David's back again, mindful ramblings.

DCarr10760

DCarr10760

New member
Hi all, Happy New Year.

My Blood pressure is now sort of under control thanks to a little brown pill I take every morning and I suppose is no longer a constant threat to my health. As I feared, when I accepted the fact that I needed to take the medication, I took it as a license (read excuse) to not concern myself with my weight and I stopped eating carefully and stopped exercizing.

The result of this was gaining back all that I'd lost and ballooning up to 297 lbs as weighed a couple weeks before Christmas. I cut back during the holidays and got down to 286. But was still not eating carefully or exercising.

Now I need to get back losing weight, eating mindfully and being healthy.

January 1st I started using my exercise bike and cutting back on my eating. As of this morning I weighed 283.5 so there's a start.

I'll start the diet diary and a more formal exercise program as things progress.

David
 
welcome back....

and just a reminder to take it one step at a time,don't overwhelm yourself with too many changes at once...
 
Thanks Mal,

I'll take the reminder and the advise. I tend to get too involved until I am overwhelmed. Right now I'm just doing the bike and cutting out the things I know are harmful for the diet.

Thanks again for the Welcome! Hope all is well with you!

David
 
Yesterday was a pretty good day diet-wise, despite the leftover holiday candy that everybody at work brought in to get rid of. I didn't eat any so that's a small triumph.

Food all day was according to plan, no diversions at all.

I did 24 minutes on the Lifecycle at level 5 and some arm exercises with light dumbbells. I hurt both arms this past summer, so I am really looking to gain some flexibility before really trying to gain strength.

All in all a good day.

David
 
Tiny Victories

I mentioned before that everybody around me has dishes full of leftover Holiday candy. Candy has always been a challenge for me to ignore. Particularly small bits of chocolate like Hershey kisses. You can rationalize and say that one piece is not especially high in calories and it's true. But like that first puff of a joint leading inextricably to a heroin addiction one bite of a single Hershey Kiss would lead to another and a day or so later, there I'd be half conscious, chugging used fryolator grease directly from a dumpster behind McDonalds.

So I cant go there.

Anyway, I was talking to one of the EE guys in the lab and right there was a bowl of Hershey kisses, without thinking about it I took one and as I was preparing to unwrap it I came to and set it back down. Whew.

David
 
Yesterday was a great day with both exercize and eating, maybe because my wife took my son up to Maine to visit her sister until the weekend. Without distractions I could workout and at as I like, and I did well. I still havent figured out calories, but I imagine it's just under 2000, which for me is good at least to start.

Still have a cold, which sucks...

David
 
Hi David.

Welcome back.

I get the feeling you tend to view things as all or nothing. Thoughts?
 
Hi Steve, thanks for stopping by!

As for the all or nothing thinking, I think so Steve, at least as far as my weight is concerned. I suppose whenever you boil down complex systems like the psychology, physiology and weight management in a lifelong obese person (me) there's a risk of oversimplifying the problem, but all or nothing thinking is certainly a factor, among others.

In the past to lose weight I felt I had to go about it in a specific way or I didn't feel it to be legitimate. I only liked to start on Mondays, deviations from the diet for any reason wrecked it for me. My dieting was severe and monastic, but usually pretty effective when it was sustainable, which was never long enough. When I wasn't dieting I was actively gaining weight. So there's a bit of obsessive thinking there in the mix.

The same thing happened recently in trying to lose weight for the purpose of lowering my blood pressure in hopes of avoiding taking medication. For a time I was perfect (all), but I didn't lose enough weight to significantly reduce my blood pressure and in the process of accepting that I needed the meds, I completely abandoned the diet and exercise (nothing).

So it is certainly an issue.

I'm not sure I know how to fix the problem, beyond awareness. I'd love to be healthy and fit, but that has never been enough to motivate me to actually do it. I know I need to view weight management as a lifestyle rather than a phase. I know much of the right things to eat and do to become healthy.

The problem is (and has always been) my thinking about why I derail myself (or let myself be derailed) or set myself up for failure.

So I am glad you brought it up. Food for thought, hmmm, gonna have to work on some new platitudes!

David
 
Yesterday was just okay, I ate too much for dinner but nothing like a wanton binge, just too much food. Today will be better.

I've been devoting a great deal of thought to the All or Nothing issue and realize that I hold myself to too high standards while "dieting" and the slightest infraction, bothers me to the point where I abandon the diet and in compulsive way continue eating until I'm all pissed at myself and despairing.

So I am trying to be mindful of that and forgive minor infractions. I guess the key for me is to be more even and not so intense. It is enough to lose weight slowly, I don't need to do it in any particular time frame. It's not a race or a challenge (that sort of thing never really motivated me).

I get too involved in "programs" with impossibly high standards and maintain them for a time and then faulter. I just need to take it easy and slowly, make healthy choices within the context of my life and trust that I'll become healthy and fit gradually.

David
 
I like all the self reflection going on here, David.

Might I suggest two books to you that you might find value in:

1. Lyle McDonald's book titled "A Guide to Flexible Dieting."

2. David Burns' book titled "Feeling Good."

You might find utility/value in them, you might not. But many people I've worked with took 'something' from both that helped them.
 
Hey,

Just read through your recent posts and thought Id say hi..so hi :)

DCarr10760 said:
I just need to take it easy and slowly, make healthy choices within the context of my life and trust that I'll become healthy and fit gradually.
Click to expand...

This took me some time to get right in my head...I was very much the same as you are, either went full throttle, or not at all..I think once you truly accept that this isnt a race, but a lifestyle change..everything becomes so much easier, and more enjoyable!

Im not sure what it was that changed my way of thinking, but hopefully the same will happen for you.

Best of luck too you.

:seeya:
 
Steve-

Thank-you very much! I'll check out the books.

Ryan-

Thanks for stopping in. I'm glad to hear there are people like me who've successfully worked through this. The frustrating part is that I know all of this on an intellectual level, but applying what I know to my emotional self is the challenge.

I suppose if it were easy I'd have done it a long time ago.

Thanks for stopping in!

David
 
It's been a day or so since I posted. Eating has been going pretty well aided by a nasty cold that has me pretty well in its grips. My major exercise just lately has been a bit of hi intensity interval snow shovelling. Here along the coastline in Connecticut we were spared the foot of snow that they got up North. We got three inches of snow glazed over with a half an inch of ice. I got up at 6:30 and here it is past 11:00 and I'm just now done. I did take 30 minutes break to eat some breakfast.

Fortunately I like shovelling snow.

This is a good thing because we get to drive down to the in-laws house and do their shovelling for them. But I like the exercise and the cold. I'm just weird that way.

Tomorrows my weigh-in I hope for a couple of pounds anyway, but we'll see.

David
 
So this morning I weigh 282! Not a lot of weight to lose (just over a pound) but the trend is in the right direction. Given that right now the only real effort that I am making is to cut out obvious poor food choices and to moderate portion size, it's not really so bad. Once my cold is better I'll hit the exercise bike more often. This week I only did it 4 times.

So all in all, not bad!

Happy Monday all!

David
 
This week has been crazy busy at work. We're implementing new business software and my assistant who handles all of the sales orders and the bulk of customer communication is out on an extended leave (her husband has cancer). So we're having all kinds of issues and things are very tense.

Normally my coping mechanism for this type of stress would involve several adult beverages at lunch, which would of course only make matters worse. I'd end up all sleepy in the afternoon and ravenous at dinner. It just made things worse. But now I'm doing better, packing lunches and not imbibing so much.

My big issues are (in terms of overeating) occur in early afternoon (snacking) and overeating at dinner and late PM snacking. So eating a good breakfast and lunch is really important. Common sense I know, but it's a continual stumbling block for me.

David
 
Today has been quieter at work, which is nice. Today I feel remarkably better in terms of my cold and also my energy level is better, so I'll begin to exercise. Maybe I'll hit the lifecycle when I get home.

I think I've lost some more weight as clothes are a bit looser. I'm trying to be good about not weighing myself obsessively, because my weight fluctuates so much it gets confusing and ultimately frustrating.

Being good for a couple of days and seeing no loss or a small gain is disheartening and sometimes derailing (or it has been so in the past). So now I am sticking to a weekly weigh-in on Monday mornings. Having it then is encouragement to keep eating sensibly through the weekend, when I am historically most apt to eat too much, too often and the wrong things.

But today I feel good and feeling good is a good way to feel!

David
 
Another week another 2lbs! My new mantra of moderation is working. I'm really just trying to eat the way I normally do just making better choices and moderating portions. I'm certainlly not being perfect, but I am being good! (mostly).

I'm healthy again and have started to exercise a bit (stationary bike) which helps. When the weather breaks I'll start on the walking, which I enjoy.

So now I am down to my pre-Thanksgiving weight!

David
 
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