Derrick's ongoing journey

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Whew! That was a lengthy post, but I'm glad I read it!

Wow. I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I was 15, they diagnosed me with depression but it was actually anxiety. I too, was also on the wrong meds for 2 years and it made my life WORSE.... I had really high high's and really low low's and my appetite is exactly what you have described. So, up until May, I had been living my life with severe anxiety (in fear of taking wrong meds again) and PTSD. I finally found the right therapist and now I'm on anxiety meds. It took about a month to figure out the right dose, but it is so worth it! All I can say is, my life is so much better and oddly enough, anxiety medication acutally decreases your appetite significantly. Maybe that's why I dropped so much after a huge plateau? I'm not sure, but either way, I know you can do this. Keep trying to make it work and keep trying to find the right dose and right therapist who can help you live your life to the fullest. You deserve it. Your Wife deserves it, and above all, your kids need your love and support to turn into healthy adults. I kind of got all spiritual on Alta last week but.... God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are here to help. Turn to them and put your faith in their guidance. They, above all, know you and understand what you are going through.

Now, as to the meals.... I would say that get about 4 or 5 recipes that you really like and try changing a couple of things in them every so often. Try crockpot meals. I'm not the best at meals because I'm kind of a muncher but maybe google in some healthy meals and see what pops up.

Derrick, have a good day and keep up the great work!
 
Thanks for supporting me once again Bansheebabe. I'm glad you are back and active again on WLF because you always seem to reply to my diary when I have ups or downs. Thank you. :hug2:

Amen to the spiritual aspect of life. I'm a strong believer in the Holy Trinity. Life can be tough even with a lot of faith but God always sees me through it as long as I don't give up.

I am feeling pretty good today. I spent the last two days volunteering for my church's sports camp. Yesterday I did kickboxing with the kids and they had a lot of fun. Today I assisted with volleyball and it also went well.

A decon's wife complemented me today on how good I am with kids. That made me feel really good but I also realized something about myself. I am good with "bad" kids but I am not good with "bad" adults. I hate "bad" adults. I need to work on that.

That is all for today. No need for a 10 minute post every time. LOL

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
Thanks for supporting me once again Bansheebabe. I'm glad you are back and active again on WLF because you always seem to reply to my diary when I have ups or downs. Thank you. :hug2:
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Not a problem! I know what it is like feel down and wish for support. It's great to be back and continue to with support and keep up the good fight. But I also had to be in the right frame of mind. I have learned to stay positive and obviously my medication plays a huge part in it.

Amen to the spiritual aspect of life. I'm a strong believer in the Holy Trinity. Life can be tough even with a lot of faith but God always sees me through it as long as I don't give up.
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Absolutely! Amen.

I am feeling pretty good today. I spent the last two days volunteering for my church's sports camp. Yesterday I did kickboxing with the kids and they had a lot of fun. Today I assisted with volleyball and it also went well.
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That sounds like so much fun!

A decon's wife complemented me today on how good I am with kids. That made me feel really good but I also realized something about myself. I am good with "bad" kids but I am not good with "bad" adults. I hate "bad" adults. I need to work on that.
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Ha ha! You know, I think us as 'mature adults' have patience for children because they are just growing up in this crazy world. I think we have such high expectations from aults because they are supposed to "know better". If we lower our expectations of people, I think we will protect ourselves from becoming involved and we won't get our feelings hurt. It's something I work on daily.

That is all for today. No need for a 10 minute post every time. LOL

Derrick
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I love updates!
 
Hey there!

Amen to the spiritual aspect of life. I'm a strong believer in the Holy Trinity. Life can be tough even with a lot of faith but God always ses me through it as long as I don't give up.
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i know i curse like a sailor... but i believe this 100% as well... God will make a way..... he will not tempt you beyond what you can bare.... we are blessed beyond measure.

Ok... sooooo dinner ideas :)
Grilled Cabbage.... oh my holy... so good. Never thought id like it... but its incredible. Take a head of cabbage.... chop into chunks... like maybe 10. lay on piece of foil... put a TEEEEENY tiny blip of margarine or olive oil to keep moist. salt and pepper and wrap. then wrap again in another piece of foil. Place on the grill for about 40 minutes... turning half way through. Its incredible.
Also... a chicken on the grill rescipe. Take boneless skinless breat and marinade in extra virgin olive oil and crushed red pepper. place on grill and place a foil covered brick on each piece. Grill for about 7 minutes and flip the chicken, replace the brick, grill another 7 minutes on that side... ready to go!!!! cooks better and much more moist!!! the marinande with olive oil and crushed red pepper is WONDERFUL!!!

asparagus on the girll is good with lemon juice. Wrap in foil and add a few teaspoons of water and squirt down with lemon juice... YUMMMM

other things lets see......
ill keep thinking buttttttttt..... i eat sort of boring as well.

Hang in there.... im bad with meds too... ive been put on stuff before and i always always quit taking them once the side effects kick in... never stick with it long enough to see if they will go away. Since ive been working out... its significantly inproved mood and depression... but anxiety i have is UNBELIEVEABLE. i worry ALL THE TIME... its pathetic!


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Thanks girls! :) I have had a good week for the most part.

Great recipe ideas Melissa. I'm not a fan of cabbage but I will try it because I know sometimes I too can be surprised by something I thought I would hate. The other ideas sound yummy.
That's weird that you have had a similar experience with your mood improving but anxiety and worrying increasing since you started exercising.

I've been doing pretty good with exercising but I am definitley having too many bad meals. I actually weighed 198.0 this morning so that is driving me crazy. I was 196.0 just a few days ago. I know I can fluctuate a lot depending on my diet but I want to be creeping lower, not higher. I don't want to accept that I have settled in the mid 190's. I want to settle in the mid 180's and to accomplish that I believe I need to reach a low of 181.

I am one step closer to joining a MMA club. I am pretty sure I have found one of the best clubs in STL but I hear they are very crowded right now. At this time I do not see myself competing someday but that could change depending on how I progress. All I know is I want to learn Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I am really hoping that is just the change my body needs to lose another 10 to 15 lbs.
 
Derrick
I am sorry I haven't been around alot lately. =(
I did skim real quick thru your diary to catch up and caught your post about your bipolar.
I just took myself off of my anti-depressants about 2 weeks ago. After being on them for nearly a year.
I too was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
And I can fairly accurately track back to when I started taking them and the weight gain coming on. And with the added dosage my doc gave me 6 weeks ago and a big jump (an additonal 10-12 pounds) in weight I finally said enough is enough.
I didn't feel that the medicine was benefiting me nearly as much as it should.
Saw my doc 2 days ago and he went along with it.
He actually put me on a different med to help control the constant cravings I was getting from the other med.
Since Tuesday I have dropped 3 pounds and NOT binged once.
I hope that you can get things worked out for you.
And will be praying for you.
I will try to pop in more often now that I feel like I can be more motivational. Before I just wasn't feeling it........know what I mean?
Catch ya later.
God Bless.
 
Derrick said:
I am good with "bad" kids but I am not good with "bad" adults. I hate "bad" adults. I need to work on that.

Derrick
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I know you probably didn't mean this to make anyone laugh, but laugh I did!
I too would much rather deal with children any day of the week. Even the bad ones!
Probably what makes me a good Children's Minister's Wife.
 
Well I'm glad I made you laugh today. :D No problem for not stopping by. I understand completely. I try to post in every diary I am subscribed to but it is hard sometimes. Thank you for the prayers, those are welcome anytime. ;)

I am SORE right now. I just got back from the church sports camp. Today was the last day. I had track and field with them. I can still out run and out maneuver 5 to 12 year olds but my back and right knee is paying the price right now. :banghead: It was a lot of fun though. I can't believe how many great kids there were. Even the "bad" ones were fairly easy to talk to and correct. I was a "bad" kid myself so maybe that is why I am good with them. I know how they think and usually they just want some love and attention and maybe even some constructive discipline sometimes.

I did just weigh in at 196.0 and 15% body fat so I am happy with that. Not so much the 196, considering I was 193.0 just two weeks ago, but more so the 15% body fat. That still means, in my opinion, I am no more than 15% body fat and realistically around 13 or 14%. Perhaps, just perhaps I have gained a little muscle the past couple months. Afterall, I have been working out a lot, including weights, and eating a slight caloric surplus for the most part. Sooooo, I guess it is possible I have gained a little muscle and either maintained my fat or perhaps even lost some fat. I don't know, its hard to say. I'm still not discouraged though. I WILL GET TO 10%!!!!!!!!!!
 
Destination 189

So everytime I post from here on out, I am going to title my posts Destination 189.

Once I get there, I will change the title to Destination 185.

Finally, if I still feel like I need to reach 181, I will once again change the title to Destination 181.

Yesterday was hopefully the last time in a while that my wife and I had parties to go to. We had two of them yesterday. They are killing me. I eat so much better at parties than I did two years ago but I still eat and drink way too much. For example, two days ago I weighed 196. This morning I weighed 199. I can easily get back to 194 or 193 in just one or two weeks but I'm mad because I was already there just over two weeks ago. So time to get super serious again. I plan on joining a MMA club on Tuesday or Wednesday. I also plan on being very strict with my diet. Finally, I am going to increase the duration of my cardio workouts.

This morning, Tanita says:
199.0
20% BF

Derrick

P.S. Watch how much the Tanita scale fluctuates in body fat percentage as I record my readings every morning from here on out. Just two days ago it said 15%.
 
Destination 189

So I promised I would show you the fluctuation of the body fat scales. I have a Tanita model. I love the scale and I like the body fat function but it fluctuates way too much depending on time of day and how hydrated I am. It also seems to change depending on what or how much I eat for the day.

Last night I stepped on the scale and it read 197.0 and 15% BF. Just yesterday morning it said 20%. So in the same day the reading changed 5%. Not a good model for accuracy.

To minimize the fluctuations I will only record my morning readings. That way I will always be dehydrated and have an empty stomach.

This morning Tanita says:
196.5
18% Body Fat

Heading to the gym now.
 
I love that you are going to title your posts at your new goal! That is such a good idea! Don't you hate the parties.... I think you will get back down to your low before 2 weeks. No way did you consume that many calories... I'm so proud of how far you have come...
 
Destination 189

No weigh in this morning because I was at one of "the farms." I will post tomorrow morning's weight.

Going to get a good workout in this afternoon with my wife. I really enjoy working out with her. She provides outstanding motivational support just by letting me look at her. :D
 
Destination 189

Here it is, 5 am and I can't sleep anymore. I swear I can no longer sleep past 6 am these days. Although it could have something to do with the construction workers showing up at 5:55 am in our subdivision. :rolleyes:

Yesterday's workout with my wife was awesome. We did warm up, stretch and cardio on the eliptical together. After that she did lower body and I did upper. I can't do lower body so much lately because of my damn right knee.

I warm up for weight lifting by doing 30 slow pushups on my knuckles. Then I do 3 sets of dumbell presses to failure for chest, followed by 3 sets of overhead dumbell presses for shoulders. Yesterday I decided to try pullups and chinups for my back. I was VERY happy to find out that even after being tired from the previous two exercises, I was able to do 8 pullups and 8 chinups. I then finished off my back by doing one set of seated rows. Then I did only two sets of arm curls for my biceps since they were already tired from the previous back exercises. Finally, I did 3 sets of rope push downs for my triceps.

I ate excellent yesterday. Had a huge healthy salad for dinner with baked chicken breast slices, orange peppers, mushrooms, a sprinkle of nuts and fat free poppy seed dressing. I drank a ton of water last night and didn't eat anything after 7pm.

This morning Tanita says:
196.0
21% Body Fat :rolleyes: Stupid (^%$@^%#) thing.

P.S. It's 5:34 and the first construction worker just showed up. They are really wearing my patience thin.
 
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Destination 189

Yesterday I swam only 700 yards because a class was starting soon. Then I kicked the bag for about 10 minutes. If anything my front leg kicks are getting worse. I'm not sure what that is about. I hope to join the MMA club in my area today or Saturday. I'm sure they will figure it out or flat out tell me I'm doing everything wrong. LOL

I plan on working out with my wife again today. I'd rather go this morning but she always wants to go around 5.

This morning Tanita says:
197.0
20%

I feel like I just need to change one thing about my diet and I will start losing weight again. I eat great all day until evenings. Maybe I should try drinking 3 gallons of water at dinner? :biggrinjester:
 
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TANITA?!?!??! did you name your scale??? hehehe.


if so i am going to name mine because that is TOTALLY AWESOME!:hurray:

and his name shall be hector.


(and if that isnt what tanita is...i sound like a total tard right now.)


ALSO- this working out with your wife buisness may be whats keeping you from losing weight!!! you are too busy oogling at her!!!! you dont work out when you go with her!!!!!! you are too busy checkin out her rock hard bod!!!

come on derrick... though u were smarter than that!!!!!

hehehehehe:biggrinjester:
 
Destination 189

Tanita is the brand of scale I have. LOL

If I were to actually name my scale I would just name it lying bastard. :D

I only work out with my wife two or three times per week. The other three or four times I do not. I still think it helps me if anything. She was one of the reasons I wanted to get in shape to begin with. :)
 
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Destination 189

I know you were teasing. I just couldn't think of anything funny to say. The only thing I could think of had to do with blood flow but I didn't want to go there. :leaving:
:conehead:
 
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