Cory's Quest for a Healthier Life

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It's nice to have you back around, Cory.

The exercise has been such a key part for me since I have a weakness for beers and BBQ ribs. The only way I was going to lose weight was to burn it off. So I think it's extremely helpful to find things you enjoy doing that still get you the workout you need and do so safely. So if mindlessly pumping iron isn't your thing, that's fine. You can get the same sort of benefits by doing other things.

Even just in your own apartment or house or whatever, you can get a good workout by turning the music up and jumping around and dancing like a goof. If it makes you breathe heavy, it's exercise even if you happen to enjoy it too.
 
Mandy: I did wind up doing the yoga and it did feel fantastic. :p

Chef: .....that's a hard question to answer. I'm not from the deep south. More from the Appalachias, so the culture is a bit different from the deep south and the southwest. You're more likely to hear 'soda' where I'm from, but I won't say that I've never heard someone refer to soda in general as 'coke.' I've done it before. Honestly, it kind of depends on the situation and it's really hard to explain when to use which. Like....in a restaurant people usually just say what they want (Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, etc.), but if I were at home and wanted a soda I might think to myself, "I could use a coke." And then I'd go get a ginger ale. :p

Mr. Vee: It's good to be back. I know what you mean about exercise. That's why I'm so excited to start school again. School==fitness classes.

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No exercise today, but it was hard to fit it in. I did a lot of running around doing errands. My food was good. Smoothie for breakfast, leftover fake alfredo for lunch, and chicken in white wine sauce (loaded with veggies) for dinner. I went to the doctor today too. She upped my dose of the meds I'm on for PCOS since I seem to have reacted well to them. It should help me lose weight a bit easier. I'm also six pounds down from the last time I was there, which my doctor was thrilled about. I bet she sees a lot of people in there about their weight who never make any progress. Not that I'm judging. I, of all people, know how hard it is. I was also talking to my mom today about my progress last year. I had mentioned that I was happy with what I had done, even if it wasn't quite as much as I had been hoping for. She basically told me that she was really proud of me and that there are a lot of people who didn't lose 20 lbs last year. My family doesn't emote much, so it was nice to hear.
 
Ok, I did bad with food today. My coworkers wanted to go to the Indian buffet for lunch and I just couldn't say no. I probably ate my entire day's worth of calories there. It's ok though. I'll just eat some kimchi for dinner and let it go. That won't set me back too far. I'd like to work out tonight, but I really need to sort through some stuff in my apartment. If I get done in time before bed, perhaps I'll squeeze something in.

Also, I know this sounds really bitchy, but I think I'm going to have to start bringing my own food with me when I visit my parents over the weekends. I usually go every weekend to help with my grandmother (Alzheimer's). About a year ago my dad was diagnosed with diabetes and so now he has to pick up his prescriptions every Saturday. He basically said, "I'll just do the grocery shopping when I go get my prescriptions." My mom used to do it. ALL HE BUYS IS BOLOGNA, NACHO CHIPS, AND SHITTY PREPACKAGED YOGURT. I get there and there's never any fresh fruit or vegetables. Just 5 packs of frozen bologna, 9 bags of nacho chips, and a massive bag of 2 dozen cups of yogurt. I feel like I can't eat anything. So I think I'll just start taking food with me. It's going to offend him, but last year the hardest part for me was the weekends because I felt like I didn't have any options.
 
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Ugh! How do they just eat that? The only thing I can think of that sounds less appealing than bologna is frozen bologna.

I just had vegetable pakora and naan for dinner. I love Indian food, but I can't keep it under control if it's a buffet. At least it was a yummy cheat meal ande a kimchi "dinner" should get you back on track. i love kimchi too, but i have to be careful as I am allergic to shellfish and some has it.
 
9 bags of nacho chips? whaaat? lol! I would take my own food, Cory. If he gets offended... tell him frozen bologna is also offensive. lol. Don't let his poor choices affect your progress. :)
 
Quercus: It's infuriating. My mom HATES it, but every time she sends him with a list he just comes back with more crap. I think it's going to turn into a fight soon, to be honest. I don't know why he's so stubborn about it. No one else in the house wants to eat that shit.

Jen: That's what I've been doing! I brought my own food this weekend and he didn't even notice. :p
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Ok, I saw in Chef's thread that he outlined some of his fears. I think that might be helpful for me too, so here goes.

I'm not really a girl anyone pays much attention to. I'm afraid that when I'm at a healthier weight, guys will suddenly start paying more attention. I know this would play with my head. It'd be like, "Oh, I wasn't good enough before, but now that I'm x-lbs lighter, suddenly I'm worth it?" And logically I know that humans have evolved to seek out certain physical standards and being obese is not one of them. I know that it really isn't about worthiness or worthlessness on my part. But still.

Part of me is afraid of the prospect of a relationship itself. I'm 24 years old and have never been in any kind of relationship with a guy. Even though I would really like the companionship, the thought of my unbelievably long period of singleness changing causes me a bit of anxiety. It's probably because I'm afraid of suddenly being found good enough to go on a date with to then only have the guy change his mind and decide it was definitely a mistake.

I'm also kind of terrified of losing a bunch of weight and then gaining it all back. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and an overachiever and to feel like such a failure would be devastating to me. I'm afraid of trying and trying and trying and never losing a significant amount of weight. I'd constantly be that fat girl talking about how she was trying to lose weight, but never actually getting anywhere.

Well, now that I'm done sounding like an insecure mess, I'll tell how my weekend went. I didn't do very well with food. My dad wanted to go out both nights. He tries to be supportive, but sometimes he doesn't know how. His idea of losing weight is to starve yourself for a month or two until you've dropped 20 or 30 pounds and then go right back to what you were doing before. I don't think he understands what I'm actually trying to accomplish here.

School starts on Tuesday and I am so ready for it. I'm excited for the class I'm taking (supersonic/transonic aerodynamics) and for the fact that I get my free gym access back. It'll be really good to see the friends I've made at the gym too. While not best friends or anything like that, they're people I see four or five days a week and who offer a lot of support and positivity.
 
That's a good share Cory. I think one drawback of being scientifically minded is that we analyze and predict based on data whether it's an experiment or ourselves. The "N" for the data that is me being fat is high enough to be predictive and thorough in any valid statistical model. The thing is that I am not a single variable controlled (or controllable) experiment. I'm an emotional being and, however much better I relate to the logical consise side of me, I have to come to terms with those emotions. "How" is a whole new set of untested hypotheses.

In short, I'm afraid too and I'm struggling with how I will make it happen and keep it. That's how I know I'm progressing.

I think your biggest hurdles in being in a relationship are your self image and your intellect. From what I've learned from you on this forum, I feel confident in saying that you are a great person and you should feel better about yourself than you do, but that will improve as you make progress and allow yourself to see more of the good in you. As far as your intellect I'm sure you are intimidating to guys and that isn't going to change, but there are people out there sure enough of themselves to appreciate your big brain. If I couldn't nerd out with my wife life would be quite boring. All of it will happen for you in good time. Just keep up the great work!

Sorry for the wall o' text and I hope I did not offend being so personal.
 
Cory- When I initially lost my excess weight I really resented the attention I got from people that had ignored me before. I got used to it though & learned to deal with it. If someone didn't want to know me before ( because I was fat?) I sure as hell don't care one way, or another if they want to befriend me now. By the same token I think I am more open to friendship, offered in good faith, than I used to be & I think that is because I have gained a lot of confidence, because of what I have achieved. I have been really lucky to have the love & support of my lovely husband though, through thick & thin(literally.) Personally I am attracted to intelligence & not at all intimidated & I think you will find someone to share your life with, when you are ready. There is no hurry. Let yourself be open to love & friendship & try not to be fearful of rejection. Thanks for your care & support re our old dog, xo Cate
 
Wow Cory! That part about your fears... Honestly, I swear that could've been me typing all of that. That is EXACTLY what's been going through my mind. I've been single the majority of my life, overweight too. There was a guy growing up that I had a HUGE crush on. He finally asked me out and I shut him down out of fear. I've always wondered how my life would've been different if I had said yes. I've always regretted it, but it happened. I'm trying to lose weight to get healthy. I guess whatever happens along with that in terms of guys, is going to happen and I'll have to deal with it.

As Q said, we can all tell that you're a great person. I think in time we'll both start to view ourselves in a different light. It'll just take some time.

Anyway, I think your idea of bringing your own food is a great idea too. I'd just explain to them that you have your own meal plan that you're trying to stick to to help you reach a healthy weight. Hopefully he'll understand that.
 
Quercus: You're right about logically minded individuals, I think. Fear isn't logical, but it's something you pretty much have to face when going through a significant weight loss like this. It requires a lot of self examination. And the realization that even though it might be easier to stay the same, it's more important to change. And don't worry about being too personal. I wouldn't have posted something so personal and not expect personal responses. :p

Cate: I think that's good advice. I'll try to remember it. I have a lot of good friends and family who love me regardless of what weight I'm at.

Mandy: I'm actually somewhat sure that at this point I would shut someone out because of fear. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who's been there.
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Today was good, as far as food goes. I had my smoothie for breakfast, pasta with broccoli and acorn squash sauce for lunch, and a taco salad for dinner (heavy on the lettuce, light on the meat, cheese, and sour cream). I did also have a doughnut, but I don't feel guilty about it. I'm pretty frustrated right now. My brother is kind of a binge eater, ESPECIALLY when he gets with his girlfriend. They kind of feed off of each other. When she came over she brought doughnuts, then they went to the store and got candy, and then they made cupcakes. That's where I got the doughnut from. I just don't understand why they need to bring all of that shit in. Don't get me wrong. I love cupcakes, doughnuts, and candy; but all on the same day? They'll offer me stuff and I'll say, "No thanks," and then they badger me to take some. I've only caved on the doughnut, but I really wish they wouldn't do that.
 
Today was a mixed bag. I dropped my smoothie in the parking lot this morning, which meant no breakfast. This also meant that I had nothing on my stomach when I took my morning PCOS pill, so my stomach was upset all day. As soon as I ate lunch, it pretty much came out the other end. So I basically had nothing on my stomach all day. I did go to pilates tonight, which was a lot of fun. Just ate dinner. I ate more than I had intended because I was so hungry, but I really doubt that I ate enough to surpass my lack of food earlier in the day. I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow. The girl who teaches this class is GOOD. Very thorough. :p

Also, not to sound like a bitch, but I want the free week at my university to be done. The first week of the semester, all the fitness classes are free for anyone. It's like right after New Year's at the gym. Except twice a year and with a bunch of fucking freshman college kids who have no idea how much college is going to kick them in the balls. Not to sound like a misanthrope, but it just rustles my jimmies. It's not even that I mind people coming to exercise, but they make it worse for all the people who are really dedicated. They show up for that week, using up stuff and breaking equipment, only to leave at the end without buying a pass.
 
Sorry about the dropped smoothie. That would bum me out if I dropped my meal. As for the people that do it for a free week and don't return, I have seen the same thing on the bike path I used to ride on. Lots of folks on shiny new bikes for a week or two weeks and then they are gone. We referred to them as the flavor of the week club. It made the ride unsafe and they did not practice the standard etiquette for the path.

You said rustles my jimmies! LMAO!

Hey, Keep up those Soda Free days and get a grip on that smoothie!
 
Yuk, sounds like a really bad day yesterday! I hope today's been better for you.

I don't go to the gym, but I can see how that can be frustrating. It'll be back to normal soon hopefully. Hang in there! :)
 
G-Dude: They're so irritating! Unfortunately, every group activity has them.

Mandy: After this week it should be better.
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Today was not the best. Because of my excess weight and the shape of my feet, sometimes I get metatarsalgia (an inflamed nerve in the foot). Most of the time it comes out of no where and is very painful. The only way I know to fix it is to stay off my feet as much as possible until it quits hurting. That could be a day from now....or maybe a couple weeks. Either way, I woke up with it hurting this morning and so I had to skip exercise tonight. I was really really looking forward to zumba. :[

I also ate a ridiculous amount of pulled pork BBQ, that I can admit was primarily driven by my pissy mood and physical discomfort. It's one day out of a whole lot of good food days that I've had, but I still feel a bit guilty.
 
Sorry to hear about your foot. Hopefully it feels better real soon! And I wouldn't worry about one bad day. Don't beat yourself up about it. It happens. :)
 
Hey, Cory, I just finished reading all of your thread. Wow, girl, you've been through a lot! I love that you put so much into exercising, and you always seem to get back up when you have a fall. I'm glad you didn't just disappear for a year (like I did). You have the strength to see this thing through.

I'm sorry your foot is causing problems. I've never had an issue, aside from laziness, preventing me from exercising. I wish I had your courage! When you posted about the one girl giving you looks, I felt your pain, because I'm a major introvert so I actually find it VERY hard to be around people especially in those situations. You're so strong!

Don't let a bad day get you down. So long as most days are good, you'll have something to be proud of. We all slip up! I hope I can catch up to you and then we can shoot for 165lb together ;)
 
Bummer about the smoothie, posers, and nerve. I command you to have a fabulous day tomorrow. No mixed bag or sh*t bag, just a bag full of awesome and whoop ass.
 
The foot seems a bit better today. Not all the way, but definitely some. MAYBE it'll be good enough to go to the gym tomorrow. This lack of exercise is killing me. I miss it so much. :[

Food was much better today. I had oatmeal (which I added frozen blueberries to...it turned my oatmeal lavender colored), a glass of orange juice, rice with some kimchi and tuna cakes, and shrimp pad thai for dinner. I might have a hot chocolate later, seeing as there's a wind chill of fucking -4 degrees F (-20 C) outside.

Oh, another thing I was thinking about. The Newcomers section is almost completely ignored these days. I went in there a couple days ago and saw posts from new people that had zero replies from three or four days before that. I think I'll make it a point to check in there once a day and post on people's threads. I'd hate to think that a person who might have otherwise drawn support from this forum might have been turned off because no one replied to their introduction thread.
 
You're so right about the new people thread. All of us should band together and create the "Welcome Committee" :).

I always was amazed by your foods. You make such delicious sounding meals, but also, I find that when it comes to my food vs other people's food, I'm really boring! I can't stand fish, and when I make steak, all I do is toss it in a pan with some seasoning and I'm good to go. I'm just so darn lazy.

Have you thought of getting yourself a set of dumbbells for home? You could do some work on your arms while your foot is healing :).
 
Loch, I enjoy cooking quite a bit. I don't always have enough time for it, especially when I'm in school. But you'd be surprised at how much stuff is both delicious and quick. I also do a lot of pre-prep. I basically plan out entirely what I'm going to eat for the week during the weekend and do some prep stuff so that when they day comes for that food, it's pretty quick and easy to do. I also think it's fun to find good substitutes for really rich, high fat foods (baking being the exception in which I almost always double the butter :p).

I would, except I don't know that this will last long enough to make the expenditure worth it. I'll probably be good to go by Monday and would then have dumb bells sitting in my tiny apartment for no reason. If it looks like it'll go longer than that though, I'll probably look into it.
 
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