at hte long term.

I hope you find this place helps you. Good luck
 
Hi Fortyfour,
I have tried a few treatments, which haven't helped yet.. some just made me worse. I'll keep trying, but as of now I'm doing alright. Thanks for asking. I'll be checking out other diaries as well. I love the idea of keeping your diary even after reaching goal. I think continuing healthy habits is the most important thing. Thanks for the tips!
 
Today went pretty well. My official starting weight is 145.5. I was somewhat pleased to see this. I've certainly been heavier before, and it seems my last efforts to lose weight weren't all in vain. So I feel like it's a good note to start on.

Unfortunately it was too rainy to walk the dog... I could have done something else, but I guess that's a lesson for another day. I did, however, install a bar in the shower that I can use to exercise while I condition my hair. :p I love doing the Bar Method workout, or really anything bar related. Last time I did it regularly, it made a huge difference in just a short time. So apparently any little bit counts.

I didn't feel too hungry all day, and I hope that continues. It's my 4th day of reduced calories, and usually by this time it does become easier. At first I seem to eat a series of snacks all day because I am so hungry (or just obsessed,) but I think I should start eating more substantial meals. It makes it easier to just relax.

Okay! Enough chatter... what I had today:

B: Nut/fruit mix & Apple...........270
S: Soy "chicken" patty............120
L: Soy hot dog & bun..............150
S: Cucumber sandwich............150
S: Peanut butter & soy milk......200
D: Potato & brussels sprouts.....250
Total....................................1140

Normally I'd aim for around 1300, but since I'm not too hungry I'm not going to push it. I had so many brussels sprouts that I think it counted as 2 servings... so I got my '5 a day'! I even drank the water, because I had to boil them. lol
 
Another fine day... I felt really faint this morning, which worried me a bit. The last couple of times I tried to diet, I started to feel so bad I had to stop. But after a protein shake, some iron and exercise, I felt a lot better. Hopefully it'll stay that way. If not, I'm going to the doctor to figure out why this keeps happening to me...!

B: Nut & Fruit mix....................280
S: Cookie (oops).......................80
L: Spinach, soy burger, banana..300
S: Protein shake, nuts..............280
D: Soy dog, lentils, carrots........330
S: Strawberries........................30
Total...................................1300

Had a whopping 2 cups of spinach, so I got my 5 in again...! yay
 
Hello! looks like you are doing really well on the food and exercise front! I also have problems with depression, never really found anything that works for me, i know it is an obvious thing to say but excersising has been the most sucessful way to lift my mood, even if only temporarily!
I hope you figure out why you are feeling faint- good luck!
 
Sophie~ I agree that exercise helps... I guess without it depression can easily become a vicious cycle, but I try to get out and do it. I hope it continues to work out for you..! And I have been feeling better today, so thanks!

Soo, it was Easter. I deliberately told my mom not to get me any candy, and I haven't seen any yet. I actually don't fancy the kinds that she gets, so even if she gave me some, turning it down wouldn't be hard..

I didn't get breakfast today.. I just wasn't up to it at all. So I went straight to Easter lunch with the family. I thought about just having a day off, but in actuality there's not much to eat around here anyway. lol The soda & cookie weren't very smart though...

L: Potato w/ oleo, veggies.........350
S: Ginger ale, cookie, soy milk....280
S: Protein shake + strawberries..160
D: 2 Veggie dogs......................300
Total.....................................1090

F&V: 3 servings. :/ My diet looked somewhat abysmal today, but oh well... *pops a multi*
 
Try and keep your cals above 1200, lovely. Not healthy :p I skip breakfast quite a bit as well, it never sounds good first thing in the morning!
 
Yeah, I probably should... I just figured an extra 100c wouldn't matter on occasion, and I just wanted to sleep. lol I'm sure my appetite will more than cover it soon. :p

I normally want to eat straight away, unless I'm busy or actually having a life.

Thanks for the input!
 
I weighed in today at 144! That's 1.5 since Friday (though I have to admit, water retention probably had a role in the difference.) More importantly, that's 5 lbs since February... I normally lose about a pound a week if I put my mind to it, but if I could lose more than that, I'd be pretty happy...!
 
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Today was okay.. Walked for about an hour. I mostly felt depressed and not like eating much of the day. When I did, it was sort of repetitive with veggie burgers (I always do that when depressed.) Then I had ramen noodles... eck! I noticed some feelings coming back from my disordered eating days, like being really antsy about eating anything, especially when I'm already upset. But I don't think I'll really fall back into that. I know it wont get me anywhere.

B: Veggie burger 250
S: Cookie 80
L: Veggie burger 250
D: Ramen noodles 400
S: ...? I'll fill in later.

Luckily I took vitamins today... this looks terrible! I'll have some fruit tonight.
Oh, and get those cookies out of the house. lol
 
Finished yesterday at 1300, with some strawberries and a banana for a midnight snack..

Today, I got drunk and can't remember everything I ate. So nevermind that...!
 
Today's a new day.. Felt really hungry, but went shopping last night for some low cal foods, so hopefully I'll be good this week. Luckily those protein bars are all gone.. they were tempting but not very filling. No exercise today. ;(

B: Protein bars... 360
L: Cucumber sandwich & trail mix... 220
S: Protein bar... 180
D: Sandwich & apple... 340
S: Strawberries and nuts 180
Total... 1280
 
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I just weighed in again, at 143. That's 2.5 lbs this week! I'm really a bit surprised, and don't know if I believe it. I normally lose only 1 lb a week... it makes me think, it must just be that I'm dehydrated, or have just begun.. But we'll see.

I've been considering trying Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live plan. It sounds extremely healthy, and would encourage me to eat as much fruit & veg as I like. I initially wanted to do it because I've heard of faster weight loss... (though of course I worry about keeping it off.) But if I keep losing quickly anyway, I may put off starting it. I don't really want to limit my grains! But eating as many beans as I like sounds much healthier than how I normally eat... (very few!) I'm a bit torn on it.... It's pretty different from how I eat, but would be extremely healthy and is how I know I should eat. Maybe when I'm ready...
 
Ahh I'm excited, but... I feel like I'm in a "blah" zone, simply because losing any weight in the 140s isn't as exciting as losing in the 130s or 120s... I simply don't want to be here. So I'm going to give myself a reward when I get out of the 140s, to keep it more interesting. I tried looking up ideas... and kept coming across things like hair, makeup, clothes, etc... I just don't really want those things. So I'm going to finally buy that 2GB RAM upgrade for my netbook that I bought a couple months ago. Sometimes it just lags so unbearably.. So this is something I can really get excited about. lol Unless I come up with another idea.
 
How tall are you?
You look like you have an amazing figure already in your picture.
Slim shoulders and arms and face :)

You don't eat much but you know what your body needs i suppose.

I have depression too.. anxious depression, not the kind where everything feels hopeless and like.. you're stuck inside a tunnel of darkness that you can't escape from. I hope you are ok at the moment. Do you ever read self help books? Positive affirmations have changed my life.

Congrats on your weight loss already. Go you.
 
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