Dear Diary

I

icetea987

New member
Hi,
I have always been skinny. Not because I was throwing up or not eating. Trust me...I LOVE FOOD. The most I've ever weighed was 115...but any way. I used to weigh 105 just before this summer...and now I weigh 125. My friends all tell me that I'm skinny and that they can't tell I've gained any weight at all but I can tell. A LOT.
I'm 15, 5'6 1/2 and a junior in high school. I'm very athletic...I run crossing country and track while rowing or swimming during the winter time. But this summer, I just gained weight like a sponge sucking up water! I'm really really hating my body right now and I can't stand the way I feel....fat. I used to have a 4-pac...yea...not the nasty body builder kind.....I seriously had a body to die for...it was everything a model's body looked like...if not better...except for the boobs part..lol But any way...now...I barely have a 2 pac...my thighs looks MASSIVE to me...and my face seems to have gotten round..I've always had a oval shaped face.
My goal is to be 110 again. The closest I've gotten with my diet is 117. Yeah...and then I lost control and gained it all back. It's been like that ever since school started in August....lose and gain...lose and gain...lose and gain. I need to learn to control myself! My self confidence has gone down to a negative 100. I'm self concious all the time. I've never had self esteem problems and now all of a sudden I'm constantly feeling ugly and fat and unworthy.
I hope you guys can help me find ways to control myself because everytime I tell myself I'm only going to eat one sandwhich I end up eating 6. YEah...no lying there...my mom had to stop buying junk food or hide them from me because I ate 30 dollars worth of food in 30 minutes.....sigh...pathetic...and I'll still be hungry!!!! Crazy. But...yeah...I need help to go through with my diet plan. I'm def. not giving up food but I need to learn to CONTROL. Help..haha Thanks for reading this.
~lysa~
 
i think you need to stop comparing yourself to when you were younger. You are already at a healthy weight for your size. I would get your body/fat percentage checked out at a local gym ... it's a much more accurate scale of a healthy weight. Your eating habits could also be a sign that your body is about to do some last-minute growing ... your metabolism is still in high gear, so i wouldn't panic just yet.
 
thanks for ur input...i dunno...i probly am at a healthy weight but it wasn't really that long ago when i weiged 105...just about 5 monthes ago...
 
Hi there,

I agree with AllCdnBoy, you might have had a growing spurt in the summer, not necessarily height wise, but just changing. You are still young and your body isn't really finished growing until you are about 25.
Your eating habits are another matter though...the weight bouncing up and down like this and the cravings...not really sure what to suggest there.

Are you drinking enough water?
Next time you are hungry, or feel a craving...try to go for something healthy. Ask your Mom to have lots of fruit and veggies around.
 
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