Dear Abby......

Korrie

Korrie

Moderator
I read this article in Dear Abby today and found it a bit offensive. I'm wondering what your take is. THis is a shortened version.....

"dear abby, I have a friend who is 50 pds overweight. she is very pretty, she wears stylish clothing and her hair always looks very nice. She has ooodles of male friends, however she's never been in a serious relationship. When we got out she is always trying to take attention away from me and I believe that she is actually very unhappy. I've felt so bad for her that I have actually lied to her about men looking at her..what should I do besides advoiding her all together?"

"Dear" Abby writes...

"Telling your friend that men are looking at her is actually hurting her in the end b/c that can never actually happen. If I were you I would sit down with her and tell her how her weight is effecting her social life and more importantly her health. Sometimes it takes a loving friend to direct our attention to something we'd rather ignore, and that person, is you"




:rant:WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!! I would not consider someone who is 50 pds overweight to be SOO unattractive that she couldn't attract a man. And whats with her friend saying that shes always tring to steal the attention?? 1st of all, maybe its her friend thats wanting the attention and feeling threatened, esp if her friend has "oodles" of male friends, SECONDLY, I know alot of thin people who are always trying to get attention, I doubt it has ANYTHING to do with her weight!

Secondly, do you really think its this "friends" job to go to her and say "oh hun, your weight is really effecting your social life, you need to loose some weight!" Do you know how DEVISTATED I would be if one of my friends would say that to me???

Anyways, What do you think???
 
Yeah sounds like a bunch of crap. What does her weight have anything to do with it? I think the letter could have been written without any mention of weight. Maybe you should write to Dear Abby and tell her you disagree with the response.
Cathy
 
Oh yea! I def. plan to! I just wanted to post to make sure no one thought I was off my rocker before I wrote, lol :)
 
Funny. I do agree that the girl could be an attention craver, but that probably isnt because she is overweight.

The friend didnt mention that she couldnt attract a man, just made it aware that she has never been in a serious relationship.

I agree that the question would have been the same had she not mentioned the weight. Abbeys response is stupid. To the overweight girl her social life is probably not effected.
 
I'm sorry, like i said, I did shorten the letter some. But this is what is actually said word for word as far as her friend not being able to attract men.

"she has oodles of male friends that she would love to be more than just friends with"

I don't know, maybe my take was wrong, but thats what I got out of that, is that she wants to be in relationship, but them men arn't interested.
 
The letter in it's entirity
DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Dee," who is more than 50 pounds overweight. She wears the trendiest clothes, styles her hair and makeup to perfection, and has oodles of male friends she'd love to be more than friends with, but has never been in a serious relationship.

When we go out with her male friends, they shower me with compliments and attention. I'm friendly, but never flirt with them. It makes me uncomfortable that Dee -- who I'm constantly trying to shift attention to by mentioning the "funny thing she did at work today," or a compliment that she received at work, etc. -- is obviously unhappy.

I love spending time with her, but feel like if I'm there she'll get less attention and lessen her chances of finding a significant other. Dee has a wonderful personality and is one of the nicest people I know. I really want to see her happy.

I have even resorted to lying to her about men looking at her in a bar or fabricating compliments that I say I overheard a male friend say about her. It visually changes her mood for the better, but I feel awful for making it up. I'm becoming exhausted trying not to show interest in her friends, "dressing down" when we go out so as not to attract attention, and lying to her to make it all better. What can I do besides avoid her altogether? -- "DEE"-VOTED FRIEND IN D.C.

DEAR FRIEND: The first thing you must do is stop lying to her. Every time you do, you raise her hopes that the person you have invented will show an interest, which of course can never happen.

The second is to have a loving and truthful discussion with her about how much you care about her and about her weight because it affects not only her social life, but it could also affect her health. Sometimes it takes a loving friend to direct our attention to something we would rather ignore, and it appears in this case, that person is you.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the friend is a little delusional about her own attractiveness...
 
Thats exactly the conclusion I came to, her "friend" sounds very shallow, and Abby's responce just as shallow.
 
I think sometimes 'skinny' people wonder how a 'fat chick' can not only be attractive but fun and intelligent and charming and interesting and etc... all the things that are only supposed to be part of the package deal called 'Thin'. How can a fat person be so not miserable? If the girl really was so unhappy and really wanted to lose weight she would. I'm sure we all know that no matter where the intervention come from we won't lose the weight we want to lose unless it's by our own will.

'Dee' sounds like hot stuff and I think her friend should stop lying and pretending to be someone she's not and stop deluding herself that she's doing it as a favor for someone she cares about. Maybe Abby should have suggested the skinny bitch get a membership to the local gym and suggest that Dee join her to scope out a new batch of hot single men.

It's called confidence, Abby. Some people have oodles of it. We fat chicks just keep most of it in our asses.
 
CatsMeow said:
I think sometimes 'skinny' people wonder how a 'fat chick' can not only be attractive but fun and intelligent and charming and interesting and etc... all the things that are only supposed to be part of the package deal called 'Thin'. How can a fat person be so not miserable? If the girl really was so unhappy and really wanted to lose weight she would. I'm sure we all know that no matter where the intervention come from we won't lose the weight we want to lose unless it's by our own will.

'Dee' sounds like hot stuff and I think her friend should stop lying and pretending to be someone she's not and stop deluding herself that she's doing it as a favor for someone she cares about. Maybe Abby should have suggested the skinny bitch get a membership to the local gym and suggest that Dee join her to scope out a new batch of hot single men.

It's called confidence, Abby. Some people have oodles of it. We fat chicks just keep most of it in our asses.
Click to expand...

lol, sooo true!
 
maleficent said:
The letter in it's entirity


Sounds like the friend is a little delusional about her own attractiveness...
Click to expand...

I completely agree! In all reality, what does it matter to this woman who wrote to Dear Abby in the first place? What kind of true friend looks at her friend and thinks "wow, she's really great, too bad no man would ever want her because she's overweight"? Wouldn't a true friend think "Wow, my friend is amazing and I'm lucky to have a friend like her who is the life of the party. Any one of her guy friends would be lucky to have her as a girlfriend."
 
i think this chick just wants to toot her own horn

because it takes one to know one, you know? and i toot my own horn a lot

i bet this girl felt so great writing this letter

seriously

i bet it made her day

oh boo hoo it's so hard to be the hot chick with the fat friend

LOL!

I think it's great, actually, it's great to see people feeding their own ego, it's amusing and humbling too because it can remind us of how dumb we can be. Silly humans!
 
Ok ladies and gentlemen, I wrote to Dear Abby! Heres the email:


"Dear" Abby,
I am writing in regards to your article in the Courier Newspaper,printed on wednesday, Dec. 26, 07. The letter was written from a woman who claimed to be another womans friend (Dee). Dee was overweight and the woman talked about how she had to make up stories about men looking at her (even though she has "oodles" of male friends)and how Dee is always trying to steal attention...ect.

Your responce was that
this skinny friend needed to tell Dee that she was overweight,and inform her of the cons of being overweight....as only a true friend would.

I would have been offended by this article if it wasn't for the fact that it was so absurdly ignorant. This overweight friend did not sound sad to me(it was mentioned how nicely this friend kept her appearance), she sounds like a lovely lady who likes to have fun. In regards to Dee stealing her skinny friends attention, I know ALOT of skinny woman that try to steal attention...Weight had NOTHING to do with it. And that is even if her friend was actually trying to steal the attention. Has it crossed your mind that maybe it was the other "friend" that had the problem?? Maybe this shallow "friend" is upset about her fat friend getting attention?

Finally, the other really ignorant thing I read is your advice to sit down and talk to her friend about her weight. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Do you honestly think that this woman doesn't realize she's overweight?!?! She needs some skinny "friend" to sit her down and tell her?!?! If I had a friend that did that to me, I would be DEVISTATED!

I have shared this story with my friends on weight-loss.fitness.com They were equally as disqusted by your article. Please feel free to check out what they said about it. http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club/17688-dear-abby.html

This happends to be my favorite post by "catsmeow":
"I think sometimes 'skinny' people wonder how a 'fat chick' can not only be attractive but fun and intelligent and charming and interesting and etc... all the things that are only supposed to be part of the package deal called 'Thin'. How can a fat person be so not miserable? If the girl really was so unhappy and really wanted to lose weight she would. I'm sure we all know that no matter where the intervention come from we won't lose the weight we want to lose unless it's by our own will.

'Dee' sounds like hot stuff and I think her friend should stop lying and pretending to be someone she's not and stop deluding herself that she's doing it as a favor for someone she cares about. Maybe Abby should have suggested the skinny bitch get a membership to the local gym and suggest that Dee join her to scope out a new batch of hot single men.

It's called confidence, Abby. Some people have oodles of it. We fat chicks just keep most of it in our asses."


Very Dissapointed,
Korrie Cole



BTW, you all can write your own letter if you'd like.... Dear Abby on uExpress
 
I honestly didn't see much wrong with this article. I mean Abby basically said to stop lying to her and said that she could never be with those invented guys. Not that she could never get a guy but that the guys she was talking about were non existent. Also it seems that the friend is concerned with the friends weight and I think a talk to possibly help wouldn't be that bad. I know I sometimes would like to have someone walk with me when I'm exercising.

I do agree that Abby probably should have helped the skinny friend out more. It's obvious she is in a difficult situation and genuinely doesn't want to hurt her friends feelings. If the skinny girl went out with someone her friend was interested in, especially within the group of friends, it could put strain on the friendship.

At least that's what I thought of it.
 
This is a very interesting and indeed touchy subject. On the one hand I agree that if the "friend" is worried about her friend trying to hog attention, there may be issues on her end just as on the other, and weight might just not be part of it.

Concerning men not being interested in rounder women, I know of a few men who would disagree; some men happen to prefer this silhouette, especially if accompanied by a larger bosom... (hey there has to be an advantage somewhere ;) ) But I digress.

The other side of the issue, I see from a bit of a different perspective. I have been a bit rounder my whole life, and I've always known it. It insults me when people tiptoe around it or try to make me feel better by telling me at least my curves are proportional, or that I have a nice face, etc. Don't get me wrong, I know we can be very sensitive about our weight. But what if that it precisely the problem? Speaking to men about weight loss has opened my eyes greatly. It almost inspires me to see how, for them (the ones I know; I am not generalizing to all men), weight loss is a logical issue, not an emotional one.

Bottom line for me, if health is indeed an issue, I'd say go ahead and sit down with your friend to let her know you are concerned. But if it's about jealousy and men and stupid girl things, I have to say, skinny girl has her own problems...
 
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