Curvie Girlie
New member
Thank you Kim!!!! 
Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation
- Thread starter Curvie Girlie
- Start date
- Status
That is really depressing Val, I'm sorry you haven't heard from him. I have a feeling there's better guys out there FOR YOU (I'm not saying he's not a great guy) but it is really really hard when you're used to being around someone and then you dont see them and especially if you dont hear from them all of a sudden. Many of us have been there. Time heals all wounds and you'll feel better soon, I just know it. Just roll with it like Kim said and soon you'll be feeling better than you have in a very long time .
.Curvie Girlie
New member
Thank you, Claudia. He answered my email this morning very cheerily--apparently he spent last night making chicken soup with his mom. I was able to eat after that.
Happychubette
Banned
Sorry for your pain but glad you ate something and felt better. I will have to read back and see what's going on.
Happychubette
Banned
Oh, I see. Take good care of yourself Valerie while you go through this difficult time. Don't punish yourself.
bethann1156
New member
Val, hope you are feeling better today...glad he contacted you. I am sorry you are going through such a tough time.
cinderelly
New member
Anytime, Cerella--thank you. Weight loss for me wasn't just weight loss and looking good. It was about building up my body image, and getting rid of the negative mental dialogue. That is some hard shit to accomplish!!! Now I'm working on negative dialogue on my character and loveableness.
Do I ever hear ya there - Im battlin myself like crazy and have never felt loveable or like I have the right to be happy or to be loved...Im feeling better overall now in general but lately some shit has been up , ya know...but loving yourself as a whole is one tough thing to do...
OH Korrie you'll get there, you're working so hard--never give up, and my secret is ..........weight training!!!
Ya I need to start doing some of that
Damn girl you are wilting away and totally going abt the wrong way of loosing those last 10 lbs...LOL
..SMILE please Did I miss something abt you emailing him ??? I feel abit helpless with you - like I am at a loss for words...I just want you to knwo I am here for you - Ive been through the heart breakin and I knwo how much it it hurts and the incredible pain you feel and go through - my break up wiht the x knocked me on my ass for the longest tiem and my youngest was just a newborn and so on and so on...
Im here for ya Val...
hhhmmm well Im glad he email you back - what is up with work and such ie the girls watching you and knowing...also ya knwo if he gave you permission to date and others and such dont be surprized if he might be expectating to do the same things - I am a firm believer in saying what we mean and want...
I just want you to be aware of everyhitng and prepared the best you can be at the same time - I wish you would be you agian and not live for the future or tomorrow but for today...dont worry abt what may happen just enjoy what oyu have here and now...you can talk to me abt anyhting
Healthyhabit
New member
Hey there chica,
I hope you're feeling better. Home made chicken soup is the best. Yum!
- Sunny
I hope you're feeling better. Home made chicken soup is the best. Yum!
- Sunny
Cannon 2006
New member
Hey Val, I hope things are going better now.
Curvie Girlie
New member
Thank you for your concern.
I'm up and down, sometimes absolutely miserable, sometimes crazed with thoughts of him in my mind....he was rude in his emails, rudely telling me I can't sleep over until he's used to sleeping alone. He "yelled" at me to quit asking him everyday
Fortunately my first boyfriend who lives in San Jose has shown the utmost concern and consideration. I'm visiting him right now, but don't be alarmed--I'm not looking for romanticism
I go up and down.
I barely ate at all today, probably 600 calories. I'm going to make Lucas take me to dinner and try to eat!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm up and down, sometimes absolutely miserable, sometimes crazed with thoughts of him in my mind....he was rude in his emails, rudely telling me I can't sleep over until he's used to sleeping alone. He "yelled" at me to quit asking him everyday
Fortunately my first boyfriend who lives in San Jose has shown the utmost concern and consideration. I'm visiting him right now, but don't be alarmed--I'm not looking for romanticism
I go up and down.
I barely ate at all today, probably 600 calories. I'm going to make Lucas take me to dinner and try to eat!!!!!!!!!!!
T2 Trucker
New member
Hey Tall Cool One, swinging by for updates and progress.
Mission accomplished.
Peace.
Mission accomplished.
Peace.
Britta Bear
New member
Hey hun, I just wanted to check in on ya.
You're not the only one who has lost weight due to stress.
I lost 11 lbs in a week when I broke up with my ex. I didn't eat anything that whole week!
I broke up with Dave tonight, and it was really hard.
You are in my thoughts, and I just want you to be strong, and take care of yourself first.
You're not the only one who has lost weight due to stress.
I lost 11 lbs in a week when I broke up with my ex. I didn't eat anything that whole week!
I broke up with Dave tonight, and it was really hard.
You are in my thoughts, and I just want you to be strong, and take care of yourself first.
Curvie Girlie
New member
Thank you for stopping by!!
Britta: I am so proud of you Honey!!! Thank you very much!
Update: I don't have a particular religion, but I pray. When I pray, I say, "Dear God, Goddess, Ancestors (I am Native American after all) Guardian Angels, Random Deities, My Strength Within, the Cosmos, and the Inexplicable Intricate Web of the Universe,........" and continue with my prayer. I prayed this morning, for strength. All day I was a mess. The BF sent a COLD ASS email when I tried to ask him for something. And didn't answer my second one. Yes, I was groveling like a slave.
But then I got Lucas to agree to meet me in San Jose. From the get go he entertained me with fun chatter. I apologized for being a wreck but he was sensitive. He took me to dinner--paid for EVERYTHING. He was sweet and kind and gave me hugs. He was brilliant in his analysis of how things are when I described my feelings. He did not push on me, "break up with him," although very later he admitted that he felt that was probably best AFTER I admitted it was best for me. He admitted to me that in high school (he was my first long term boyfriend when we were 15 and 16) I was his only friend, that he was screwed up from the physical abuse and intimidation from his father. He said he valued that highly and to this day. We talked about our juvenile relationship and learned how we felt, when we were too young and closed off to express it. I told him the truth: he was the first man I ever deeply loved. He told me the truth: while he wasn't in a place to really love anyone like that, he is grateful that I was there for him, even when he never communicated his pain.
He told me about a time I honestly don't remember well, when I came over to his house unexpected. Without talking, he began to cry (he would NEVER cry in front of his family, his dad would have punched him and called him a pussy). He said, I wordlessly went over to him and hugged him and comforted him until he was done. Then I smiled and left, which he never forgot and always appreciated. I didn't realize I was such a caring, sensitive 15 year old!!! LOL!!!!
Basically we agreed to always be friends. I was his best friend, we love each other dearly, I feel so comfortable around him, and he treated me exactly how I wish my BF (which I can barely write, I feel so like it's not true) was capable of treating me, sans the romance. Don't worry folks, we're not starting up a romantic envolvement!!! Not like the thought didn't cross my mind, but I know very well I cannot get involved with anyone, even though I'm so animalistic and sexually driven I can't honestly say I am not going to have sex until I'm "ready." I can't promise that. But I digress. Lucas gave me exactly what I needed: clarity and compassion, a newfound strength and self-love again. It dawned on me, and after my birthday party too, people really love me, I am amazed at how my friends are loyal and help me when I need it most, and give me what I need. I'm shaking my head in wonderment. I am loveable. My BF doesn't love me anymore, but that is his own issue and not mine. When we end it, I am going to take it gracefully, and I will tell him the truth: even if he erases contact with me for years, he can always email me out of the blue, if he needs support or wants to talk. Because despite his ill treatment of me, I love him and all my friends with all my heart and I will be there for them when they need me, like they are for me. Love is everywhere.
On a weight loss issue note, I ate salmon and brown rice with some kind of sauce at E & O Trading company. We got dessert: chocolate cake and gellato. Mind you, the servings were teeny tiny, but that's fine with me. He insisted on paying for everything and wouldn't take no for an answer. We had 1 beer at a pub. We went to his house and I talked with his mother (yes they live together right now to save money, she's single.) We walked to a park and talked. We sat in my car and talked. I didn't really cry much, but we hugged and I felt so comforted. He's an angel tonight.
I stepped on the scale and actually wispered, "please gain weight," just because I have associated the pound a day loss with my sorrow. I weighed 144, and was actually happy. Tomorrow morning my weight will definitely go to where it truly is, no more of this 139 crap. Trust me, I want to get to the 130s but I don't want heartbreak to get me there, and unhealthy behavior! Can you blame me???
I want to thank you all for being here for me, you love me too, wow!
I need to sleep, it's 1am but I might drive by a few diaries, don't be offended your isn't one of them....I just need more time. Also, i want to PM a lot of you, markedly Brit and Randy and Cerella, but I'm too pooped!
Peace and Love, Valerie
Britta: I am so proud of you Honey!!!
Thank you very much!Update: I don't have a particular religion, but I pray. When I pray, I say, "Dear God, Goddess, Ancestors (I am Native American after all) Guardian Angels, Random Deities, My Strength Within, the Cosmos, and the Inexplicable Intricate Web of the Universe,........" and continue with my prayer. I prayed this morning, for strength. All day I was a mess. The BF sent a COLD ASS email when I tried to ask him for something. And didn't answer my second one. Yes, I was groveling like a slave.
But then I got Lucas to agree to meet me in San Jose. From the get go he entertained me with fun chatter. I apologized for being a wreck but he was sensitive. He took me to dinner--paid for EVERYTHING. He was sweet and kind and gave me hugs. He was brilliant in his analysis of how things are when I described my feelings. He did not push on me, "break up with him," although very later he admitted that he felt that was probably best AFTER I admitted it was best for me. He admitted to me that in high school (he was my first long term boyfriend when we were 15 and 16) I was his only friend, that he was screwed up from the physical abuse and intimidation from his father. He said he valued that highly and to this day. We talked about our juvenile relationship and learned how we felt, when we were too young and closed off to express it. I told him the truth: he was the first man I ever deeply loved. He told me the truth: while he wasn't in a place to really love anyone like that, he is grateful that I was there for him, even when he never communicated his pain.
He told me about a time I honestly don't remember well, when I came over to his house unexpected. Without talking, he began to cry (he would NEVER cry in front of his family, his dad would have punched him and called him a pussy). He said, I wordlessly went over to him and hugged him and comforted him until he was done. Then I smiled and left, which he never forgot and always appreciated. I didn't realize I was such a caring, sensitive 15 year old!!! LOL!!!!
Basically we agreed to always be friends. I was his best friend, we love each other dearly, I feel so comfortable around him, and he treated me exactly how I wish my BF (which I can barely write, I feel so like it's not true) was capable of treating me, sans the romance. Don't worry folks, we're not starting up a romantic envolvement!!! Not like the thought didn't cross my mind, but I know very well I cannot get involved with anyone, even though I'm so animalistic and sexually driven I can't honestly say I am not going to have sex until I'm "ready." I can't promise that. But I digress. Lucas gave me exactly what I needed: clarity and compassion, a newfound strength and self-love again. It dawned on me, and after my birthday party too, people really love me, I am amazed at how my friends are loyal and help me when I need it most, and give me what I need. I'm shaking my head in wonderment. I am loveable. My BF doesn't love me anymore, but that is his own issue and not mine. When we end it, I am going to take it gracefully, and I will tell him the truth: even if he erases contact with me for years, he can always email me out of the blue, if he needs support or wants to talk. Because despite his ill treatment of me, I love him and all my friends with all my heart and I will be there for them when they need me, like they are for me. Love is everywhere.
On a weight loss issue note, I ate salmon and brown rice with some kind of sauce at E & O Trading company. We got dessert: chocolate cake and gellato. Mind you, the servings were teeny tiny, but that's fine with me. He insisted on paying for everything and wouldn't take no for an answer. We had 1 beer at a pub. We went to his house and I talked with his mother (yes they live together right now to save money, she's single.) We walked to a park and talked. We sat in my car and talked. I didn't really cry much, but we hugged and I felt so comforted. He's an angel tonight.
I stepped on the scale and actually wispered, "please gain weight," just because I have associated the pound a day loss with my sorrow. I weighed 144, and was actually happy. Tomorrow morning my weight will definitely go to where it truly is, no more of this 139 crap. Trust me, I want to get to the 130s but I don't want heartbreak to get me there, and unhealthy behavior! Can you blame me???
I want to thank you all for being here for me, you love me too, wow!
I need to sleep, it's 1am but I might drive by a few diaries, don't be offended your isn't one of them....I just need more time. Also, i want to PM a lot of you, markedly Brit and Randy and Cerella, but I'm too pooped!
Peace and Love, Valerie
Curvie Girlie
New member
This morning.....142.0!
Good! I lost a lb this week, not FOUR!
I feel better today, but still anxious and sad. I'm wondering when I can feel happiness again. Sorrow is ridiculous
Good! I lost a lb this week, not FOUR!
I feel better today, but still anxious and sad. I'm wondering when I can feel happiness again. Sorrow is ridiculous
cinderelly
New member
It takes a long time Val - I want to thank you for your support through allI am going through 0 it isnt in comparrision to a breaking heart but I appreciate it so much...and yes it is great to realize just how much your friends love you isnt it...Ive surronded myself with great friends - whom I can count on for anyhting...
Im totally here for ya...anything you want or need - I think we will ahve to meet one day - really you arent too terribally far from me and my oldest wants to go on a road trip - give me a bit of tiemt o get my new job down as Iw ill be making alot more money and could actually afford to come out htat way
Im totally here for ya...anything you want or need - I think we will ahve to meet one day - really you arent too terribally far from me and my oldest wants to go on a road trip - give me a bit of tiemt o get my new job down as Iw ill be making alot more money and could actually afford to come out htat way
T2 Trucker
New member
Absolutely.
You're personality is way too strong to be a long-term gloom-n-doomer. It's perfectly ok to not be happy for a spell. Keep embracing your present situation in the rational manner you're approaching it in. You knew who to talk to about this and you got great results.
The 'healing' just takes time - no clock necessary here.
Curvie Girlie
New member
Update: "Expect I will be up and down"
Thank you everyone!!
Richard Alfaro called me and mentioned my check he sent for working for him at the winery got sent back, and he was personally going to bring it to me (winery is about a 16 minute drive from here). I was touched, I told him what was going on (he's the same age as my mom), and he was so kind to me, he said, "You're such a great person, you'll get through this just fine!"
I feel happy. The "BF" has not emailed me at all or called at all, and while it hurts I'm not obsessing over it because I feel calm and released. I'm working out a "break-up acceptance speech" in my head that is mature, fair, and loving. I cannot be on bad terms with that man, and I'm going to tell him, even if he refuses to speak to me for months or years, I will be open and friendly if he ever needs me for anything, because that is my way. I'm as loyal as anyone you'll ever meet.
Granted, I have no idea what his plans are with me. But no more groveling!
Love shouldn't make you miserable.
Love shouldn't make you turn into a person you despise.
Love shouldn't make you feel desparate and addicted to the other person.
Love should be something that I'm not sure exactly yet, but am open to finding out.
Love should be friendship.
Love should enhance your own happiness, not create your only happiness.
Food: I still have no appetite, but I think it is wrong to fast, and will screw me up. I ate a berry wafflewich this morning which is about 440 calories, and for lunch I have Morrocan Cous Cous with tofu, and my friend S. is taking me to dinner for a late b-day present, and I shall have salmon salad. That is all good!!! It's nice, in a way, to not even have to esercise willpower with hunger, but like I said, I prefer willpower to heartache!!
Thank you everyone!!
Richard Alfaro called me and mentioned my check he sent for working for him at the winery got sent back, and he was personally going to bring it to me (winery is about a 16 minute drive from here). I was touched, I told him what was going on (he's the same age as my mom), and he was so kind to me, he said, "You're such a great person, you'll get through this just fine!"
I feel happy. The "BF" has not emailed me at all or called at all, and while it hurts I'm not obsessing over it because I feel calm and released. I'm working out a "break-up acceptance speech" in my head that is mature, fair, and loving. I cannot be on bad terms with that man, and I'm going to tell him, even if he refuses to speak to me for months or years, I will be open and friendly if he ever needs me for anything, because that is my way. I'm as loyal as anyone you'll ever meet.
Granted, I have no idea what his plans are with me. But no more groveling!
Love shouldn't make you miserable.
Love shouldn't make you turn into a person you despise.
Love shouldn't make you feel desparate and addicted to the other person.
Love should be something that I'm not sure exactly yet, but am open to finding out.
Love should be friendship.
Love should enhance your own happiness, not create your only happiness.
Food: I still have no appetite, but I think it is wrong to fast, and will screw me up. I ate a berry wafflewich this morning which is about 440 calories, and for lunch I have Morrocan Cous Cous with tofu, and my friend S. is taking me to dinner for a late b-day present, and I shall have salmon salad. That is all good!!! It's nice, in a way, to not even have to esercise willpower with hunger, but like I said, I prefer willpower to heartache!!
Healthyhabit
New member
Hey Val,
I think you're being very strong about your relationship with your BF. Its hard.. it really is. I'm really glad you recognize that people love you! We love you here! I can imagine the "Full Effect of Val" is far greater in person than on the forums.
I'm glad you didn't lose too much weight the way you didn't want to. My weight loss got kicked off by splitting up from a long-term relationship and I ended up losing so much weight. It wasn't healthy at all.
Have a cup of tea. It makes everything better!
*Hugz*
- Sunny
I think you're being very strong about your relationship with your BF. Its hard.. it really is. I'm really glad you recognize that people love you! We love you here! I can imagine the "Full Effect of Val" is far greater in person than on the forums.
I'm glad you didn't lose too much weight the way you didn't want to. My weight loss got kicked off by splitting up from a long-term relationship and I ended up losing so much weight. It wasn't healthy at all.
Have a cup of tea. It makes everything better!
*Hugz*
- Sunny
- Status