Deamons in my head.Pls give me a reason,why should I bear all this?

F

fileler

New member
I lost some weight 4 years ago, got some back, actually starting to loose my control nowadays. This is all about my mind. it has nothing to do about the food, the looks or strategies. I am not a robot, I can not apply programs. What about my feelings and strength. I don't know why I eat. but the moment I feel the taste of the chocolate in my mouth just makes me happy. so I eat more and more to make that happiness last forever. When I feel that I ate too much desert I start eating cips then I become thirst and start drinkin pop and then want some more desert. also pasta!!! love that!!! my favorite..

sometimes I don't want to eat at all, I become sick for eating so much, but in 10mins time, I get better again and the ambition for eating comes back again. It is like breathing. can't stop. and exercise times are really boring. walking for mins hours. I count the seconds sometimes. laying down comfortably and watching a movie is the best in life. why would I want to be up on my feet and spend so much energy.You feel good in the end, but organizing your gym cloths and bag, going to the gym, exercising, coming back, changing, shower, washing the cloths.:banghead: and making all these every other day is like a labyrinth that I can not get out. and all this work and routine and hunger gives you a happiness only when you accomplish things and see your new figure on mirror. this new look doesn't give you a new good job or garanty of being loved and cared. it has nothing to do with it. so your life is still empty and you don't have the food, either.


:toetap05:I have to get up on my feet and take control of my eating addiction. but first I have to find a reason for leaving the happiness of "taste", spending hours in gym, sweaty, tired, going bed hungry, not putting some junk food into my mouth. why would a person enjoy salad. it tastes really bad and doesn't even fill your stomach. you still feel hungry, starving actually. I live for pleasure. That's the reasonable way I guess. Why should I choose the miserable way. I know I will be happier if I become thinner (maybe), but I will be more sad when I live that robot life with no taste or pleasure. I need your help guys. just give me a reason. I like when I'm thin.

WHAT SHOULD I THINK OR FEEL at the very moment when I look at a wonderful desert and having the desire to take it, smell it and put it in my mouth(which is very easy and natural) and chew it, feeling its great taste on my tongue, how it is delicious, and swallowing it with feeling complete and satisfied.:blush5: Can any exercise give that feeling to you. or any tight jeans. I don't know. maybe I should have a brain transplant:willy_nilly:. How can I change the way I feel and think about this.:banghead: help me...
 
you have a lot of questions that you should really find a quiet place, with a notebook and start coming up with answers.. they are within you... somewhere -it's just a matter of findingthem...

Why are you going to bed hungry? That shouldn't be happening.. perhaps setting a realistic plan will make whate your trying to accomplish...
 
when i got to bed i usually drink like 5 glasses of water with lemon. it fills me up and I lose most of the craving. I also like to have some sugar free ice pops. 0 cal 0 everything. It's all a big head game and self control is the hardest part i will admit. Good luck
 
and I can also tell a few word about who I am. I work for aviation sector.I have a good job (sometimes deal with bad people), have good friends and great family. I live in Istanbul Turkey, so that's why my ticker weight is in kilograms. I love watching movies. I was really fat since I was 16 or 17 (especially in college). I lost some weight and changed from obese to overweight when I was 28. Since I was fat all my teenage years, I chose to be the boyish girl not the "young lady". I still see my self very fat, even when I loose more weight. I don't have the strength and discipline. I live the moment. The thing I don't like about being a robot is that you can't have the best pleasures like food,votka,sleep(for 10 hrs a day).some guy wrote about changing from a couch potato to a hunk. you know being the potato is very comfortable and easy.

also I am 5ft 7in. I was 95kgs(209 pouns) when I was young. Now I am like 76 kgs/167lbs. and my heathy weight should be around 60-65kgs/143lbs.
 
maleficent and pizzWizzy, thank you both for your replies. My msg was long and negative. you are right. I have to do a lot of thinking. It is just that a person is the way he/she is. some people love junk food, some ike salad. it is hard to being like the other and trying to control what's in you all the time. maybe in 2 day I will start again and accomplish this in 2-3 months time. But I will still be me, the girl addicted to taste of the foods.
 
I will never, in a million years, be a person who would consider a salad a meal - unless I can put all sorts of real food on it... I do not like rabbit food... I also don't like fast food either...

Claiming addiction to fast food is nothing more than an excuse for not making better choices... aren't you worth more than a bunch of excuses?

healthier eating does not mean eating steamed broccoli and boiled chicken.. Healthier eating is food that's full of flavor, tastes great and is still good for you... I love food, I've said here time and again, that I will never be a person who eats to live... I live to eat... Food is a passion of mine, and one of these days I will figure out how to m ake a living at what I love... You don't have to sacrafice love food in order to lose weight... You just have to become more aware of what you're eating..

But, until you're ready to do so - and get those answer to the questions you're asking yourself -- you're really left with a lot of excuses...
 
Hi all...after reading the posts I thought about what was missing....What's missing is the positive things that you're doing. There MUST be something positive that you're doing...find them and list them too.

Stop beating yourself up and stop looking for only the bad things...I know at least one good thing, since I don't know you very well, and that is...you're reaching out for help/support. What's good is that you know this is not good for you and you recognize that you/we all need help/support.

Maybe what you can do the next time you're having a "snack attack" is put your runners on and go for a walk. Doesn't have to be far but believe me when you hit the outdoors and the fresh air hits you, you will want to go for walk. And if you don't, still just force yourself to walk around the block and back...it helps, you may even find yourself going a little further than you anticipated on doing.
 
thank you guys. I read your replies and thought about every sentence you wrote. You are completely right. I have to make the right choices and yes I am completely aware that I need help.That is why I keep reading your stories here. I also know that I must be the first person who must help me. I find excuses for not going to gym(or waking up in the morning-today I slept for 12 hours), I find excuses for eating that chocolate (which I ate an hour ago, again). Maybe it is all about the need for love. I read somewhere that people in love and being loved, took care of themselves better because they thought they were worthy of it. I just had a dissappointment in love, which makes me think that I am no worthy to be loved. So I am turning back to my endless love, junk food. Or maybe I try to be far from love by getting fatter. I think I am vulnerable and weak to make choices now. Because when I wrote my first message here and read your diaries, I was sure that I could do it. But when I went to sleep and woke up in the morning, I only thought about eating nutella,lots of bread, so I did. I am sure nobody wants to read my poor little weakness stories, cause they are not positive, and everybody is struggling to make what is right. But I know I am going to be up on my feet soon again. I am googling about some outdoor tours. I'll buy a new camera and go outdoor, take lots of pictures and when I become more active again. I am sure I will not be depending on junk food again. I need to find new activity for myself and read more about your accomplishments everyday. Thank you all for writing on this web site.
 
Welcome to the forum :). You can go to tickerfactory.com and make a ticker.

It seems like you lost a lot of weight so you do know what you're doing to an extent. My answer to you is moderation. You get to enjoy that long sleep, or laying around on the couch watching movies, or eating some chocolate, but you do it in moderation. And you do it after you've lost the rest of the weight you wish to lose. Dieting is far harder than maintaining one's weight. Maintaining is hard at first but tends to get easier after several months at the same weight range. At that point you can enjoy these things again on a regular basis, as long as those fun times are complemented with days where you're eating less and exercising.
 
Thnks Blancita, I really appreciate your help. "moderation". this is what I need, right. I am an aries and always so passionate in life, so going out the line and eating a little makes me feel like a go out of my leash, so I loose my control. everything in my life is all or never.
"moderation" must be the view of my life in all areas. I wrote that to my little "remember" notebook. That will be one of my goals as a person.
and about the ticker. I went to tickerfactory.com and got all those links (http, img, etc)
but I don't know where and how to write them in this web site.
 
I hear you on the moderation. I used to maintain quite a low weight just having mini binges on weekends. Nothing too over the top but lots of junk and being full. By mondays I would be so sick of food I'd just eat 3 meals a day for the next 4 days and go to the gym, and then do it all over again. Now I'm trying to get weight off, but I still do this. One day I'll eat 1400 calories and the next 2400. Working out an hour a day 4 or 5 times a week to be able to eat more and be healthy and look better is not so bad either. Just do it early, get it out of the way, yes its an f'n drag, but once you've done it you feel so good and proud and it will start making you look better so it ends up being worth it. If it was hours a day I could see your problem with it but just 1 hour a day isn't so much.. :)
 
I love this web site. Although I haven't be able to start a program of exrcise and diet yet, it helps me to prepare my mind to where I am going. Luckily I got flu which is good because I eat less now. and after I get well, I will be ready to have a fresh start. I realize that I do not like the people at work. I do not like where I am today with my life. So I think I have a lot of reason to eat and destroy myself. But I will not do that. I will survive, like in the song :) I will find a new way to be happy. maybe a new job. i don't know. and i will find love.
 
well I am at the office at the moment. I had a pretty good breakfast 2 hour ago but now I am feeling like I wanna eat some junk food. what sould I do , what should I do.
 
Hi Fileler,

I read through your first post, and it's something that I could have written myself. I know those feelings - eating and eating, far beyond the point of hunger, you need to eat, without eating you panic, you go crazy. I battled with this for years (and I still am!) and I couldn't understand why I couldn't make the positive choices, why I couldn't change, why I always felt like I would be torn in half with panic if I didn't stuff myself full of food to the point where I felt like I would pass out. I finally went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. It's a real eating disorder, as real as Bulimia or Anorexia. Like you said....it's not about the food. And because of that I think you need to focus on the eating disorder (for the moment) rather than on losing weight. When the eating disorder gets better, your weight will get better. Trying to lose weight without dealing with the eating disorder first just makes things ten times worse...trust me! I went to my doctor and was refered to a therapist. It's amazing the things I have learnt about myself - things I never would have expected to be the root of the problem. I've just reached the point now where the emotional aspect of the eating disorder is easing off and I can start working on breaking the habit of binging.

I'm not trying to discourage you at all! I'm trying to encourage you to take the right approach to becoming happier and healthier. I do understand exactly where you're at right now so I hope what I say will have some impact for you. Learn more about the eating disorder, most importantly learn that you are far from alone! Go to your doctor for help - it's hard, but it's worth it. Also (i'm not sure if I can say this on here) there is a great website called somethingfishy which is devoted to people who suffer from eating disorders. I've found it invaluble to have the support of people who know exactly what i'm going through.

I hope what i've said helps and I hope things go well!

Love happyandhealthy :)
 
I would try eating a mostly protein breakfast with little carbs. For some people carbs often tend to fuel an appetite and protein is often great at cutting it. I'm not saying dont eat any by any stretch, but limiting them at breakfast and not as many during the day will definitely help your cravings. We are all chubbettes though cuz we love to eat, to taste that food and the feeling of getting to eat something delicious. If we didn't love our food we wouldn't be here. So yeah, we agree its hard but just DO YOUR BEST to avoid it as much as you possibly can. How much are you trying to lose?
 
dear happyandhealthy (great user name by the way), you can not imagine how your msg made me happy. you are totally right. i always thought my weakness for food as an illness. and now what you say totally makes sense. binge eating disorder. I will definetly search about that and I will try to find a good doctor who can help me with it. Nowadays I am winning against food addiction and loosing wait. but soon it may change , becuase this is how it happens all the time. my strength comes and goes so fast so I have to find a permenant solution which is dealing with this emotional eating disorder. thank you again so much.

and blancita, thank you for your messsage,too. I need to loose 10 kgs to be in my ideal shape, but 5kgs will even do good. so I am starting with small steps now. sometimes I step back. yesterday there was a great cake at home,I did not eat it. I waited until this morning and took a bite in the breakfast. I could not belive how I could stop without eating the rest of it :) But even that small piece made me get more hungry than yesterday, but that was the punishment I guess :)
have great days
thank you all
 
and happyandhealthy, I forgot to say that I was also 95kg like you when I was in college. all my young years past at that weight. I know how it is to be near 100s. and I still feel like that. I will always see myself in the mirror like that. This is what this weight problem makes to us; it changes the way we see ourselves forever. But we survive :D
 
i hear ya!!!

fileler said:
I lost some weight 4 years ago, got some back, actually starting to loose my control nowadays. This is all about my mind. it has nothing to do about the food, the looks or strategies. I am not a robot, I can not apply programs. What about my feelings and strength. I don't know why I eat. but the moment I feel the taste of the chocolate in my mouth just makes me happy. so I eat more and more to make that happiness last forever. When I feel that I ate too much desert I start eating cips then I become thirst and start drinkin pop and then want some more desert. also pasta!!! love that!!! my favorite..

sometimes I don't want to eat at all, I become sick for eating so much, but in 10mins time, I get better again and the ambition for eating comes back again. It is like breathing. can't stop. and exercise times are really boring. walking for mins hours. I count the seconds sometimes. laying down comfortably and watching a movie is the best in life. why would I want to be up on my feet and spend so much energy.You feel good in the end, but organizing your gym cloths and bag, going to the gym, exercising, coming back, changing, shower, washing the cloths.:banghead: and making all these every other day is like a labyrinth that I can not get out. and all this work and routine and hunger gives you a happiness only when you accomplish things and see your new figure on mirror. this new look doesn't give you a new good job or garanty of being loved and cared. it has nothing to do with it. so your life is still empty and you don't have the food, either.


:toetap05:I have to get up on my feet and take control of my eating addiction. but first I have to find a reason for leaving the happiness of "taste", spending hours in gym, sweaty, tired, going bed hungry, not putting some junk food into my mouth. why would a person enjoy salad. it tastes really bad and doesn't even fill your stomach. you still feel hungry, starving actually. I live for pleasure. That's the reasonable way I guess. Why should I choose the miserable way. I know I will be happier if I become thinner (maybe), but I will be more sad when I live that robot life with no taste or pleasure. I need your help guys. just give me a reason. I like when I'm thin.

WHAT SHOULD I THINK OR FEEL at the very moment when I look at a wonderful desert and having the desire to take it, smell it and put it in my mouth(which is very easy and natural) and chew it, feeling its great taste on my tongue, how it is delicious, and swallowing it with feeling complete and satisfied.:blush5: Can any exercise give that feeling to you. or any tight jeans. I don't know. maybe I should have a brain transplant:willy_nilly:. How can I change the way I feel and think about this.:banghead: help me...
Click to expand...



food addiction is highly addictive it is also not rational...so being told no you're not addicted...just make healthier choices is a little patronising!!


from wikipedia...

The term "addiction" is used in many contexts to describe an obsession, compulsion, or excessive physical dependence or psychological dependence, such as: drug addiction, video games, crime, alcoholism, compulsive overeating, problem gambling, computer addiction, pornography, etc.

In medical terminology, an addiction is a state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning and develops physical dependence, as in drug addiction. When the drug or substance on which someone is dependent is suddenly removed, it will cause withdrawal, a characteristic set of signs and symptoms...


i love love the taste/texture of chocolate its quite daft to say so really (like i say no addiciton rational!!) i am aware i am dependent on it in some ways & that i use it to alter my mood...its great pick me up!! my 'drug' of choice!! but its a mind altering substance you can buy at the supermarket...so easily accessible & cheap too!! though i love belgian choccies & truffles the most!!

anyway...i digress...LOL
i've been trying to kick my choccie habit this week & boy is it hard...i get the shakes just thinking about not being to able to eat it when i crave it. now whether its a real physical craving by my body as it would if i was a heroin addict or whether its more a mental/emotional craving is almost irrevelent... i know i just want it/need it??! emotional eating is a hard habit to stop.

cindy crawford (uber supermodel) once said i'd be perfectly happy if i could just eat anything/everything i wanted to all day & never gain weight...

cindys a fellow pisces like me...lizzie taylors certainly popped enough pills/had enough hubbies & been up & down weight wise too!! addictive personality is apparently a trait of our star sign...whether true or not...it certainly feels true!! i need to find other ways of satisfying my 'emotional hunger' as i know i have used food & chocolate in particular as a way of coping with life (how sad ie pathetic does that sound??!) i have the extra curves to prove it too LOL

i know i have to sort this out for the good of my health (& appearance/vanity!!) but just wanted to let you know i understand what you are saying.
 
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