Cord's Quest

Giving it another shot.

Hi.

I'm back.

You may or may not have noticed, but I was gone for several days.

It wasn't just the ankle. Even without that, my resolve had been flagging for quite some time now.
My weight had plateau-ed, my diet had slowly slid backwards (funny how those things go together, hey?), I had lost much of my enthusiasm for exercise. It was all going not so well.

I was pretty much ashamed to show my face around here. Since wrecking my ankle, I have been doing very little and eating verrrrry badly. In the last week, I have eaten chocolate bars, chocolate cake, ice cream, fast-food burgers, and just eaten immoderately in general. Combine that with little or no exercise and you can guess what happened. I put a bunch of weight back on. I feel like crap.
It's all somewhat depressing. It feels like I threw away all the hard work I have been doing. My 90-day goal comes due next week and I'm not even close to it. Frustrating because I accomplished my first 90-day goal handily. My current goal was to reach 250 by next week, and boy, is it not going to happen. I'm sitting at 260 right now. This means I have lost sweet ****-all over the last two months.

Fitness - there are some areas where I have improved, and some where I have not. My weightlifting is completely stalled out. I don't think I am lifting more than I was two months ago. I'll have to look back in my journal and check that.
The pool opened again this week, and I have only been once. Between my ankle (which didn't want to move the way it usually does) and a month off of swimming, it was like I had forgotten how. When doing kicks, I actually stalled out and stopped moving about 2/3 of the way along. It took me an hour to do a 1000m set, which normally takes 40 minutes. It was pathetic. I was so dismayed that I haven't been back. I should go today.

I also haven't been to the gym in over a week. It's not good.

This morning I told my wife I wanted to give up.
She, of course, slapped me upside the head and told me to stop being an idiot (metaphorically - she is actually a very sweet and gentle person and would never actually do or say that).

So, I'm starting again. It really does feel like I'm starting from square one all over again.
I think going back to a food log is going to be a good place to start.


Thank you to everyone for the good wishes and support. It feels great to know I'm not alone.

Sorry for being all pathetic and whiny, but it is an important first step before carrying on. :)
 
Glad your back and I really missed your updates, yes I am new to this site but not new to the weight challenge I don't think you will find anyone on here that has not had a set back or hell even 3 or 4 I know I have.

It may have taken you an hour to do the 1000m but you did it and its not been but a few days since you did 10K.

Time to get back on the horse!
 
Cord, I have been here before, big time! I took a shame break over last winter and ended up putting back on a bunch of weight (20 lbs?) from February to May. It sucked. I felt like I just couldn't stop myself...

We all do it. You are rcognizing that you are in some kind of negative feedback lop right now, the trick is figuring out how to get out of it.

RE the strength plateau. See if this sounds like you; When I started hitting the gym, even in a caloric deficit, I was gaining strength in bursts. If I went a week without picking up 5 lbs on a curl, or 10lbs on a press I felt like I wasn't pushing enough. Then it started to take longer maybe a few weeks, then a month... I have not had an appreciable strength gain in some time now. Couple little ones, but nothing really solid.

Near as I'm seeing it, being in a caloric deficit for weight loss purposes, has put a damper on my strength training. Initially I saw gains because I was out of shape. I was so far away from what my basic genetic potential was, that even in a deficit, I gained lean mass. My body was simply finding an equilibrium. I have now reached a spot where to see an appreciable gain, I will need to feed it the right diet at a high enough level of calories that the muscle wil be able to fuel itself to build. This is unfortunately counter to my current goal of losing weight.

As a result, my philosophy has changed. Right now strength gains are not a concern for me. I'm happy with where I am for now, the focus in my work outs is simply to maintain that lean mass while dropping the body weight as fat only, or at least minimizing muscle loss.

Whe I hit goal, I'll revisit my long range and see if contolled gain in lean mass is something I want to do.

Make sense? There are some discussions of this topic in another forum that I happen to know you belong to also...

And finally....

Get back in here Bro, we all F--- up. Fess up, move on and we won't be dissapointed in you.
 
Cord - babe. You're human and you screwed up. You know what - we've all done it. I did it. I maintained my weight loss for a year - and then realized it was slowly creeping back up. When I stopped losing weight, I had dipped (oh so briefly) down to 159. The lowest I've been in 20 years. Then I freaked out, personal sh*t got in the way, I decided to "maintain" for a while, so I could get my life together, and the next thing you know I'm in the 170s.

Feeling like you've wasted time and effort? Hoo boy! I'm right there with you. 15 lbs that I struggled and sweated and worked my ass off (in a literal sense) to lose that I just let creep back on.

I so know how you feel. I know how hard it is getting back into the swing of it. But you can do it. I know you can. You've proven that you know how and you've proven you have what it takes. We both have. :)

So get back on the horse and keep going. I'm right there with ya!
 
tony1959 said:
Glad your back and I really missed your updates, yes I am new to this site but not new to the weight challenge I don't think you will find anyone on here that has not had a set back or hell even 3 or 4 I know I have.

It may have taken you an hour to do the 1000m but you did it and its not been but a few days since you did 10K.

Time to get back on the horse!
Click to expand...

Thanks - it is good to be missed.

Climbed back on the horse today. I wanted to swim but it was a pro-d day and they close the lanes on those. Hit the weights instead.

reluctantcabbie said:
Cord, I have been here before, big time! I took a shame break over last winter and ended up putting back on a bunch of weight (20 lbs?) from February to May. It sucked. I felt like I just couldn't stop myself...

We all do it. You are rcognizing that you are in some kind of negative feedback lop right now, the trick is figuring out how to get out of it.

RE the strength plateau. See if this sounds like you; When I started hitting the gym, even in a caloric deficit, I was gaining strength in bursts. If I went a week without picking up 5 lbs on a curl, or 10lbs on a press I felt like I wasn't pushing enough. Then it started to take longer maybe a few weeks, then a month... I have not had an appreciable strength gain in some time now. Couple little ones, but nothing really solid.

Near as I'm seeing it, being in a caloric deficit for weight loss purposes, has put a damper on my strength training. Initially I saw gains because I was out of shape. I was so far away from what my basic genetic potential was, that even in a deficit, I gained lean mass. My body was simply finding an equilibrium. I have now reached a spot where to see an appreciable gain, I will need to feed it the right diet at a high enough level of calories that the muscle wil be able to fuel itself to build. This is unfortunately counter to my current goal of losing weight.

As a result, my philosophy has changed. Right now strength gains are not a concern for me. I'm happy with where I am for now, the focus in my work outs is simply to maintain that lean mass while dropping the body weight as fat only, or at least minimizing muscle loss.

Whe I hit goal, I'll revisit my long range and see if contolled gain in lean mass is something I want to do.

Make sense? There are some discussions of this topic in another forum that I happen to know you belong to also...

And finally....

Get back in here Bro, we all F--- up. Fess up, move on and we won't be dissapointed in you.
Click to expand...

Well, I did fess up. I figure that's an important part of the process.
Yeah, the negative feedback loop is a killer. You feel crappy, so you eat crap and lay about, which makes you feel worse, which makes you eat more crap, etc. And the thing that really would make you feel better - working out - is the one thing you don't have the energy or will to do.

As far as the lifting plateau goes, I could accept that the strength gain/calorie deficit is a factor, but my overall strength level is so low - how could I have topped out already?
Heck, some stuff has even gone down.

KaraCooks said:
Cord - babe. You're human and you screwed up. You know what - we've all done it. I did it. I maintained my weight loss for a year - and then realized it was slowly creeping back up. When I stopped losing weight, I had dipped (oh so briefly) down to 159. The lowest I've been in 20 years. Then I freaked out, personal sh*t got in the way, I decided to "maintain" for a while, so I could get my life together, and the next thing you know I'm in the 170s.

Feeling like you've wasted time and effort? Hoo boy! I'm right there with you. 15 lbs that I struggled and sweated and worked my ass off (in a literal sense) to lose that I just let creep back on.

I so know how you feel. I know how hard it is getting back into the swing of it. But you can do it. I know you can. You've proven that you know how and you've proven you have what it takes. We both have. :)

So get back on the horse and keep going. I'm right there with ya!
Click to expand...

But I don't want to be human. I want to be an inexorable fat-loss machine. :)

It was all going pretty well, and although I have had little setbacks already in this quest, for some reason this one hit me harder. I think it was the fact that I am not going to make my interim goal that set me off. That and not being able to exercise they way I want to because of my goddamn ankle.

In all honesty, I have to admit that the whole process is going well. It has been almost six months since I started, and even if I am 5 pounds up right now, that's still an average of 2 pounds per week, which is nothing to whine about. I know that.
I just have been feeling things slowing of late, and the ankle thing just made it worse. And as soon as I take a downturn, the whole "We have always been at war with EastAsia" thing kicks in and I am down in the dumps.

Well, this morning I said screw it, I'm just going to pick up and carry on. I hit the gym today, I stayed within my caloric budget (although maybe I didn't make the best choices always), and I'm through whining about life.

Every day is a new day.
 
September 25

I think I need to get back to basics, go back to my old daily format to straighten myself out. This will include logging my food again.

Breakfast - steelcut oats with hemp seeds and agave nectar, 1 cup milk

Lunch - 1 slice ww bread w/peanut butter, 1 apple, 1 oz almonds and cashews

Supper - 1/2 a homemade medium pizza (tomato sauce, onion, buffalo sausage, cheddar cheese), 1 cup milk

Total kcal: 2243 - just about right.

Exercise: went to swim today, but it was a pro-d day and the lanes were closed and the pull was jammed with children. So I hit the gym instead.

Warmup: stretching and 5 min elliptical
Attempt chin-up: halfway
Attempt pull-up: not even close
Squats: 40lbs 1x5 - decided that my ankle didn't like this, so stopped.
Leg press: 220 lbs 5x10 - not a lot of weight but I was taking it easy on the ankle
Leg extension: 90lbs 1x5, 100lbs 1x5, 110lbs 1x5, 120lbs 2x5 - first time using it so I was experimenting with the weight.
DB bench press: 50lbs (each) 5x5
Pullovers: 50lbs 5x5
DB shoulder press: 35lbs 3x5, 1x4, 30lbs 1x4
Upright row: 120lbs 5x5
Tricep pressdown: 120lbs 5x5
Lat pulldown: 110lbs 2x5, 100lbs 2x5, 90lbs 1x5
Inverted Rows: 7/3/3/3/2
Pec-dec: 100lbs 5x5
Reverse pec-dec: 100lbs 5x5
Wrist roll-ups: 10lbs 1x5
Good mornings: 40lbs 5x5
Cool down: 5 min elliptical and stretching


I figure this is day one of my re-commitment.
 
Last edited:
You are no longer in a batting slump. I between the food quality seen here and the workout, that would be considered a grand slam.
 
26 September

Okay, so I ate somewhat suboptimally at first, but I recovered and feel at peace with it.

What happened was, just as I was winding down and preparing for bed, the phone rings at 11:45 PM and one of my co-workers was asking why I wasn't at work yet. I was scheduled for an overtime midnight shift, but hadn't updated my home copy of the schedule. Oops.

Now, back in my pre-quest days, I got through midnights by fuelling up on the four classic food groups - sugar, salt, fat and starch. This usually meant a bag of chips (and not one of those little single-serving bags, no, I'm talking about 250g here), some kind of chocolate, and cola.

Well, I don't eat like that anymore, and the new me finds that the thing I really need now to stay alert on midnights is protein. But I had no time to prepare, and had not had a pre-work nap or anything. Times were desperate.

I'm not proud of this, but what I did was stop at 7-11 on the way to work and grab a bunch of their fried chicken. It kept me going, but at over 1000 kcal it was almost half my budget for the following day.

Once I got up again this afternoon, I had to eat fairly lightly to compensate for the previous night. It went okay.

Midnight shift: fried chicken, dry cereal

Breakfast: herb & cheese foccacia bread with tomato sauce

Snacks: 2oz nuts (mostly cashews and almonds), 4 graham wafers, 2 cups milk, 1 cup cocoa

Supper: big plate of raw vegetables

Total: 2490 kcal (almost 250 over budget - could have been much worse)

Exercise: I'm not going to count wandering around the neighbourhood looking for the cat.
I am going to count swimming this evening. I did my old standard 1000m set, and this time it went better. Finished it in 40 minutes, which is about average for me. It was still harder than it used to be, but I'm not pretty sure that a month off has just made me a little rusty.

I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes.
 
Hey Cord!

Good to hear that you're getting things back in line. Don't beat yourself up, man! You've proven that you can lose weight and your having a few days where you might not have stuck to the regimen doesn't lessen your accomplishments one bit. :)
 
27 September

Food was going well until the very end, where I slightly overindulged. Not going to sweat it, will just try not to do it in future.

Breakfast - 2.5 whole wheat waffles w/maple syrup, scrambled eggs (1 whole egg and two egg whites), 1/2 cup milk

Lunch - 1/2 cup plain pasta, 1oz nuts, 1 banana, 1 cup milk

Snacks - 1oz nuts, 1 cup dry cereal

Supper - 1.5 cups mixed vegetables, 1 cup white rice, 4oz boneless skinless chicken thigh, teriyaki and soy sauce.

late night snack - popcorn and butter

Total kcal: 2377

Exercise: to the gym!
warmup: stretching and 5 min stationary bike
attempt chinup - 1/2
attempt pullup - 1/4 (these were both sad and pathetic)
leg press: 310lbs 5x10
bench press: 40lbs 1x5, 90lbs 1x5, 130lbs 3x5, 120lbs 2x5
DB shoulder press: 35lbs (each) 4x5, 30lbs 1x5
leg extension: 120lbs 5x5
lat pulldown: 110lbs 5x5
tricep pressdown: 120lbs 5x5
upright row: 120lbs 5x5
wrist rollups: 10lbs 1x5
inverted rows: 6/4/4/4/2 (awful)
pullovers: 55lbs 5x5
pec-dec 100lbs 5x5
reverse pec-dec 100lbs 5x5
cooldown: 5 min rowing machine

It's been fun using some of the machines again, but I really need to get back to more free weights. Just needed a change of pace, I guess. That and the fact that my sprained ankle won't let me do squats is really throwing me off.
 
sprained ankles and squats don't mix well, I gotta agree. Looks like you put paid to your little trip off the wagon though. Looking very good there.
 
28 September

Good day for food, sadly counterbalanced by the fact that I got almost no exercise at all.

Breakfast: 3 egg whites, 2 slices whole wheat toast with almond butter, 3/4 cup milk

Lunch: 1 cup white rice, 4oz boneless skinless chicken thigh, 1 banana

Snacks: 1 apple, 1 oz nuts

Supper: 1 cup white rice, 4 oz b/l s/l chicken thigh, big salad with some light Italian dressing

Late snack: 1 cup dry cereal, 3/4 cup milk

Total kcal: 2020 (and 23% from protein) - that's a great day.

Exercise: almost none. 20 minute walk with my wife during the day. Did some pushups during my evening shift. 5 sets 1 minute apart: 21/25/21/21/12, then 5 minutes later did another set of 25. Had plans to do more just just didn't get my lazy ass around to it.

Going to get more done today, for sure.
I mean it.
Really.
 
Goddammit, why can't I stay within my ****ing budget?

What the hell is wrong with me, anyway?

The most annoying part is, I only went a little over - but I was well under until I came home, then ate enough to put me over. Knowing full well that I was breaking my limit.

Feh.

Total kcal 2380-something

Exercise: 1500m in the pool. That felt pretty good. The swimming is pretty close to back where it was. It is still harder than it was a month ago, but getting better.
 
If you find out what the hell is going on let me know because I did the same thing today!!!!!!

Well done on the swim
 
Sigh - ignore yesterday's tantrum.

I was just annoyed with myself for breaking discipline, when I was being all pleased with being inside my budget.

It's the darn freshly-baked bread. It has now become the one thing I cannot resist.

Which, I suppose, is a darn sight healthier than not being able to resist a bag of chips and a bottle of cola. :)

Really, I just went over my budget a little, and it was with food that wasn't bad for me.

And, I decided to step onto the scale this morning, and came in at 253, which kind of astounded me. I guess the last few days of reasonably good discipline are paying off, and I am shedding the weight I put on the week before.

Full details of yesterday to come later.
 
Yay Cord! :)

Don't worry about the tantrum - you're entitled. I know how angry I get with myself when I blow it. Even though I know that it's ok in the long run and that I'm not a failure, I get frustrated now and then.

Hang in there. :)
 
Thanks, Kara.

Although, I looked at my FitDay entry, and noticed that I had forgotten to add two pieces of fruit that I had eaten, so that brings yesterday's total to 2500, 250 over budget.

Sigh.
 
Catching up - full details of yesterday and today as well.

29 September

This is the day I was bitching about above, where I indulged in some late-night bready goodness and kicked myself over my calorie limit.

Breakfast - steelcut oats with hemp seeds and agave nectar, 1/2 cup milk

Lunch - 8oz ground buffalo, potato wedges, 1 slice ww toast with almond butter, 1/2 cup milk

Supper and snacks - 1 banana, orange and nectarine, salad with a little low-cal Italian dressing, 1 cup dry cereal

Late night snack - 1 slice ww bread with almond butter, 1/2 cup milk

Total kcal: 2506

Exercise: to the pool! Decided to go for my full 1500m set, and did it in an hour, which is my usual time. So I guess the swimming is back okay - although it did feel harder than it used to. I'm sure that will pass soon.

I don't think anything else of great significance happened yesterday, so I'll leave it there.

30 September

Very annoyed with this morning. Last night it rained, and then dropped below freezing. Went to take my daughter to school and discovered my car was covered in ice. Like an idiot I gave the side door a hard pull, which succeeded only in my ripping the handle right off the door. So my car is mangled (and there is no way I'll get a replacement for it in this part of the country), and I had to take my daughter to school with my wife's car, which made my daughter late for school and my wife late for Tai Ch'i.
Grr. Feh. Argh.

Today was also a funny sort of food day, and I had a major indulgence that actually worked out okay, since I budgeted the rest of my day around it.

Breakfast - 6.5 oz fat-free ham, 1 slice ww toast with almond butter, 1/2 cup milk

Lunch - Subway 12 inch meatball sub (yeah, I know)

Supper and snacks - 1 banana, orange and nectarine, 1 cup dry cereal, 1oz nuts, 2 tbs sharp cheddar cheese, 4 egg whites (I know, it all sounds really weird)

Total kcal: 2333 (80 over but that's not worth stressing out about)

The worst thing is that betwen the ham and the meatball sub, I probably ate my own weight in salt today.


Exercise: back to the gym!

warmup: stretching and 5 min elliptical
bench press - 40lb 1x5, 90lb 1x5, 130lb 5x5
DB shoulder press - 35lb (ea) 5x5
inverted rows - 11/6/5/4/4
deadlift - 110lb 1x5, 160lb 4x5, 110lb 1x5
(after this point I'm not sure of the order I did them in)
leg press - 310lb 5x10
pullovers - 60lb 5x5
leg extension - 120lb 5x5
wrist rollers - 10lb 1x5
bent-over row - 50lb (ea) 2x5, 60lb (ea) 3x5
DB shrugs - 60lb (ea) 5x5
DB lateral raises 25lb (ea) 1x5, 20lb (ea) 4x5
cooldown: stretch and 5 min elliptical

So, that's that. I'm really really not going to eat anything else tonight. I will go home, wash some dishes, and go to bed.

I did notice something interesting today: the "thin pants" I pulled out of storage a few weeks back are now a bit too big. That was neat, but it means I'm going to have to buy new clothes sooner than planned. I thought that the stuff I unpacked would hold me for quite a while, but maybe not.
 
01 October

Yes, the day isn't over yet, but I have to short-change from evenings to mornings so I won't have time tonight or tomorrow morning to post this.

Also, I have already accounted for the remaining snacks I have for this evening, so I can put it all here now.

It is Girl Guide cookie season again, and my daughter is in Sparks (Ladybirds for you UK types). So, there are two cases of chocolate mint cookies in my house right now. I really like the chocolate mint ones. This is going to be tough. Not to mention that I already had a different indulgence today.

Breakfast: 4.5oz fat-free ham, 1/2 slice ww bread with almond butter, 1/4 cup milk

Lunch: 1 banana, 1.5 cups Heritage O's cereal, 1.5 cups milk

Indulgences: McDonald's vanilla cone, 2 girl guide cookies

Supper and snacks: 1 cup ww pasta, 1 cup tomato sauce with ground beef and vegetables, 1 nectarine, 1 apple, 1oz almonds, 3oz fat-free ham

Total kcal: 1976 - score! Now, as long as I don't eat anything else tonight...

Hopefully not a problem as I have not felt particularly hungry tonight.

Exercise: went to the pool, did my base 1000m set, and felt tired and wanted to go home. Pushed out another 250m, felt more tired and really wanted to go home. Made myself to another 250m, felt virtuous and then went home.
I wish I could always do that when I am feeling too wiped to work out.

My 6-month Questiversary is coming up tomorrow, or maybe the next day. That will mean a new set of measurements, and a new set of photos. I don't think the change will be all that dramatic, but I guess you will be the ones to judge. :)

See you later, fellow babies.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top