Curvie Girlie The Diary: Mind Playin' Tricks on Me

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Hey Val,

I almost bought some eggs at the grocery store last night, just so I could try eating them raw. Maybe next week I will give it a try....

I went for a big ass run on the treadmill last night and finished it off with a fast sprint for the last 2 minutes. 3.5 miles it was, and when it was all done I felt amazing. I love the "high" feeling it gives... I miss running outdoors but my allergies were out of control this year, and the place I love to go running is really bad for them, even when I take allergy medicine...

I'm planning on having a few pints tomorrow. I might try to go run in the morning just so it will make the beer taste better ;) Beer with lunch is always nice :)

I'm not really one for marriage... I would love to have the option to be able to get married one day and have it be legal but, I'm sure if I stay in Utah, lol, it isn't going to happen for awhile... Marriage is really the underdog anymore. My dad has been married 3 times now, and his current wife had two previous marriages too. They seem happy I guess. They just come from this generation where they feel they "need" to always be married to someone I guess. I personally like to do whatever I want and not have to answer to anyone...

-Sam
 
sammyboy24 said:
Hey Val,

I almost bought some eggs at the grocery store last night, just so I could try eating them raw. Maybe next week I will give it a try....

I went for a big ass run on the treadmill last night and finished it off with a fast sprint for the last 2 minutes. 3.5 miles it was, and when it was all done I felt amazing. I love the "high" feeling it gives... I miss running outdoors but my allergies were out of control this year, and the place I love to go running is really bad for them, even when I take allergy medicine...

I'm planning on having a few pints tomorrow. I might try to go run in the morning just so it will make the beer taste better ;) Beer with lunch is always nice :)

I'm not really one for marriage... I would love to have the option to be able to get married one day and have it be legal but, I'm sure if I stay in Utah, lol, it isn't going to happen for awhile... Marriage is really the underdog anymore. My dad has been married 3 times now, and his current wife had two previous marriages too. They seem happy I guess. They just come from this generation where they feel they "need" to always be married to someone I guess. I personally like to do whatever I want and not have to answer to anyone...

-Sam
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Sam!
Good for you for running, and allergies SUCK. My season is only May and June thank goodness! I take Alavert and it works without making me drowsy.

Go ahead--try the eggs. I dare ya! :D

I did not get a chance to have beer--I had a Subway sammich on wheat, all veggies, no cheese, no mayo, extra peppers :)

When I was working Saturday at the winery, a large group of people from San Francisco came by. Everyone was gay. It was mostly women, with 2 men. One woman was explaining to me that she just got married to her partner after 15 years! :eek: It was cool to see a living example of gay rights after all the bull shit in the past few years--YAY California! :party:

IF I get married my husband is going to be just like me :D And we'll be swingers and do whatever the fuck we want. In all honesty, my major boyfriends have never wanted me to answer to them. My ex was so laid back, I could visit my male friends in other cities for a weekend and he'd be like, "Have fun, Honey, I'll miss you!"
 
My ex was so laid back, I could visit my male friends in other cities for a weekend and he'd be like, "Have fun, Honey, I'll miss you!"
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Thats because he was booty callin the 19 yr old:blush5:


Did you know that I sell custom menu's and wine lists? Among other things? Let me know if you ever need a few hundred, or thousand.
 
Our winery is tiny, my boss just prints up the lists of the flight himself--and we're only open Saturdays. Otherwise I work in a broker's office Mon-Fri
 
I love wine! It runs in my blood. My dad has really turned into a huge red wino in the last few years. Him and his wife take trips to Northern Cali sometimes and vacation there and go to the different wineries... Lately he is really into the very dark red wines, the ones that look almost black. He went to Sonoma about a year ago and loved it....

When I get into a serious relationship I want to be really laid back about things. I don't know if I will be into swinging and threesomes (yet ;) ) but I hope to stay really open minded about things, etc. I've just watched most of my couple friends, most of which are heterosexual and I can't imagine arguing and fighting over stupid shit like they do so much.... I have this one friend whose boyfriend is seriously insecure around me... I think he is jealous that my friend(girl) and I have such a good friendship and it threatens him i guess... I'm like listen, we aren't fucking because I'm gay, we're just pals, douchebag; so go somewhere....lol

They've been saying the reason that my allergies might have been so bad this year is because up here we had a very very short spring. Its like it almost went from winter to summer...

-Sam
 
sammyboy24 said:
I love wine! It runs in my blood.
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My mom's paternal side (gramps and his brothers and sister and their spouses) are all runners and they all adore wine. My great aunt's husband is Swiss and they broker a few wines, as well as sell our tribe's art and import French honey.....it was coincidental and ironic that I got into the wine business, and do graphic art AND run races--just like my gramps. I'm the oldest grandkid, I'm pretty sure I'm his favorite.....:) I attached a picture of him :beating:

sammyboy24 said:
When I get into a serious relationship I want to be really laid back about things. I don't know if I will be into swinging and threesomes (yet ;) ) but I hope to stay really open minded about things, etc. I've just watched most of my couple friends, most of which are heterosexual and I can't imagine arguing and fighting over stupid shit like they do so much.... I have this one friend whose boyfriend is seriously insecure around me... I think he is jealous that my friend(girl) and I have such a good friendship and it threatens him i guess... I'm like listen, we aren't fucking because I'm gay, we're just pals, douchebag; so go somewhere....lol
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I'm ashamed to admit I have never swung or had a threesome :eek: I don't actively pursue those activities because it's about the personnel--DUH! IF I meet the right people with whom I want to do those things, and the time is right, then I wouldn't get all uptight and not do it. I haven't ever got intimate with a girl, either--and I honestly am NOT attracted to them. At all. I wish I was, but what can I say? I LOVE men. I just do. However, I like to tell myself that I'll meet The Woman someday and have a cool ass relationship. MAYBE if I'm lucky :rotflmao:

Arguing and fighting just happen. That is why I am so happy to be single. At first, I was bummed out because I had no security of being loved romantically--after a few months of "ho juggling" I realized that true happiness for me (at this point) is a variety of casual affairs. There is no hardcore elation of being sprung off of a loved one, BUT there is also very little to no irritation, exasperation, disappointment, hurt feelings, drama, jealousy, etc.......I'm pretty much content and excited all the time, because my hos are real sweet and surprise me with cute things they say, and fun times. None of them are perfect, but the best part is I can get something out of one of them that the other lacks. WORD!
 
Whoops! Here's my gramps. I laughed and had to take this picture because I never seen that shirt before--and I didn't give it to him! HAHA, knowing him he bought it for himself :D
 
Last night

So.....you want to know what happened?

First off, my office got Chinese food (which I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE and refuse to eat, nothing is appealing to me--but I adore Japanese and Thai) and I decided to eat one fortune cookie. The fortune struck me as so odd and so suitable that I kept it in my wallet. It pretty much sums up relationships (for women, anyway, from my experience of talking to girls):

"The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more."​

Um........word? :iagree:

The ex was never able to ultimately "make me happy". I realized later that DUH, Valerie, people aren't supposed to make you happy!!!!! Happiness comes from self-contentment, a high self esteem, introspection, creativity, evolution, self-awareness, compassion for all, and especially love of self. I'm a Leo: I got it easier than most ;) But nah, just playin', fo sheezy, I had to realize that I was using relationships as panaceas for whatever I felt was lacking inside. It was a LONG and painful process that overwhelmed me and made me miserable, hahahahaha!!! Finally, I got my Self back. I stopped blaming myself or the ex for things and just accepted things As They Are and What The Fuck Can You Really Do But Move On? Granted, the ex was also fucked up and seriously flawed as well, to the point where we weren't very compatible in lifestyles and views on relationships, and he probably shouldn't even be in one, either. He is currently using his new relationship as a band-aid for our broken one, and he's having trouble already. :rolleyes: Whatever, it is not my job to psychoanalyze him. On the realla.

All this was in my mind as yesterday wore on, while I anticipated the meeting. I was bitching to Rachel, my coworker, "Dammit, I was so happy and then the ex just fucking fucks it all up again with his drama! And I can't bring myself to say Fuck Off, and it's getting to me." Rachel sympathized. No one screws with my head and upsets me easier than that man. I am otherwise objective, laid back, pleasant, easy-going, and free. Interaction with him throws me off kilter. What makes it worse is I see that it's all in my head, and it's my problem that he affects me, and I get mad at myself for feeling upset. :banghead: It is just a shame. :nopity:

Anyway, I went to kickboxing and it wasn't too hard on my body: I expected the high impact of jumping around and pounding to damage me already pounded legs, but I got through it fine and today only my left shin is a bit sore. Weights today, no cardio. YAY!

Well, I was driving to the Brewery through the mountains and was going to make it at 8pm sharp. At about 7:55 I check my phone and the ex texted me "Can't make it. Some other time".

Um, I had mixed feelings. I was GLAD to be off the hook! I was GRATEFUL that I didn't have to listen to his bullshit. I was also PISSED OFF that I had to suffer all day, trying not to think about how worried I was that if I saw him, I'd still have feelings for him. And I was SUSPICIOUS that his Beezy was to blame for the sudden break of plans.

I texted back, "more beer for me! I'm staying until they carry me out : D" and I went in and relaxed with my fellow Boulder Creekans. The bar tender "B" is very nice to me and we're sort of attracted to each other, well, I know HE wants to fuck, I dunno about myself. Anyway, I always talk to him about everything because it amuses him greatly. He is a Sagittarius, we are just comfortable around each other. His hugs feel good :hug2: I drank some pints and ate a side Caesar salad that was covered in too much delicious Parmesan. Oh well, it was good--I hadn't had any cheese yesterday anyway, and I needed calcium and fat--"period".

My suspicions (about the meddling Beezy) were correct. At 10pm the ex called. I was like, "what do you want?" and he said he had to ask me a question. You will not believe this........

"Do you still love me and want to be with me?"

"Uh......I don't feel comfortable answering that.....WHY???"

"Because I was asked to ask you that."

"Ohhhhh--then no!"

"OK! Carry on then."

Click.

What the fuck? Really!! Sooooooooooo I was again all fucked up mentally. I talked to Brent about it, got a hug, and went home. I was upset and mad at myself for being upset by this stupid teenage bullshit. At home, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. So I pulled out my yoga mat. Then I decided, I am just going to try Scorpion pose. I have always wanted to do it, and that would be a great distraction. I lined up the mat near my wall, did an assisted head stand, folded my legs over my head to touch the wall, tip-toed down the wall as close to my head as possible, and lifted my head off the floor and myself onto my forearms.

I DID IT. I GOT INTO SCORPION POSE, AS CRAPPY AND ASSISTED AS IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!​

I did it several times, and it is INTENSE. Holy shit. My back is flexible, damn!!!! :eek: Anyway, the pride I felt in the accomplishment and the high hopes for the future in being able to do it again, unassisted, someday, pleased me and took my mind off of the ex and his drama.

I will not follow up by calling or emailing.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
... I had a hard time keeping my knees together but that may come in time......
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:smilielol5: Heh, that made me giggle. Just kidding! :D

Hope you're having a good day. That ex is bad news and is gonna keep messing with you until you cut him off. You already know that, it's just hard to do. I've been in that situation before and felt soooooo much better once I cut all lines of communication.
 
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