Curvie Girlie
New member
Dear Diary,
I've been on WLF for about a year now, and although flaky, my presence has been fairly steady so that I'm not sure when I'll ever leave
I had an old diary and I wanted a fresh start because yesterday marked the day when the man I loved dumped me after 2 years, 3 months, and 18 days. I don't feel comfortable keeping the old diary as you can understand.
I'm a good person, but I made fatal errors that might shock you. I learned and am ready to move on (already) because, perhaps, my situation hasn't fully sunk in. I'm not scared and I'm not worried, I'm optimistic and hopeful.
On to weight loss: I have never been severely overweight, and that is ONLY because I'm a health nut and exercise freak by default. My appetite and food choices have never been steady-good forever. I don't eat meat or chicken because I don't like it; I eat fish because I love it. I live in Santa Cruz County and I prefer to shop at the Natural Foods stores because it's a habit I picked up. I love to cook and bake, but at this exact moment I am on a raw food diet.
When I was in high school I showed interest in drugs and alcohol--at the same time getting As and Bs and going to class. I liked the prestige of appearing good to my family, although my mom new and grounded me all the time. She is an alcoholic herself, and a single mom. We were on welfare and then Section 8 while I was growing up. My grandparents on both sides lived in the same town, got along with each other, and helped support us. My dad (who was 20 when I was born) had many faults, still loved me, and saw me about once every 2 months. He died at 41 in 2003 of acute methamphetamine toxicity. My paternal grandmother never took that well and died in 2006 of atrial fibrulations. During these times I was away from my hometown in my college town (I'm from the Bay). I had a very difficult time healing from this, and it made my relationship with my ex boyfriend very difficult.
I was a normal child as far as weight went. I grew to be 5'7" by my early twenties. In high school I was 5'4"-5'6" through the 4 years, and 120 lbs to 150 lbs by graduation. 130 was my "happy weight," I believed, but I couldn't maintain it without drugs. I walked a lot, and started doing "Buns of Steel" and sometimes jogging when I was about 15. Then I stopped exercising. After graduation, I quit drugs and drinking excessive hard alcohol, and my grandpa gave me a gym membership. In a year, I dropped from 150 to 135 lbs. When I went away to college, I was 135 and 5'7" and completely satisfied with my weight.
College stress and excessive reading (My GPA was 3.94 and I received a B.A. in Cultural Anthropology) and bored-eating made me 160 lbs at graduation, which is a BMI of 25. I struggled with my weight for the next several months, and got up to my highest weight of 170 lbs. I then got a serious lymphatic infections where my neck's lymph nodes swelled up and I had a terrible fever. I read a holistic heath book and learned that if I did a liver cleanse, it would help. I then only drank juices and smoothies for a day, and did the same plus raw veggies and fruit for 3 more days; in 4 days my infection was gone and my neck went back to normal.
I researched raw foodism and did it for 3 months from November to February; my weight dropped from 170 to 145. I maintained 145-150 for the rest of 2005. In 2006 I was 155-160, and In December 2006 I had had enough of being at the high end of the BMI scale, dammit. I wanted to be THIN and SEXY for myself and for my boyfriend, who had a natural BMI of 20.5 (intimidating to say the least). I counted calories, tracked my progress, and joined the forum. By April 2007 I was down from 158 lbs in December to 137lbs and was the most fit of my life.
Being thin and fit was a shock for me, to be able to wear almost anything and to never have to worry about belly-rolls or cellulite....I received a LOT of attention and I felt more confidant when I made love. But in May started a lot of little injuries that made exercise be put on hold; the lowest number I saw was 136.5 one morning after skipping dinner and being dehydrated; then I rolled my ankle, couldn't run (I race 5Ks and 10Ks), and my appetite didn't change. I shot up to the lower to mid 140s for the rest of the summer, was 144 lbs for my 25th birthday on August 4th, and suffered depression and heat-ache from my failing relationship with my ex boyfriend. My weight dropped then rose. By Halloween I was a muscular 150 lbs and had a high body-image esteem. Over the holidays, I packed on 7 lbs and in January 2008, I went Raw again to speed up my weight loss efforts and control my insulin, digestive hormones, and appetite-successfully.
This morning I weighed in at an astounding 147.0 lbs, although it isn't real. I was distraught yesterday and skipped my workout and dinner, had a few glasses of champagne with a girl friend, and a glass of wine. This morning I'm drinking a Kombucha and haven't had the heart to eat yet but no worries, I WILL eat soon.
My goal weight is 137 lbs. I was hoping to be 146 lbs by Valentine's Day, but now since I don't have my love to share it with, the goal is obsolete. Still, I'm optimistic for the future and thankful that I have so many friends who love me and want to hang out, and stick up for me even when my ex called them in a drunken rage to tell them I'm a whore.
I've been on WLF for about a year now, and although flaky, my presence has been fairly steady so that I'm not sure when I'll ever leave
I had an old diary and I wanted a fresh start because yesterday marked the day when the man I loved dumped me after 2 years, 3 months, and 18 days. I don't feel comfortable keeping the old diary as you can understand.I'm a good person, but I made fatal errors that might shock you. I learned and am ready to move on (already) because, perhaps, my situation hasn't fully sunk in. I'm not scared and I'm not worried, I'm optimistic and hopeful.
On to weight loss: I have never been severely overweight, and that is ONLY because I'm a health nut and exercise freak by default. My appetite and food choices have never been steady-good forever. I don't eat meat or chicken because I don't like it; I eat fish because I love it. I live in Santa Cruz County and I prefer to shop at the Natural Foods stores because it's a habit I picked up. I love to cook and bake, but at this exact moment I am on a raw food diet.
When I was in high school I showed interest in drugs and alcohol--at the same time getting As and Bs and going to class. I liked the prestige of appearing good to my family, although my mom new and grounded me all the time. She is an alcoholic herself, and a single mom. We were on welfare and then Section 8 while I was growing up. My grandparents on both sides lived in the same town, got along with each other, and helped support us. My dad (who was 20 when I was born) had many faults, still loved me, and saw me about once every 2 months. He died at 41 in 2003 of acute methamphetamine toxicity. My paternal grandmother never took that well and died in 2006 of atrial fibrulations. During these times I was away from my hometown in my college town (I'm from the Bay). I had a very difficult time healing from this, and it made my relationship with my ex boyfriend very difficult.
I was a normal child as far as weight went. I grew to be 5'7" by my early twenties. In high school I was 5'4"-5'6" through the 4 years, and 120 lbs to 150 lbs by graduation. 130 was my "happy weight," I believed, but I couldn't maintain it without drugs. I walked a lot, and started doing "Buns of Steel" and sometimes jogging when I was about 15. Then I stopped exercising. After graduation, I quit drugs and drinking excessive hard alcohol, and my grandpa gave me a gym membership. In a year, I dropped from 150 to 135 lbs. When I went away to college, I was 135 and 5'7" and completely satisfied with my weight.
College stress and excessive reading (My GPA was 3.94 and I received a B.A. in Cultural Anthropology) and bored-eating made me 160 lbs at graduation, which is a BMI of 25. I struggled with my weight for the next several months, and got up to my highest weight of 170 lbs. I then got a serious lymphatic infections where my neck's lymph nodes swelled up and I had a terrible fever. I read a holistic heath book and learned that if I did a liver cleanse, it would help. I then only drank juices and smoothies for a day, and did the same plus raw veggies and fruit for 3 more days; in 4 days my infection was gone and my neck went back to normal.
I researched raw foodism and did it for 3 months from November to February; my weight dropped from 170 to 145. I maintained 145-150 for the rest of 2005. In 2006 I was 155-160, and In December 2006 I had had enough of being at the high end of the BMI scale, dammit. I wanted to be THIN and SEXY for myself and for my boyfriend, who had a natural BMI of 20.5 (intimidating to say the least). I counted calories, tracked my progress, and joined the forum. By April 2007 I was down from 158 lbs in December to 137lbs and was the most fit of my life.
Being thin and fit was a shock for me, to be able to wear almost anything and to never have to worry about belly-rolls or cellulite....I received a LOT of attention and I felt more confidant when I made love. But in May started a lot of little injuries that made exercise be put on hold; the lowest number I saw was 136.5 one morning after skipping dinner and being dehydrated; then I rolled my ankle, couldn't run (I race 5Ks and 10Ks), and my appetite didn't change. I shot up to the lower to mid 140s for the rest of the summer, was 144 lbs for my 25th birthday on August 4th, and suffered depression and heat-ache from my failing relationship with my ex boyfriend. My weight dropped then rose. By Halloween I was a muscular 150 lbs and had a high body-image esteem. Over the holidays, I packed on 7 lbs and in January 2008, I went Raw again to speed up my weight loss efforts and control my insulin, digestive hormones, and appetite-successfully.
This morning I weighed in at an astounding 147.0 lbs, although it isn't real. I was distraught yesterday and skipped my workout and dinner, had a few glasses of champagne with a girl friend, and a glass of wine. This morning I'm drinking a Kombucha and haven't had the heart to eat yet but no worries, I WILL eat soon.
My goal weight is 137 lbs. I was hoping to be 146 lbs by Valentine's Day, but now since I don't have my love to share it with, the goal is obsolete. Still, I'm optimistic for the future and thankful that I have so many friends who love me and want to hang out, and stick up for me even when my ex called them in a drunken rage to tell them I'm a whore.
to downtown to meet my friends Chris and Ali.
but that was OK because it was just a thing I did. Not to be done again any time soon, no remorse either. I also shared with Chris his ice cream and chocolate cake. The portion I had was very small, but I felt like it was ok. So yesterday was only 60-40% raw. I expect to have a few days like that.