Dealing with non-supportive family

Madzdad

Madzdad

New member
Hi all, I am glad to have found this forum, you all seem like a great bunch!

I was wondering if any of you have had to deal with a non-supportive spouse? I am quite overweight, was 470 10 years ago, had wls and dropped to 235, but gradually put it back on to 385 over the last decade. My dw is also about 50 lbs overweight. She has always been on my case to lose weight (and rightfully so, I don't dispute), but now that I have actually made the change, and am down 20 lbs, exercise daily (1 hr cardio T-Th-Su, 30-mins cardio/75 mins weight training M-W-Sa) she has become quite unsupportive. I had seen it before, but now I am doing this for me and not her and she knows that.

She doesn't openly try to sabbotage me or anything, although it is hard, she is a pastry chef! But there just isn't any support. I am the type that tracks everything and really need the support. I appologize for rambling, but do any of you have any suggestions?

Thanks!
 
Well I Think Choosing To Join Us Was Your First Great Step! Some Others Dont Have Any Support But This Forum And They Are Losing So Others Will Comment I Am Sure And The Best Thing Is Keep Doing What Your Doing And Come Here To Get Our Support And Start You A Diary So We Can Keep Track Of What Your Doing And Other Things Going On Everyday! Welcome And You Can Do This And She Should Support Ya If She Loves You Because She Needs To Worry About Losing Ya Maybe If Ya Dont Lose The Weight!
 
You Could Also Try Challenging Her On Losing Weight! You Know Us Woman Love A Challenge Lol
 
Well, if you want her to do it with you, try making her feel guilty everytime she eats something unhealthy. Also, she isn't supportive because she's jealous. She probably wishes she had the kind of will power you do. But since she can't do it, she wants everyone else to fail too. I could be wrong, but that's what I feel is probably happening, though I don't know the whole story. But like Redneckwoman said, diaries are GREAT! I need to get back to writing in mine, I've gone down hill since I stopped. :(
 
Well let me just say... DO NOT make her feel guilty for eating anything.......

Her not supporting could be due to alot of reasons. Maybe she thinks she will lose you if you lost weight. Maybe she is jealous that she doesn't think she has as much willpower to lose weight....

Who knows. Talk to her though.... in a non-combative way. Don't start up an arguement over this.
Just tell her that you would love her support in losing weight.
If she's told you that she also wants to lose weight... tell her that you'd love it if she would join you in exercising sometimes.. or just walking or something.. ya know?

Anything like that :)


Anywho... welcome welcome! Start up that diary! It will really help ya to keep track of how you're doing and it's just a way to get things off your chest :D
 
I agree, villanizing her won't make the situation better. It could be not that she's necessarily jealous but maybe she just feels threatened. Because you're making all these life changes for the better, she might be worried you'll decide she isn't good enough for you and your new body and look for a younger model. I'm sure that its a totally unfounded fear if that's what she's thinking, but apperently its a pretty common fear even if it doesn't actually happen very often at all.

I also agree that you can talk to her and let her know that she doesn't need to worry, she doesn't need to be jealous, and you would love a workout and/or diet partner, and if she's the kind for it, sure set up a challenge to see who can lose 20 lbs the fastest :)
 
I don't think it's jealousy. I think she may be afraid of the unknown. She knows her value in the relationship as it is. She dosen't know what her role will be as you loose the weight. She is a good cook but what good is a good cook to someone who dosen't want to eat what she makes? Let her know how hard it is to eat low fat food that are tasteless compared to foods with lots of rich sauces ect. and what a challange it is to follow a healthy diet. Praise her cooking and creativity and ask her to join you in a new healthy life style that you can only do with her, your partner.
 
Hi, I know your situation as I have a similar problem with my hubby. I dont think it is jealousy but more insercurity. When You finaly make the decision to take your weight in hand and make changes for the better, something changes in you (for the better) and as you see results from your changes you become more confident and happier in your self. Your partner sees those changes too, and know doubt feels a little insecure in what that means in your relationship. She has lived with the overweight you for a while she knows what to expect from that person but the new person is completly new to her. I think the best way is to get your encouragement from here as well, and just keep being good to your partner, tell her how great your feel for losing the weight and how much you still love her, and how that makes you a better partner for her. When she feels sercure I am sure she will realise what a positive thing it is you are doing.
 
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