Cord's Quest

Ah, the pizza was just a throwaway line. I don't actually want a pizza, or a slurpee. I'm not having food issues, except for not staying within budget.

I'm not craving anything bad at all, and you know I don't deny myself. When I want some fries I have some fries, and then balance out the rest of my day accordingly.

It's a mental thing right now. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm feeling like it is not worth the struggle. I just want to lie down and make it all go away.
 
Well Cord I for sure am not an expert but I do know this for sure you have about 3 options #1 chuck it all out the window and let your self go like I did until your in your 50's and weigh in at 400+.

#2 You can take a break and eat at matainence for a couple of weeks do a little excersis.

#3 You can get up off your butt go to the gym up the intensity to see some improvement and get back on the wagon with your eating.
 
awwww Cord!!!...Come on man!!! Real yourself out of this negative spiral. :grouphug:!

You are such a smart individual, and if you take a read back a couple pages to your journal here...You will see that you are your happiest and feeling accomplished when you "do the daily tasks" that you have set up for yourself....It is in the journey my friend...the daily acknowledgement that "today" you have done something in a positive direction. When you don't get the chance to do them, is when you beat yourself up. If we start recognizing the patterns, we can begin to change them and their trigger of emotions.

Look at how FAR YOU HAVE COME....you have high expectations of yourself, and I admire that. :patriot: You want more, and feel and realize that you are capable of attaining the things you desire. You saw it with your running, with your workouts at the gym, and with your eating habits as well. I mean, look at your eating...It's healthy! Eat the SALTINES dammit!...You aren't going to repress Success if you allow yourself the things you want in moderation. :D!...In fact, not depriving yourself of some small things, will add to your motivation and joy and happiness. :)!

Cord,...buddy, You have do have control over yourself. Remember that. Allow yourself to trust yourself more, and not be so hard on yourself. I love that you do indulge when you need, and moderate yourself as well.

...Frustration just comes from not being able to do the daily tasks we had set for ourselves. Live in the "moment". Sometimes, in readjusting our daily goals a bit to be more attainable and easier to do, is all you need to rid yourself of the "depression of not attaining or taking forward steps". You are ambitious Cord,...that's all. No need to beat yourself up. Just make it easier for yourself to attain something daily without putting the "stress on yourself" of having to chop out huge markers of time in which to do it in.

Example) Even though you consider workouts to be only at the gym, or running,...or whatever it may be, when you see that you have a small amount of time for the day...tell yourself, that you CAN Congratulate yourself, and take a walk with your daughter and realize that "each step counts" and that though some days, you allow yourself to bask in the joy of being able to take a lot of steps to your goals,....with vigourous workouts, and consistency, but all the while, realizing....."A step is a step in the right direction, no matter what the results are"!...and that taking a "walk" is just as great as an amazing workout, because it is a step after all. Isn't it?!

...That's where happiness is!! :)!!!....Snap out of it Cord!!!You have officially been "Hypnotherapist Pimp Slapped!" :smilielol5: :reddevil:!!"......

....little daily attainable goals + 3 deep Huge breaths when frustration kicks in= Happiness & Mental Clarity!]...now, Count yourself out of Hypnosis, & Block the negatives 1,2, 3,4, 5..WIDE AWAKE CORD, WIDE AWAKE!!! You have control!...You deserve success! You are attaining success as we speak! And you are aware that emotions are passing...and you can and will live in the moment, because you are an Amazing individual who can and will make the best of his life! Period.

I love you Buddy!!!...And I'm almost POSITIVE that your blues will be feeling better once you get back from the gym by the time you read this. Glad for it! :D!
 
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Cord!

Hang in there, fella! I know how hard it is and I know how frustrating and demoralizing that kind of depression can be. I also know that sometimes just powering through it is the only thing you can do.

Go! Go to the gym. You'll feel better when you're done, even if you dread it going. And at least you'll feel like you DID something.

And really seriously - hang in there. You're an inspiration to a lot of people. Don't forget that.
 
Okay, I'm back from the gym.

Warmup - stretching, ankle exercises.

Squats: 40lbs 1x5, 130lbs 1x5, 180lbs 1x4 (an off day, clearly - last time I did a straight 5x5 at 180 no prob. Today I almost lost it at at the 3rd rep, and again at the 4th), 170lbs 4x5

Bench Press: 40lbs 1x5, 110lbs 1x5, 130lbs 5x5

DB Shoulder Press: 40lbs (L+R) 3x5, 35lbs 1x5, 30lbs 1x5

Inverted Rows: 10/7/5/5/4 - I think that's my PB.

Woodchoppers 40lb DB 5x5, L+R

Deadlift: 130lbs 1x5, 200lbs 1x3 - this is where my right hand failed me. With the paralysis it just can't grip and hold that kind of weight up. I'm not sure what to do about that yet.

Bent-over Rows: 55lb DB 5x5, L+R

Pullovers: 70lbs 5x5

Cooldown - more stretching and ankle work.

Yes, I feel a lot better. Obviously the problem was just that I had skipped a workout day and that put me in a negative spin.

It does bother me that I couldn't lift what I was lifting just three days ago. No doubt there are a whole host of little factors that affect that sort of thing.

But overall - I clearly just need to make sure I work out regularly in order to feel good about myself.
 
Alta,

You're an Angel.
There's nothing I can say to embellish that that will make it more meaningful.

You're an Angel.

Thank you.

And, you're absolutely right. About everything.

I expect a lot from myself. I beat myself up when I don't live up to those expectations.
Yesterday I had planned to get a workout in in the basement, on the bag or the nordictrack or even my 25lb DBs. But I didn't. I sat on my butt and this morning my brain punished me for it.
I am ambitious. I have lofty health goals, and I want to meet them. As a result I am relatively hard on myself when I am not progressing at the rate I think I should be.
I wouldn't treat anyone else like that, would I? Of course not. But I have to hold myself up to an insanely high standard for some reason.

Every day is a new day. Every step forward is a... well, a step forward. Every step back is an opportunity to dig in and take another step forward.

And yeah, I feel great now.

Love you, Alta. Don't ever change, unless it is to become still more awesome.


You run, and I'll catch up.
 
KaraCooks said:
Cord!

Hang in there, fella! I know how hard it is and I know how frustrating and demoralizing that kind of depression can be. I also know that sometimes just powering through it is the only thing you can do.

Go! Go to the gym. You'll feel better when you're done, even if you dread it going. And at least you'll feel like you DID something.

And really seriously - hang in there. You're an inspiration to a lot of people. Don't forget that.
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Hanging in an powering through now, yes ma'am. :)

I did go, it went well, I feel better.

Must have just been guilt over not getting any exercise yesterday.


Inspiration? I don't know. Maybe a cautionary example...

Thanks, hon.
 
good effort at the gym, I am glad your feeling a bit better :)

having high expectation of yourself can be good but try not to let those expectations rule your life or ruin it if you fall a little short some days.
 
Cord the Seeker said:
Alta,

You're an Angel.
There's nothing I can say to embellish that that will make it more meaningful.

You're an Angel.

Thank you.

And, you're absolutely right. About everything.

I expect a lot from myself. I beat myself up when I don't live up to those expectations.
Yesterday I had planned to get a workout in in the basement, on the bag or the nordictrack or even my 25lb DBs. But I didn't. I sat on my butt and this morning my brain punished me for it.
I am ambitious. I have lofty health goals, and I want to meet them. As a result I am relatively hard on myself when I am not progressing at the rate I think I should be.
I wouldn't treat anyone else like that, would I? Of course not. But I have to hold myself up to an insanely high standard for some reason.

Every day is a new day. Every step forward is a... well, a step forward. Every step back is an opportunity to dig in and take another step forward.

And yeah, I feel great now.

Love you, Alta. Don't ever change, unless it is to become still more awesome.


You run, and I'll catch up.
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Thank you Cord!...And wow..:).What an amazing revelation you have just made over yourself. :iagree: You do realize that you are capable and that you do have it in you. When you say "you sat on your butt"...often times, procrastination towards our goals, I notice comes from setting them too high. When I tell myself 20 minutes of exercise a day....I feel motivated. Anyone can do 20 mins....When I tell myself...Super Long Run...and hardcore strength workouts after....LAZINESS SETS IN!

...it really is all about adjusting our goals to be attainable. Our subconscious recognizes when we set our goals out of standard, and the minute it feels the overwhelment of non comprehension because it hasn't done it in the past,...or at least not consistently...like we "congnitively" want...then ...BAM...rejection by the subconscious. Mediocre results, and medicore attempts. ...and like you say...we beat ourselves up.

You are so wise. :iagree: You realize these things and that's why so many of us look up to you. ;)Though you may feel that you have a reason to quit momentarily, ...you don't quit. You know this too "shall pass"! ...and that's admirable! :D!

I am excited for you!!! You are evolving into such more of an amazing being and I am grateful to see you evolve!!!!....You do deserve success Cord...as we all do!! :grouphug:...Thanks for always returing the great shoulder & for the wonderful compliments in my dairy as well!! :)!!!...feels good when you have love around you! ;)!!!
 
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You bet your butt your an inspiration, I know you are for me.

Great work out.

As for not being able to lift what you did 3 days ago, we did bench press today and I coul not get 190 up today at all did it 3 times Friday.
 
tony1959 said:
You bet your butt your an inspiration, I know you are for me.

Great work out.

As for not being able to lift what you did 3 days ago, we did bench press today and I coul not get 190 up today at all did it 3 times Friday.
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Bet my butt? That's a pretty huge bet. Who's gonna cover it?

Seriously, thanks - I really appreciate your friendship here.

Yeah, I have to remember that we are not machines. Sometimes we just aren't feeling it, or we're tired, or haven't had enough of the right food, or whatever. Or gee, maybe we're in a negative mood. :)

On the basis of my squat performance, I decided to just do the bench at straight 130 5x5, and it was totally do-able. I probably could have handled more at least at the beginning. And the shoulder press went a little better than before, as did the inverted rows.
So really, all I did was have a bad start to my squats. Everything else went fine.
 
Good news!

I got out of work on Sunday, so I get to take that swim training class!

I hope to get some good benefit out of it, and hope they don't just say "What's a huge behemoth like you doing here? We're professional coaches. Go away." - which I admit I am a little afraid will happen.

Hopefully they will understand my genuine desire to improve my technique (or develop some techique, 'coz I gots none, unless you count my patented Spastic water Buffalo technique), and help me out.
 
Cord the Seeker said:
Good news!

I got out of work on Sunday, so I get to take that swim training class!

I hope to get some good benefit out of it, and hope they don't just say "What's a huge behemoth like you doing here? We're professional coaches. Go away." - which I admit I am a little afraid will happen.

Hopefully they will understand my genuine desire to improve my technique (or develop some techique, 'coz I gots none, unless you count my patented Spastic water Buffalo technique), and help me out.
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You will do awesome Cord, you are doing it for all the right reasons...i am so proud of you. Btw, ive always been rather fascinated by the Spastic water Buffalo technique, its invigorating.. lol ;)
Ill be thinking of ya ~ Michelle
 
Sometimes it helps to give yourself a little slack.

Went swimming today, and due to crowding (they took all but one lane away, and filled the rest of the pool with school kids, so there were three of us in one lane, all swimming at different speeds) I decided that I would do 1000 metres and call it a day. Just because I like to get 1500 metres in doesn't mean that 1000 metres is nothing (see, Alta, I'm learning!).

So I get my 1000 in, and decide, ah, what the heck, I'll go another hundred. I get to 1100 and say "let's make it 1250. It's not 1500 but it's a good workout". By the time I finish 1250 I decide to hell with it and just finish the full 1500.

If I had decided that I had to do 1500 right from the outset, I probably wouldn't have finished. But by allowing myself to do less, I actually went the full distance.

Checked my body fat at the pharmacy today, and the machine said I was down to 29%. Down is good.

And now I am eating a delicious (doubtless fat-laden) chicken pie. So, so delicious.
Nom nom nom.

Edit: also am back to my pre-Thanksgiving weight this morning. Now on to getting below that.
 
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Awesome job, Cord.

I do the same thign to myself with running or getting on the elliptical, to be honest. I'll say "I'm gonna to 20 mins" and then when I get to 18 or 19, I say "oh I can do 2 more" and then "just 2 more" and the next thing you know I've done a full 30 mins.

I've been pushing myself that way with running ... just another 1/4 mile. I can hold on for another 1/4 mile.

It's less overwhelming to run 4 1/4 mile stretches than 1 full mile. :)
 
Very nice cord.

Chicken pie that sounds so good.

My Mom makes one with bread on top, have not had that in years.

Congrats on the weight.
 
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