Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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No bees in my bonnet

Well, Sunday evening, I'm at home and I was doing laundry and watching TV and drinking beer and doing dishes and putting things away. But I love this place!! (WLF)

Anyway, I drank 3 beers today. I worked as hostess this evening, and I ran at the park I used to all the time, the very one where I sprained my ankle. I ran the 5.5 miles before I went to work, after I got home from the East Bay. This weekend was very theraputic for me--wedding, old friends, best friend, baby, mom and I washed my car (crappy ass 94 Honda Accord, but reliable)....I thought a lot about the BF, can't get him out of my mind, but I won't tell him that ;) He emailed me this evening and I called him because he mentioned he was home (parents' house is where he's living until he finds a place in San Jose). We talked, and we found we're in the same place:

1. We don't want to see each other every day
2. We don't really know how we feel
3. We're healing from surviving living together, and our fights (non-physical, not even screaming, but shitty just the same)
4. We think we may spend the weekend together at his Toads' house (I call parents Toads) because by next weekend we should really miss each other.
5. We don't know where things are going, but we love each other with all our hearts and we're weaning ourselves from each other.

How do I feel? Glad I'm losing my addiciton. Glad I'm ready to be happy without seeing him everyday. Melancholoy about both facts. Excited about tomorrow...

Today I didn't overeat but I don't think I got a deficit in. I also suspect that my weight will be way up from Saturday, and as a matter of fact I was up to 143.5 on Sat morning. The important thing is I haven't felt the need to binge-eat and won't, I hope, forever. Silly!! But I have high hopes. I've been in the lower to mid 140s for months now, and people say I look great. I have a good body image, and I know I will never stop exercising!!!:jump:

Tomorrow and Tuesday I have my vacation from work. BUT I'm working just the same, I'm going to San Luis Obispo to pour wine at an event for the sales rep down there, and she's paying me and taking me out and feeding me and letting me spend the night. Tuesday I have no plans. My mom said my aunt is coming up from L.A. and they are going tanning at the lake in my hometown. Driving from S.C. to S.L.O., then back up to the East Bay, then back to S.C. that evening would be a lot!! But I think it may be good for me to hang out with mom and Auntie Lisa on Tuesday. Then back to the grind on Wed, and Wed night the BF and I agreed to sleep together, at his house. This weekend I believe I want to train, because.....

October 12th there is a half marathon (13.1 miles in this case) in San Jose, and there will be bands playing the whole way.

I've never in my life ran more than probably 7 miles straight.

I am very interested in the whole thing. I'm debating on signing up. Why the fuck not??!?! It's about time!

I was bemoaning the fact that I perceived myself as stagnant and talentless, and I forgot that I run, duh!!! I think I didn't see it as important because the BF thinks running is stupid. WOW. That sounds fucked up.

Anyway, he always said he was proud of me, anyway. But I don't need his praise. I like it, don't need it.

I had too many power bars today, Morrocan Cous Cous, and 3 beers. Lets' see, about 1700 calories??? Well I gues that IS a deficit, but I overdid it Sat, and I suspect I will be bloated tomorrow.

Plans: Weight train, pack up, drive to SLO to be at the Cafe we're pouring at by 1:30pm. Supposedly it's going to take 2 hours and 44 minutes to get there :(

Anyway, I'll bring my laptop but I may not be around WLF much until Wed!!
 
My cousin lives in SLO. I love it up there. It takes me an hour and a half to get there, not as bad, but I make the drive pretty often. You should do an event in SB!!!! You would love it here :)
I really hope you take care of yourself. I am fighting off urges to call dave, or go over there. My friend is on his way over from Ventura, so that will keep me distracted.
I dont know if I could cuddle with dave without feeling incredibly confused. Dont know how you do it!!
I hope you have a fantastic time, hun, and just take things slowly with the bf.
 
Britta Bear said:
You should do an event in SB!!!! You would love it here :)
I really hope you take care of yourself. I am fighting off urges to call dave, or go over there. My friend is on his way over from Ventura, so that will keep me distracted.
I dont know if I could cuddle with dave without feeling incredibly confused. Dont know how you do it!!
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I have heard so much about SB...I don't have any control over doing an event, although the sales rep down there is really cool (over the phone). I'll see what I can do. If anything, you could let me crash on your couch.....;) Hee hee!!! Maybe I can try to get down there and visit you and we could cook or something!!

Please don't visit Dave!! You broke up with him, and he was abusive!! My BF ain't a knight in shining armor, but we're technically together. And you are right, I was incredibly confused when we were intimate Friday. I suppose I'll be posting about Wed.:rolleyes:
 
Thank you Claudia!

Ok I have NO time, my laptop was playing music while I made me a tuna/avocado/tromato/lettuce/artichoke heart/and mustard sandwich. I made another for the car drive to SLO.

I'm about to leave, to pour wine!

I weight trained this morning, and noticed that just one week off made me less firm :( I really need a tan!!

I need to go, hope everyone is OK!:hug2:

142.5 this morning, not bad!!!
 
Wow, I just caught up on all thats happened since I last posted. I miss so much over the weekends!

I'm glad you and your BF have sorted somethings out. And you should never tell yourself that you have no talents! I'm convinced everyone has a few that are fairly unique. Sometimes they just aren't all obvious. I'd say one of your talents is the be a lovable/good friend. You'd be surprised at the number of people who have difficulty just keeping good friendship-relationships going.

And like you said, running is one for sure. My BF thinks running is stupid, too. I tell him he's crazy and go about my business, jogging down the road. :D

- Sunny
 
Hey Val, I'm glad things with the bf are going better. I think whatever you decide to do the important thing is that you do it on terms you can live with. Good luck getting back into that weight lifting mode--it does make a difference doesn't it?
 
Thanks Sunny and Joe!!

WHEW!!!

I have a very high tolerance to wine.

This isn't really something to be proud of, necessarily, but I was able to drink an awful lot and not get drunk. I just got tired. BUT oh my god, I ATE SO MUCH.

The fucking tasting had bomb ass food; cheese, baked apple-cinnamon brie, shrimp, foccacia, chocolate dipped biscotti, COOKIES.....not to mention all the wine and being paid a couple benjamins under the table, and free dinner....I have a few pics of me pouring, but I don't have my cable nor a memory stick slot, so that will have to wait. I was wearing a cute dress and all. The sales rep and her family are top rate people, and my buddy down here joined us for dinner--afterward we drank more wine and talked until 11:30pm tonight. Glad I don't have to work!!

As an aside, we talked a bit about my BF and they all mentioned that I probably shouldn't be with him. My buddy reminded me that he is sexist (he would deny it, but his words say otherwise). I forgot how much that pissed me off, and hearing another MALE point it out......

I miss him, so much. And I'm pretty horny, too :( Although, to be honest, I ate so damn much and drank so much it would be a bellyache to get nasty tonight, and of course I am sleeping in a strange office with no one but myself. No cats to kiss goodnight. My poor Oliver has been alone a lot, but when I see him he seems fine. The first week he was very irrate and kept me up all night making noise, on purpose, but the past few days he complacently sleeps and is quiet for me. I thought he was tough, but the move really messed him up, too--or maybe he's getting my messed up vibes, too.

I AM SO FULL!!! BLEH!!! *vomits* (no really, no vomiting. I haven't vomited since 3/29/04.)

Tomorrow I plan on running up Mount Madonna. I'm nervous, but I want to try it just the same. I have my gear, remind me to put on sunscreen!!! Then it's back to the Monterey Bay Area.

Night night!
 
OMG, I would've eaten everything in sight. That food sounds damn good plus the dinner and stuff.....mmmm. Its hard for me to turn down food in those situations. Why are you sleeping in the office?

My H is definitely a sexist and I'm completely sick of it. I'm always pointing it out to him but it suits him to try it anyway. Grrrrrrrr. He gets me so pissed sometimes, I hate to say it but he would be gone if it weren't for the baby. You're lucky in the sense that you can just nip it in the bud, but if the sex is hot, then way easier said than done. Usually it takes another very sexy guy to get me to make that final move (now I've got to worry about the baby too).

Have fun on Mt. Madonna :).
 
Curvie Girlie said:
The fucking tasting had bomb ass food; cheese, baked apple-cinnamon brie, shrimp, foccacia, chocolate dipped biscotti, COOKIES.....not to mention all the wine and being paid a couple benjamins under the table, and free dinner....

As an aside, we talked a bit about my BF and they all mentioned that I probably shouldn't be with him. My buddy reminded me that he is sexist (he would deny it, but his words say otherwise). I forgot how much that pissed me off, and hearing another MALE point it out......
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Hey girl,
just dropping in to say hello and check up on you. :) When you wrote "bomb ass food," I laughed because it was cute and I also said to myself, "God.. she's so Cali." (I haven't heard that and "hella" in a LONG time. LOL I used to live in California.. have tons of family in San Jose/ San Fran) That's the evils about wine tasting gatherings: all the damn great fingers foods and whatnot. Yummmm....

As for bf, do what makes you happy. I'm sure many people are telling you to leave him, but only you can really make that decision, you know? However just keep this in mind... you're a strong woman, so never allow anyone to walk all over you. :hug2:

Blancita said:
My H is definitely a sexist and I'm completely sick of it. I'm always pointing it out to him but it suits him to try it anyway. Grrrrrrrr. He gets me so pissed sometimes, I hate to say it but he would be gone if it weren't for the baby.
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Awwww, B :hug2: I'm sorry. Hmmm... want me to go into the city and beat his ass for pissing you off? LOL jk Lucky for me, I'm a female supremacist and my husband wouldn't want it any other way. hahaaa! (I know it's because I'm WICKED awesome in bed. LMAO) I'm so bad! Damn these men for not appreciating such fine women. Bah! I'll drop into your diary soon, beautiful. :D

-Sheryl
 
I think all men start out as sexists naturally. Then its a matter of life experience. Having two older sisters made it pretty hard to be a sexist and when I was about 7 the little blonde girl on the next block held me down and twisted my arm behind my back until I said "Girls are better than boys are" in front of a bunch of her friends. I guess you could always try that on the bf :). I've just met too many incredibly intelligent, strong (and not just in the arm twisting way, and fascinating people who happen to be women that its pretty hard to argue that the drunk at the bar next to me who still lives in his parents' basement at age 41 is in some way innately superior. I wouldn't call myself a female supremacist because I've met far too many idiots who were women too. However, I'm at least smart enough to judge people as individuals.
 
Hi Val, I've been entertaining myself reading your diary. LOL, my life is so "boring" having been with the same person for 33 years, I can forget about the emotional rollercoasters of the 20's. But you're strong and beautiful, and you'll get through it all just fine.

Have a great rest of the week.

So, did you decide to do that half marathon?

I debate about things like that with biking, too. There's one part of me that wants to do a lot more centuries. But another part of me knows that doing that sort of thing is probably not optimal for fitness -- too much of one thing.
 
Good morning everyone!!!

Slept in until 10am. The office actually is well equipped with a futon. I have slept on a futon for the past 6 years of my life, and if anyone wants me to visit.....LOL! Ya better have a futon!!!:rotflmao:

I'm psyching myself up for Mt Madonna....if you don't know what it looks like, or are unfamiliar with SLO's craggy "mountains," you can get an idea from my b/a pics where I was a petite 138 lbs (he he he):
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/before-after-between/10851-curvie-girlie-158-138-lbs.html

In those pics I walked up MM. Today I want to RUN.
I wanna respond to my diary stuff and check out a few diaries, but I mostly likely will not be able to get to all the ones I want.....

wish me luck! Man oh man I wish I had a camel back...aren't they like a million dollars? HELLA EXPENSIVE! ;)
 
Blancita said:
OMG, I would've eaten everything in sight. That food sounds damn good plus the dinner and stuff.....mmmm. Its hard for me to turn down food in those situations. Why are you sleeping in the office?

My H is definitely a sexist and I'm completely sick of it. I'm always pointing it out to him but it suits him to try it anyway. Grrrrrrrr. He gets me so pissed sometimes, I hate to say it but he would be gone if it weren't for the baby. You're lucky in the sense that you can just nip it in the bud, but if the sex is hot, then way easier said than done. Usually it takes another very sexy guy to get me to make that final move (now I've got to worry about the baby too).

Have fun on Mt. Madonna :).
Click to expand...

I did eat everything in sight!! LOL!! Drinking doesn't help :p
The office has a futon to sleep on, very comfortable.
I'm sorry that H is so annoying. With a baby involved?? *defeated sigh* Whatever happens, I hope you don't get stuck in a miserable situation. I don't know, you have had so much more experience with me on these things, and in the past I have dumped guys heartlessly because I was done. With the BF, yeah he may be lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, slightly sexist, manipulative, and arrogant.......but that's him at his worst. Otherwise he is extrememly sweet, affectionate, loving, brilliant, witty, punny, funny, delightful, entertaining, sensual, the best kisser I've ever encountered, and the best love maker ever encountered. SO I'm not done!! Neither is he. More on that later..

I need to get my ass outside (sunscreen first)!! Thanks! ;)
 
MsGhettoBooty said:

I laughed because it was cute and I also said to myself, "God.. she's so Cali."

As for bf, do what makes you happy. I'm sure many people are telling you to leave him, but only you can really make that decision, you know? However just keep this in mind... you're a strong woman, so never allow anyone to walk all over you. :hug2:

I'm a female supremacist and my husband wouldn't want it any other way. hahaaa! (I know it's because I'm WICKED awesome in bed. LMAO)
-Sheryl
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Supadupahyphyhyphyhyphy :p

Thank you--whatever we have left, of the relationship, it's going to be totoally transformed. No more shitty behavior. It's a resolution, and if things are still bad, then I'm totally out!

I have no doubts your sexual prowerss!!! :D

Thanks for the support!! :hug2:
 
Cannon 2006 said:
when I was about 7 the little blonde girl on the next block held me down and twisted my arm behind my back until I said "Girls are better than boys are" in front of a bunch of her friends. I guess you could always try that on the bf :).
Click to expand...

HA HA HA!!! Oh poor little Joe!!!, sorry!!

He's not really a sexist. He may sound like it sometimes, but then again, he is critical of a lot of people, men, or woman notwithstanding. I think he's just arrogant, at times. He admits his arrogance. But remember, he's a baby--a man who just turned 23. He's got a lot to learn (course I'm only 25 but I'm a superior woman *she said arrogantly* ;) )
 
TomO said:
Hi Val, I've been entertaining myself reading your diary. LOL, my life is so "boring" having been with the same person for 33 years, I can forget about the emotional rollercoasters of the 20's. But you're strong and beautiful, and you'll get through it all just fine.

Have a great rest of the week.

So, did you decide to do that half marathon?

I debate about things like that with biking, too. There's one part of me that wants to do a lot more centuries. But another part of me knows that doing that sort of thing is probably not optimal for fitness -- too much of one thing.
Click to expand...

Thank you Tom! :hug2:
Sigh. Boring. Yes it sounds strangely alluring right now.

"The highs cannot be so high if the lows are not just as low." DAMMIT.

I PLAN on having a great rest of my week--I dread work, though--ugh my inbox and I bet they're going to have me work on a bunch of projects....sigh. AH the world of wine--I'd rather be out in the field selling than in the office assisting sales. Someday!

I need to think more on the half marathon, but at this point I want to say yes. I need more time to train, maybe? Dunno! I don't want to injure myself. This is a tough decision, and you're right. Is biking or running ALL THAT LONG really good for us? I mean, we could stick to 30 miles rides/7 mile runs are be fine, yeah? ANd NOT injured? I dunno....
 
Korrie: Thank you, it is getting more calm and easier with time away from him.

David: Awww that's sweet :eek: You know, that body was aquired through what I do now BUT 2 days of weight training...not 1 like I have been doing lately, and last week none due to emotional distress. I plan on weight training Wed (my body is really sore from yesterday, a good thing indeed!)
 
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