Diary of a fat ass

Only one cup of coffee this morning, so only four tablespoons of half and half. I also choked down half a cup of sliced strawberries for breakfast.

The whole breakfast thing is getting annoying. Eating anything first thing in the morning makes me ill so this is the harder part for me. No I'm not pregnant, I just haven't eaten breakfast for like 15 years so I don't think my body is used to it.

Today will be a trial since it's Husband's day off. He has horrible eating habits, and doesn't gain weight even with his fast food and Coke addiction. What makes it worse is that even though he is supportive and quite proud of me for going to the gym, he swears that nothing was wrong with the way I was eating and doesn't want me to change that part. So he tries to make me feel guilty if don't want a quarter-pounder value meal from McDonalds when he gets one. Too often I let him and go ahead and order something horrible when he does.

Yesterday went really well even though I blew off most of my responsibilities. I couldn't shake the nightmares, and had two assignments looming over my head that I couldn't concentrate on. I was getting seriously stressed and wanted to make a big batch of cookies to blow off steam.

Instead though, I took all three of the kids to the beach. For three hours I ran around the shore after my four year old until she was out of breath...but I wasn't.

I have two big papers due tomorrow that I haven't even started, but all around I just feel better about things. I had to reconcile that I have a high grade point average, I'm eating better, and going to the gym regularly. Right now I'm sticking to everything I'm setting out to do, and I have several things that show that I am. So I can give myself a break once in a while.

But today it's right back to it! Stay off the board and get my work done today!
 
Yup, I knew it would happen. Husband wanted to go see Clash of the Titans so we did. But going to the movies isn't enough, he also had to go out for lunch as well. So we went to a little local seafood place. Did I stay good and have something like baked or broiled fish? Nope! I ate about a dozen fried shrimp. Bad, bad, bad. No workout today to offset those delicious shrimp, but I did do some crunches just to see if I could do more than I could a couple of months ago. I can so YAY on that.

Since I'm still feeling stuffed I'm skipping dinner and might have some strawberries again later if I feel hungry.

Oh, and the assignment I was stressing over on Friday. I aced it, two points shy of a perfect score. Damn! If I keep this stuff up I may actually find out what self confidence feels like.
 
Today is so going to end up being an under 900 calorie day. When I woke up I just felt ill so I skipped breakfast and could only choke down one cup of coffee. Only 3 tbsp of half and half meaning I'm at a grand total of 62 calories this morning and all of them are from fat.

Went to the gym for an hour hoping that once I came back I would be hungry, that happens sometimes, but not very often. Actually more often I feel like I'm going to hurl after my workout so I can't even think about food. That's how it was today. I keep going to the kitchen looking for something to eat but everything looks bad to my stomach today.

I really need to get a handle on this whole eating thing because it's starting to seriously piss me off.

Good news though, I found out that the gym is only two miles from my house. So now I have another goal. I want to be able to walk to the gym for my workout and walk home after.

I don't want to get stuck in the middle and not be able to walk home, so I'm going to start adding two miles on the treadmill before my workout and two miles after to see how I'm going to handle it. Hopefully by the end of next month I'll be able to walk to and from everyday. Which actually may be a problem since that starts the rainy season here in Florida. And that rain is seriously cold early in the season.
 
*Heaves heavy sigh* alright, here's some befores. I had my oldest daughter take them last night because if I want a horrible picture of myself, she's the one I call. (I'm not pushing myself out, I'm just covering a really big tattoo on my back)

I wanted to show my stretch marks better since I'm really concerned about them, but they didn't show very well.

Notice the startling lack of boobage. Perhaps if I can make my stomach smaller so that they at least stick out past it I can cure that issue. :)

Also notice the vast amount of junk in the trunk, if I can shave that thing down to the right proportions it's gonna be bangin! :)

I think I'll post up again when I hit 180 just to see if there's a difference.
 
Hey hun :), Your doing really well, i wouldnt be able to manage to do as well as you are with kids!!!

Good idea about walking to the gym, sadly my fav gym/only decent gym is around 12 miles away lol.
 
Yuck! Gross! Ick! Eww! Holy crap that was awful! :ack2:

I just tried a protein shake for breakfast, EAS brand. I thought I would try to get my protein intake up and quell my struggling through breakfast by resorting to those. If that's any example of what those shakes taste like then I'll keep struggling through half a cup of applesauce or strawberries.

By the gods how can anything possibly be that foul! I've brushed my teeth twice this morning to try to get that taste out of my mouth. I can't even drink my morning coffee because the coffee keeps rinsing residuals of that disgusting shake onto my taste buds.

I'll be back to browse the diaries in a bit. Right now I'm going to go brush my teeth again and maybe gargle some drain cleaner, something has to get that taste out of my mouth.
 
Things I need to do today:

1. Pay my water bill

2. take an exam online for school

3. go to the gym for an hour

4. go pick up a few groceries

Things I'll probably do today

1. stare at my water bill until the guy comes by in the truck to turn it off, then I'll race to the utilities department and pay it...along with the late fee.

2. Browse this board laughing my butt off at everyone else's posts

3. Lay on the floor with the intent of doing several crunches and maybe try to hold a "plank" position for about 5 seconds before giving up and hitting the fridge

4. wait until the last possible second to leave for the store before I have to make dinner. rush through the store and forget half the things I needed so that I end up having to go back again tomorrow.
 
LMAO!!! Most of that sounds a lot like me. On a tv show or movie a man was telling a woman that women secretly like drama in their lives that is why they will wait until something is going to get shut off before they actually pay it. How true how true!

Congrats on getting under 200. I am so jealous of all you people getting there before me. You are getting there and I know you can make it for the long haul. Just stay positive and get up off that floor or get to crunchin!
 
Could not, not, not, force myself to eat breakfast this morning. Did do much better on my cream intake in my coffee this morning though, down by three tablespoons now. But of course since I didn't eat breakfast I have 126 calories in my system and all of them are from bad fats. :(

Hit the gym for an hour and also hit the scale before I left. I know I said I was going to wait for Friday, but couldn't wait that long. I'm down by 1.2 pounds so far for the week. Not bad for mid week actually, but even if that's all I lose this week I'll still be happy with it.

Had some tuna for lunch, brought my protein up to a better level than a stack of cheese for lunch every day. Also choked down another of the disgusting protein shakes I bought the other day. Add that to the chicken breast I plan to have for dinner and my protein levels are finally getting better. Still have to learn to watch my fats though, but I'll get it eventually.
 
Holy crap it's 3:30 am! Why the hell did I just wake up this early.

*tries to will self back to sleep*

Nope, now it's 4am and I'm even more awake than before.

So there. I woke up and got up at 4am for no particular reason.

I think I'll go to the gym. It'll be pretty much empty this time of the morning and I can go ahead and get that part of my day done.

Then I may come back and post something more substantial than "I woke up at 4am for no good damn reason!"
 
I have to get something off my chest today. *hauls out therapy couch*

My husband is becoming a huge obstacle in my weight loss and getting fit. He's been telling me since we've know each other that he thinks I'm the hottest thing on the planet. Even when I got up past 200 pounds he was still saying that.

He's being ok with me wanting to be fit except for one thing... At dinner he looks at my plate and says stuff like "That's not all you're going to eat is it?" Or if I go and serve myself the 1/2 cup suggested serving of ice cream he looks at it and says something like "That little bit's not even worth getting up for." Or he'll go get himself some huge serving of something, eat most of it and try to give the rest to me. If I refuse he gets a little passive aggressive about my wanting to waste food when we're so low on money. It's like HELLO! You're the one who served himself more than he could eat, why am I the bad guy because I know I don't want it?

He's also been driving me nuts about how often I go to the gym. He told me that when he was playing football in high school that his workout was 6 days a week of two or three hours of high intensity and he loved it. So now I'm going 6 day a week, for a lot less time than he was going back then, but he thinks I'm going too often.

Now yesterday he's resorted to another tactic. He's telling me that the weight lifting that I'm doing is going to reduce my breast size. That hits a huge nerve because he knows how self conscious I am about my tiny boobs.

Logically I know that this isn't true. I may lose a little size since breast tissue is mostly fat. But I also know that when I was 150 pounds my breasts looked great because without all the extra flesh hiding them, they looked bigger than they do now. Yes they were still on the small side, but they didn't look all that small since the rest of me was smaller as well.

On the other hand...or boob...I'm so insecure about my breast size that a thousand "What if's" are running through my head at once over this. So I think I'll pose this question elsewhere on the board and see if I can find a decent answer.

Thanks to anyone who sat through this post. I really needed to get that off my chest....or rather NOT get this off my chest. :)
 
Bless me diet gods for I have sinned.

I went to a buffet today.

I did two salad bar trips...actual salad, not like a piece of lettuce piled with meat, cheese and creamy dressing. So that wasn't so bad. Or it wouldn't have been if I had stopped there.

Next I hit the meat section...hard...and the gravy, you can't have meat without the gravy. (But I did only do one plate, and there was a little bit of space still visible under the gravy.)

Then desserts. Now normally, when we go to this same place as a family I browse the dessert table, pick three things, then eat one bite of each of them.

Not this time. This time I came back with five little desserts and ate every bite.

Now I'm so full that I'm going to explode and am more than likely going to skip dinner. Honestly I'll probably stay stuffed until tomorrow.

So today I didn't just fall off the wagon I did a running header into a vat of delicious brown gravy off that sucker.
 
I DID IT!!!! 2 pounds gone this week....ok so it was really more like 1.8 but I'm calling it two pounds anyway because damn it, a girl's gotta have something to call her own. Not only that but I went through 3 half liter bottles of water during my workout and didn't weigh myself until I was done. So I'm giving myself the smidge that I was short for my week goal.

Friday weigh in: 195 and a bit.

Next Friday's goal: 193

Though since next week is THAT time of the month for me I don't think I'll make it.

Skipped breakfast since I still feel bloated this morning from my header into the buffet line yesterday.

Maybe I'll have a salad for lunch...at home this time, not at the buffet.
 
Great work!! I bet you will still be down next week because you are still probably holding some water from the buffet so you probably weigh even less! Oh and I just wanted to add that you are right about the boobs thing. When you get down to 150 pounds your boobs will stick out more than your waist and look a lot bigger even if they are smaller. I'm only an A but my chest measures 35 inches and my waist 32 and I have been told I have nice boobs by other woman so don't worry about losing some of your girls - you will still look more stunning!! Also water bras do wonders!!
Have a great weekend and keep it up!
 
Thanks guys! Yup, two pounds down...55 to go.

The weekend is going to be another challenge for me. Husband is off all weekend. For normal people this means lounging around in their underpants and doing everything they can to avoid exerting any kind of energy.

Unfortunately in my house it means trying very hard to look too busy with an assignment to go on husband's weekend fast food tour with him.

It doesn't fool him. He knows ahead of time that I spend maybe three hours on an assignment, most of that for research, then pop out a ten page thesis without breaking a sweat. If it was on anything but law he would believe me. But since my current assignments are all based in varying levels of legal theory...something that I kick serious ass in...he knows that I can grind the whole thing out on the due date.

Meaning that while other people get to lounge around and do nothing...or other normal things...on the weekends; I get to play another rousing game of "10,000 reasons why I don't need a double-quarter pounder meal, supersized of course, just because you are getting one"

Apparently his goal is to make sure he's the only man on the planet that ever wants to spend time with Sloth Woman.

So wish me luck ladies and gentlemen.
 
You just have to be brutal with him. If he tries to make you eat anything just say "No, I dont want to be fat anymore. I'm doing this for me and you NEED to respect and support that." It's insane. Why on EARTH is doing this! He just wants to keep you over-weight because he probably thinks when you get all thin and sexayyy (more sexayy then you already are, mind ;)) that you'll run off and find a hotter and younger model to trade him in for.

Some people just dont like change. Yank told me he was worried I'd find someone else when I get thin (which I found pretty insulting..I'm lovely just the way I am now!!). But he needs to stop this. You can't be worried about having free time over the weekend cause he'll make you eat. You need to stop him before it gets too much worse.

A simple "if you want to be a fat-ass the rest of your life, then go ahead, but you're not dragging me down with you" does wonders ;) Sounds harsh but really, it's very true. You dont want to be this person anymore. He wants to keep you the way you are. Somethings got to give, and it's NOT going to be you!
 
Good luck this weekend!!
I find it hard when I spend time with my boyfriend, because he is only very slightly overweight, and he doens't even look it, and he can eat anything :(
Well done on the 2 pounds so far, you're off to a brilliant start!
 
you've inspired me to GET UP and get breakfast in the morning. my waking up times means i usually dont qualify for breakfast, more brunch or dinner.
cograts on the breakfast though.
 
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