I think this is very common actually. At least with the people I have dealt with in much more close settings. I have found many people, men and women, who have been big most of their lives.... and as much as they want the weight gone, they always find a way to sabotage their efforts. The generator of this sabotage, once we dig deep enough, always seems to be related to fear.
I am not sure if I have written about this in here or not, but we all act out based on 2 distinct factors.
1. Pain
2. Pleasure
We all have internal, mental scales that weigh each and every action that we will partake. If more pain is associated with that action, than pleasure, we are going to do our darnedest to avoid the action.
In this case, we speak of weight loss. It is important to note that these internal scales reside in our subconscious minds. Our subconscious minds are on auto-pilot. This is where habits are born too.
As much as we consciously want to transform our physiques, if our subconscious minds are not in line with this conscious thought process, you will continually sabotage your efforts.
One simple way to start changing these deeply buried "neural inputs" is to start consciously thinking about your pain/pleasure links. Deep down, you most likely associate pain to weight loss. You said so yourself, you fear that people will still look right past you and you will realize that it wasn't your weight all along, it was something more important. It was YOU.
That is enough pain (fear) to stop even the strongest I know in their tracks. Sure, you will lose some weight, but most who I encounter who are in this same boat go back and forth in their battles. Just when they start picking up momentum, which is crucial for weight loss, they sabotage their efforts.
The beauty of this all is this.
You have the unique ability to change which way your scale is tilted. Start focusing on linking a lot more pleasure to weight loss. And really focus on linking a lot of pain on not losing weight. I would even suggest writing things down. And read and re-read the list. Think about the list as often as possible.
Repetitive thought is a sure way of tapping into your subconscious mind.... something that is necessary if you are going to really change habits and internal, pre-programmed beliefs born from long ago.
My thoughts on the subject at hand.
