Deep Thoughts with MadOphelia...

madophelia

madophelia

New member
Well I figured I might as well use this forum to the fullest extent - won't be of any help to me if I don't so I am starting my very own diary.

Today I realized for myself, even after hearing it a dozen times at least, that it is easier to make informed decisions when you have the correct information. I went to Panera Bread for lunch and tried to make good choices but since I didn't know what the actual nutritional values were for stuff I had no idea how many calories I was eating. Much more than I thought! I had half of the Sierra Turkey and instead of the Asiago bread I asked for the whole grain - good move on my part. I looked it up when I got home and found that a whole Sierra Turkey sandwich there is abot 960 calories!!! I was stunned but I was glad I only had half and changed the bread. I also had half a chicken caeser which wasn't that bad but still over 250 calories. I removed the croutons, didn't eat all of it. I also had the Iced Green Tea which is 100 calories. Basically after the meal I came home and actually looked up the calories. Now I know what they are so the next time I go there I can make good decisions where I'll get a tasty lunch and not have to feel like I ruined my diet.

I guess that's my only thought for the day. Arm yourself with knowledge and you will make better choices. Simple as that.

Ciao!:cool:
 
Panera can be deadly if you aren't paying attention :) luckily they have made the info available (it's available in the stores to if you ask :)

b ut you're right - arming yourself with knowledge is a good thing
 
maleficent said:
Panera can be deadly if you aren't paying attention :) luckily they have made the info available (it's available in the stores to if you ask :)

b ut you're right - arming yourself with knowledge is a good thing
Click to expand...

Yeah it was scary looking up the calories on their website. I think another reason its hard to make decisions is when you are rushed. I of course had to go at one of the busiest times of day - so trying to make a good decision without holding up the line can be tough. I figure now that I know the menu and what's good I can figure out what I want before I even walk in the door.

Now how do you do all that when you go to a restaurant that doesn't have any of that info - is there a place or website that has all that information without having to look up every restaurant or call them up to ask?
 
Another Day

A year ago today my husband lost his battle with cancer. I can't believe it's been that long because it sure doesn't feel like it.

Well I already posted my thoughts on this on my myspace blog

but as far as my weightloss journey goes I know Dave would be proud of me for doing this and finally taking care of myself. Even though while we were together he said he thought I was sexy no matter what my size. If I lost the weight he'd be proud of me and he joked that he'd have to beat the men off with a stick. If I didn't succeed he'd still love me and support me. He used to just look at me and sigh and tell me I was so pretty just because. Not that I needed his validation all the time but it helped me to like myself and I know my self esteem has gone way down since he left.

Anyway, I know I'm a big emotional eater and so I know I have to be very very careful to not let the sadness of this day delude me into thinking I need to eat whatever to feel better. I have already told myself that if I feel like eating and I'm not hungry to either write my feelings down or take a walk or listen to music - whatever I can do to keep myself from eating what I should not be eating.

if I make it through the day I'll doing something nice for myself. I was thinking of buying myself some black nail polish - seeing as how its finally come back into style and I can actually find it at the drugstore instead of I don't know -Hot Topic or during Halloween.

Here's to surviving a year.

Ciao,
Maria
 
Maria- thank you for sharing about your myspace blog. I went to your page and read. You amaze me. That you have the energy, and the appreciation for the life we're given, to go on, and not just that, but to make adjustments in your life to enable you to thrive!

Thank you for sharing such a personal, painful story. It has certainly touched me, and makes me remember to appreciate what I've got.
 
good heavens my life doth sucketh

Ok I've fallen off the wagon but I can't be bothered today so I'm declaring it a cheat day. I'll just be good the rest of the day.

First off financially I am in a deep deep dark dank hole. I just started a new job and for some reason my hours weren't entered properly and they told me they would let me know if they weren't which they didn't and so my pay check for two weeks was more like for one week. I don't know how it happened but it looks like I'll have to wait another 2 weeks for my next paycheck - and hopefully it'll be straightened out before then cause I can't live on this and on top of it all my roommates mad cause I owe her some money and I don't have anything to give her.

Why oh why can't I seem to get a break? Nothing I can do though I guess - just get by the best I can.

Grrrr. I need a cookie. Maybe 2.

Ciao,
Maria
 
Ugh, I hate money! Probably because I owe any that I have to credit cards! I hope that gets straightened out ASAP for you!!
 
I have returned

Ok so its been over a month since my last post. Not good.
My problems got to me and made me give up for a time - but I really feel I'm back with a vengeance. In the past I've gotten side-tracked and given up for months or even years. Not this time.

I know its been a few months since the finale of the Biggest Loser, but the other day I was at work and they were showing the finale show again on Bravo and I watched it and cried through the whole thing. I was so incredibly happy for everybody on that show. It made me want to get off my big butt and exercise. So I did. I looked silly and the clients laughed at me but it helped me get through the day with a better mood.

I've also started doing the Richard Simmons foodmover program because I realized I am not so good at keeping track of things without an elaborate program. This forum is nice but I decided I needed some additional structure.
Also I went to the library and got all the Biggest Loser books and the workout DVDs - to see if I enjoy them enough that I would keep doing them if I bought the DVD for myself. Its not an easy workout but it felt good afterwards - and my legs were burning like crazy. I'm definitely going to add them to my collection.

I guess my point is that even if you mess up and lose your momentum you have two choices - start over again or just quit. If you just quit then well you will never reach your goals. If you start again you have the chance to get there - even if you mess up badly - just start over again the next day and try not to mess up again. I think Dr. Phil said once that a year will go by regardless of what you do - and you can either be the same or changed but time won't wait for you to make that decision. I don't want to be the same in a year - I want to be a new person.

Ciao.
 
Hi Maria - so sorry to hear about your husband. You're right about pursuing your goals -- you just have to pick yourself up again and get back in the saddle and keep pursuing them.

Curious -- what are your goals. From your myspace page, it sure seems like you don't need to lose any weight!
 
Goals...

Thanks Tom - It's been very hard since I lost Dave but I know this is what he'd want me to do - to take care of my health.
Oh - and I avoid taking full body pictures but lately I have been so I can see where I've been and how I will be changing. You really think I don't look like I need it? Are you sure you weren't looking at a picture of Bjork instead? Oh well.

My goals? In the long run I want to get down to a healthy weight where I feel strong enough to be able to run for miles and be a stronger swimmer. I want to be strong enough so that I can finally take a vacation to Hawaii or California and take surfing lessons - its always been a dream of mine.
Sure there are aesthetic reasons for changing but really I just want to be able to be more athletic - to not let my body keep me from experiencing new things. I want to be able to keep up with a group of my friends rather than always lagging behind because I can't walk fast enough to keep up.

I guess that's about it - I mean there is more but its all I can think of at the moment.

Ciao.
 
So from your ticker you want to lose 148 lbs.? Have you worked out a program for yourself you can stick with? How about your nutrition -- do you have an idea how many calories you should be taking in, and how much weight you want to lose per month?

Sorry about all the questions, but I'm still curious about all the details.
 
Answers

Hiya Tom,
Well I am following the Biggest Loser program as well as getting extra help from Richard Simmons' club online. I'm also a part of another online group now that is very active in keeping in touch with each other and helping each other and holding everyone accountable. I figure with so much support I can't ever say I didn't have anyone to turn to when things get tough. Plus I got this forum as well.

As for the specifics - I am staying in the 1400 range as far as daily caloric intake - no less than 1200. I'm working out everyday - I feel like I'm starting from 0 at this point because I'm not as flexible as I used to be so I want to get back to that point. I'm doing the Biggest Loser workout DVD, Richard Simmons Broadway Sweat - for fun, some pilates, practicing yoga breathing, I belly dance, and I take a walk outside if I feel up to it but its something I need to work up to again because my back hurts like hell after a few blocks. Once I get down maybe 10 or 20lbs I figure I'll be back to walking a mile or two.

Today was a tough challenge for me. I haven't seen my in-laws since last year and they treated me out to dinner at TGI Fridays. I held it together - and even though my MIL ordered onion rings (my favorite) I resisted temptation - I didn't even have half of one cause I knew it would be hard to stop. I shared a light dessert though with my FIL - he had most of it but its was just a small angel food cake with fruit - i mostly just had the fruit and I had the waiter put the extra fudge sauce on the side.

I'm not too worried about how fast I lose the weight - so my skin has time to shrink back. I've been overweight a long time but I'm young and I am going to stay positive and hope that it does shrink. I don't care if I look like a Victoriia's secret model - I just don't want to have to worry about having to have any surgery when I get to my goal weight. I figure if I can lose 2 lbs a week and maybe lose abotu 8 or 10 lbs a month then I'm doing things right. Although I suspect I will lose more the first couple months.

Thanks - and I don't mind the questions. Do you have any suggestions? What has worked for you?

Ciao
 
Maria, it sounds like you're off to a good start. You're exercising, and you have support groups, and you're tracking your calories. And you're using some discipline when bad food is shoved in front of your face -- All that is absolutely great.

I'm not familiar with the Simmons and Biggest Loser programs -- do they include weight training? If not, that might be an improvement we could talk about.

Also, if you're currently 278 lbs., 1,400 calories a day might actually be too little for you. Since you are concerned about excess skin when you get to your target, you want to be careful that your weight loss comes from fat, not lean muscle mass. If you take in too few calories, that won't happen; instead, the vast majority of the weight will come from lean body mass.

Do you know what your current body fat percentage is?
 
More Stuff

Hi Tom,
Thanks - I think for the first time I'm doing something realistic.

The Biggest Loser and Richard Simmons are similar as far as the food goes - with Richard Simmons foodmover thing you have a little device where you keep track of the number of servings - or exchanges - based on the amount of calories you should have. You have these little windows that you close for each serving or starch, protein, veggie, etc. It also has windows for water, fat, and one extra. With the foodmover program it says to start off at 1200 for the first week and then I would go to 1800 until I lost more weight and I would eat less as I lost weight. Its the same with Biggest Loser (just no little plastic device with pictures and windows)- although with that I would start off eating more calories - about 1800. With BL you do need to keep track of calories but I find Richard's thing easier to remember and in addition to the food mover I do keep a detailed food diary now.

As for exercise there is definitely weight bearing exercise as well as cardio. I am working on pilates - slowly - and that is more fun for me as far as toning workouts go. I have some weights though and plan on using those.
I want to get confident enough to join a gym so I can take classes but I can't afford it right now. I think overall right now I have enough diverse options that all the bases will be covered for now. My big thing now is just sticking to a routine and to make it fun enough that I do something everyday. I tend to get bored easily and so for me treadmills and exercise equipment can only be used once a week and without music are out of the question - I would dread working out.

As far as my current body fat % - I don't know. I know there are scales that you can get for that but I can't afford one of those yet either. I hate being a poor student. I can't save money unless I eat nothing but ramen noodles but if I do that I'll get sick. Oh well - things will get better when I pass my test and can get a second job as a CNA.

Thanks for the advice, Tom. This is very helpful - I never thought about those things before - especially that I'd lose muscle instead of fat if I don't eat enough!

Ciao.:)
 
Argh....

Ok overall I had a good day food wise - still need to work out and I should have before work but I had trouble sleeping last night. I tried to go to bed early but then around 3am about 20 police cars with sirens blaring zoomed right past our apartment - I still don't know what happened - but it woke me up and I could not get back to sleep. I had to work 12 hours today and so I didn't get up early enough to work out. Then my roommate was watching tv so I couldn't use it to exercise to my DVD (which I WILL do as soon as I'm done posting)
Anyway, my only gripe right now is the fact that I misread the bathroom scale - it only goes up to 270 so I was guessing. Well I hopped onto a different scale at one of my client's homes today and it said I weighed 287.5. That freaked me out - I thought I was under 280 finally. Well I had to check out my scale again (even though tomorrow is weigh in day) and I looked at it closer and I guess I'm actually at 284. Bummer.
The only positive thing is that I was actually at 289 before so I still lost some weight - just not as much and I'm still over 284. Oh well - this is definitely not an excuse to do anything to sabotage my diet. I'm just glad I caught it now - and as soon as I can afford it I'm buying a digital scale.

Ciao
 
Week 1 almost finished

Well its been almost a week since I re-ignited my passion to change myself.

Oh, and Patsfan - thanks for your really nice response to my post over a month ago - I never did thank you so I apologize for that. It was I guess more emotionally draining than I thought and on top of it everything else seemed to be out of my control - it didn't take much more to make me lose focus and give up for almost 2 months. I really have got to think of ways to deal with the stress without turning to food. There has got to be a better way.

This past week has been good though - I haven't had anything really bad going on - its been all good. I actually have people that I can turn to - to hold me accountable - so if I do feel crappy I can tell them about it and I'll have that support and the voices of reason to tell me not to order a pizza.
All I want to do is not quit - should be so simple. I'm afraid of it - I'm afraid that in a week I'll fall off the wagon again - and I just can't. I think that will be my mantra from now on - DON"T QUIT!

Even if I give into temption it does not mean I have to give up all together - why have I done that in the past so many times? I'll be so gung-ho and then like a week or two later I'm back to my old ways. I wish I knew why I let myself do that so I can prevent it from happening again.

Oh well - I haven't quit yet and I'm seeing a change in the scale. I just have to keep going every single day - make myself do it - be my own drill sargeant - and eventually it will replace my old habits (at least I hope so).

I think back to when I was in middle school - there was one summer where I actually got up every morning at like 6am - imagine it was my summer vacation but I got up early! I would get up and work out with all the fitness shows on ESPN - every morning except weekends. I didn't eat that well though so I don't remember losing much weight. However it did make a difference. In PE class we had to do fitness tests - and I remember that for the first time ever I was able to do more sit ups than most of my classmates! I still couldn't do pull ups but I had stronger abs and I was more flexible. I remember telling my gym teacher and he said he was proud of me.
It felt so good back then - but when school started back up I stopped doing the workouts. How can I get myself back to that point - where I had gotten myself into the habit of exercise? How was I able to do it when I was12?:confused:

I'll figure it out. Just not right now.
 
Well my only update today is that I'm still sticking to my plans. I have lost another pound and despite the fact that i didn't get any exercise in the past couple days ( I was out of town at my mom's place where I will be moving to - no room to exercise, unsafe neighborhood for walking long distances) it made me realize that when I move at the end of the summer I'm definitely gonna need a gym membership when I move if I want to make sure I have a place to go for exercise where I can be safe and have the equipment and space to do it in.

Until then though I'm gonna save up some money and work out as much as I can here so I am ready for a gym.

I'll post more at the end of the week - I'll have more to celebrate then cause I'll have stuck to this new lifestyle for a whole 2 weeks!
 
Well I'm still at it.

My accomplishments this past week?

Despite not always making the best food choices I lost 4.2 pounds.

On Saturday night I walked 3 miles for the first time in years without getting too worn out. 2 weeks before that I took a walk and couldn't go a block without my back hurting and I couldn't walk half a mile without my asthma acting up.

The human body is amazing - my body is capable of far more than I give it credit for.

I can do this. I will do this. I will not waste this year - or the rest of my life.

-Maria:jump:
 
Wow Its been 3 years

I can't believe I forgot about this forum!

Well I read through my diary, and realized that I weigh 12 lbs MORE than I did when I started on this site. 3 years I've tried and tried and failed. Meh.

Well I did manage to lose 35 lbs at one point, only to regain and lose 10 gain 10 and lose and gain...

I have been working on my attitude and mental readyness to committ to myself. I think the point where I gained back the 30 lbs was after going to the wedding of my brother in law, and not being there with my late husband. It was that weekend where I walked a 5k, went to the wedding alone, and then went to say goodbye to a dying friend of the family. All that stress and sadness - and I wasn't able to recover. I think that is the first time I realized that was the circumstances.

Well anyway, I still have problems, but I am turning to exercise more and more instead of food. Hopefully 3 years from now I can post a diary entry where I've reached my goal weight and completed a triathalon or two.
 
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