Desire_To_Lose's Weight Loss Diary

[desire_to_lose]

Hmmm so I guess I should tell you a little about myself... I'm 22 years old, I'll be 23 in October, and I go to a liberal arts college in NY state. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I've been dating for 2 1/2 years and if I'm lucky I'll be engaged sometime next year! Anyhow, I suppose you should know some of my back story. I've always been an overweight child and continued to be in middle school but then for some reason high school came.. and that was when the Atkins diet started to get popular and I jumped on the bandwagon. In 2001, I was at my heaviest weighing about 179. For some reason, things just clicked for me and I realized I didn't want to weigh that much and I was ready to do something about it. The Atkins diet was an immediate success for me and over the course of a year I continued to lose weight till I was about 145.

At the time, there was also controversy on the news about whether or not the Aktins diet was a healthy choice because you can eat so many red-meats, etc. and coupled with the fact that I was only a teenager, I decided to get a checkup measure my cholesterol levels [HDL, LDL] and had an EKG done. After the year of the Atkins diet, the test confirmed I was at my healthiest but I also knew I couldn't stay on this diet forever and even though I was pretty healthy I still had concerns about the diet because my hair was falling out and I was worried about the long term effects of not eating a balanced diet. I pretty much stayed on the diet from 2002 to my senior year in highschool, 2004, and maintained a weight of 145 pounds. I had a 32 inch waist, pretty much a size 12 in ladies clothes and a size 15 in juniors clothes. Even then, I still thought I was fat and had intentions of dropping another 20 pounds to get to my desired goal weight of 125. However, that didn't happen. College happened instead!

From Fall 2004 to Spring 2005, my freshman year at college, I pretty much gained it all back! I was about 180 at that point and ever since 2005 I've been slowly gaining till I reached a whopping 227 pounds!

Looking back on things now, I can't believe I thought 145 pounds was fat. Although, I honestly do still want to reach my long overdue goal of 125 pounds. I have a medium frame and at 227 pounds its wrecking havoc on my body. My ankles are constantly swollen and red. I don't have much energy and I think I probably gained a few more stretch marks than were previously there! I also had to stop playing one of my favorite video games, DDR, because of the pressure its putting on my body when I jump up and down. I haven't even mentioned the fact that I'm very dissatisfied with the way my clothes fit/lack of cute clothes. Oh yea, and bathing suit.. forget about it! I haven't been in one in at least 2 or 3 years because of my weight. I don't even think I have one that fits me properly and this is such a shame because I use to love to swim laps and just hang out in the pool when I first came to school.

I'm also constantly afraid that I'm going to die of a heart attack if I don't do something. Although believe it or not, my blood pressure is normal and my current cholesterol level is only slightly elevated. If I don't change my ways, not only will I keep suffering from stuff that I can't do, but I fear for 10 or 20 years down the road.

Anyhow, I'm definitely looking for support from people who are going through the same thing. Sometimes it can be quite lonely trying to do this. I've tried a couple times before this and quit after a week. College is the worst place to try to lose weight when you constantly have to eat on campus; tempted by food by the hour, when you have classes and homework that make you tired enough and then you are suppose to go to the gym and workout on top of that, and oh yea when you have a boyfriend who can pretty much shovel junk food down his throat, drink Pepsi 5 times a day, and never exercise and still maintain a healthy size/weight. Not to mention an overbearing mother who constantly complains about your size and is not really encouraging in the weight loss department

Anyhow I think I'll cap this post because it's kind of long and then I'll post the survey that I found on the Journal/Diaries stickie in another entry.

 

[desire_to_lose]

Weight Loss Survey

So I decided to take this survey for a number of reasons, for myself, first and foremost but also for all of you to get an idea of where I'm coming from. In my previous entry, I talked a little bit about my success with the Atkins diet over 5 years ago. However, I transitioned to nothing as a diet and gained it all back and more. This time around I want it to be different. I believe that its very possible to lose weight with a low-calorie diet and exercise. I didn't really mention it before by exercise was a crucial part of me losing the weight when I was on the Atkins diet. I really think its possible to do a low-calorie diet although very,very hard at college. I think the low calorie diet is the best choice over a low carb diet because it will provide me with a more nutritious/balanced diet. I also see it lasting alot longer and being more manageable to maintain. The goal of transforming my eating habits will be to get out all the junk that I've been eating, build in a few rewards, try really hard for portion control, and to just go low-calorie. Burning off more than I take in!


1. What is your current height and weight?

Starting Weight: 227 Current Weight:227 Height: 5 ft. 3 inches

2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
Goal Weight: 125

3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
Around 187 [not sure if this is realistic]

4. Why do you want to lose weight?
Well, the selfish person in me would say: So I can wear/buy cute clothes! So I can be at a nice weight for my wedding [Hoping to get engaged next year!]
But if I really step back and thing about it, then for health reasons also.

5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? Hmm sort of, again engagement 2010, wedding prob. 2011/2012 but honestly do I really want all that pressure to get in shape then? No.. I say do it now!

6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
College. Classes weird times, lack of healthy choices, some of the healthier choices don't exactly taste as good as they would if you made them at home. Greasy food ends up tasting the best at college. Not sure when/how to fit in going to the gym. Although seriously I need to work out a schedule. I'm wasting such valuable resources in this department!

7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
Greed/Laziness. Food tastes too good and I have way too much of it. I also live a sedentary lifestyle.

8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
Cutting out soda [even diet] and frankly juice too. Juice is like a silent killer of my dreams to be skinny because it has way too many calories and alot of sugar. I also think I need to stay away from fried foods like french fries and fried/breaded chicken. I also think exercise needs to be in there; lots of cardio and some strength training.

9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? Yes. I've lost 34 pounds doing the Atkins diet and exercising. However, I do not want to use the Atkins diet again.

10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? Oh I def. hit a plateau around 145 and then I felt like it was too hard to lose more but yes I ended up gaining it all back and more!

11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?

The Atkins diet was the only diet I ever tried. I'm only 22. It's not like I'm a yo-yo dieter and I would like not to become one if I could just make this low-calorie thing work for life.

12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?

I've tried in the past. It only lasts about a week. You see I either don't end up going back to the website/chart or I just feel like it takes too much time to keep it up. What I'm really hoping is that low-calorie is more common sense than alot of diets etc. Like eat sweets/fats/dressings sparingly. Is it possible to make sure to eat fruits, veggies, grains, lean meats, and just ballpark it and pad that with lots of exercise and lose weight? This is kinda what I'm hoping because I think this strategy will allow me to incorporate it into a busy lifestyle without having to meticulously keep track of eating etc. so that I can use this "diet" for life.

13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?
No, I rarely get a home cooked meal because I live on a college campus. I come home for breaks and then I get somewhat of a home cooked meal and miss it a lot! Although even at home I do tend to eat a lot of processed junk but during spring break I've been eating a lot healthier, boneless,skinless cooked chicken breasts, rice, veggies, strawberries, etc.

14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?
Oh this is a touchy subject! My boyfriend helps me out too much in this department. What is worse is when he goes out to eat he loves to do appetizer, main entree, and dessert. I'm stuffed by the end, almost regretting it but then it is so tasty! It's really bad. We love to go out to chain restaurants such as Kelsey's, Apple bees, Fridays, Friendly's, etc. as well as local Italian, Mexican, Chinese, and pizza joints. I can SMELL a problem here!

15. What are your three favorite foods?
Velveeta Boxed Macaroni and Cheese, Chicken Alfredo, and Cheeseburgers and fries

16. What are your three favorite restaurants?
Kelsey's [Canadian Apple bees-like chain restaurant], Chinese Buffets, and Little Italy [local Italian/pizza restaurant].

17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
Portion Control!, Not eating after 6 or 7pm [I use to do this a couple of summers ago and it really just makes you feel better. My doctor even recently recommended this one], Drink a lot more water than I currently do!

18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?
New wardrobe, that's for sure! I somehow think my boyfriend would think I look nicer even though he tells me he loves me just the way I am.

19. Do you eat when you are not hungry?
Sometimes. Not really though. Usually I feel hungry and then go eat. I want to reduce the sensation that I feel hungry. It may happen just by eating less because my stomach is too big right now. I think it just thinks I need food when I don't.

20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
Sometimes.. and what's worse is late at night!

21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
Well not really. But you perhaps could count when I do eat an extra bag of chips doing the day as a snack.. sometimes I'll throw them away quick or hide them in my closet so when my boyfriend looks at the trash in my room, he won't see two or three mini-bags of potato chips in the trash!

22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
No. I can't say I ever have.

23. Do you eat as a reward?
Yes. Unfortunately. I always love to go out to a nice restaurant to "celebrate" something.

24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
Yes all the time

25. What do you normally eat for a meal?
Chicken-usually breaded or fried, chips or french fries, some fruit or salad every once and a while, or if not chicken replace that with some fattening sandwich or sub. Yikes! Juice or soda for a drink and a chocolate chip cookie for dessert.

26. What type of snacks do you eat?
Chips galore unfortunately. I also love ice cream.

27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?
Ut Oh. Nothing . Why? Because I always complain I have no time with school. I need to change this.

28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
Well, if I were to exercise I'd go to my campus gym because they have alot of good/new equipment such as elliptical machines, treadmills, rowers, and weight lifting equipment. I also just got a set of 3,5,and 8 pound dumbbells for my dorm room about a week ago that I haven't used yet!

29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?
Elliptical. Whenever I've exercised in the past.. I can go up to an hour on that thing, sweating a lot, burning about 500-600 cals per workout. The treadmill is not as motivating for me because its high impact and I am so out of shape that I can't run and when I walk I feel its slightly boring even at a speed of 3.3. Oh yea that's one. Number two would probably be weight lifting machines, low weight and lots of reps. Number three, walking outside. Much more interesting than a boring treadmill.

30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?

Motivation would probably be allowing myself to spend money on new clothing items here and there. Right now, I usually don't because its hard to find stuff that fits and looks right in a store. I mostly use what little paycheck I get from a part-time job on stuff like music, video games, lip gloss etc. I would def. feel like I wanted to go shopping for clothes again as I lost weight. It would be great motivation to see myself in clothing that fits.

31. Do you have rewards for certain goals?
Not specific rewards. I might make up a few specific rewards for goals. I'd like to see my attitude change about having to "celebrate" by going out to eat. Possibly I'd like to change that bad habit with celebrating by watching a movie... and without popcorn at that!

 

[desire_to_lose]

I've been trying to eat healthier over the past week. No cheese on sandwiches, more fruits and veggies, salads with low calorie dressing, trying to drink more water etc. At this point I'm making the choice NOT to count calories but know I'm eating a low fat/low calorie lifestyle because I have not touched fried foods, limit fats like cheeses, and haven't touched a chocolate chip cookie with my lunch in forever .. well a week LOL. Anyhow I pretty much think its the small changes that I def. want to get down first before I start counting calories. I def. know I'm eating less because I go to bed hungry. That's another thing also, I'm trying not to eat after 6 or 7pm and just do water or Splenda flavored drinks. It's really trying on my patience. It hurts going to sleep hungry but I know that it will stop after about a week when I don't crave junk food as much and also crave eating at weird times.

I got Popsicles at Wal-mart about a week ago as well. Eddies Fruit Bars, no sugar added, and are made with Splenda. They have 30 calories per pop. I've been eating one every other day. It's a healthier snack than the usual chips I reach for.

As for exercise, I claimed, in my mind, that I had to write this huge paper by Wed. and so my good intentions of checking out the gym on Monday did happen but the actual exercise did not start until this past Friday . I have been to the gym Friday and today, Sat., successfully. It was a pain in my butt. Literally. Both days I did 30 mins on the Elliptical Machine. I think I'm sticking to 30 mins for about a week till I feel ready for 60 mins. It's so grueling on my body. My thighs hurt, my butt hurts, my calves hurt. I put in my age and weight into the machine today in order for the machine to accurately measure my heart rate. I'm so out of shape that my heart rate goes to 171 in a matter of mins and somehow that's the danger zone or something like that. So I had to purposely slow down till my heart rate was 160-167 in order to be in the fat burning/cardio zone and the slower I go the more grueling it becomes! Ugh.

I'm thinking about buying some more music on Itunes.. just for working out. I'm kinda sick of my current mix of songs and some are too slow to be workout worthy. Until next time!