Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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WELL WELL WELL!!!

I have been a naughty little bunny, and have been partying all week!

The Good: I have been spending time with my female friends and it has been totally wonderful, I miss hanging out with GOOD girl friends that I know pretty well and feel 100% comfortable with!

The Bad: I haven't made it home before 3am all week!!!

Yesterday I exercised for the first time, did Kickboe. I had lots of energy and didn't feel worn out. My groin area is still slightly sore from being strained (oh god that sounds silly) but last night I went to a bar I never been to before, with Alana and Emily. I didn't take pictures :( but we had a good time, the guys there were nice and the music was great, and I had a blast, dancing like I do. Still, the consumption of drink, food, and snacks late at night is just no good. I know I need to step it up.

I'm a strange creature. I get overwhelmed easy and go hedonistic to relieve myself, then I'm too tired to be productive the next day. My hiatus from drinking and my sleeping well last month, along with the exercise break was excellent for my body--but allowed me to party hardy afterward. Ack! The poisons/toxins are piling up! At least I have been having VERY good meals throughout the day, healthy food, just the beer and snacks create surpluses that are just no good.

I went to bed around 3 and I woke up at 9am. I'm pretty tired, I can't say I'll be very attentive to you gals and guys today!

Tammy: You're a doll, thanks sweetie! :hug2:

Kimberly: Same as Tammy, but I'm sorry to hear that my #1 fan (LOL!! ;)) has gone. C'est la Vie!

Claud: Yeah good thing I have lots of guys who want to entertain me when the BF is not around! :D Also, good thing the BF doesn't care!

Bellaryna: Thanks! I am the same way lately! Just busy goofing off!

Tom: Hey there my man! Yeah a couple times I was gonna scope things out and I noticed that!

VBF: Ooooh I need to see how your running is going! I also can't wait to see you! :D

Stacy: Hey baby! Thanks, you too!
 
Theres something about a girls night out that makes you feel like all is right w/ the world, huh? lol

Enjoy the parting hun! Don't be too hard on yourself, there will come a day, and too soon I'm sure, that parting will be part of your past...not trying to be a downer...i'm just saying ENJOY IT! Its funny b/c tonight hubby asked if I'd mind if he went to a party tommorrow b/c he "never" gets to (although if you ask me, his gigging counts) BUT I said 'sure hun, you can go tommorrow if I can go out also" and he said "well, how ya gonna pull that off?" and I said EXACTLY!!! lol

Oh well, hey have a good weekend sweetie and thanks for your continued support! (eww, now I sound like a pbs commercial, lol!!)
 
Blancita said:
Wow, that is the exact advice I was going to impart. Ha ha. Us old ladies think alike :D. Dont you recall how up your ass he was when you were sort of pulling away? And what's the deal with this sleeping all day bull shit. Even H doesn't sleep all f'n day! :banghead: That would start to irritate me, though I'm like you and the carnal happenings tend always to be highest on my list.
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Well, they say great minds think alike..lol. I agree about the bf sleeping all day. Hell, even I don't do that (and I'd really love to!!)..lmao

Ha! Don't feel too bad about partying so much. Hell, when I was your age (yes, this makes me sound really old!), I spent 1996 and half of 1997 partying almost every night. I drank like a fish, too. Aahh...those were fun times. I'm with Korrie--enjoy them while you can. :cheers2:
 
Oakland has Soul, I told you

Last night after work I drove to Oakland for my girl friend's 25th birthday dinner, picture on bottom: Cynthia, Lucciana (b-day girl) and me. (I was wearing no eye makeup--my eyes aren't THAT squinty! :D ) The BF also came, and he was SUPER LOVEY DOVEY and man, men are totally confusing. I just rolled with it, and teased him as usual, we banter and tease and ignight fire in each other, after all, we are both fire and air signs :flame: We walked down Telegraph to the liquor store to get money from the ATM to make it rain on L's dad, cause the b-day dinner was like probably a thousand dollars, there were 35 people!

On the way back, I heard music coming from a church-looking building. Sure enough, it was rocking out in the Harmony Missionary Baptist Church. I sneaked in and people smiled and I was totally uplifted. Even the BF showed up and we rocked out for a song. I pulled out my digital camera and got footage and uploaded to youtube. :) I sure an moved by music. The vibe in there was incredible. I really cannot share with you the energy and happiness and JOY that people were pouring out, but at least you can hear the audio. Makes me want to go to church!



I did not eat too much at dinner, but the cake was really good, mmmh! Lu is a photographer going to an SF arts college and she lives in Oakland. My other friends live there, too, and some in Hayward. They're used to crime, shootings, and the like, I was amazed at my buddy Freddie's story of last Halloween at the Castro in SF. He was very drunk and dancing in the streets cause there was a DJ and basically a street party. Gunshots sounded, and he was like, "WOW someone is shooting off firecrackers in this bitch!" and he noticed people start to run away. His attitude: "Oh well if they shoot me they shoot me, I'm staying here, this DJ is tight!" and so he danced on. So did a few other people. I was amazed and amused. My friends are so ghetto, LOL.

I am getting chubbier, there is no doubt about that. I'm going to get serious about weight loss very soon, at the moment I'm not feeling it, and I'm disappointed that I failed so miserably during October, even though I was so serious about it. Oh well, on and on, there's no stopping me!
 
Glad to hear you had fun last night :D
I tried watching the video of the church but for some damn reason I can't. lol. Maybe I'm just stupid right now. :leaving: yeah... that's probably it.
Well have a great weekend doll!!
xoxox
elle
 
HI Elle! Hmmmm, maybe you don't have Flash Player or whatever it is, on your computer--hey wait don't you not have one? I need to see what happened, if you got a new latop.....
 
hmmph! I have no idea why it's not working. I tried other videos and they worked :confused:. I just uninstalled flash player and reinstalled it and it still won't work, just gives me the never-ending circle bubble. :[ uuuuugh, stinkiness! I'm sure it was a really good video though!
 
I was able to watch it without any trouble. Why are black baptists far less annoying than white baptists? And I was raised in a baptist church b/c my dad is a white baptist, so I can say that..lol

Val, u and ur gfs are soo cute. If it was TLD I'd have my tongue hanging out..lol.
 
Kimberly: LOL!!! Look, I wasn't there for the service! THAT coiuld be annoying, I sure do enjoy the music!

Hee hee hee! TLD is a crack up, thanks for the compliment on me and my girl friends!
Currently with the BF watching TV, drinking wine after a salmon dinner. My Russian housemate is also having dinner, with us. My Czech housemate even likes my cat....at first I moved in with the idea that Jaroslava was allergic to cats, so Oliver wasn't allowed in the house except my room. THEN I slowly let him in the house when I was around. Then today I come home with the BF and she's
 
she was in the living room with him. I asked her if he was bothering her, and she said "Oh no, he was outside and I let him in because it was raining," and I was glad because every so often she would giggle at him. He thinks my living room is like a giant playground. He loves the fact that there are plants everywherep--his own private jungle playroom!

Sorry premature enter pushing on the last post.
 
Don't bother reading this post, it's boring

cinderelly said:
Hey girl that is cute...all still going well ???On the b/f front ???
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Hi Cerella!

Funny you should say that, last night the BF and I had a long talk because I was explaining to him I had been hurt by him joking last Sunday. He apologized eventually but it sucked because there was a LOT of eye rolling first. The conversation of venting wandered into dangerous waters. Since we were venting, he talked about my body for pretty much the first time since we've been dating. He was brutally honest. He told me that I wasn't overweight, my BMI was healthy, and that he didn't know why I was so worried about it and was working out so much. I had no idea that he knew all that (I had never heard him use the term BMI), I don't talk to him about it, but I'd be naive to think he never goes on the forum and reads this thread (I'm not on it when he's around). He acknowledged things I have noticed myself: basically I have been "bulking" with the heavy lifting--of course I can't really bulk, but my thighs look like pure muscle and that doesn't suit his aesthetics. In addition, my breasts have shrunk. He pointed that out and I had been sort of bummed about that myself. AND since I have gained weight, most of my gain is apparent in my belly. My abs are flat to me, but he said that the muscles, smaller breasts, and chubbier tummy are a combo that he doesn't find appealing and he liked my body better several months ago. I was shocked and my mouth was hanging open, although I was also embarrassed because I LOVE my body, I think it looks great, I think my stomach is pretty flat, and I have got plenty of compliments from other guys. Just, I AM upset about the breasts, but there is nothing I can do about it. To make you all feel better, I KNOW this is just his opinion and I'm happy with my body the way it is. He made it clear he still thinks I'm sexy and it might have been his mood, a few weeks ago he was all lovey dovey and had said passionately that my body was beautiful.

This sounds harsh. I took it ok, considering. He left my house to drive home last night because both of us would feel more comfortable, after our talk, not to sleep in the same bed. But the gist of the conversation wasn't all about my body. That was only said at the end and had the most emotional impact. The conversation was really about me thinking he doesn't want to see me more than a couple times a week. His real feelings?

#1 He loves me more than anyone
#2 He honestly spends more time with me than anyone else.
#3 He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, but mostly, he loves my personality and loves spending time with me when it's fun for both of us.
#4 I'm welcome to come over and spend the night anytime during the week. This was important because I had got the impression that he didn't want me to.

I had also complained about his total giving up of maintenance and upkeep of our relationship. He politely explained how he had a lot of things going on, now, compared to when we first were together. I realized he was right--also, I had to remind myself of his behavior when we DO see each other: he grabs me, holds me, kisses me tenderly, tells me he missed me, and is sweet and affectionate. THEN later he jokes and is his usual offensive self, LOL. My BF is a strange creature. Our relationship has burned him--all the bad things about it, all the fighting, has totally turned him off to any drama. The important thing is that we love each other very much. Another important thing is we don't always get along, and whereas I want him to try to be more sympathetic and attentive when that happens, he wants to just part ways and do our own thing and be happy. He LOVES to be alone, always has. He joked that yeah, he may be an asshole, and we're both probably pains in the ass. He just wants me to take things more lightly. What do I want? Well, probably I want him like he was in the beginning of our relationship, when he treated me like his world and couldn't bear to sleep without me by his side. I realize that's unrealistic, and I also have to ask myself, "Do I really want that? Because that didn't make HIM happy." Besides, I have a GREAT time when I'm not with him, with my other friends and I'm always making more friends and hanging out, and the hanging out I do is stuff he wouldn't want to do. We're almost always at odds with what each other wants to do with our time--so it's healthy for us to do our own thing, no?

This probably is going to turn a lot of you women off. I can say one thing: TRUST me to take care of myself ;) I have my ways! Also, if he really wasn't worth it to me, I'd dump him. Truth be told, I ENJOY the visits, I ENJOY being away from him, I DON'T MIND sleeping alone most of the time, and it's not worth it to me to drop him. I love him--I just can honestly say I wish he needed me more, emotionally. But he doesn't. And I react in a needy way to that--where I don't need him emotionally. It is basically an ego thing, I think. I think all women, or most, would like a BF who boots her ego. My own BF does NOT, and it makes me a tougher person to have to deal with that. I think it actually strengthens my character: I cannot lean on my man. I'm on my own, pretty much, but I also still have his love and desire for me, a few times a week ;)

Soul mate? No WAY, maihn. DO I want a soul mate now? No, I don't need one now. I can wait. Will the current BF stand in the way? No WAY maihn! He told me several times, I could date around and if I found someone better for me, he wouldn't be happy at first, but he ultimately wants to be happy and wants me to be happy. And truth be told, happiness is possible without each other. My heart rejects that thought, but it's very realistic and practical--I don't need him to be happy, and vice versa.

Whew that was long winded! Sorry y'all! I'll get back to weight loss in a minute.
 
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Such deep thoughts for my poor little tired brain tonight. LOL! It sounds like you know what you're talking about, so I have no opinions. :) Just want to wish you a good week!
 
Hmm...one week he thinks your breasts are perfect, the next he's not thrilled? Wtf is up with that? I'm glad that you are strong enough not to let his comments about your body get to you. Personally, I'd ditch his sleeping all day ass...lmao, but if you're ok with it, go for it. But I still stick to my advice when we were IMing. I am not a proponent of playing games, but with him, he needs it. I would be very aloof for a few weeks. I think it will have the desired affect. :cheers2:
 
Ummm.... errrrrr... Val... I love yas lots, mami... but you know the female supremacist/ dominatrix in me wants to backhand him for making those comments about your body. I'm not going to rant and rave here, but just know that you're hot shit in my eyes. Do what makes you happy.. but don't be a doormatt. Okay.. I'm shutting up now.

-Sheryl
 
Morning VBF!! Hope your weekend was a good one!! I wasn't able to log in until this morning, but I got a lot done!! Looks like the BF is making new comments about your bod, which I hope you just push a side and let go of, because your smoking hot right now, and well who gives a shiat what anybody else thinks. Keep up the great work you always do!! And enjoy your day angel!:grouphug:
Kimmers
 
Thanks ladies, I feel good today. Yesterday I went to the brewery and had some beers, and then I took Ali for a walk on the beach and we saw the Monarch butterflies at their annual resting place in the eucalyptus tree, and we walked down Westcliff. I didn't talk about the BF.

He sent me this today:

Honey im so sorry for the things i said. It was pretty fucking shallow of me. I'm really at a loss because I can only remember snippets of what was said. I woke up sunday and said "oh, shit".
needless to say im not happy with myself or the things i said.

i called your house yesterday to apologize but gary said your car wasn't there. I stopped by the brewery to see if you were around, but you weren't.

Im sorry.

I love you.

I'm over it.





Thank you ladies, I agree, and yes I love my body and think that it's fine the way it is. I'm still interested in "cutting," LOL! I measured my waist and it's 30". I liked it at 27" (my waist isn't naturally very tapered). My thighs are 23.75 inches, and very muscley. I was getting pretty comfortable at this 150 lbs. I haven't been executing the necessary steps to losing weight, and even last night I had a root beer float at Ali's house :( I didn't exercise Friday, Saturday, or Sunday! Just Thursday. I want to go for a run this morning, and there's yoga this evening. I usually weight train Mondays........after the "fucking shallow" BF comments I'd be lying if I said if I wasn't reluctant about it. But no worries--I sure as hell am NOT giving up weights for him, funk dat. However, I'm going to lighten it up a little, not just because of that, but because Steve had advice about a weight routine that I think is a great idea. Ok on to more diaries!
 
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