Derrick's ongoing journey

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Finding something that works re: eating plan is a challenge. I hope the slimfast for snacks & cutting anything out after supper works for you. :)

Thanks for the encouragement on my diary. 10 days hey? Wish I could sleep through them. LOL

Have a great day tomorrow Derrick :)
 
Anna, 10 days is just a guess. I know for me, its at least one week. I say 10 because it seems like once you get past one full week, you just need to make it a few days into the 2nd week before it starts to feel more normal. The hardest part is going to sleep when you feel like you are starving. That takes some getting used to. Of course there are tricks you can use like drinking a bunch of water with dinner and maybe even an hour or two before bed. For me, eating 5 or 6 small meals a day also helps. Cutting my portion sizes in half helped me a lot also. I know I'm not doing the little things right like I used to back when I lost all of my weight. And of course, I am always going to battle the medicine factor. :rolleyes:

Right now it's 2:30 in the AM! I can't sleep AGAIN! :banghead: I'm tired during the day and wide awake at night lately.

Well, I better try one more time because I have to wake up in 4 and a half hours. :banghead:
 
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:grouphug: I feel for you not being able to sleep - that's one department I have never had trouble in - as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out.
Glad to see you are looking at other options to get your eating under control - I know that's the hardest part and unfortunately the most important. I'm still working on it myself. I find I'm either really good or really bad - can't find the balance and that is why I always gain the weight back because I have no idea how to maintain - well right now that isn't the problem - it's losing so I am need to concentrate on that now.
Hope you ended up getting some sleep and are keeping up that positive attitude we all love! Have a good day!:grouphug:
 
Derrick said:
I am quite proud of myself for sticking it out all of these years. So many times I felt like I was literally going insane but I fought hard to hold it together and do the right thing even when I wanted to lash out. Perhaps now, I can finally be at peace. Sure, life is still going to be challenging but perhaps I won't be as confused and lost anymore. Now I finally understand myself and what I have...and most of all, how to deal with it.

Derrick
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Awe Derrick! I feel your frustration! I have a few family members that suffer from bipolar disorder. I often times read about it, trying to see if there are natural cures.

I know it is not recommended for people with bipolar to do any sort of fasting, but have you ever tried to do a detox through diet? I've read recently that pesticides can be stored in fatty as well as brain tissue. I've always wondered if my family members would have some relief if they went organic and cleaned up the body temple.

I know easier said than done, but always wondered if that were an option. I don't know enough about it, wish I did, as I find it very difficult at times to relate to the family members with the illness.

I wish you the best with your journey to finding a happy medium. I know it can't be easy for you.
 
Derrick said:
I know I'm not doing the little things right like I used to back when I lost all of my weight.
Right now it's 2:30 in the AM! I can't sleep AGAIN! :banghead: I'm tired during the day and wide awake at night lately.
Well, I better try one more time because I have to wake up in 4 and a half hours. :banghead:
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You and me both. I'm re-committing come Monday. Going to buy groceries and mentally gear up. Lack of sleep messes with my ability to eat healthy and exercise. I can't go to bed hungry. I can go to bed "peckish". For years I thought of weight loss in terms of eating less, but something I'm learning is how important it is to eat MORE of the healthy stuff. If I fill up on veggies, lean protein, good fats etc. at night, I'm not famished at night.

hope you get some good sleep soon, brother.
 
Sorry for taking so long to reply. Thank you to all for your concerns and suggestions. I like to take it all in and explore new ideas that I feel may be suited for me. I definitely need to make some changes because what I'm doing right now is not working.

I just came off a really bad week in the fitness department. I haven't worked out since last Monday and I ate bad several times. This morning I weighed 219.0! :banghead: I have now gained 26 pounds back since reaching a low of 193 last July. :( I have also been smoking a little bit over the past week.

I don't know if I should keep struggling or if it's time to press the reset button. The way I have always pressed the reset button in the past is to just quit exercising for a short while, stop worrying about how much I eat or smoke, formulate a plan, set a restart date and then go all out again.

For now, I plan on going to the gym in a few minutes to do a light total body workout. My personal trainer is sick so he had to cancel this morning. I am supposed to have a session on Friday. If I wait all the way to then, it will make me very sore. If I hit all my muscles a little bit today, Friday will not make me as sore.

Until I decide on what I'm going to do, I'm going to keep trying to eat as healthy as possible and workout as much as possible. Maybe I'm just feeling down and I'll feel better soon. We'll see.
 
Derrick said:
I don't know if I should keep struggling or if it's time to press the reset button. The way I have always pressed the reset button in the past is to just quit exercising for a short while, stop worrying about how much I eat or smoke, formulate a plan, set a restart date and then go all out again.
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So, can you hit your reset button WITHOUT quiting?? 2skinny wrote something in Sara's journal that made a lot of sense.

"the psychology of thin people is when they over-indulge,they don't panic because they feel very confident they'll simply cut back the next few days to compensate for the extra calories they consume and they don't think they're on a slippery slope, because they know the over-indulgence is a rarity ... "

I don't know anything about Bipolar, but from what you've said in the past added stress is a big trigger... weight loss is a huge added stress!!

I'll use myself as an example... since making the decision to take my daily focus away from weight loss I've been doing better than I was before. I've taken all the 'work' out of it, which is making it a lot easier to make good choices. I'm doing the same things I was before, but not stressing about it. I haven't worked out since last Tues, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I know that tomorrow I'll be back at it, and also that I've been busy. My eating is good, but I'm not beating myself up over the large bag of popcorn I had at the movies Sat night (it was SOOOOOO good!!!) I'm eating mindfully... before I put that piece of chocolate in my mouth I say "do I really want this chocolate?" YES!!! "am I going to enjoy this chocolate??" YES!!! Therefore I've made the decision to eat it, enjoy it, and not feel guilty about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is why do you have to quit completely to reset?? Why can't you just take a break from being so hard on yourself...?

Change your thoughts, change your life!!!

Marie
 
Thanks Marie. I think I needed that pep talk. :D

It has just been so damn frustrating to stick with it for 3 months now and actually gain a few pounds. It's like a slow death. Losing weight was so easy for me in 2008 and part of 2009. Now I have to work my ass off just to slowly gain weight. I know my eating has not been consistently good but its no worse than last summer when I was maintaining or still losing.

I did end up having a good workout today. I did upper body, including abs and lower back. My eating was usual, just pretty good. Not great, not bad, just decent. Unfortunately for me, decent eating is not good enough anymore.
 
I know what you mean Derrick - I have to put in 100% in order to see results and sometimes it's just tiring. For guys it's supposed to be so much easier so I understand the frustration. Have you ever been to a nutritionist? Just a thought. One way to think of it is you are living a healthy life and setting a good example for your daughter whether you are losing or not. Remember that when you want to give up - you wouldn't want to see your daughter give up would you? I hope things get better for you - keep on exercising because I truely believe it helps our moods. take care.
 
Well I'm still trying. I went to individual therapy yesterday, ate great all day until evening. This morning I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I have been eating good so far today. I also went and bought some healthy groceries. I haven't had a cigarette yet today and I don't plan on having any more. I also weighed myself this morning for my March weigh in.

March weight: 218.0
March Body Fat %: 25.0
March stomach meas.: 42"

So I've gained 3 lbs and 1 inch on my stomach since Jan 1st. :toetap05:
 
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Just got back from the gym. I did a complete lower body workout as well as abs. Then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill keeping my heart rate above 150 most of the time. In total, 1 hour 4 minutes, 777 calories burned.

I ate really well yesterday and hope to do so again today. I'm hoping to lose a pound or two over the next week by eating much better and working out a little more.

Derrick
 
Way to get your butt to the gym so early on a Sat morning!! I announced at 8am that I was going for a run... and yet here I sit at 8:30 ;) Keep it up!!!
 
Derrick said:
Just got back from the gym. I did a complete lower body workout as well as abs. Then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill keeping my heart rate above 150 most of the time. In total, 1 hour 4 minutes, 777 calories burned.

I ate really well yesterday and hope to do so again today. I'm hoping to lose a pound or two over the next week by eating much better and working out a little more.
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Good on ya Derrick. Thanks for stopping by my diary. We are making progress all the time. Buying health groceries is where it's at. Have a great weekend.
 
Derrick,
I guess we are in the same boat. We both lost some weight and put a little back on. Clearly we both know what it takes and what we need to do. We also need to live our lives without beating ourselves up by putting too much pressure to maintain a lifestyle that might not be possible. There is a balance somewhere that will enable us to live that lifestyle we want.

Have I found it? HELL NO. I am still looking for it but while looking I'm doing my best to put into motion what we both have learned and know what to do.

I know it can be tough but hang in there, one day at a time and you will be fine. What you have accomplinshed is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.

Matt
 
One day at a time brother! Let's make today count...you and I know that our battle has already been won for us! We just have to believe in the Victor!

Fit
 
Hi everyone and thank you for posting in my journal. It makes me feel supported even if it is just a few sentences of encouragement a few times each week.

Now for an update. On Monday I did 25 minutes on the treadmill, logging at least 20 minutes above 140 heart rate as usual. Yesterday (Tuesday) I took the day off just because I did a lot of driving and running around. This morning I had my first personal training workout in almost three weeks. I did a good job and I'm ready for my next one coming up this Friday morning.

The best news of the day, however, is my psychiatrist prescribed me a medication that she thinks will stop the weight gain from my bipolar mediation. I don't remember the name of it but she said it is given to people with diabetes to control blood sugar levels but it also works for patients who are gaining weight from anti-depressants/mood stabilizers. We're going to try this for one month and see what it does. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed.

Other than that, just working out of the house today and also enjoying this sunny 75 degree weather here in St. Louis. :coolgleamA:
 
Glad you got a new med that won't cause weight gain, that must have made things really tough taking the other.

Way to go on the workout!
 
Actually they are keeping me on my current bipolar medication because it is working in the mood department, they are just adding another medication specifically for blood sugar levels. Something like that. She thinks it will help but we'll just have to see.
 
Oh wow!! That's great Derrick!!!...I really hope this aides you in that department! You can definitely benefit from it if it does! :iagree:!

I hope so! :)

And, I just wanted to say how PROUD of you I am. Really,...:p in trying your very best to mediate this for yourself. I think that the regulation of your blood sugar level is going to do wonders for you! :D ..and glad that your mood is doing better as well. It might actually help your mood in combination as well! We'll see right!?!?! :)

...I hope that you and the wife are doing good! :) How are things with the baby coming? ..Boy or girl? Do you know yet? I'm so excited for you!

...As well..Way to go on that WORKOUT with the TRAINER!! :drool5:!! Love the fact that they push you further than you can possibly bear sometimes! Work hard for it on FRIDAY!! :D!! Have a great week!! You are the MAN!!! :D!!! :cheers2:!
 
What's the plan for today? Gym? Let's get it in writing and hope that makes it easier to follow through.

I will need to go to the gym at lunch, which is my normal schedule. It allows me an 1 hour workout without having to take away time from the kids at night. Although, I might be out early today which will allow me some extra time. Either way, I will be there.
 
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