I have just been catching up on your diary, and read about how you are scared that once your weight is gone, you are scared that people will think there is something wrong with YOU. You say your weight has always been something to blame for people looking past you. Please keep in mind that what I am about to say is meant in a very positive way.
What exactly do you think is wrong with you? If you take away the weight that you have been "hiding behind", what is wrong with you that you are afraid people will keep looking "thru" you?
There will always be people to look thru you, and always be people to critisize, especailly where you are. What exactly is it that you want them to see? You have to know what it is that you want them to take a second look for before you can make them look. KWIM? Once they get past the physical look of you, what is it you WANT them to see?
I think that to be happy, we have to feel good physically, emotionally, mentally and socially. ALl of these aspects affect who we are. ANd keep in mind that I said to feel good. There are going to be times when we slip in one aspect or another. It's a battle for balance.
I have found that the most effective way to get people to notice me is have a genuine smile for them. A smile makes them want to stop and find out what you are so happy about, and usually-how they can get it. They don't say that, but smiling and looking someone in the eye is the most powerful way to get them to want to know more about you. And what is "more about you?" What is so interesting about you that is going to hold their attention? That's where is get complicated. But you have a lot of qualiies adn passions that people will identify with once their interest is perked. And if you have nothing in common, maybe somehting you have to say will spark a new interest for them or vice versa. Being interested makes you interesting.
ANd remember-SEXY is a state of mind!
Ok, that's all I have to say. You may not agree with something or anything I have said, but, to toot my own horn, I have come from being barked at in the hallways at school and overcompensating for thinkning I an not interesting, to just being contented. I am what I am. When something goes wrong, I do what I can to make it better, or let it go.
I think you are a dinamic person who has a lot to offer a friend, and a man. You just have to believe it and let your eyes and your smile project it.