THAT'S who I think of you as- the strong, confident, courageous person you are even ONLINE.
I am not familiar with the Vegas story you are speaking of, maybe I missed that post, but I agree with your take on Alta.
Alta, you are a special human being. I look at people like you and, wait, look isn't the right word because I have never met you in person so let me rephrase. I get to know people like you, yeah, that makes more sense because I read your thoughts on this forum so I actually get to know you, so let me continue. I get to know people like you and I am filled with HOPE! Too often in our lives we are disappointed with our own efforts to grow into the person we want to be. Even more often we are disappointed with the growth of others. You are the exception. You fight so hard to improve yourself and you take control of your life as best as you can. You constantly try to educate yourself and equip yourself with the tools to live a happy and productive life. Moreover, you even find the energy to help others. Finally, you do it with a positive attitude and you do it with true love for others, yourself and life in general. You are contagious!
I have prayed for you at least a few times in the past and after reading about your current struggles, I will be praying for you some more.
I believe God has great plans for people like you. You will be rewarded for you hard work, devotion and faith. Life is challenging for all of us at times but we just have to keep fighting and you are a shining example.
My life has been similar to yours as of late in that I have been learning a lot about myself and how to better perceive life. I have been attending group therapy sessions for 4 weeks now for my bipolar disease. I had a breakthrough session this morning. It was nothing short of a defining moment in my life that I will never forget. It consisted of more bad news than good news but it was very educational. I finally solved the riddle of my emotional life. I finally realized not only the seriousness of my disease but also the prognosis of my future with or without medication. I finally know what I have to do, what I can expect for the future and more importantly, as you said a couple pages ago, the role perception plays in our lives. The jist of it is, as I found out today, without medication I become hypomanic, which is basically another word for euphoric. It is happening right now. I accidentally have not taken my medication in 4 days and it has kicked me into a state of hypomania. If I could just live my entire life in a state of hypomania I would be a great asset to this world. I say that because in my case I become extremely productive, motivated, loving and caring, creative and articulate. However, I also found out if I choose to live my life without medication, my disease will get worse and I will emotionally deteriorate. There is a 20% chance, yes I said 20, that I will eventually commit suicide.
Needless to say, it was crushing to hear that I can not afford to allow this euphoric state to continue and that I need to get back on my medication right away. It was crushing to know that I will soon be returning back to the middle of the emotional spectrum which basically feels quite boring to me. It was almost defeating to realize I have to live my life without hypomania. After all, hypomania helped me lose 58 pounds last year. Hypomania helped me do a mini triathlon. Hypomania makes me the best I can be.
Then I thought about how much group therapy has already taught me many new coping skills and other techniques to help me live a more balanced and productive life. I thought about the realism of perception. I thought about our abilities as human beings to learn and adapt. And I realized I am still in control. I can learn to make that middle ground funner and happier. I can take care of my body and my mind will reap some of the benefits. I can be more productive and energetic by simply eating healthier and making regular exercise an integral part of my life. I can create happiness by simply continuing to grow. And sitting here reading your diary only confirms it. You are the living, breathing and internet chatting proof that we can not only adapt but also excel! Thank you for giving us hope!
I will pray for you and your boyfriend, whom I am also proud of. I think God has great plans for both of you and there is a good chance your future is with each other.
God Bless you!
Derrick
!!!
...You can change "God" if anyone doesn't happen to believe in God to their form of Superiority or Universal Being...or Buddha.. you get the drift . But here they go!!!
of ours that has a bunch of shit stuck in there...hahahaha....we can find and provide what we actually need!....along with being able to change the flow of negative thought to positive thought instantly.!!! It takes that many affirmations and deep breaths to do that sometimes!
you don't have to fear any longer...I'm coming for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FASTER and SOONER than you think!"...You will make it! I have seen what is waiting for you out here...
!!!...you can save them...because no one but you will...everyone else gave up...
!!! 
~~!! How the hell did that happen?!?!? 
~
