Curvie Girlie The Diary: Mind Playin' Tricks on Me

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nc_bmac08 said:
I've been in that situation before and felt soooooo much better once I cut all lines of communication.
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The time that we were non-communicative was the happiest times for me, although.....no I am no going to try to convey the totality of how I feel about him. Nope, nope.
 
nc_bmac08;490256That ex is bad news and is gonna keep messing with you until you cut him off. You already know that said:
I agree. Cut off the head of the serpent and it will wither. No contact and he will have no power over you.
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I couldn't begin to tell you how well I understand. For me, I just ended up realizing that it didn't really matter how I felt to her. Although she might talk like it did and string me along, I got tired of it.
 
You guys are right, but there are serious underlying issues here that affect me on a level I can't shake. There was the sadomasochism that we participated in.......I don't really know how to purge the sycophantic subservient tendencies toward him, as non-dom as he is in everyday life and conversation.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
You guys are right, but there are serious underlying issues here that affect me on a level I can't shake. There was the sadomasochism that we participated in.......I don't really know how to purge the sycophantic subservient tendencies toward him, as non-dom as he is in everyday life and conversation.
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Cutting those lines of communication and time... those are the answers. I can understand though if you have to discover that for yourself.
 
nc_bmac08 said:
Cutting those lines of communication and time... those are the answers. I can understand though if you have to discover that for yourself.
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Yeah, but for me, life is going to be painful sometimes. And cause and effect. If I didn't get involved with him, I wouldn't have experienced heart break. Um, I once thought that that would have been better if I didn't, but in retrospect I'm relieved that I been there, done that, and recovered! And now I know what it's like. I have more empathy for others who have been there and done that. I also now know what it feels like to be dumped for another woman. And I sort of find it sickly amusing. On some level, it's like, I'm getting life experience and I find that valuable! I'm adventurous and enjoy all sorts of things as long as they're different. Painful or pleasurable, everything passes eventually. I am change.

All good things they say, never last! Haha, it reminds me of that Haiku d'etat song:

Once had love, but the time has past
cause all good things they say, never last.
Used to be young, but life's too fast
cause all good things they say, never last.
Once was rich, now I got no cash
cause all good things they say, never last.
The good die young, and that's so sad
cause all good things they say, never last.

That goes for shitty things as well! YEEE-HAW!
 
Curvie Girlie said:
You guys are right, but there are serious underlying issues here that affect me on a level I can't shake. There was the sadomasochism that we participated in.......I don't really know how to purge the sycophantic subservient tendencies toward him, as non-dom as he is in everyday life and conversation.
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Don't confuse being attracted to that part of your psyche and being attracted to the person who introduced it to you.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
... Um, I once thought that that would have been better if I didn't, but in retrospect I'm relieved that I been there, done that, and recovered!....
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If you've recovered then he shouldn't really have an effect on you. Anyways, I've probably crossed my own boundries here... I'm in no place to tell someone else the best thing to do when I'm in no great place myself ;). I'm sure you'll handle whatever comes your way, you're a strong woman.
 
Trops said:
Don't confuse being attracted to that part of your psyche and being attracted to the person who introduced it to you.
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I see that. We all have a dark side. Hell, some people in high, authoritative job positions like being urinated and defecated on!!! People are weird. ;)

nc_bmac08 said:
If you've recovered then he shouldn't really have an effect on you. Anyways, I've probably crossed my own boundaries here... I'm in no place to tell someone else the best thing to do when I'm in no great place myself ;). I'm sure you'll handle whatever comes your way, you're a strong woman.
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Thank you, yes I am, I get stronger every year although last year I was at my lowest, weakest, most depressed point. Hell, even at that point I wasn't on meds and I didn't contemplate suicide, so I had THAT going for me! :D I kid. It doesn't matter that he affects me, when he is not contacting me I'm happier than I ever was with him (aside from the pleasure of what I enjoyed from him, lost by wanting more ;)). I always seen movies about unrequited love and I never understood and I was like, laughing about how stupid people are. The joke's on me!!!! I love it. Funny shit, when life gets wack all I can do is laugh. :smilielol5:
 
This morning I weighed in at 147.0. I am bleeding hard, have cramps, and had beer before bed. I expect the weight to drop in a few days if not by tomorrow. I didn't over eat yesterday and I exercised. These things happen.

This morning one of the top doors of our split back door was open. It was not open last night. I didn't lock the front door because I trust Keith to watch over the house. But someone was in the house last night.....I ran and got my Colt hammerless semi-auto .380 and slowly made my way through all the rooms looking for intruders, but found none. So I locked up the house real good like and figured I won't sleep with the doors unlocked anymore, especially when Barre's gone. I don't like to think Keith is coming into the house, and I still trust him not to hurt me. Still, I suspect he may be coming in when we're not home. He wouldn't steal, if anything he'd use the shower or charge his phone. Which is fine, but it would be nice if it was an open, Ok thing.

I ate blueberries and drank orange juice this morning but I'm going to get food soon....gonna take a break
 
Scary because if it was him, then he left the top open so that you would know he was there. Mind games. He also knows you well enough to not be there when you have a loaded gun, I hope. Be careful because this kind of behavior often escalates.
 
Oh yeah I forgot I bruised my coccyx from the fall on my porch steps yesterday morning. I found out when I was trying to to the Abs portion of my kickboxing class--jackknives. Hurt like a muthafucker. I had to quit early. I hope it heals soon...can't be so bad if I didn't notice until then.....
 
Trops said:
Scary because if it was him, then he left the top open so that you would know he was there. Mind games. He also knows you well enough to not be there when you have a loaded gun, I hope. Be careful because this kind of behavior often escalates.
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Aw, man, now I'm paranoid! I'm just going to not worry about it, but I think I'll practice my tactical skills of Situational Awareness and Evasive Movement :)
 
Yeah it's pretty wack to live in the middle of the woods with very few neighbors, 8 miles from town....I LOVE it though, but yeah. Gotta stay strapped. With the hollow point shells! :D ;)
 
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