Cory's Quest for a Healthier Life

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Camila: It was definitely hard. I have been so happy the last week or so and it's entirely to do with my decision to pursue it again.

Mr. Vee: Thanks! If you've never done it, you should try it once in your life.

Mystic: That's probably what I'll wind up doing. I actually look forward to buying a green horse and having to train it though. I had been doing some work with a half trained 4 year old and LOVED it, but I love a project, so... And I know what you mean. I can only get to the barn to train once a week. Partially because I can't afford more and partially because I'm far away for most of the week. If this goes well, if a couple months I might try to bump it up to twice a week, but I'll just have to see how this works out first. Gotta be honest, it's nice to have someone be able to relate to me about the issues of being a rider without much money.

Mandy: Morgans are great. They actually help establish the kind of horse I ride, which are saddlebreds. Gorgeous gaited horses. Do you still get to ride much? It's also been a dream of mine to ride on the beach. One day I intend to own a big draft or draft cross and ride down the beach while everyone else stares longingly at my beautiful horse. :p

Loch: It definitely can! I think that depending on what you're doing it can burn 500-700 calories in an hour.
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Okkkk.....this weekend was terrible. Worst food decisions I've made in a long time. I won't go into specifics, but suffice to say that it was pretty appalling and I drank some soda so my counter has to start over. But, I'm refocuses now. Oddly enough, it's the prospect of riding again that is driving me a lot now. An overweight rider doesn't perform as well as they would at a lower weight. It's easier to stay balanced without extra weight, it's easier on the horse (so they look better), and judges will judge you for being fat (even though it shouldn't matter). Today I did well. I had cheerios for breakfast, rice and kimchi for lunch, and grilled teriyaki chicken for dinner. I haven't exercised since Friday, but I'm ok with that. My foot has been sore again so I'm kind of taking a break. I'll see how I feel in a couple days and try to be good with food in the mean time.

Being at the barn was FANTASTIC. I didn't get to ride, but just being there was wonderful. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the smell of sawdust, hay, leather, and murphy's oil. I bought a new helmet. It was an expense I wasn't planning for, but warranted. I pulled out my old helmet and it was in ROUGH shape. I had basically been using it for the entire 7 or 8 years I rode before, so it was time for a new one. It was also nice to catch up with my friend. Funnily enough, all of the kids there already knew who I was even though I hadn't been there in 5 years. Apparently she tells them stories about how the riding group I was in used to pull these dangerous, dumb shit stunts. She introduced me and was like, "This is Cory. She was in that group with me." All these kids just went, "Oohhhhhhhh," and suddenly had way more respect in their eyes than they did before. I won't lie. It stroked my ego a bit. :p
 
-Cory- said:
Being at the barn was FANTASTIC. I didn't get to ride, but just being there was wonderful. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the smell of sawdust, hay, leather, and murphy's oil.
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A horse barn smells great. There is no other animal that even their manure doesn't stink to me. I miss the smell after a long ride and you are both beat and you take off the saddle, tack, and blanket and rub the horse down. I would give them sweet feed when we put them back to pasture. I'm gonna have to see if I can catch Dad's half wild buckskin mule Chester. I doubt it's had more than a halter in at least a year. It's big enough for a short ride which is all I would risk on my back. I'm sure dad would be tickled to see me try. He keeps his mane and hooves trim so I'm sure he handles him regularly, but his back and kee keep him from riding. I'm guessing it's been 15 years since I was in a saddle.

Good luck on your next ride!
 
No, unfortunately I haven't been riding since I was about 17 years old. So that's about 16 years ago. Wow, half my life time ago! Sheesh! I've never stopped thinking about it though. I don't know why I like it so much. I just feel free in a way, plus I have a strong love for horses so being around them is always fun. I also make it a point to watch the horses when I go to fairs and similar places. They're just so beautiful. If I were able to buy one at this second I'd go for a white or grey arabian horse. They are just stunning!

Treating to yourself so a soda isn't necessarily a bad thing. It stinks to have to start your ticker over again, but it seems as though when you do drink it these days it's on a very rare occasion. That's how it is for me now. I no longer crave it which looking back to when I did crave it, I never would've thought that would be possible.
 
Quercus: I agree with you. Horse barn smell is a great smell. If they made it into a scented candle I'd buy it and burn it in my house. :p You should definitely try that mule and tell me how it goes!

Mandy: I know what you mean. It's really hard to describe how wonderful it is. If you're interested in doing it, maybe you should look around your area and see if anyone offers affordable lessons.

Today was pretty good. My good was good, although I didn't go to zumba. I feel my foot swelling up again so I have been taking a break from the gym. My mind is nagging at me to go, but logically I know that in the long run I'm making the right choice to rest it right now.

I actively made a good choice based on horseback riding. My brother went out for milkshakes and asked if I wanted one. I ALMOST said yes, but then thought about my goals and how they relate to riding and it became a lot easier to say no.
 
Hi, Cory, thanx for stopping by my diary. I look forward to see your progress on here! I hope you enjoy the horseback riding again!
 
Great job on passing up on the shake! I have to say that you're really getting my mind going on this horseback riding thing. I would love to start up again and your determination and something I may need to "feed off" to do it. I'm thinking of maybe setting a goal for myself that if I get down to a certain weight, starting to ride again could be my reward. Hmmm.... :D
 
Horse barn smell is a great smell. If they made it into a scented candle I'd buy it and burn it in my house.
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That's fine. But I wouldn't sink down my life savings into a company that specialized in making such candles. Just sayin'. :)
 
Kimmy: Thanks!

Mandy: I think that's a good idea; however, if it's something you really want to do I would just go ahead and do it. I tried to make a hip hop dancing class a reward for myself and couldn't quite meet the goal I had set for it. Then the deadline to sign up for it passed and I didn't get a second chance. If you think that it's something that could help you in the long run, I would just do it. I see horseback riding as another form of exercise and as good motivation since it's better not to be a total lard ass on a horse. :p

Vee: To be fair, I don't like regular scents. I'd buy a bleach one if that existed too. :p
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Ok. So there's about 20 inches of snow on the ground. We don't typically get this much, but we also get enough that no one is really shitting themselves about it. The plant I work for was actually shut down today and classes were cancelled, so I got a snow day! I must admit, it is a little less awesome that I had hoped it would be. Because I'm in an apartment, there's no where to play with the snow and because my car is buried, there's no way to get anywhere to play in the snow. So I'm stuck inside and very tempted to eat out of boredom. I've done pretty well with resisting and have only given in on a glass of chocolate milk. Trying to stay strong.
 
-Cory- said:
I'd buy a bleach one if that existed too. :p

... no one is really shitting themselves about it.
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Bleach candle: That's gross and also don't smell bleach. Bleach (Sodium Hypochlorite) fumes are really bad for your sinuses and lungs and in high concentrations it's neurotoxic. That's a weird smell to like, but I honestly enjoy the smell of skunk, so I can't judge.

Shitting comment:
I spit up my water (back into the cup luckily). I had to dump it as it had a few floaties as I'd just finished lunch. Thanks.
 
Hi Cory, glad to see you had fun even though you didn't ride!

I actually have to admit that I, too, find the smell of a barn appealing. It's mostly straw that I like the smell of, and dirt. It smells like raw, earthy enjoyment. Haha, it's strange.

Too bad on the soda, but you can do it again! The fact that you only slipped up for one day means a hell of a lot.

Don't give into boredom! When I'm bored I have a hot bath and soak for a while, it helps to relax and refocus on your goals.
 
Quercus, don't worry. I'm not sniffing bleach. :p I meant more a faint sell, like when you've just cleaned your sink or the way a pool smells.

Just a quick update. I promise I'll get caught up on everyone's journal's later today. It's been kind of a crazy couple days. My parents' furnace went out right in the middle of that 20 inches of snow we got. I pretty much spent my weekend hauling enough wood to keep them stocked up until they can get someone out to fix it. Thank goodness we have a woodstove. Exciting news: I'm at a new lowest weight of 249 lbs! I'm officially over the 25 lb mark. I haven't been exercising for the last week. Trying to let my foot truly heal instead of waiting until it's barely healed enough that it isn't excruciating to do anything on it.
 
Hauling wood is exercise! Don't forget that even mindless chores help us burn calories.

Congrats on the 25lb mark. I've been stuck in the 270s way too long, I'm sick and tired of it. I wanna see 249 again lol. Never thought I'd hear myself say that.
 
Hey folks. I'm not gone! It's just been super busy the last couple weeks. School has been rough and work has been even worse. I've also been feeling a little like I'm standing still. I've taken the last two weeks off at the gym because my foot has been acting up. It's doing better now though, so I'm back on the horse. I haven't lost any weight in the last couple weeks because I haven't been in the gym and I tend to eat worse when I don't go to the gym.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday. I decided to because I've been having problems with my ankles and feet and suspected that it's because my spine is out of whack from my old back injury. He basically told me in the politest way possible that I'm all fucked up. But he also said that he could help me. He did some adjustments and I have to say that I'm convinced. I went to zumba that night and my feet and lower back weren't sore at all when I was done. I had just assumed that was part of working out. Apparently not, or at least not all the time. I'm going back tomorrow (I'll be going three times a week for a bit and then back off gradually), and I'm excited to see how I feel after a few more visits.

I've also been to a few riding lessons. It's been great and I'm amazed at how quickly it comes back to me. Definitely an uptick in my life in that regard. I have been so unbelievably happy to be back there.

Had a realization over the weekend. It isn't really good or bad....it just kind of....is. This isn't necessarily related to my weight loss directly, but this thread has become a bit of an emotional outlet for me so I figured I'd share my thoughts. I've been friends with this guy for about 10 years now, which is a long time considering I'm really not that old. When I was 17, I realized I had a pretty big crush on him. Funny how that stuff sneaks up on you, huh? Well, I kept it to myself for a long time because he was my brother's best friend, a couple years younger than me, and a very dear friend. After two years, it hadn't gone away and I couldn't stand keeping it to myself anymore. I finally worked up the guts to tell him. He told me he was gay. I cried, we hugged, and oddly enough our friendship didn't dissolve into unbearable awkwardness. If anything, it was stronger. Well, a couple years after that we got into a HUGE fight over something completely unrelated and didn't talk for more than a year. The last two years we've been rebuilding our friendship after the damage our fight did to it and we've been pretty damn successful. We were hanging out over the weekend and I realized that I still have feelings for this kid. I'm flabbergasted, to be honest. I thought I had gotten over this a long time ago.

I mostly mention it because it gives me more motivation to work on myself. I want to meet men that I can date because while I do have feelings for my friend, there is no chance of anything going anywhere with him and I wouldn't be disrespectful enough to suggest otherwise considering he is now is a very happy and healthy relationship. I'm not pessimistic enough to think that fate/god/Allah/Gandhi/whoever would make the person I'm supposed to be with unable to be physically attracted to me. So, I can only surmise that my ultimate life partner is out there somewhere and I just haven't met him yet. Plus it might be nice to just have some fun until I find him.
 
Well as unrequited feelings go at least you know it has nothing to do with you (other than your gender). It's very healthy that you have told him and that the two of you have made ammends after a major rift. You can't help having feelings for someone, but being ready to accept a relationship with someone else is the only option.

It's great that you are ready to do just that. I didn't find my ultimate life partner by looking for one. I asked my wife out on our first date on a Sunday afternoon because I was bored and she was cute. 20 years later and she's my most favorite person on the planet.

It will happen. Probably not in the way you envision it, but it will happen all the same.
 
That's a toughie! Good for you for talking to him. Much better than wondering your whole life or even for a few years if something ever could've happened. And honestly if someone told me they were gay I think it would be alot easier than just hearing they didn't like you. I think being with a man who loved me and thought I was beautiful at my highest weight really empowered me to loose the weight. I gained about 65 pounds when we were dating and later lost over 100 and he never treated me differently at any of my different weights and it had a huge impact on me and my self worth.

There are good guys and men out there! They're just not always easy to find. Don't give up <3
 
:iagree:

Good job staying positive and believing there is still someone out there for you. Keep that going and you will find them. But like Q said, sometimes it happens in the most unexpected ways.

slickzchik: I feel the same. A has seen me at my highest in our relationship, and my lowest back in high school. He still says I'm beautiful (not that I believe that now nor did I back then but that's my self confidence, or lack of, talking).

Do what you need to for yourself, get out there, and hopefully you will start meeting some great guys and having a good time.

I also agree, it is probably easier to be OK with the rejection given he is gay, rather than simply not being into you but still liking women.
 
I once had a crush on one of my friends that I had known for a few years, it wasn't strong enough (as of yet I have never felt anything that I would consider 'love' to anyone) to do anything more than flirting and such, but after many a month flirting with him I finally found out from another friend that he was gay. Haha. Whoops. Had no idea till then, just thought he was a bit effeminate (I think that's the word I'm looking for) and I have had (short) relationships with more 'feminine' men. I never told him I had a crush on him and we've remained friends several years later. Those silly gay boys not loving us girls haha.
Glad the chiro is helping your pain issues so you can work out!
 
I think I might ditch the chiropractor. Or at least this particular one. I spent some time last night looking up his particular brand of chiropractic work and found out that the guy who came up with it has actually had his license revoked in California and Connecticut and is really involved in Scientology. There’s no research or studies on it that say that this method is helpful and most of the sites I find seem to be run by cultish supporters who claim it can fix anything that isn’t cancer or a broken bone. I haven’t found anything about it being harmful either, but I don’t really want to pay for something that has a dubious scientific background and purely anecdotal evidence and the best I can say is, “at least it didn’t make things worse.” More traditional chiropractors do at least have some scientific studies that this branch doesn’t.

Honestly, I’ve felt pretty good the last couple days, but not good enough to override my current skepticism.
 
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