Dealing with Criticism

R

RosyxMellisa

New member
Hey, I'am a 16 year old female, currently in high school. I don't have the same body structure as them and is slightly overweight (156lbs). As in result, I get many horrible feedback for my body image throughout, and everyday at school. Most of them are girls who are slim, small boned structure and tall. Right now I'm emotionally hurt as it has been the 3rd day of my new semester. It ruins my confidence, communicating with friends/people, and my focus on school work.

So how do you guys manage criticism, despite your working out?
 
Hi Rosy,

Well, first... are you trying to lose weight? or are you asking how to manage life-long, the fact that you are 'different' from these other girls? I ask because it will result in different answers from me.

If you are trying to lose weight, then what they say is going to eventually mean nothing, because it's based on the size you are right now. When I was in high-school, I was about 215 pounds, and definitly fat. I was mocked, called fatty, you name it. My sophmore year of high school, I lost 60 pounds and came back and started my junior year skinny, and high on life. By the end of my junior year, I was hanging out with the "cool kids" and had a girlfriend (something I had never had before at that point)...My whole life turned around.

So, if you are losing weight right now, then in several months, or however long it takes, what people are saying right now will not matter.
 
Last edited:
High school really sucks sometimes. I had a hard time my first couple of years, but then again, I think most people do. Talk to your guidance counselor, or principle I guess, or any teacher you trust. They have a lot of experience dealing with HS kids, so they can probably give you some healthy insight.
Good Luck.
 
I was overweight, but I never cared what anyone else thought. I didn't really try to fit in with any particular group because I wasn't going to be pigeon-holed into conforming to anyone else's expectations. Over time, I deveoped a handful of close friends that I hung with and they were much like me. We were all unique individuals that didn't fit into any particular mold. My wife says that all of my friends at that time and even now are unique characters. Funny, witty, smart, creative and most of us have become natural leaders in our careers and people gravitate to us because we don't try to get people to like us. People seem to like us because we don't care if they do. We revel in our uniqueness. I say, if people are like these people sound, why do you care what they say or think. Any idiot can blow air through a set of vocal chords and say anything...if you don't give them the satisfaction of letting it impact you, it's just noise. I used humor a lot and I still do. I enjoy laughing and making others laugh. I laugh at myself and often display a self-depricating humor. That takes a lot of confidence, but hey, who do I have to impress???

I know it is difficult, but you can't change other people and you shouldn't feel you have to change for them. If you WANT to change, do it for yourself for the right reasons. The people that matter don't mind, and the people that mind don't matter. I hope this helps.
 
I was well over 200 pounds the majority of the time I was in high school, so I can more than sympathize with your feelings.

All I can really tell you (and I cannot stress this enough) is that 95% of the people you go to high school with now will not mean shit to you the SECOND you graduate, so their criticism will eventually be for naught.
In the meantime, try and understand that people are different shapes and sizes for a reason, and a larger human structure often means a larger weight.
 
I think I was over 200 my entire high school career. Trust me, just ignore them. Seriously, everybody has different shapes and sizes and these girls are just not worth dealing with if they just give you a hard time. Just try not to let them get to you!
 
SoCoSideshow said:
All I can really tell you (and I cannot stress this enough) is that 95% of the people you go to high school with now will not mean shit to you the SECOND you graduate, so their criticism will eventually be for naught.QUOTE]

AMEN!!!!!
Click to expand...
 
Thanks, I love you guys.
But it seems like the world is rejecting me, all the guys call me big, the girls laugh and mock at me, and the teachers don't do a thing. It brought me into depression, and I have no support from my family and friends.
 
RosyxMellisa said:
Thanks, I love you guys.
But it seems like the world is rejecting me, all the guys call me big, the girls laugh and mock at me, and the teachers don't do a thing. It brought me into depression, and I have no support from my family and friends.
Click to expand...

The best thing to do is ignore them and know that you are a beautiful person. Real friends will not care how much you weigh. High school is full of kids who are self conscious rather they seem like it or not and the ones that make fun of others usually do it because they feel bad about themselves in some way and it makes them feel better. It's wrong and it sucks but just know you are the better person because you are not making fun of them back for their flaws.
Don't let those other kids get you down or stop you from still having fun in school and enjoying the same activities as everyone else. The best thing you can do is stand up for yourself or ignore them, showing them you don't care and chances are after a while they'll probably stop or move on to the next easy target.
 
Thanks for the advices.:waving: I have been ignoring them for my whole life, and being silent, and well after those years I finally cracked and posted here.
 
RosyxMellisa said:
Hey, I'am a 16 year old female, currently in high school. I don't have the same body structure as them and is slightly overweight (156lbs). As in result, I get many horrible feedback for my body image throughout, and everyday at school. Most of them are girls who are slim, small boned structure and tall. Right now I'm emotionally hurt as it has been the 3rd day of my new semester. It ruins my confidence, communicating with friends/people, and my focus on school work.

So how do you guys manage criticism, despite your working out?
Click to expand...

I know you don't see this, but most of those "slim, small boned structured and tall" girls you mention? Most of them probably have low self-confidence, just like you do. When they go home, they probably look at themselves in the mirror and compare their body to everybody else's, just like you do. It's what you do at that age, regardless of what you look like.

The harsh reality is that you're 16 years old and you're in high school. Nearly 100% of high school kids don't like themselves. The ones who seem like they do? It's an act - they're just acting cocky and self-absorbed because they're covering up for their low self esteem. Those are the kids you don't want to pay attention to. You know, the kids who make fun of other kids, calling them fat and ugly and fags and queers and losers. Ironically, it's those kids who are the true losers, because they have to stoop to such a low level of degrading others just to make themselves feel better about their own lives, personalities and bodies. So, when someone calls you fat or criticizes you for the way you look, just look them in the eye and say "Is that it?" And, when they have nothing to say and get that dumbfounded look on their face, just shake your head at them like you can't believe they couldn't come up with anything better, turn and walk away. Don't give them the satisfaction of letting them get to you.
 
I think a lot of us have been in your shoes. It really sucks at the time...but you know what? I can't remember 90% of the people I went to high school with, nor do I even care. I have kept in touch with several...who were nice to me, some who weren't & wound up in my shoes later on.
I agree with Chef, they're insecure themselves. just be the bigger person.
No matter where you go, or what you do in life,there is ALWAYS a bully lurking someplace.
 
Hello RosyxMellisa!
I understand that you felt bad with criticisms around you. But it would just get more worst if you take it personally and show them your reactions right away . However take it as an opinion from others that you still have something more within, you maybe just don't know how and what is it? Don't show them you feel bad because the more they tease you. Give them back your smile and confidence but at they same time you have to explore what is in you that you have to improve.



Spam removed
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Thanks guys. I keep these in my inbox to help me feel better. :p
It just feels so awkward that you don't fit in the norm.. like a sore thumb. I took gym this year and I would get isolated and laughed at. If a guy liked me they would be "oh, but she's fat" and horrible jokes. (like "oh, cause you have a larger frame you must be lesbian")

P.S. I have gone to my counselor...and all she did was ask the teachers to be on alert..but obviously neither did care..
 
RosyxMellisa said:
Thanks guys. I keep these in my inbox to help me feel better. :p
It just feels so awkward that you don't fit in the norm.. like a sore thumb. I took gym this year and I would get isolated and laughed at. If a guy liked me they would be "oh, but she's fat" and horrible jokes. (like "oh, cause you have a larger frame you must be lesbian")

P.S. I have gone to my counselor...and all she did was ask the teachers to be on alert..but obviously neither did care..
Click to expand...


I was 345-365 lbs in 8th-12th grade. I was pretty big to be honest. In 8th grade I was able to out-sprint some of the foot-ball players when it came to our dash in gym class. I was called fat constantly, twinkie smuggler., etc. I never really let it bother me, but since I had blood pressure issues I'd kind of get angry? I don't condone violence but I ended up knocking a couple of the kids out in school that would call me names....That's definitely not a way you want to handle it. I understand where you come from with that simple fact though. When I was a freshman and sophomore, the football players always tried to start stuff with me. Since I didn't afraid of anything, they'd always back down and leave me alone. (One kid told me he wanted to fight because I wanted to talk to a girl instead of do my homework...lol?)


I'm going to wrap that story up into one lesson: Out of the like 850 kids I went to school with. I talk to...let's see. 4 of them. I don't really talk to them that much.

That's the problem of male-to-male verbal harassment. That's usually what would happen. With females (women and young girls alike) it usually hurts their self-esteem a rather large amount.


My advice to you, being a girl, is to do what you feel is right for you and ignore everybody else. Never let anybody else influence your decisions. Don't let them get you angry (like in my example). If you falter, especially in school, all it does is show them that they're getting to you and that they can continue being jerks.

Ignore them. You won't see most of them after school. If you do, chances are, if they have a job, and they're responsible, they're probably be nice to you. If they're into drugs and stuff, well they were loser all along.

I've seen lots of kids that made fun of me follow different paths and become separated. The losers stay that way, while the other ones that realize making fun of people was quite dumb, will change.


It's basically all part of the high-school melodrama and you should ignore it.

Again, I do not, and will not, ever condone violence. I was using it for you to understand that I had the same issue, and how it bothered me. Since I had high blood pressure, when I got angry, it made my heart beat very fast and it could have easily gave me a heart attack. That is all.
 
WithYouForYou said:
I'm going to wrap that story up into one lesson: Out of the like 850 kids I went to school with. I talk to...let's see. 4 of them. I don't really talk to them that much.
Click to expand...

Exactly. While you're still in high school, you think that everybody is going to be a part of your life forever. But, the second - literally, THE SECOND - you graduate from high school, you realize that 99.99% of the kids you went to school with don't give a shit about you; never have and never will. And, you realize that you are neeeeever going to see those kids eeeeever again.

When I was in high school (not to brag) I was one of the popular kids. Jock, class clown, respectful, etc - I appealed to everybody, so everybody liked me. I went to a high school that had over 4,000 kids when I was a senior, but how many of those kids do I talk to or see on a regular basis now? Let's see...one...two...aaaaand, that's it. Two. Out of 4,000+ kids, I see TWO of them on a somewhat regular basis (and, by "regular basis", I don't mean every other day - I mean every couple of weeks).

So, don't worry about what ANYBODY says to you or feels about you in high school. None of it will matter to you the minute you walk out of your final class in your senior year - none of it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top